“You seem to be troubled,” the priest in his path proclaimed, spreading his arms.
The way he spoke wasn’t like a priest either, but that’s not the problem.
A few moments passed in silence.
The second hand (though in this era, etc.) only rotated once before (so-called) Kyouhei opened his mouth tiredly: “...What are you doing, you damned old man.”
This priest was (so-called) Kyouhei’s father.
For now, only for now, we can call him Shuuhei and so on.
“What’s with your bad mood, (so-called) Kyouhei? You’ll make your dad sad.”
“Will I now? I’m honestly tired of having such an annoying man as my dad. Anyway, seriously, what are you doing? What’s with that getup? Are you trying to be a hexer?”
The last time he had seen his father, (so-called) Shuuhei had been dressed as a shepherd. He’d had a horn in one hand and been going on about the world ending or something.
The time before that, he’d been wearing a straw coat and carrying a huge hammer, like a blacksmith. Obviously, he didn’t have the ability (skills) for those jobs, he’d just dressed up that way.
Incidentally, as far as (so-called) Kyouhei knew, his real job was that of a peddler.
Now...
“A good question, my son! As I should hope!” (so-called) Shuuhei said with a prideful smile. “It is a necessary outfit to allow my business to go smoothly. With these clothes, I can sell ordinary branches to people that mistake them for having magic—”
“That’s just fraud, isn’t it?!” (so-called) Kyouhei cried out, a vein pulsing in his temple.
“Not at all, (so-called) Kyouhei, your father is selling dreams,” he declared shamelessly.
“You’re trying to be an author now?!”
In the blink of an eye, (so-called) Kyouhei had launched a right straight at (so-called) Shuuhei. His body took the hit directly, spinning through the air like he was wire-flying, a needlessly extravagant reaction as he acted like a spinning top.
His landing place, though... was a lake full of crystal-clear water.
By the time (so-called) Kyouhei had realized what was happening, it was too late.
Splash!
With a jet of water, (so-called) Shuuhei disappeared beneath the surface.
(So-called) Kyouhei had bad memories of that lake.
“It can’t be...” (so-called) Kyouhei murmured, a trail of sweat running down his cheek.
“Oh my, oh my my my, you’ve dropped something again,” said a person, rising from the lake, ignoring all nature, logic, reason, and anything else of that ilk. Well, she was actually a goddess, so we should have probably used that word, but let’s ignore that.
(So-called) Kyouhei decided to pretend that he had seen nothing and tried to leave the area. Instantly though, he was forced to stop and turn around—someone’s hand had caught him by the collar.
The culprit, of course, was (so-called) Kaoruko.
“Wait wait wait, why are you leaving?”
Her right hand had caught him like it was nothing.
“Goddess,” he said, “humans are capable of learning. You’ll just ask which one I dropped again, right? Getting caught once is a learning experience, but getting caught a second time is just stupid, so I’ll follow that experience and leave. A wise man avoids danger.”
“I think referencing Confucius with a European outlook from the middle ages is a bit inappropriate.”
“And I think your lines themselves are inappropriate too,” (so-called) Kyouhei countered.
Of course, the goddess didn’t listen to any inconvenient complaints like that. Gods are atemporal, though, so it’s just one of those things.
“But if you leave, it’d become a murder...”
“It’s fine, I’m his only relative, so no one will know if I just stay quiet,” (so-called) Kyouhei told her.
“Don’t you have any conscience or morals?”
“They don’t apply to him,” he said bluntly. “Besides, he’s stupidly hardy, he’ll climb out on his own. I... believe in my dad!”
“Adding that at the end so dramatically won’t convince anyone. If you just leave like this, I’ll lose my identity as the goddess of the lake!” she pleaded, staring earnestly at him.
(So-called) Kyouhei let out a growl. Surely no man would be able to deny such an entreating look from her gentle eyes. (So-called) Kaoruko was good at pleading for care, despite her divinity.
Sighing, (so-called) Kyouhei turned back to the lake.
“Fine... but if there’s consequences like last time, tell me first.”
“Sure. Well then,” she said with a happy nod, stooping and putting her right hand under the surface, “was this ‘pigheaded (so-called) Shuuhei’ what you dropped?”
It went without saying that she had pulled out a (so-called) Shuuhei. It also went without saying that it was not the (so-called) Shuuhei that (so-called) Kyouhei knew.
He had a constantly scowling countenance, with his arms folded threateningly in front of his chest. He even wore a headband—the picture of a pigheaded person.
“Listen up, peddling is a fine job. It’s illegal, and you’re a nomad, and decried by society, but some people help you! Damn it all! Say what you will—I’ll live like this. And you should follow the same way; you’re my son!”
With all that coming from pigheaded Shuuhei (Edoite ver.), and his lack of acknowledgment, (so-called) Kyouhei thought for the first time that things might not have been as bad as they could have been with his father. He didn’t think he could keep a parent-child relationship with someone pushing his own beliefs on him like that.
Well, it might have been different if what he’d been saying had been right. However, his actions were still leaning heavily towards illegality, and he still had his cosplay habits, as well as his general irresponsibility. On top of that, now his attitude was just getting worse.
In that case, his usual frivolous father would be far better.
As (so-called) Kyouhei worked through his considerations, (so-called) Kaoruko pulled another (so-called) Shuuhei from the lake.
“Or is it this ‘motherly (so-called) Shuuhei?’”
In several ways, this was far beyond (so-called) Kyouhei’s imaginings.
He was wearing the same outfit as before, a gray robe. That much was fine... but he was wearing an apron on top of it for some reason. A frilly, lacy one, and to just add to it, it had the word “love” written on it in kanji.
“What is it, (so-called) Kyouhei-san?” he asked.
“...‘San?’”
“Your tunic’s torn at the arm!” (so-called) Shuuhei exclaimed.
He checked and there was indeed a slight gap in the seam between the right arm and torso of the tunic. It wasn’t even enough to put his little finger through it, though.
“I... uh, um, something this small... isn’t something to worry about,” (so-called) Kyouhei protested haltingly.
“Aren’t you ashamed? You may be a man, but you should take care of your appearance! Give it here, your dad will fix it for you,” motherly (so-called) Shuuhei said, leaning forwards. He already had a threaded needle in his hand.
(So-called) Kyouhei retreated instinctively, a cold sweat covering his entire body.
Regardless of how his son was reacting, motherly (so-called) Shuuhei smiled happily and said: “You don’t need to worry; I’m good with my hands. Obviously, I can wash and clean too; there’s no housework I cannot do!”
(So-called) Kyouhei swallowed his retort that it was motherly (so-called) Shuuhei’s sanity he was concerned about.
Heedless of (so-called) Kyouhei’s feelings, (so-called) Kaoruko started to speak, a strange (so-called) Shuuhei on each side of her: “Which (so-called) Shuuhei-san was it that you dropped?”
(So-called) Kyouhei looked between the two with a gulp.
Obviously, the pigheaded (so-called) Shuuhei wasn’t going to happen.
Even at the best of times, (so-called) Shuuhei still messed with (so-called) Kyouhei constantly, so having to put up with a less flexible version of his father would just be a disaster.
The motherly (so-called) Shuuhei, then?
No, not happening. However obliging he was, he didn’t want to be with a dude wearing a girly apron with no shame like he was.
Besides... neither was (so-called) Shuuhei the (so-called) Shuuhei that (so-called) Kyouhei knew.
Choosing either one would be a mistake. Based on the last time, if he did so, two (so-called) Shuuheis would be released. That was the worst possible outcome, and so he wanted to avoid it.
In that case, the answer was obvious: “Neither one is the one I dropped.”
“Oh, they’re not?” the goddess asked somewhat disappointedly. “In that case, what about ‘singing-and-dancing (so-called) Shuuhei?’”
“There’s not just two?!” (so-called) Kyouhei asked, hurriedly trying to stop (so-called) Kaoruko as she plunged her right hand into the waters again.
“There’s a full warranty,” she told him, pulling up a (so-called) Shuuhei clad in loose white clothes, like James Dean.