“I think there are many ways in which I don’t deserve you,” continued the (so-called) Sanae, “but for you, I shall do my utmost. If you are willing, could I call upon you, for reference, perhaps over a cup of tea?”
The lack of embellishment with adorable-and-pure (so-called) Sanae let her inherent goodness show through. She acted like an aristocrat, far more charming than an ordinary village girl could be.
However...
“Now, (so-called) Kyouhei-kun, which (so-called) Sanae-chan did you drop?”
“Hmm...” (so-called) Kyouhei grumbled at the question.
An energetic (so-called) Sanae.
A prim-and-proper (so-called) Sanae.
Both were difficult to discard, but both were obviously not the (so-called) Sanae that (so-called) Kyouhei knew. Though, if he had either forced upon him, it wouldn’t be a hardship like (so-called) Mizuhito or (so-called) Shuuhei were, but he had already decided he would get the real (so-called) Sanae back.
“Goddess,” he addressed her.
“Yuuup?”
“The (so-called) Sanae-san I know isn’t either of these.”
“She’s not? What kind of (so-called) Sanae-chan is she, then?”
“She’s a girl that fits into gloomy places, and looks like she’d melt in the sun.”
“My my,” (so-called) Kaoruko said with some slight confusion, but (so-called) Kyouhei didn’t notice that; his thoughts were centered on getting (so-called) Sanae back.
“She’d look more at home in a graveyard than a flower garden. An old dungeon, a cave—those kinds of dark and gloomy places fit her best!”
“Uh, (so-called) Kyouhei-kun?”
“Shut up for a minute, please, I’m making sure you’ll give me the right (so-called) Murata-san. Right, her smile’s sorta warped, and there’s like a shadow in her expression! These two’s blank smiles aren’t any good! It has to be a bit abnormal! Not these innocent grins! They have to be cursing the world; a (so-called) Murata-san without that isn’t (so-called) Murata-san at all! She’s not a girl who suits being out in the sun!” (so-called) Kyouhei emphasized.
He passionately continued explaining what made (so-called) Sanae herself.
It was probably his own way of trying to save her as soon as possible.
But...
“...Senpai...” a voice came from the surface the goddess was floating upon, “...so that’s how you see me...”
(So-called) Kyouhei would never have even dreamed that the real (so-called) Sanae was at her feet, holding her knees.
● ● ●
Once upon a time, there was a young woodcutter.
(And so on.)
● ● ●
“Mysterious things happen around that lake,” a girl muttered, gazing upon the lake in question.
Her hair looked like spun sunlight, and her eyes were a crystalline sapphire. Her porcelain skin was unblemished, and her features were beautiful, making her look like the work of a master craftsman... as long as she remained silent.
At any rate, she was gorgeous.
She wore the clothes of a village girl, but it didn’t seem at all unfashionable. She was ethereal, like a descending angel. In a few more years, her beauty would make even the gods jealous. She still seemed a little young, but her charm was undeniable.
She was (so-called) Pamil Terrill Karl Bergmann, a self-proclaimed body double android of another country’s princess.
You might want to question whether the current era even had the concept of androids, but jumping on that discussion based on a crazy girl’s statement is a futile exercise, so let’s not bother. I’ve said we won’t, so we shan’t. You might also say the same about that type of insanity, but—(you get the picture).
“Don’t get too close. If you fall in, it’ll be me that has to deal with it,” warned (so-called) Kyouhei from behind (so-called) Pamil as she approached the shore.
“(So-called) Kyouhei, as royalty, I must investigate that which disturbs the peace,” she declared.
She had come to investigate at the request of the fiefdom’s people with (so-called) Kyouhei. Not having an attendant was nothing but carelessness, but well, the (so-called) Bergmanns were the royalty of the commoners, so it’s only natural.
...The person who says something outright usually wins.
“I think the masses are far warier of a princess who can shoot beams from her eyes or fire from her hands...” (so-called) Kyouhei muttered.
(So-called) Pamil seemed to take issue with that and whirled around.
He saw her eyes sparkle and reflexively readied himself.
“Royal Beeeeeeaaaammm!”
Pew!
A line of light skimmed past Kyouhei’s face.
He could also smell something burning near his ear.
He looked sideways, only moving his eyes.
He had a feeling he could see his hair warping from the heat.
If he’d been a little to the side, that would have hit his face and carved out a hole in his skull. A cold sweat ran down his back.
“Y-You...”
“That was close, (so-called) Kyouhei, there was a huge bug next to your face.” (So-called) Pamil’s face was displaying an utter lack of ill will.
“You moron! You’re going to end up killing me before I get stung!”
“What do you mean? My automatic alignment systems are perfect. I’ll never accidentally fire at you, so rest assured.”
“As if I could do that!” he roared with all his energy.
(So-called) Pamil, for her part, folded her arms and grumbled: “Hmm... (so-called) Kyouhei, you never trust my abilities. Well, whatever, if I build up my character, my reputation will change someday too. First, I’ll solve the mystery of the lake and gain the fief’s trust.”
So saying, she turned back again, unflinchingly wading into the water. (So-called) Kyouhei desperately tried to stop her: “Wait, (so-called) Pamil, if you go in the water—”
“Rest assured,” she said confidently, looking over her shoulder, “I’m waterproof.”
“That’s not the problem!” he cried, but she’d already vanished beneath the surface.
He waited for a while. The second hand would have completed a rotation, but still nothing had happened.
“...Well, I suppose I didn’t ‘drop’ anything this time, she walked in on... her... own...?”
Maybe nothing had happened, but as soon as he started thinking that, the calm voice of (so-called) Kaoruko, the goddess of the lake, sounded: “So you’ve dropped something else.”
“I figured...” he groaned, slumping.
“You’re a regular, so I guess I don’t need to explain, right?”
Said regular customer was not at all happy to be seen that way, and he sighed.
“Did you drop a ‘(so-called) Pamil that doesn’t fire beams,’ or a ‘(so-called) Pamil that doesn’t act bizarrely?’” she asked, showing figures as she pulled them from the water.
(So-called) Kyouhei’s breath got caught in his throat as he saw them.
So far, the goddess had always brought out versions that were far from the original, so he hadn’t been worrying, figuring she’d be different. On this occasion, though, at least at a glance, they were nearly identical to the (so-called) Pamil that had entered the lake.
“...But...”
(So-called) Kaoruko smiled at his confusion.
Then, the right-hand (so-called) Pamil noticed something: “(So-called) Kyouhei, there’s a bug by your face, get down.”
The warning made him notice the bug flying by his face.
The one that warned me is the (so-called) Pamil that doesn’t fire beams... probably.
Otherwise, she’d have probably just done so rather than warning him.
In that case, he looked towards the (so-called) Pamil at (so-called) Kaoruko’s left.
The (so-called) Pamil that doesn’t act bizarrely noticed his gaze and said: “Even if you were expecting it, I wouldn’t use the beam. I shouldn’t use the Royal Powers for everything and scare people. Besides, it’s a bit much for a bug.”
It was a good argument.
That it was.
The normal (so-called) Pamil would shoot beams with a sneeze, let off fire at a moment’s notice, and punch a bear back if it attacked. Plus, she was completely lacking any form of common sense, so those extravagant Royal Powers (?) had caused a lot of trouble for (so-called) Kyouhei.
At least, neither of these (so-called) Pamils would do that.
But...
“Which (so-called) Pamil-chan do you want to take back?” (so-called) Kaoruko asked, tilting her head at him.
(So-called) Kyouhei looked between the (so-called) Pamil that doesn’t fire beams and the (so-called) Pamil that doesn’t act bizarrely.
They were indistinguishable.
Not firing beams.
Not acting bizarrely.
You couldn’t ask for more from a (so-called) Pamil. If either of them was forced on him, (so-called) Kyouhei probably wouldn’t be bothered. Even if both of them were foisted off on him, it probably wouldn’t be any worse than the bizarre, beam-firing (so-called) Pamil.
So...
“...The one I dropped,” he began, keeping the quip about him not actually dropping her silent.
This was a type of game, so to get the prize he wanted, he’d have to use his brain. He’d have to keep in mind everything that had happened with her the previous times.
“The one you dropped,” (so-called) Kaoruko prompted.
“The (so-called) Pamil I dropped... was neither of these. She was a more Yamato Nadeshiko-like (so-called) Pamil.”
...Silence.
(So-called) Kaoruko peered at him, trying to divine his motivations before making a decision and smiling. “That was a big lie,” she said.
“Hahh...”
“Take the real (so-called) Pamil and go home,” she said, vanishing into the lake with the other two. In exchange, a sodden (so-called) Pamil appeared.
“(So-called) Pamil!”
“Hmmm,” she said, apparently ignorant of the earlier conversation, “I looked everywhere with my Royal Searcher Eye, but it’s just a normal lake, (so-called) Kyouhei.” He stared silently at her. “Hm? What’s wrong, (so-called) Kyouhei?”
“...Nothing,” he said with a reluctant smile. He looked up at the sky and let out a long sigh. “Ahhh, so it ended up like this... It was the perfect chance, and I screwed it.”
“Hm, what are you talking about, (so-called) Kyouhei?”
“Nothing, just talking to myself. I don’t feel like working now, so let’s go home, (so-called) Pamil.”
“I don’t mind... but, (so-called) Kyouhei?”
“What?”
“Did something good happen?” she asked curiously.
“...Not really?”
(So-called) Pamil trotted along after him as he turned to go home.
“That’s not fair, (so-called) Kyouhei, you know you can tell me?”
“It’s nothing,” he insisted.
Indeed, nothing. As they had one of their usual conversations, (so-called) Kyouhei pointed himself towards home.
He tried to keep a frown on his face, but it didn’t work.
...
And thus:
“Ah, welcome back, (so-called) Kyouhei.”
(So-called) Kyouhei’s blood froze in his veins as he opened the door.
The room was full.
It was a scene from hell.
The hut had originally been for him to live in alone, in an area with low population density.
Currently, there was the (so-called) Mizuhito that loved standing out sitting on the sofa, and the (so-called) Mizuhito that was a spectacled swot. There was also the pigheaded (so-called) Shuuhei and the motherly (so-called) Shuuhei. (So-called) Sanae was still clutching her knees in a corner, and for some reason, the original (so-called) Shuuhei was next to the goddess, looking like a newlywed couple.
“...I forgot,” (so-called) Kyouhei groaned.
Then he noticed something.
His gaze fell to his hand to see what he was holding.
It was a huge axe.
That meant...
“Right,” he muttered to himself, with a cornered expression, “wood’s not the only thing this is for, is it?”
● ● ●
Incidentally, if you go back to the original texts of famous fairy tales like Little Red Riding Hood and Arabian Nights, they’re actually rather cruel. It’s surprisingly rare for people to know that.