“Welcome.” Chiki greeted me with a smile, having finished showering before the bath. Remembering that I was her type, I self-consciously covered my chest. She laughed with delight at my sudden shyness, as if she’d been expecting it. The bathroom had marble-colored walls and ceiling, and big windows offering a sweeping view of the city. Floor lights made the water in the round bathtub—big enough for the three of us to fit inside easily—look vivid blue. Chiki got in first. “Hurry up, you two!” “Okay,” replied Mizuike. She started rinsing off. Next to her, I turned on the shower and directed it at my head, but even the pounding stream of water couldn’t wash away this feeling. I gazed up while washing myself, using an obscene amount of water. In its comforting warmth, I enjoyed the illusion that everything was okay. After the shower, I stepped into the bath and submerged myself in more warm water. Since we only had a shower in our apartment, it had been a while since I had last been in a bath. Even with circumstances being what they were, I felt the tension that had built up in my body begin to dissolve. I let out a long breath, shuddering a little as I melted into the warm bath. This was like being reborn. For some reason, I started tearing up at the thought that if I’d never left my apartment, I wouldn’t be experiencing this simple pleasure. I was in a bath with Chiki and Mizuike, all three of us submerged to our shoulders. How had it come to this? Was I dreaming? Because that’s how it had felt all evening. Had the train I’d gotten on earlier taken me to dreamland instead? “Let’s talk about love! Have you got the hots for anyone?” “What?!” Chiki’s crudeness took me aback. “Let’s start with Umi.” “Um… I love you, Ms. Chiki.” “And I love you, Umi!” Their “love talk” was over in a second. Next, they turned their attention to me. I glared at Chiki. Her eyes were serene, but the grin on her lips was downright evil. “And you? You like anyone?” Mizuike asked me without any particular interest. She hadn’t been acknowledging my presence before, so why now? Did I like anyone? I mean, yeah—the naked girl sitting in the tub in front of me. What would her reaction be if I told her that? I couldn’t hope for her to reciprocate my interest as long as that other woman stood—figuratively speaking—between us. Would I keep my secret for the rest of my life, then, living with these muddled feelings until I died? My lips slowly unstuck from each other. “I…” With both of us naked, it was as if my feelings were being laid bare, too. My blush was barely detectable thanks to the heat of the bath, but it was there. “I… Umi Mizuike.” I finally confessed. It felt like I was screaming internally from the rooftops. My head was above water, but I felt as if I was blowing bubbles like a crab, the sounds muffled as if I were diving. The little crab glanced furtively at its crush. Mizuike shifted closer to Chiki, her eyes wide. “No, your name’s Hoshi.” “You know what I meant.” I pulled my knees up to my chin and glared at Mizuike from behind them. No, I wasn’t glaring at her. I wasn’t transfixed, anxiously awaiting an answer. She just happened to be in my line of sight. Mizuike sat in the same position that I was in. “You mean…you like…me? Like-like me?” “Yeah.” This was ridiculous, confessing my feelings to my crush with my crush’s crush between the two of us. What did I do to deserve this? “I followed you because I have a crush on you. Why else?” Once I’d let the cat out of the bag, I was no longer tongue-tied. I could see Chiki’s breasts out of the corner of my eye as I talked with Mizuike, but I didn’t care. No, I did dislike it. Ugh. My ears felt hot. Something was splashing loudly, disturbing the surface of the water. Mizuike’s face and ears had color in them, but that was probably just from the hot bath. “Had no idea…” With those three uneasy words, she drowned my hopes in the bath. What had I been expecting? My back felt cold despite the hot water, and the skin just below my eyes began to dry into parchment. “Aren’t you popular, Umi!” “Um… But why?” “Because you’re so cute!” Chiki’s hand emerged from the water and lovingly stroked Mizuike’s cheek. It pissed me off that Chiki had hijacked the conversation, but she wasn’t wrong. Mizuike was cute. Her face was pretty, and—god, her chest. Her chest! Giving in to despair, I was finding it hard to control my emotions. It hurt to keep the lid on them. It was making me feel sick. “But I love Ms. Chiki…” And there was the rejection. Mizuike poked Chiki as if trying to elicit an acknowledgment, pushing her slightly so that her shoulder bumped into mine. “You heard her,” Chiki said. “I knew that already.” I wanted to put my head underwater, blow a bunch of bubbles, and never come back up. But then I realized I was out of the bath, slumped in a chair. I couldn’t remember getting there, as if I’d time traveled to the future for absolutely no reason. My limbs were hot and heavy, like molten metal. I couldn’t move. “Why don’t we sleep together?” “No. We can’t do that.” Another one of Chiki’s absurd ideas met with Mizuike’s objection. She was getting good at quickly erecting thin walls between me and Chiki. “I can’t explain it well, but…it’d be too weird for you to sleep in the same bed as Hoshi.” Mizuike made herself as tall as possible and stepped closer to Chiki. “I don’t think it’s normal to do that.” She was pleading like a child, unable to substantiate her opinion. With the height difference between them, she really did look like a child instead of a girl my age. Her back was so frail. Thinking that she’d been showing off her childlike body to a grown woman made my head hurt. It was so wrong. My eyes and my consciousness drifted up to the ceiling. “Okay, then. I’ll sleep on the sofa, and you two sleep on the bed,” Chiki happily offered. How did that make sense in her head? Anyway, she quickly headed to the sofa, Mizuike following her like a chick behind the hen. “No, that’s not what I want… If you’re sleepin’ on the sofa, I’m sleepin’ on the sofa with you.” Chiki abruptly stopped, and Mizuike bumped into her. Chiki wrapped an arm around her, turning to me. “Is that okay with you?” She cocked her head and smiled, stroking Mizuike’s back. I hated her for asking my opinion now. “Whatever. Sleep where you want.” She’d already wrung out all my energy, and I couldn’t be bothered to deal with her shit anymore. I’d given up, like someone out in the rain without an umbrella who just accepts the fact they’re getting soaked. I fell onto the bed. Chiki bent down close to peer at me, still grinning. “Sweet dreams!” “…Night.” It sucked that the last thing I would see before drifting off to sleep was the warm smile of the woman I despised. She switched the lights off. In the darkness, the air seemed to settle and solidify. I breathed out and out until my lungs were empty, and I let my body sink into the unfamiliar softness of the bed. A gentle breeze cooled the room slightly. I could stretch out without touching the walls; the soft, quality sheets seemingly endless. It was the total opposite of my oppressively hot room. But I couldn’t enjoy it. From somewhere beyond my toes came two voices. “Let me know if you feel squished.” “I’m fine… Not like you could make any more space for me anyway.” “I’d just roll onto my back and put you on top of me…like this.” “And you could sleep with me on you?” “Sure. A bit of weight on top is quite comforting.” “Not for me. You’re too warm, and so soft.” “Oh? Are you getting horny?” “What?” “Because I am.” “…Don’t forget Hoshi’s in the room.” “Ah, I see. If she weren’t here, you’d be in the mood. You’re so honest, Umi.” “Shhh! She’ll hear us… I don’t wanna talk about this anymore… Anyway, am I not too heavy?” “No high-school-girl connoisseur would complain about that.” “Well, I want to get heavier.” “And why would you wish for the opposite of what any other girl would want?” “Because I’m too light to stop you if you try to get away…” “A little disturbing, but okay. So you want to be able to weigh me down?” “I…I guess that’s it? I’m not so sure anymore…” “I think you can already do that, though.” “How so?” “Well, imagine I cheated on you. What would you do if you found out?” “The fuck…?!” “Ooh, now that wasn’t very ladylike.” “Sorry, I…got angry? I’d be angry in that situation.” “I’m sure you would. But would you do anything?” “I’d be angry and…I’d want to…grab you, like, really tight…” “Grab me where? By my neck?” “Dunno. But I’d want to dig my fingernails in, and…I think I’d cry.” “…You’re not good at hurting people, are you?” “…I’ve grown up afraid of adults who were good at that.” “If someone scares you, you should learn to fight back.” “I don’t know how to talk about what-if like that… You’re so kind, but I worry you’ll lose patience with me for being so stupid. I’m not gettin’ any smarter. I dunno the right way to think about things.” “You know, Umi, I’m not really doing much thinking, either. Right now, I’m just feeling you.” “I’m like that, too, just feelin’… I used to worry about my future; that’s why I tried studyin’ hard…” “It’s good, living in the moment.” “You think?” “You don’t?” “Right now…I’m just warm and…I dunno. Now and the future aren’t all that different. Today, or in the distant future, every day I get twenty-four hours to exist. I don’t see the point in treatin’ what’s to come like it’s so important… I mean, it is important, but not more than today, in my opinion.” “Hmm… It’s not good to lose one’s ambition just because you’re fulfilled in the moment… Or does it matter, I wonder?” “Don’t ask me.” “Well, moving on… Let’s focus on living until your eighteenth birthday.” “Um… Okay.” “I’m older than you, so I’ll die first. I’m twenty-one, by the way. Four years older than you.” “Are you in college?” “Not telling!” “Tch!” “I don’t really need to hide so much about me, but having secrets makes a person seem more interesting, wouldn’t you say?” “You have too many. It makes me anxious.” “You’ll be alive after I die. Thinking about the future can be explained as…having a desire for things to get better throughout your lifetime. The future is what’s left after you’re gone. In simple terms, wanting to make the world a better place for your family, for your children—that’s caring about the future. Then, on the other hand, if you live only for yourself, the future doesn’t matter.” “You sayin’…I’m selfish, livin’ only for myself?” “It’s a way of life as good as any other. You’re a gentle spirit, Umi. You’re a good girl.” “Um… Can you pet my head instead…?” “Oh, so sorry. I couldn’t see in the dark.” “You’re good at finding other parts…” “You’re so gentle, Umi. Timidly tender when you touch me.” “What? Um… Er… Hoshi’s here, remember?” “Hmm? I was talking about how you hold my hand, not anything naughty.” “Yeah, right. Lies.” “Yup.” “Why are you always like this?” Their banter continued into the night, like a talk show I couldn’t switch off. I had never felt so alone, even when there was no one else around. Exclusion is the worst form of loneliness. I wanted to jump out of my skin and escape. My body wasn’t responding to me anymore, each part sectioning itself off from the rest. My will couldn’t reach anything below my neck. I was in hell—a beautiful, soft hell. It was pure torment. My eyelids had dropped like a curtain over my consciousness. I was powered off. The room I was sleeping in was spacious, but I was trapped in its darkness, unable to move. It was like being dead. I was shaken from my deathlike slumber by an unfamiliar hand. “Morning,” came a whisper, right into my ear. I sat bolt upright, a chill running down my spine. My neck felt clammy from night sweat. The thought of someone watching me while I was asleep, defenseless, immediately put me on guard. But while my heart was racing anxiously, the person who had woken me up looked at me with a sweet smile. I recognized that twinkle in her eyes, but I still wasn’t used to it. She was infuriatingly beautiful. “Morning,” Chiki repeated quietly. She was crouching at my bedside. My bedside? I looked around at the room, which wasn’t mine, my memories from last night slowly reloading. I’d never woken up in a place other than my own room before, so my brain was unusually slow, confused. I supported myself against the mattress with my right hand and felt it sinking into the softness. It must be morning, I thought, noticing light shining through a gap in the closed curtains. “Let’s talk a bit before you go home.” “About what?” My bangs were plastered to my forehead. I brushed them off with my fingers and shot Ms. Chiki a suspicious stare. She’d already changed from her bathrobe back into the kimono. “Yes. While Umi’s still sleeping.” “……Fine.” This woman was my enemy. Maybe there was a better word, actually, but I’d only just woken up. Anyway, not knowing anything about your enemy puts you at a disadvantage. You can’t come up with a strategy to use against them. Which was why I agreed to talk with this woman who’d given me hell last night. We left the room together, passing by Mizuike who was curled up like a baby on the sofa. “She sleeps like a log,” remarked Chiki. Of course she’d be sound asleep after rambling on and on with this woman until it was late. “Isn’t starting your day in a hotel nice? Even just walking down the hall is a little exciting.” “…Don’t know about that.” Her friendly chatter annoyed me. Who did she think I was? Was I too inconsequential to be considered a rival by her? Was that why she kept acting like we were friends instead of enemies? I couldn’t pick up any hint of negativity toward me. It was weird. Chiki was a different beast. Or an alien. The most puzzling thing about her behavior was that she displayed the exact same demeanor toward me as she did to her lover, Mizuike. She led me to a…waiting area? Or whatever you’d call it, near the elevators. There was a table with two chairs by the window. Ridiculously, it might’ve been placed there for people waiting for the elevator. So we sat down on those chairs for lazy people. The view from the window was of high-rise rooftops. “I thought we might have some questions for each other,” Chiki explained. She was sitting so properly, even I, with my lack of world knowledge, could recognize she was someone with good upbringing. It’d showed in slight differences like her perfectly straight posture and the placement of her feet under the table. To think this high-class lady was buying sex from high school girls. The world was rotten, wasn’t it? “Wasn’t the sleepover fun?” “Um, no?” “I enjoyed having a real heart-to-heart with both of you.” I’d hated every moment of exposure. What was worse, I’d gained nothing by opening up. Mizuike still had absolutely no interest in me, and this cursed woman found it funny. “It was so refreshingly new to have a sleepover with two girls… Well, it wasn’t new for me, but let’s pretend it was.” “What?” I thought for a moment about what she was trying to tell me between the lines. “Let me guess… You’ve paid two high school girls before to stay with you at a hotel at the same time?” “Bingo.” She raised her eyebrows as if surprised I’d figured it out. I wished I’d been wrong… “I accidentally ended up double-booking but went ahead with it anyway. The girls started fighting, unfortunately, and it was quite a headache calming them down. I haven’t tried a threesome since.” The corners of her lips briefly turned down as she recounted her regrettable experience. I wanted to go back into the hotel room, shake Mizuike awake, and ask her how she could love this woman. She’d probably say “I just do.” “You’re really cute, too, but I’ve been trying to ignore your prettiness. Don’t want to make Umi cry.” “…You’re a piece of work.” Would she chase after any high school girl’s ass? “You have a pretty name. Takasora.” “Huh?” “Just saying it has a lovely ring to it. Uplifting, melodic, blue-sky vibes.” She smiled, turning to look out the window at the tall buildings and, far in the distance, the eastern sky just turning blue. She narrowed her eyes as if in reverie, her thoughts racing through the out-of-reach sky. In this brighter light, I noticed that her irises had an unusual color—or a blend, like one from a multiracial household. The first gentle rays of sun emphasized Chiki’s elegant features and, despite myself, I felt strongly attracted to her. Disconcerted, I moved my legs under the table, shifting in my seat, and got a grip on myself. I thought about what she’d said about my name. People would often note that it was unusual, but I didn’t think anyone had ever complimented it that way. Chiki suddenly stood up and started walking toward our room. “I’ll be right back,” she said. I stayed at the table, lost in my thoughts. Ever since meeting Chiki the previous evening, I’d been doing what she wanted for the most part. She was good at making people dance to her tune. I idly gazed at the empty chair opposite me. I’d never have guessed I’d be sitting alone in a luxury hotel like this one day. Chiki returned before long, carrying two bottles of chilled tea. “One for you.” “…Thanks.” I took one bottle. She must’ve gotten it from a vending machine. It was just a little act of kindness, but those aren’t as easy as they seem. Randomly doing something nice for another person when you’re in the right headspace isn’t that hard, but doing it consistently is another story. The chair across from me was no longer empty. I swore at myself for feeling relief. “Let’s say each of us answers three questions. We promise to answer them truthfully.” She smiled softly, awaiting my response. Three questions were all I got? A hundred wouldn’t be enough to dispel the mystery around that woman. I’d have to pick my questions carefully. And she was going to ask me questions, too. What could she want to know about me? Three questions each didn’t seem fair. I was fully awake, and my brain had kicked into high gear, even though all that thinking was probably just going to wear me out. “Fine. Who asks first?” “You go.” Three questions weren’t much, but it was better than nothing, so I had to take her up on her offer. Again, I was playing into her hand. She always made it seem like I had a choice when she was giving me none. But then again, maybe my whole life was a series of illusory choices. “All right, question one: What’s your real name?” “Why do you want to know that?” “So that…I can find out more about you if I need to.” I was demanding personal information, but I was fully aware I had no justifiable reason to be snooping on her. Chiki twisted the cap of her bottle, her eyes glazing over. “Just my current name is fine, yes?” “Wait, what—?” “I’m Shiho,” she said, speaking over me. “Shiho Chitaira.” The premise was that we’d answer truthfully, but I was surprised that she’d given me her name without a fight. Chiki… No, Shiho Chitaira took a sip of her tea and let out a little sigh of satisfaction. She then looked into my eyes. I’d peeled one layer of mystery off this sketchy woman. She was beginning to take a firmer form, like sand when you pour water over it. Was that a good thing or not? I wasn’t sure, but at least I knew for certain that the name she’d given Mizuike was fake. What did Mizuike actually know about this woman? What had made her fall in love with her? “Feel free to call me by any name you like.” “Okay… You’re going to be Ms. Chitaira to me from now on.” “That’s too long. Why not use my first name for short?” Her eyes darted to the side and she laughed. “But not around Umi!” She held her index finger in front of her mouth. “I’ve never told her my real name. Let’s keep it a secret.” She giggled, pleased with her little mischief. She kept her name secret from her girlfriend, but told it to someone she’d only just met. Was I even capable of comprehending her values? “Ask your second question.” “Um… Give me a moment…” “Of course—but question time is over when Umi wakes up.” There was a time limit, but the exact length of time I had was unknown. Was that why she was letting me ask my questions first? No way; I shouldn’t naively assume she was doing me any favors. I had to think of the next question, and why I had wanted to question her to begin with. What was it I was hoping for? To find out about this woman’s weaknesses? Was that it? Really? No, it wasn’t this woman I was curious about, with her shady nature concealed by superficial friendliness and obscured by her beauty. What I wanted was Mizuike… I wanted her to fall hopelessly in love with me. Discovering this woman’s weaknesses wasn’t going to help me with that. So then, what could I get out of questioning Chitaira? What useful answers could she offer me? “My second question is…about something you said before.” “What’s that?” I clutched the tea bottle for comfort. “Last night…you said you were going to eventually break up with Mizuike. Why did you say that?” “Isn’t that self-explanatory? Our relationship’s going to come to an end at some point.” I couldn’t detect any change in her tone. It was as if she was calmly foretelling the future without a hint of sorrow. Did it really make sense to call her and Mizuike a couple if, to Chitaira, the relationship was destined to end? And she wasn’t bothered by that at all? “You mean…you’re planning to break up with Mizuike?” “I’m not, but the result will be the same, I suppose.” Chitaira smiled thinly, as if displeased with me putting words in her mouth. I was just trying to get clarification. I wanted to bang my head against the wall yet again—I’d no idea how many times I’d had that impulse now. What was up with Chitaira? I couldn’t make sense of her. She made me unhappy, this graceful, gentle woman. I stared at her from this and that angle without restraint, puzzled by what I was seeing. “Umi’s a good girl, so I’m pretty sure that’s what’s going to happen.” “Wait, how’s her being a good girl going to—” “Third question, please.” “Huh? The second question’s over?” “I gave you an honest answer,” she said with a decisiveness I couldn’t deny. I glared at her in frustration, which she seemed to enjoy. Dating someone like that would probably drive anyone to insanity after a while, so it’d make sense to expect her girlfriend to break up with her at some point… Was that her reasoning? But from what I had seen last night, I couldn’t picture Mizuike wanting to let go of Chitaira now that she’d latched on to her. How would she react if Chitaira said they were over? I would hate her if she cruelly discarded Mizuike like a piece of trash. “Hurry up!” “My third question is… No, can I have more time? Um, why don’t you ask me your questions while I think of my last one?” I couldn’t come up with anything right off the bat, but I thought something might come to mind later. “As you wish,” Chitaira easily agreed. I’d noticed she never flat-out refused when I asked something of her. Was that how she’d won over Mizuike…? Probably. Mizuike likely had no immunity to people who seemed eager to please her. She wanted someone to spoil her. Everyone craves that, don’t they? “My first question is, what’s your phone number?” “What sort of question is that?” “I’m asking about something I don’t know. It’s as good a question as any.” I couldn’t dispute that. I’d agreed to answer truthfully without it crossing my mind that she might ask for something as concrete as my phone number. Now I was starting to sweat. I shouldn’t have consented to this. “I’ll give you my number, too.” “I don’t want it.” We exchanged numbers; giving out your number without getting the other person’s would be weird, even though I had absolutely no intention of ever contacting Chitaira. …I wouldn’t contact her, right? I had no reason to, at least. I looked at her for confirmation that she’d saved my number correctly, and she showed me her screen with a smile. She’d saved me as “Takasora.” She wasn’t using any honorifics for me anymore. I decided to save her as “Ms. Chitaira.” She’d get the “Ms.” on account of her being older than me, if nothing else. “Don’t call me.” “Ha-ha-ha!” She seemed to find my objections funny. My hair was getting in my face. I tucked it behind my ear and drank more of the tea. It was more fragrant than I was used to, and the taste harmonized with Chitaira’s delicately sweet floral fragrance, which seemed to fill not only my lungs but my whole body. She always had that scent on her—as if it wasn’t perfume, but her natural smell. “Second question. Let’s see… What did you think when you saw Umi naked?” “Hwargh?” An incomprehensible noise came out of my mouth, as if my lungs had been turned inside out. “Whuh… What? The hell? The hell are you asking me?” “I’d like an honest answer from your mouth, not just from your ears.” My ears felt like they were burning as blood rushed to them. When she pointed this out, the redness spread to my cheeks, too. She was asking me this in public? The sweat on my back was forming hot rivulets, as if my skin was melting, while blood pulsed in my head to the frantic rhythm of my racing heart. Hot and cold at the same time, I got goose bumps. “Why would you…? Why would you ask that?” “For fun,” she replied briefly with another smile. I saw in her expression that this was just fun for her. There was no other emotion hiding there. Having fun at other people’s expense was what she lived for. “I thought…she looked pretty.” “Honest answers only, remember? Be honest with me.” She started tapping the table with her fingertips. I was honest, I thought, but the tapping continued on and on. Tap-tap-tap. Or pat-pat-pat? It was getting on my nerves. I reached with my hand to stop her, but she swiftly evaded me and carried on tapping. I was overcome with the cruel desire to grab her hand and break her fingers so she’d cut it out for good.
Chapter 14
24 min read