I hurried toward Nagoshi’s house in the pouring rain. I’d brought an umbrella, but my shoes and pants were rapidly getting soaked. If Ai were here, she’d probably be splashing around excitedly, but since I was all alone, I found it pretty depressing.
I kept looking down, fixating on how wet my shoes were getting. When I glanced up to see where I was…
“…!”
…I saw someone walking toward me between the fields. It was a boy, his head down. I rushed over to him.
“Sousuke…”
“…Yuzuru.”
He looked up weakly. From his expression, I could tell that Nagoshi had rejected him.
“……It didn’t work,” he said quietly.
“Yeah… But you did your best.”
He looked down again and gritted his teeth. “Do you think you could’ve persuaded her? Your words are always so kind and straightforward. Maybe if I could talk like you, she would’ve listened.” His voice was shaking.
I shook my head. “You’re wrong. I’m sure your feelings got through to her.”
“They didn’t!” he shouted.
A gust of wind blew past, flipping his umbrella inside out. I quickly grabbed it and pushed it back down.
“She’s always smiling,” he said. “No matter what I say, her expression never changes. It’s like she hides all her emotions behind that fake smile…!”
“Yeah… I think you’re right.”
“I…I don’t know anything about her. When she was playing bass, she seemed so happy, and her music was so full of energy and emotion. I felt like I was having a conversation with her just listening to her perform…” His voice was strained, as if all the pain he felt was flowing out from his mouth. “But ever since she stopped playing music, she doesn’t say anything to me! It’s like talking to a brick wall! It feels like all my words go right through her!” He was trembling. I could see droplets falling down his face—tears, not rain.
“It makes me scared, and sad…and lonely…!”
Unable to stop myself, I folded my umbrella and threw my arms around him, patting his back over and over again.
“I want her to come back… I want to hear her play again. I want to hear how she feels again! Even if my feelings don’t reach her… I just want to hear her talk again!”
“Yeah, I know… You listened to her, through her music, for so long…”
“Nngh… Argh! Did… Did I mess up?”
“It doesn’t matter if what you did was wrong or right.” Still patting his back, I tried to reassure him. “All that matters is that you’re honest with your feelings. Whatever she decides after hearing them is up to her.”
“I…I get what Misuzu is saying, but…!”
“Yeah…”
“But I haven’t heard how Nagoshi really feels.”
“I know.”
“If she wants to play music…she should say so! And if she wants to quit, I wanna hear her say that herself!”
“Yeah…” I kept stroking his back until he finished saying everything that he wanted to say.
His whole body shook as he poured out all his feelings—emotions he’d been holding in, with no one to tell.
It’s okay. I’m the only one listening.
The pouring rain would wash away all the words he hadn’t wanted anyone else to hear.
“She keeps saying she won’t do it… But that doesn’t tell me anything!” He started to sob.
I continued stroking Sousuke’s back until he stopped crying.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I’m sorry for being so embarrassing…,” he said. His nose had turned bright red, and he scratched it and flashed me an awkward smile.
“No worries,” I said. “It’s kinda comforting to know even you cry sometimes.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!” He shoved my shoulder. “Are you going back to Nagoshi’s house?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you going to try to convince her, too?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No, I’m not.”
His eyes widened. “Huh? Then, why are you going back?”
I smirked and said, “To practice the drums.”
He looked at me, bewildered, then burst out laughing. “Honestly, man, you’re a little too serious!”
“Yep. That’s me.”
“Ha-ha. Okay, okay.” He nodded and then smiled, looking relieved. “Good luck with practice. Let’s make the after-party a huge success.”
“I’ll do my best.”
We nodded to each other and then started off in opposite directions.
After that, Sousuke didn’t ask me to talk to Nagoshi for him anymore. I think he realized that I wasn’t going to agree. Like I’d said, I had no intention of pushing her.
But after seeing him break down like that…I got curious about how Nagoshi really felt, too. And if I wanted to find out…my only choice was to talk to her about it. I’d say everything I could think of. It didn’t matter if she responded. If she didn’t want to, that was fine.
But…if I didn’t at least try, it would all end right there.