“What’s with this?! You didn’t need to bring him out, I don’t even need a (so-called) Shuuhei, so you can keep him!” he shouted plainly.
Her cheeks pinkening—for some reason—(so-called) Kaoruko looked at him and said: “You’re giving him to me?”
“I am,” he decided, “go ahead and do what you will with him.”
“Oh myyy. Oh my, oh my, oh my, what to do,” the goddess exclaimed, squirming happily. “Then, (so-called) Kyouhei-kun, you can call me ‘Mama.’”
“What?”
“But,” (so-called) Kaoruko said, suddenly stopping, “I feel bad for just taking him.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“My, what a selfless person. In that case, you can take this pigheaded (so-called) Shuuhei, and this motherly (so-called) Shuuhei.”
“Wha?!”
The two of them began climbing the shores.
“Kaoruko-san!” he cried out in despair.
“That’s just an alias.”
“I told you to tell me if there was a punishment!”
“It’s not a punishment; it’s a reward,” she clarified as she crouched down to the original (so-called) Shuuhei, who was pulling himself out of the water like a koala. “Enjoy living with the both of them, okay?”
She waved, ignorant of his situation, as she went back beneath the surface with the original (so-called) Shuuhei.
And then, as would be expected...
“Damn it all!”
“(So-called) Kyouhei, I can spoil you if you’re lonely.”
All that was left was the pigheaded (so-called) Shuuhei spitting curses into the distance, and the other (so-called) Shuuhei kneeling on the floor and patting his lap.
A moment later...
“Whyyyy meeeeeee?!”
The scream echoing through the forest was, of course, (so-called) Kyouhei’s.
● ● ●
Once upon a time, there was a young woodcutter.
One day, he accidentally dropped a certain something into a big lake as he—(you get the idea).
● ● ●
The girl was staring ardently at (so-called) Kyouhei’s back.
“Senpai... you’re so wonderful...”
She was hidden within the shadows of the trees, almost trying to become part of the darkness.
She had a closely-cropped bob cut, and glasses that looked like they’d been drawn with a compass (thank all of you readers for etc.). Looking closely at her let you see that she was good-looking in the same way as a doll, in a good way, but rather gloomy as a whole nonetheless. She seemed like she’d have contracted dark spirits by the dozen, and that ruined her otherwise cute appearance.
We can call her—just for the time being, of course—Sanae Murata.
She was a village girl, and wore a strappy dress over a white tunic, but it looked like black robes, a crow on her shoulder, and a huge cauldron before her would fit her better.
As ever, she had (so-called) Kyouhei under her stalking... heavy observation, rather. That kind of behavior used to be seen as proof of affection, so there wasn’t really an issue in that era. Her hiding behind things was just a habit born of her guilty conscience.
Regardless.
“Ah...” (so-called) Sanae sighed in ecstasy.
Even now, her gaze was still fixed on (so-called) Kyouhei’s back.
How glorious he looked carrying an axe into the forest! Though it was hardly a surprise that a loving girl would beautify him by 30%...
“Senpai...” she murmured, gripping her slender fingers around a hand-sized strawman.
It had a strap attached to its head, and a slip of paper nailed to it with “prayers of safety” written on it.
The reasons for her calling (so-called) Kyouhei “Senpai,” and for having a strawman with kanji written on it, even though they were in the West, were—(you get the idea).
“For sure... I’ll give this to him, and confe—!”
Handing over a strawman and confessing would probably result in failure, but the loving girl didn’t realize that. It might, just might, only be (so-called) Sanae that this was true for, though.
(So-called) Kyouhei seemed to have decided where to work today, and stopped in front of a tree.
Her heart felt fit to burst, and her expression would doubtlessly shock anyone who saw it. “...I’ll do it!” she cried, bursting from the grass and out of the greenery.
(So-called) Kyouhei seemed to have noticed someone was there and turned around.
And then... he saw the following:
No one else was around.
The strawman in her hand.
Her rough breathing and bloodshot eyes.
The village girl rushing towards him.
...(So-called) Kyouhei’s thoughts were probably instinctual.
Something like “I’m gonna be killed?!”
Therefore, naturally, he didn’t try and stop the maiden’s feelings as they gushed forth; he avoided the murderously rushing village girl.
But even that seemed different to a girl in love.
“Hauu...!”
A moment passed.
His dark hair swayed in the wind, earnest light filled his eyes. The moment he dodged, his pearly skin shone in the light, and the aristocratic lines of his face sparkled—
It was clear, though, that with her thoughts running wild in the middle of her charge, something would happen.
(So-called) Sanae felt the world tilt. Obviously, that was her losing her balance mid-sprint.
Splash!
She plunged into the lake, a pillar of water marking her entry.
But... even as she disappeared beneath the surface, her expression was blissful.
● ● ●
And that’s what happened.
“Was that just (so-called) Murata-san?!”
He hurriedly tossed the axe away and rushed over to the lake.
He’d only caught a glimpse of her, but he’d seen her many times when he’d gone to the village to sell his firewood. Her sudden, violent charge had made him think that she was a wild boar or some kind of bandit, so he’d dodged. Now that he was calm, though, he had noticed that she looked familiar.
But...
(So-called) Kyouhei stopped at the still-rippling pool.
This was the third time now, so...
“You called, and now I am here, ta-da♪”
(So-called) Kaoruko appeared from the lake with a gentle explanation, an awfully happy smile upon her face.
In the face of that, Kyouhei’s expression and posture both collapsed at the familiar occurrence.
Silence then fell.
The second hand (you know what I’m going to say) had time to make its way halfway around. Unable to bear the silence, (so-called) Kaoruko spoke: “Um, aren’t you going to react?”
“This is the third time now,” he explained.
“You could be a bit more welcoming; I am a goddess.”
“I might if you weren’t going to hold your ‘which person is the right one’ show...” (so-called) Kyouhei said, glaring at her.
“A goddess can’t just pop up out of nowhere... Anyway, let’s get started and play ‘which (so-called) Sanae is the right one.’”
He wanted to grab her and start asking why she thought it would be okay to speak so casually about it, but let’s ignore that.
He really just wanted to turn on his heel and go, but (so-called) Sanae was beneath the surface, so he couldn’t do that. He’d have to answer her questions correctly and get (so-called) Sanae back. Unlike (so-called) Mizuhito and (so-called) Shuuhei from before, she wasn’t a bother to him.
(So-called) Kyouhei faced the goddess nervously.
As ever, (so-called) Kaoruko pulled out a (so-called) Sanae he’d never seen before.
“Was this ‘lively (so-called) Sanae’ the one you dropped?”
The (so-called) Sanae in question had no glasses, and placed her hands on her hips, looking confidently at him.
“I’m (so-called) Sanae Murata,” she proclaimed energetically with a wink, then continued: “Curses are my hobby! And the occult!”
She was so frank it was almost possible to take curses and the occult as sports.
“I’m kinda bad at cooking,” she went on, “but I’m sure I can overcome that with fighting spirit☆”
It looked like she was a rather tomboyish girl now.
(So-called) Kyouhei looked hesitantly into her eyes as he spoke: “Um, (so-called) Murata-san, your glasses...?”
One of the things that could well be called a characteristic feature of hers was missing.
But...
“I’ll make up for them with fighting spirit! Yeah!”
If fighting spirit could cure bad eyesight, there wouldn’t be a single person wearing glasses.
Well, the only people worried about that probably had some odd hobbies, so let’s leave that be.
While (so-called) Kyouhei stood aghast, (so-called) Kaoruko pulled up the next (so-called) Sanae from the lake.
“You look unhappy?” Kaoruko pointed out.
“Ah, well, that’s not quite the problem.”
“If it’s not ‘lively (so-called) Sanae,’ maybe it’s ‘adorable-and-pure (so-called) Sanae?’”
The next figure was a (so-called) Sanae with a slight smile on her face.
She was wearing the same as the original (so-called) Sanae, but...
“...(So-called) Nanbu-senpai.”
Her mannerisms were different. Her hands were together in front of her dress as she gave a bow that was neither deep nor shallow. She seemed like a noble girl that had been shut away.