My mother said she wanted some time alone, so I went out into the hallway. I exhaled and felt all the tension leave my body. I must’ve been more stressed-out than I’d thought.
Somehow, it had all worked out. Mom had promised to take care of Sayu until she graduated high school.
I sighed heavily and thought back on the events of a little earlier.
“It has to be you. No one else has the right to take care of her! So I’m begging you…please…!”
“Please look after her…until she’s old enough to make it on her own.”
Mr. Yoshida had gotten down on his hands and knees and begged my mother to take responsibility for Sayu.
He never ceased to amaze me.
He’d said it himself: Sayu wasn’t his responsibility. He had no right to raise her. Those were his own words.
And he was correct. He wasn’t obliged to take care of her, and it wasn’t his responsibility to do so. He could have taken advantage of her, then tossed her to the curb whenever he wanted.
In truth, I suspected that Sayu had come across more than a few men who had done just that.
Why, then, was Mr. Yoshida so different? He’d only just met Sayu. Why did he care about her so deeply? Why was he so concerned about her future?
His actions filled me with doubt and self-loathing.
On paper, I was much closer to Sayu than he was, and yet I hadn’t been able to do anything to help her.
Instead, I’d pretended to have my hands full managing my father’s company and turned a blind eye to what was going on. Without realizing it, I’d used being busy with work as an excuse for maintaining the status quo.
As a result, there was no one Sayu could ask for help, and she’d had no choice but to run away.
The truth was, I should have forced Sayu to come home as soon as I realized she’d spent all the money I’d given her. Even then, I’d told myself I was prioritizing Sayu’s feelings, but I was really just prioritizing my job.
I was afraid that applying pressure to the cracks in our family would shatter it, so I’d chosen to turn a blind eye to everything.
Inside, I’d felt utterly powerless. And then I’d imposed that powerlessness on Sayu.
I’d figured that someday she’d realize on her own that wandering aimlessly wasn’t going to change anything. I’d naively convinced myself that the easy option—just letting her be—was the right thing to do.
What would have happened to Sayu if she hadn’t met Mr. Yoshida? The thought alone made me shudder. What if she’d suddenly gotten involved in something even more dangerous? …If she’d started stealing or doing drugs, the whole situation would have been a disaster.
“What on earth was I thinking…?”
Thanks to Mr. Yoshida, Sayu had gotten back on her feet. Now she could continue to live her life. At the same time, I was fed up with myself for being content to simply thank the other man.
Soon, he would leave and go back to his old way of life. Sayu would be left without a father, having to deal with our mother’s unstable mental state, and I’d be the only one who could consistently protect her.
“This time… This time, I…”
I clenched my fist, determined.
Sayu and our mother were both finally ready to move forward—albeit little by little.
I prayed I’d be able to watch over them as they each set off on their respective journeys.
We’d been staring up at the stars for some time when we heard the click of the front door opening, and Issa stepped outside.
Sayu and I both gazed up at him from where we sat, totally exhausted, against the stone wall. We both looked a little dazed.
Issa blinked a few times in astonishment before cracking a large grin.
“You two seem friendly,” he said teasingly. Just then, I realized what he was looking at.
Sayu and I were still holding hands. Flustered, I let go. Seeing my reaction, Issa chuckled again.
He then turned to Sayu and said gently, “We’ve finished talking.”
“…H-how’d it go?” she asked, looking tense. Issa nodded twice before continuing.
“First off, you have to stay here until you finish high school,” he said, leaning in and patting her softly on the head. “As long as you don’t cause any problems, Mom will stop interfering with your life and making unreasonable demands.”
For a moment, Sayu’s eyes opened wide in surprise. But her expression soon turned sour, and she frowned and tilted her head to one side.
“But…how do you know…?”
“She promised me, of course. Who knows if she’ll keep her word. But…” Issa paused and glanced my way, a gentle smile on his face. “…It seems like what Mr. Yoshida said resonated with her somehow.”
Issa’s hand was still resting on Sayu’s head, and he tousled her hair once more. It was a total mess now.
“Besides, you’ve matured a bit since you left,” he continued. “Maybe it’s time we started thinking of a way for you and Mom to get along. And of course…I’ll be around to help.”
“…Yeah. I guess you’re right,” Sayu agreed meekly. “I doubt it’ll happen immediately…but we can at least try to make things better.”
A moment later, she added, “I mean, I haven’t even tried in ages…”
Sayu’s conversation with her mother had ended on a less than amicable note, partly because I’d gotten so riled up. That said, now that Sayu had finally spoken with her, I thought she was probably in a better place mentally. It had been a big step for her, after all.
Just as Issa said, Sayu had probably matured during her months away from home. Even adults find it hard to reconcile with someone whose values clash with their own. It’s hard work, and it’s often easier to confront them and leave it at that. The fact that Sayu was being positive and trying was a wonderful sign of change.
Casting a sidelong glance at her, I asked Issa something that had just occurred to me.
“You said she’d stay here until she’s done with high school, but what will she do after that?”
Issa nodded as if he’d been anticipating this question.
“That’s up to Sayu to decide. If she wants to stay at home, she can. But if she wants to move out, I can provide her with plenty of assistance.” Issa paused and looked at Sayu. “Once you graduate high school, it’ll be time to find your own path to adulthood. You can do whatever you want after that.”
Issa stroked Sayu’s head. I could see a deep, familial affection in the way he gazed at her.
“If money is an obstacle, then I’ll help you out until you’re able to stand on your own two feet. I can do that, at least.”
Issa really was a great older brother. Had he been at home the whole time, keeping an eye on Sayu’s well-being, I suspected her mental health might have suffered a little less.
But he hadn’t. That was why Sayu had set off on her journey.
“Anyway… It’s been quite a day. But I think it’s safe to say that the worst is now behind us,” Issa said, letting out a deep breath.
After that, he looked me straight in the eye and dropped his head in a deep bow.
“This is all thanks to you, Mr. Yoshida.”
“What? But I didn’t…” I panicked, waving my hand dismissively.
All I’d done was speak my mind. I’d let my emotions get the better of me, without even considering where it might lead.
“I’m an adult. I should’ve known better than to act that way,” I admitted, reflecting on what I’d said and done.
Issa slowly shook his head.
“That’s not true. When you got down on your hands and knees, it forced our mother to pull herself together.”
A self-deprecating smile came to his face.
“I actually feel guilty,” he said.
“Guilty?” I asked.
“Yes… I’m her brother, and I’ve never once bowed and begged our mother to take better care of my sister.”
His eyes narrowed, and he stared off into the distance before turning back to look at me.
“But you did it like it was nothing, and your feelings were genuine.” He shrugged. “Nothing I do could ever compare…and I mean that.”
I had no idea how to respond. A little embarrassed, I shifted my gaze toward Sayu, and our eyes met.
“Thank you so much,” she said, grinning.
“…N-no problem.”
Her straightforward expression of thanks warmed my heart.
Perhaps what I’d done hadn’t been pointless after all. I was glad I’d come with her to Hokkaido.
“It’s gotten late, so please stay at our place tonight. The guest room is yours,” Issa said before briskly making his way back to the front door. “It might only be fall, but the nights get pretty chilly here. Come inside before you catch a cold.”
Issa opened the door and waited for us.
After a moment’s hesitation, I found the courage to ask him another question.
“Um…would you mind if…I took some time to speak with Sayu’s mother again?”
Issa’s expression turned serious as he thought this over. His reluctance was understandable. My actions earlier had clearly knocked her off-balance.
If I spoke to her now, there was a chance I might upset her all over again. And after Issa had gone to considerable trouble to calm her down.
But…
I’d claimed to be an adult, and yet I’d managed only to speak my mind like a child. I hadn’t taken responsibility for what I’d done, and Sayu’s mother hadn’t forgiven me, either.