“The people who are following Kaneki see him as a ‘leader.’ His word is law, and they’d risk their lives for him. But they can’t tell him when he’s doing something wrong, or get angry with him, without consequences.”
“Why? Don’t they all like Kaneki?”
“That’s what happens when you’re a leader. It’s always lonely at the top, no matter how many friends you have.”
Hinami tilted her head to one side again, so Koma spoke in more detail.
“When there’s a power imbalance, it’s impossible to stand on an equal footing. Those who are higher up don’t want to make everyone anxious, so they have no choice but to take a strong stance on everything, and those who are lower down have to be strong and accept everything the leader says.”
“Is that … what it’s like?”
“Yeah. Touka could sometimes stop him from lashing out, but the people around him now can’t do anything but look on, I imagine.”
As she listened, Hinami became increasingly anxious.
“I wonder if he’s all right …”
“Oh, but the thing is, a strong bond develops between people who fight together. I don’t think you need to worry about him, Hinami,” Koma rushed to add.
Just then the front door swung open, even though the café was temporarily closed.
“Sorry, we’re closed tod—”
But Koma stopped in the middle of his sentence.
“Nishiki? Shouldn’t you be in class?”
Standing at the door was Nishio Nishiki, a member of staff at the Anteiku and a student at the same college as Kaneki.
“No afternoon classes today. Any word on me getting some shifts soon?” he said, walking up to the seats at the counter.
“I think we should reopen soon. Yoshimura is still taking it easy, so I can’t say anything for certain.”
“Really …” Nishiki said, hesitantly. There was nothing for him to do there, but he didn’t seem to want to leave. He started muttering, “Hmm . … Well, what can you do, huh?” under his breath. Suddenly Hinami realized something.
“You’re worried about Kaneki too, aren’t you?”
Frowning, he stuttered, “W-what? No, no way.” Koma grinned and rubbed his chin.
“Why are you grinning, Koma?”
“Well, well, Nishiki. Let me get you some coffee. I’ll make it slowly.”
“I don’t really want one …”
“No, let me,” Koma said and started making him a cup. Nishiki sat down next to Hinami at the counter, looking disappointed.
“Here you go.”
Nishiki took a gulp of steaming hot coffee and looked around the café like he was searching for an escape route. Koma looked more and more amused. The atmosphere in the café felt a little better now. But then Irimi appeared.
“May I see you for a minute?”
Apparently she had a task for Koma.
“Too bad,” teased Koma. “I was just about to commiserate with Nishio here about our worries over Kaneki’s whereabouts.”
“I told you, I’m not worried!”
Nishiki slammed his hand down on the counter, and Koma disappeared into the back of the café, grinning. Nishiki put his head on his hands sulkily and drank his coffee. It was just Hinami and Nishiki now. They sat there in the strangely quiet café.
“Hey, brat,” Nishiki muttered, breaking the silence. His head was still turned away from her as he spoke. “How’s that ugly girl you live with?”
“Ugly girl?”
“Touka, I’m talking about Touka.”
Hinami stared up at him, blinking her big eyes. Stung by her gaze, Nishiki jumped slightly and stammered, “W-what?”
“So you’re worried about Touka, too.”
“Huh?! Where’d you get that?”
“But …”
“I’m not!” he yelled, desperately denying it. But little Hinami made Nishiki feel truly pathetic for making excuses. He sighed deeply and stopped shouting.
Then he started spilling out words.
“Kaneki hasn’t gone to any of his classes.”
“He’s not going to school?”
“It’s like he’s just dropped out of human society.”
Nishiki put his cup down on the saucer, then threw his head back and looked up at the ceiling.
“I knew that bastard was trying to find ‘the right distance away from people,’ but once he saw those dangerous Ghouls his goal totally changed. His cherished idea of finding the right distance away from people just went straight out the window.”
Hinami wondered if he was actually talking to her, or if he was just saying it to confirm it for himself.
He lowered his eyes to his coffee and brought it up to his lips.
“He still doesn’t fully get how hard it is for Ghouls like us to get into human society. It’s like dominoes: if one goes down, they all go. And once you lose it, it doesn’t come back that easily,” he said. “God, what a stupid bastard.”
Nishiki finished his coffee and stood up.
“Look, brat, finish your coffee and get out of here.”
“Oh, um …”
Hinami drained the little bit of coffee left in the bottom of her cup and passed it to Nishiki. He rolled up his sleeves and started to wash the cups with familiar motions.
“Things seem all right here …”
Nishiki wiped the cups dry and put them back on the shelf. “Bye,” he said and left the café.
It was difficult for Hinami to understand all of what Nishiki had said. But one thing she did understand was that he was jealously guarding the place where he felt he belonged.
And Kaneki’s the one who gave him that opportunity.
That evening, when Touka was finished at school, she came back to Anteiku.
“Hina, I’m back.”
She was covered in scratches and still not back to her normal strength, but she didn’t seem to have any problem going to school.
“Mr. Koma made me some coffee today.”
“That’s nice. He makes great coffee, doesn’t he?”
Hinami sat beside Touka, going over the day’s events. Touka listened, chipping in occasionally.
“I think Nishiki’s worried about big brother too.”
“I didn’t think he was that kind of guy.”
“No, but he is. He knows a lot about big brother. He said he’s still not going to his classes.”
Touka said nothing.
“I wonder where he is right now … I wish he’d come visit.” She looked up at Touka, who was staring into the distance as if she were grappling with something.
Big sister …
Did I make her sadder by talking about Kaneki?
“Big sister, hold my hand,” she said cheerfully to change the subject.
“Oh, right,” Touka said, and held out her hand. Hinami put her hand in Touka’s, and like always, Touka squeezed her hand. It makes me happy, so why am I so sad?
When I’m upset, Touka is always there for me and cares for me more than anyone else. But now, when she’s overwhelmed and her heart and body are wounded, there’s nothing I can do for her.
I love Touka and Kaneki. If I could make a wish, I’d ask for the strength of two people so I could help. But to them I’m just a kid, not somebody they can rely on.
That’s why, like Koma said, we’re not “equal.”