“Hmmm...” he racked his brain.
“Something seems to be troubling you,” came a gentle voice.
Astounded at the sudden address, (so-called) Kyouhei looked around.
Of course, there was no one in the surroundings.
But then...
“Here, over here,” the voice calling for (so-called) Kyouhei was coming from, of all places, the lake.
And...
Beyond all semblance of logic and reason, there was a figure rising to the surface of the lake, like she was held up by stage equipment in a theater.
She was a prim and proper beauty.
She was the image of a goddess of legends.
She had brownish hair draping over her shoulders, and wore a swaying white veil on her head. Her wide eyes looked sleepily out, and her gaze had the ability to calm people with their harmlessness. She was clad in a fluttering white robe and wore sandals on her feet. Despite having clearly been soaking in the lake, there was not a drop of water on her.
“W-Who are you?” (so-called) Kyouhei stuttered.
“I’m the goddess of the lake,” she said calmly. “For now at least, you can call me Kaoruko Houwa (unknown years of age♪).”
(So-called) Kyouhei sighed, halfway from exhaustion and halfway from shock.
(So-called) Kaoruko then continued, saying: “You’ve dropped something very precious into the lake, I’ll pick it up for you.”
“He’s not really all that precious, and I get the feeling that it’d be less trouble to leave him down there,” (so-called) Kyouhei admitted, accidentally letting out his real thoughts.
“But then you’ll be a murderer?”
“Ugh...” (so-called) Kyouhei managed, lost for words at the painful statement.
Whatever she thought of him, (so-called) Kaoruko crouched on the surface. How she did that was a mystery, but it was probably one of the goddess’ powers. (So-called) Kyouhei decided that discretion was the better part of valor here.
“Well, I don’t know what you’ve dropped, so could you check it for me?”
(So-called) Kyouhei let out a sigh. “...Are there that many things dropped into the lake?”
“There’s a sign that tells them not to, but a lot of people throw offerings in.”
(So-called) Kyouhei didn’t think you’d be able to mistake a person for an offering, but decided that discretion (etc.).
So...
“Did you drop...” (so-called) Kaoruko began, pulling out two figures from the lake, “this ‘spectacled swot (so-called) Mizuhito?’”
The figure was certainly that of (so-called) Mizuhito... but something was wrong.
He was wearing the same bizarre clothes; the pseudo-Grecian outfit and tribal tattoo (actually a transfer) were the same, but... his expression was different.
He looked completely unconcerned with playing around and mischief. His brow was furrowed in deep thought. The glasses on his face—surely there for some kind of joke—shone in the light.
And...
“Listen, studying is life. Woodcutting isn’t just about swinging an axe around,” (so-called) Mizuhito suddenly said, the goddess still holding him by the scruff of the neck. “Skilled woodcutters say that experience is everything, but they’re just unconsciously practicing statistics derived from that experience. Should one study mechanics and physics, they would be able to obtain a similar level of efficiency and skill.” (So-called) Kyouhei stared at him. “Listen, the motion of all bodies can be predicted through mechanics. As can material strength. Even if you can’t go as far as Laplace’s Demon, you can effectively calculate and reproduce real events, and constantly—” (so-called) Mizuhito kept on talking and talking without pause.
He was intelligent to begin with... but he certainly wasn’t one to say that kind of thing in that tone.
Actually, hearing that sermon coming out from (so-called) Mizuhito’s mouth was depressing.
“Wait, just wait a minute!” (so-called) Kyouhei yelled, finally gathering his wits. “What’s with him?”
“It’s (so-called) Mizuhito-kun?” (so-called) Kaoruko asked to confirm. “Is there a problem?”
“Loads of them! This is obviously a different person! Where’d you even get him from?!”
“There’s nothing a goddess cannot do♪” Ignoring (so-called) Kyouhei’s loss of speech, the goddess of the lake continued: “If it’s not ‘spectacled swot (so-called) Mizuhito,’ then maybe it’s this ‘full-of-kindness (so-called) Mizuhito?’”
That was the second person she had picked up.
“All mankind are siblings...”
That was another extreme.
The clothing he wore and his face were the same as (so-called) Mizuhito’s, though this one wasn’t wearing glasses.
His expression, though, was rather different. His gaze was filled with affection, and his lips had curved into a kind smile. His arms were spread like an opera singer’s (which, in this era... etc., etc.) as he spoke almost like a preacher.
“People come to understand each other through conversation. Does strife or dispute bear any fruit? Cooperation is sacred. Peace and tranquility are the pinnacles of existence.”
It was also oddly depressing. Or rather, dubious.
Well, he was talking the talk, but hearing a tattooed punk rocker (I thank all you readers for your patience and understanding) made it seem completely insincere.
“Which (so-called) Mizuhito-kun did you drop?”
“Neither,” he told her bluntly.
“Eh?”
“They’re both completely, utterly, outrageously wrong.”
“That’s a bother,” she said thoughtfully, “we don’t have any more in stock.”
“Stock? You just said ‘stock?!’ Are you just trying to palm off the rest with false advertising?!”
“Not at all,” denied (so-called) Kaoruko with a shake of her head, “it was a joke.” (So-called) Kyouhei was silent. “So, which (so-called) Mizuhito did you drop?”
He wanted to spend an hour or so explaining the exact meaning of the word ‘joke’ to the self-proclaimed goddess, but thought it’d be a waste of time.
“Do I have to pick one...?” he asked.
“If you don’t, I can’t give him back.”
(So-called) Kyouhei frowned as he looked between the two (so-called) Mizuhitos with a grumble.
Even now, the spectacled swot (so-called) Mizuhito was continuing on about complicated theories regardless of everyone else. He’d currently moved on to discussing the merits of maids, and the Copernican revolution’s influence on the criminology of Lombroso, but the exact contents didn’t matter.
Moving on.
The full-of-kindness (so-called) Mizuhito was quietly smiling as he prayed for world peace. He’d probably be satisfied with sound arguments, and he was fairly quiet.
If he had to choose one, he’d obviously go with the least bad option.
“Uhh... Then, I’ll go with the full-of-kindness (so-called) Mizuhito,” he said.
Well, that’d be far better than the (so-called) Mizuhito that would set the forest alight to draw attention. Thus, Kyouhei made his decision.
“(So-called) Kyouhei-kun? You know you shouldn’t lie, don’t you?”
“Wha... Hey, what do you mean?!”
“You didn’t drop either of these (so-called) Mizuhito-kuns, did you?”
“You’re the one that told me I had to pick one of them!”
“I can’t heaaar you,” she singsonged, wriggling around whilst still holding the two (so-called) Mizuhitos. “As a punishment for your lies, I’ll give you the spectacled swot (so-called) Mizuhito and the real (so-called) Mizuhito.”
“Eh, wai—” (so-called) Kyouhei began to protest, but the goddess that had brought forth the (so-called) Mizuhitos soon disappeared with the full-of-kindness (so-called) Mizuhito, just leaving behind a smile.
“Lies,” the leftover spectacled swot (so-called) Mizuhito began as he climbed the shore, adjusting the bridge of his glasses with a finger. “Lies are the embodiment of a child’s independence. They are what a child uses to first guarantee his own mental boundaries from a life that has thus far been controlled by his parents, a youth’s first steps into the world.” He continued, despite (so-called) Kyouhei not listening.
This on its own was depressing enough, but...
“Man, that was awful,” complained a second (so-called) Mizuhito, climbing out of the water. “Ah, but won’t walking around sodden get me loads of attention?!”
This was the (so-called) Mizuhito that (so-called) Kyouhei knew well, with the lyre under his arm. His body and soul were both like evangelists for attention.
The two (so-called) Mizuhitos stood before him. They showed no sign of vanishing like a phantom or dream.
“No way...” (so-called) Kyouhei got out, paling.
● ● ●
Once upon a time, there was a young woodcutter.
One day, after entering a dense forest to work, he accidentally dropped a certain something into a big lake—(you get the idea).
● ● ●
A Shinto priest was standing in front of (so-called) Kyouhei as he entered the forest to work.
The priest was wearing a loose, long-cuffed gray robe, with a mistletoe used for festivals in his belt; a panacea.
He had an oaken staff in his hands, and despite the lack of need, it had an ostentatious molding at its tip, making it look much like a magic staff. He looked more like a mage than a priest, but he had “Shinto priest” written in large text across his chest.