It had been over two months since Kaneki had disappeared. Anteiku reopened, and at first glance everyone seemed to have gotten back to their usual routines. Little by little, they stopped talking about Kaneki. That made Hinami a little scared.
Touka had recently been doing things like buying reference books or going to the library to study with her friend Yoriko. She had started preparing in earnest for her college entrance exams.
Hinami liked reading the books Touka bought to learn words and kanji she didn’t know. The more I learn, the more I want to learn.
Hinami didn’t know how awful exams could be because she didn’t go to school, but she thought it was great that Touka was trying to gain more knowledge.
But Touka didn’t throw herself into studying when she was around Hinami. She made sure not to stay too late studying at the library, and always got home to see Hinami.
Devoting herself to studying had given her back a little of her old energy. Having a goal seemed to be good for her.
But Touka almost never spoke about Kaneki anymore. Is she giving in to the passage of time and forgetting all about him?
“So just wait in the back until I’m done.”
“All right!”
Touka was on shift that day. Hinami, who had come to Anteiku with her, happily put some new food in Hetare’s dish. It was her week to take care of Hetare, a duty that rotated among everyone, Kaneki excluded.
The rooms that had been destroyed by Aogiri had been perfectly rebuilt and looked just the same as ever.
Hinami sat down on the sofa and started reading her book, so as not to get in anyone’s way.
“What’s that character?”
As she read, she came across some difficult kanji, but she quickly figured out how to read them.
That says “downpour.”
In her mind she heard Kaneki’s kindly voice, telling her what the words meant.
“Oh …”
At the same time, she heard the sound of footsteps. She raised her head, closed her book, and followed the noise out into the hallway.
Standing there was Renji Yomo, who seemed surprised to see Hinami. He looked down at her for a second, then tried to pass by.
Hinami gathered her courage. “Um, sorry,” she said to stop him. Yomo paused, his back turned to her.
“Is Kaneki … all right, do you know?” she asked. Yomo looked back; his face was blank.
“Why are you asking me?” he said.
“I just thought, since you know about everything …”
“You’ve overestimated me,” he said shortly, trying to end the conversation.
“B-but you do know where he is, don’t you!” She kept hounding him.
“How’d you hear that?”
“Please … I care about him. I love Kaneki, and I only want to hear about him because I’m worried. And I think maybe if Touka heard he’s doing well, it might put her mind at ease . …”
Yomo finally turned to look at Hinami, who was now hiding her face. But he said nothing. Perhaps he wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come.
“I want to know when he’ll achieve what he wants to. And if he’ll come back here when he’s done. And then maybe we can—”
—all be together again.
“Should I just wait here? Wait here with big sister?”
Once again Yomo said nothing. I bet he wouldn’t tell me anything anyway. Hinami slumped and started walking reluctantly back to the living room.
“Just wait here,” Yomo muttered quietly. Hinami turned around, surprised. She didn’t think he’d say anything. She waited for him to finish the sentence, but Yomo left without saying another word.
Just wait here …
Were the next words, “what else can you do?”
Even after Touka finished her shift and they walked home together, Hinami stayed lost in thought. Yomo’s words just kept playing over and over in her head.
He knows how Kaneki’s doing. I know he does. So since he told me “Just wait here,” that must mean there’s a small chance that Kaneki might come back.
“Hinami? You all right?”
She was sitting on the sofa, knees to her chest, with a hard expression on her face. Touka sat down next to her and leaned in, peeking at Hinami’s face.
“It’s nothing!” she said, but Touka still looked worried.
“Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
It made Hinami happy and embarrassed that Touka was worried about her, and she threw her arms around Touka, who smiled wryly at this show of affection and gave her a few pats on the back. When things were good like this, Hinami’s worries started to fade little by little. She started to feel more comfortable, and her eyelids fluttered heavily. Remembering the warmth of her mother, Ryoko, who had died protecting her, Hinami drifted into the land of sleep.
I had a dream.
Big brother?
A dream where Kaneki was in a place so, so far away that I could barely make out his shape.
I yelled out, “Big brother!” But he was so far away that my voice didn’t reach him. I tried to run toward him but it was like my feet were glued to the ground.
Hesitantly, I found my voice again and yelled, “Big brother!” But Kaneki was getting farther and farther away. Before long I couldn’t see him anymore, and I was left behind, all alone.
Then, suddenly, Touka appeared instead.
“Big sister …”
Finally I could move again. “I just saw him,” I said, grabbing Touka’s hand, but even though she was so close she didn’t react to what I said. But she was staring sadly toward where Kaneki had been. I called out again and again and pulled her hand, but she didn’t look at me. She just kept looking far away.
“Mm …”
Hinami’s eyes fluttered open and, her mind still hazy from sleep, she looked around. The light was still on, and a blanket had been draped over her.