Chapter 13

…I didn’t want it to end like that. I didn’t want it to end at all, not yet. I wanted my heart to keep throbbing a little longer, no matter how painful, how unbearable it became. I couldn’t just turn back and go home, even though the alternative sounded crazy. This woman was testing me. The invitation was a shameless attempt at provocation. She was waiting for me to turn it down, to acknowledge my defeat. What else might she have in mind? Maybe just seeing things play out was entertaining enough for her. If I turned down her invitation, that was the end. Come to think of it, I’d already stepped out of the boundaries of what was normal. The kimono lady wasn’t normal, that was for sure, but neither was Umi Mizuike. Leaving common sense at home seemed to be a requirement for me, too, if I wanted to make any progress. I’d be going off the rails, but at least I’d be moving forward. “All right, then. I’ll stay the night with you.” “What?!” Mizuike’s voice cracked with shock, but her companion smiled with satisfaction. “Perfect! Just be sure to let your parents know.” I made a point of ignoring Mizuike and shot the kimono lady a defiant stare. I had to look up; she was really damn tall. How old was she? Two, three years older than me? Why was she all dressed up anyhow? She was beautiful, no argument there, but I found her annoying. It must’ve been her self-assured attitude that ticked me off. The annoying woman saw fit to introduce herself to me. “I’m Chiki Rikunaka. And you are…?” She left her lips slightly parted, awaiting my answer. I stared at her for a while, wondering whether to tell her my name. “Takasora Hoshi.” “Nice to meet you, Little Miss Takasora.” “‘Little Miss’…?” Whatever, she could call me that if she wanted—she was older than me, after all. I didn’t really care. In my head, I’d get back at her by not calling her “Ms.” What bothered me more was that she’d asked me to let my mother know I wouldn’t be coming home that night. That might be a problem. How could I get her to give me permission? “What’s wrong with you…?” Mizuike huffed at me. She sighed dramatically and added, “I don’t need to let anyone know I’m stayin’ over. I go out when I want to.” She stepped away from me to Kimono Lady’s side and took her hand. It was dark, but I clearly saw their fingers interlace. A puddle of discomfort was forming at the bottom of my heart, and it was growing second by second. “Ms. Chiki…,” Mizuike said. “Hmm?” “Why?” She sounded like a child with a grown-up, putting all her questions in a few words. “Well, isn’t she your friend?” “Yeah, but…” Huh. So she does consider me a friend. Who knew? Whatever. “I’d like you to learn to be kinder, Umi, and treat your friends with more respect.” “And this is a way of showing respect…?” Oh, for crying out loud. “…” I had been labeled a friend, and the bar for jumping into a different category had been set too high for me. Finally, my regret spilled over, filling every nook and cranny of my being. Going back home right away would’ve been the smarter choice, but I wasn’t smart, and I was developing a knack for making the wrong choices. “A sleepover? Where?” “A friend’s house.” “Which friend? Where are you?” I was on the phone with my mother, who was talking to me the way she always did, in a calm, but authoritative voice. “It’s not too far on the train…” I turned, feeling an unfamiliar tapping on my shoulder. Kimono Lady was standing behind me, still smiling, her hand extended. That was as clear a request for my phone as any. I hesitantly gave her my phone. Anything to get out of having to convince my mother to let me stay out all night. “Hello, Ms. Hoshi, this is Takasora’s friend speaking…” Kimono Lady started walking as she spoke to my mother. I could hear only snippets of their conversation. “Could I speak with her, too? Thank you… Yes…” She circled around a lamppost and came back to hand me the phone cheerfully. I saw that she hadn’t hung up, so I put the phone to my ear. “Mom?” “Your friend explained everything. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then?” “Yeah…” “She told me Umi’s there, too. Next time, tell me you’re going out beforehand, okay?” “Sorry about that… Bye, Mom.” I hadn’t told her because I hadn’t been planning to stay out. Regardless, I ended the conversation, glad that was done and dusted. Before putting my phone away, I noticed Kimono Lady was staring at me intently. “You’re quite cute yourself, aren’t you?” she said with a giggle that reached her eyes as she looked me over. “Stop that,” Mizuike cut in, suddenly on high alert, yanking Chiki by her sleeve. “She’s a high schooler. Leave her alone.” “I wasn’t doing anything!” I couldn’t believe my ears. The woman was attracted to high school girls? She was paying to do stuff with teenagers? That was illegal! Although maybe I shouldn’t jump to conclusions—I had no proof she was paying anyone to prostitute themselves. “Don’t even joke about bein’ interested in her. I don’t like it…” Mizuike kept tugging at the woman’s sleeve like a helpless child. I’d never seen her so vulnerable before, and I had been watching her closely in the short time we’d been living together. This Chiki lady was bringing out all sorts of new emotions from her. The contrast between how Mizuike acted when she was only with me and how she behaved around this person made it painfully obvious how little I mattered to her. More and more pinprick wounds were opening up in my heart. “Maybe I wasn’t joking?” “That’s even worse!” “You know me!” Chiki pinched Mizuike’s cheeks and played with her face, squishing it, as Mizuike protested. Mizuike seemed upset at first, but her eyes gradually softened as she looked at Chiki. God, she was gullible. The woman was playing her for a fool; I had no doubt about it. “Well, shall we go to a hotel?” Chiki said this so nonchalantly, I was taken aback. Was I really going to spend a night in a hotel with someone I hardly knew anything about? Mizuike was going to be there, too—but on second thought, that made it even worse. I wasn’t stupid; I knew I’d be third-wheeling, and that the night together might leave me scarred forever. I was still battling these new doubts and regrets when Chiki started walking briskly. I didn’t want to be left behind in an unfamiliar town at night, so I hurried after her, feeling suddenly light on my feet. Mizuike stood next to me and shot me a sideways glance. “Why did you follow me?” she asked. “I honestly don’t know…” I spoke from my heart. I had acted on impulse, and what had I gained? A load of emotional damage. My heart felt lighter, but it wasn’t a positive feeling—it was a strange high from floating in the void. “Why are you comin’ with us anyway?” Mizuike groaned, before leaving my side to join Chiki. I walked on, feeling increasingly like I was making a mistake. After Mizuike went on ahead, Chiki slowed down to walk beside me. Again, I couldn’t help noticing how tall she was. Her height made her relationship with Mizuike seem even more illicit. I was going to ask Chiki what she wanted, but before I could open my mouth, she leaned toward me and whispered in my ear knowingly. “You’ve got a crush on Umi, don’t you?” We’d barely exchanged a few words, and she had already seen through me. I was going to protest, “What are you saying? We’re both girls!” but I immediately noticed how stupid that would be, all things considered. I clenched my hands into fists, even though I wasn’t going to punch anyone. They just swung by my sides as I walked, suspended in the air. The woman spoke with utter nonchalance and unshakable confidence, leaving me exposed. She got the upper hand over me with practiced ease. I found her obnoxious. I rarely had to deal with people who pushed my buttons—I was always quick to distance myself from anyone I didn’t get along with. Chiki, though, was stubbornly engaging with me, invading my space before I could build a wall between us, rendering me defenseless. “So what if I do?” I told her. Rudeness was the only shield I could think of that might protect me as the third corner of this love triangle. Chiki smiled pleasantly, as if my answer was to her liking. “Don’t give up. We’ll split up sooner or later,” she said in a lighthearted tone before returning to Mizuike, leaving me lost for words. “……” “What were you talkin’ about?” Mizuike asked Chiki. “If there was someone she had a crush on!” “What…?” “Isn’t that the sort of thing girls talk about?” Chiki smiled with the same glee I’d seen on her face when she’d spoken to me earlier. Where was her cheerfulness coming from? The prospect of breaking up with Umi at some point? Was that something to look forward to? Not for a normal person, surely. How messed up in the head did you have to be to happily announce you were planning on breaking up with your girlfriend in the future? What the hell was wrong with this woman? She kept doing things that made me want to bang my head against a wall. I wondered if I should shout at the top of my lungs, “She just told me she’s going to break up with you sooner or later!” But Mizuike wouldn’t believe me. She’d assume I was just being mean, and it would only ruin our relationship further. So I didn’t scream. I followed Chiki and Mizuike with my head hung low, not listening to their conversation. I just alternated moving my feet, one in front of the other. I felt as though any hope I had for the future, or any sense of meaning I had in my life, was draining with every step. I wasn’t paying any attention to which roads we took, so I looked up to see where we were only when the others stopped. “Whuh…?” I let out a gasp. We were in front of a large building complex in the shape of the letter L. The entrance was ritzier than anything I’d ever seen before, and the whole place was illuminated brightly against the night. From the side, I could see a bit of the inner courtyard, which was even brighter, with trees decorated with lights as if they were doing Christmas all year around. When Chiki said we’d be going to a hotel, I’d pictured a posh building based on the little I knew about what hotels were like, but the place she’d led us to was nothing like I’d imagined. I followed Chiki and Mizuike into the lobby. The brightness melted into my soul, and I felt like I was observing everything from some high point, scattered in the air, mesmerized by glittering glass sculptures which probably cost a fortune. Mizuike seemed used to being brought along to places like this. She went to sit on a large sofa in the lobby. “Wait here. I’m going to check us in,” Chiki instructed me, noticing I was just standing there, disoriented. After a moment’s hesitation, I hurried to join Mizuike on the sofa, where I sat bolt upright and anxiously rigid. I wasn’t sure what was making me anxious, though—the hotel, or the proximity of Mizuike? “Where did she bring us…?” I’d never even dreamed of a place like this, seemingly constructed from coalesced light and stretched vertically. I was floating inside this light-space like an alien particle. The atmosphere, which others might have described as grand, was making me sweat. “To a super expensive hotel,” Mizuike replied flatly. “I’m not blind.” “I don’t know more than you anyway.” Other people passing through the lobby probably weren’t paying us much attention, but still, I was terrified of accidentally making eye contact, so I didn’t look around. Mizuike was also statue-still, gazing straight ahead—maybe for the same reason. I followed her example and sat quiet as a mouse, watching Chiki in her kimono talk to the receptionist. I could barely move; my incredulity at finding myself in this posh hotel was pinning me down. Chiki returned, perfectly at home in all the glitz and glamor. “Sorry to keep you waiting. I got us a room!” She made it sound like she hadn’t booked in advance… Or maybe she’d had to change her reservation on account of me having come along? I’d never stayed in a hotel, so I wasn’t sure how all this worked. “Let’s go.” Chiki motioned for us to follow, and Mizuike stood up at once. I got up off the sofa and gazed at the ceiling; it was so high I thought you’d need an airplane to reach it. Maybe it was too late to ask myself this question, but was I really ready to spend the night here? With a homeless girl who was my temporary roommate, and a woman I’d only met that night? I was losing my way in the blink of an eye. The elevators were on one side of the lobby. One had just arrived when we got there, so we got on together with a few other guests. “…” The elevator, at least, was ordinary, with a well-polished mirror reflecting the inside. Everyone’s reflections seemed almost radiant, except for mine and Mizuike’s. The elevator kept going up. I didn’t know which floor we were going to end up on. Money is what brings you up—to the top floor of a hotel, to airplane height, to outer space. It occurred to me that I’d be sleeping on bare ground if it weren’t for my mother’s job. We finally stopped, and the door opened to a hallway with a lush carpet. It muffled the sound of our footsteps. I couldn’t hear any noises from the rooms we were passing by, either. The silence reminded me of walking through a snow-covered landscape. “It’s going to be a girls’ night in!” said Chiki. “A…girls’ night in?” Mizuike parroted, as if she didn’t understand the words. Maybe she wasn’t familiar with the concept. Having shared my room with her for a while, I knew that she could be as naive as a child. Although at the same time, she had been exposed to a world beyond my dreams. Thinking about that made my head hurt. My mind was trying to go to places as far away as possible from the reality I was in at that moment. My body felt mangled, with all the pain that entails. “We’ll talk late into the night. We’ll confide all our secrets! Leave no question unanswered!” said the smiling woman who paid for the girls’ bodies as she unlocked the door to our room. “Whoa…” I gasped when the lights automatically clicked on. I wasn’t so much impressed as dumbfounded. The room was so long. Not big, just long. It stretched far from the door for an unreasonable distance. If I had to clean it every day, from the door all the way to the windows, I’d hate it. Out the windows, I could see city lights glimmering prettily, as if they were part of a display set up specifically for the guests staying in that room. The floor was wooden, smooth, and polished to a high shine that left me speechless. It was like it belonged in some rich person’s mansion—at least from my point of view. Not what I’d have expected to see in a hotel more than ten stories high. Lamps next to the bed and sofa provided just the right amount of illumination to suit the aesthetic of the room without being too bright. By the windows was a massive table with chairs. It seemed like quite a trip to reach it. That bed, though… It was wider than it was long, so much that I wondered if the hotel staff had placed the pillows on the wrong side. How many people were supposed to sleep on that? It was bigger than my whole room. It took only one step through the door for me to find myself in a different world. I had to put my hand on the wall near the entrance for support as I waited for the dizzy feeling to pass. Never mind Chiki, the damn hotel room was overwhelming me. Chiki and Mizuike, meanwhile, were completely unfazed. They went to sit on the sofa as if that was what they usually did. As soon as Mizuike had sat down, she abruptly stood back up, dusted off her butt, and settled down next to Chiki again. The way they were cuddled up on one end of the sofa reminded me of the park bench earlier. Remembering that gave me a headache. “There’s enough space for you, too,” Chiki said to me, patting the sofa. “No, there isn’t,” Mizuike snapped. I felt myself starting to scowl. “Let’s not be like this,” Chiki chided Mizuike. It annoyed me that Chiki was taking my side. Mizuike hung her head, sulking like a kid after a scolding. I couldn’t help thinking it was cute and that the sulky expression suited her. Actually, seeing any sort of emotion on Mizuike’s face was new to me, and I was bewitched. I felt powerless. I couldn’t win against Mizuike, ever. She had an advantage over me—trite as it sounded, I had a weakness for her. “Umi, do you need me to tell you how to make up?” Chiki asked, putting a cushion on her knees. Mizuike raised her head, as if Chiki’s light had broken through her dark mood. “Apologizing is key,” Chiki said quietly, with a faint smile. “It doesn’t matter who’s in the wrong, even if no one is—apologize first. If you were the one at fault, it’s the right thing to do. If you weren’t, the other person will likely accept your apology, since it’ll play to their advantage. It really is so simple.” This advice sounded more like a recited precept than a kind suggestion. “Well, that’s one way to make peace,” she finished, getting up. “I’ll go buy snacks and something to drink.” “Snacks, now?” “For our girls’ night in.” “Oh…” “Takasora, dear, what do you want to drink?” “Doesn’t matter. Anything’s fine.” “Okay, then. I’ll pick something extra random for you.” Being spoken to only made me more anxious. After Chiki left, I was alone in the room with Mizuike and an air of unresolved conflict. Even in this enormous room, the tension was suffocating. I furtively glanced at Mizuike and caught her gaze. We both recoiled slightly. “Do you come here often?” I asked tentatively. “No. Never been in this hotel before…I think.” Not in this one, but others like it, huh? That Chiki woman must be rich. A rich woman with an unsavory hobby… “I’m sorry about earlier,” Mizuike said, bending her head down low. “I get it now that you were just worried about me.” Was she apologizing because Chiki had told her to? The suspicion bugged me, but my anger subsided nevertheless. The apology, sincere or not, had precisely the effect Chiki had predicted. Damn her and her annoying teachings. “No need to apologize for that… I’m sorry I followed you.” “Um… Okay…” I thought she’d say it was no big deal, the way I had, but apparently it was a big deal. I was glad Chiki had left us alone for this talk, so we could forgive each other or not, on our own terms. Reason and feelings had turned their backs on each other, each speaking their ideals out into the void. I glanced at the sofa and relocated to the floor. This was more familiar for me, so maybe it would make me less anxious. I looked up at Mizuike; she was still on the sofa with her knees pulled up to her chin. We were still alone in the room, and we’d finished with the apologies. The air in the room felt calmer, as if a storm had passed, but this calm was somehow triggering alarm bells in my head. “Mizuike… When you were…going out at night, you…” “I was meetin’ her, yeah.” Well, now my suspicions were confirmed. That Chiki woman was…my enemy, then? An enemy or…a love rival? Love. My first crush. I couldn’t describe my feelings any other way, so I had to admit to myself that that’s what it was. I was smitten with her childlike face and its shadows and glow; her darkly gleaming eyes; her hair, browning at the tips and probably lacking nutrients; the curves of her chest. Not because it was big—size was irrelevant. Watching Mizuike from down low, I thought she looked even more petite than usual. Her frame was so slight, I kept forgetting we were the same age. If I told someone she was in junior high, they’d buy it. Why did that woman do that stuff with this girl? I couldn’t really picture what they were doing, and yet I couldn’t stop my thoughts from drifting toward it. “She’s been payin’ meow…” “Meow?” “I bit my tongue.” Mizuike’s pouty wince made me smile a little at last. Not for long, though—it wasn’t a cheerful conversation we were having. “Long story short, it’s prostitution,” she said, not beating around the bush. “I don’t even know how many times we’ve done it now. That’s how I’m payin’ your mom.” She was coming clean even though I didn’t want to hear about this. Mizuike tucked a strand of her long hair behind her ear. “Are you disgusted with me?” “No… Not really.” My feelings toward Mizuike weren’t based on her moral virtues. It wasn’t the ethics of what she was doing that bothered me. “Hmm… You’re different,” she said. Maybe I was different. Since meeting Mizuike, my idea of myself had changed. I was morphing into some new kind of creature. “Wait… Did you say that just to be nice, ’cause we’re friends?” “Um…” Now that was quite a leap of logic. “I appreciate that. I don’t have other friends besides you, y’know.” She flashed me a shy little smile, for the first time ever. Great, except that I was still friend-zoned. My surge of optimism was balanced out by a sinking heart. The refreshing novelty of Mizuike smiling at me felt empty. I’m not a friend, I thought. “Huh?” Had I spoken my thought out loud without realizing? Mizuike was giving me a quizzical look. “Nothing,” I muttered, just in case, registering that this time my voice did find its way out of my mouth. It took me a little while to become focused again. “Anyway,” I began, “I don’t think it’s okay for you to be doing this. What if school found out? You’d be in trouble—you’d get expelled.” “You’re right,” she agreed without much concern. “Weren’t you worried…that I might tell on you?” What if I threatened to rat her out unless she did anything I asked? What if I turned out to be a horrible, conniving person? I hadn’t practiced my evil laugh yet, though. Mizuike watched me from behind her bent knees for a while. “I don’t know if you’re a good or a bad person…” “I won’t tell anyone; I was just saying…” “Then you’re good.” How could she be so trusting? It wasn’t even funny. “Maybe it’s a good moment to pull out of this? I really think you should stop.” “Sure. I already did.” “What?” “We’re gonna date like normal people from now on… She promised.” Shyly, she drew her knees even closer to her chin. They were going to date like normal people? And Chiki had agreed to that? I had my doubts. “Wait, does that really work for you?” “What do you mean?” “Weren’t you seeing her because you needed money? I thought you were only doing this because she was paying you?” Had she really not thought about the financial effects of her decision? Was she too drunk on love to worry about the practicalities? Not that I wanted her to keep all this up, but if their relationship was built on financial dependence, then surely, wouldn’t ending one end the other? “You’re right, but…she’s paid me so much, and I don’t like the idea of her payin’ me anymore.” “And that’s it…?” Not that I could do anything about it, but I was actually worried about her. She lived in the present, and her future was uncertain and precarious. I didn’t think she was stupid—she probably did a lot of thinking—but she just lacked any context for this. Yeah, that was it. She’d been living under a rock even more than I had. “So what’s she like?” My own impression of Chiki was that she was a good-looking but totally shady lady. “Hmm…” Mizuike rubbed her big toes together. “She’s a good person. She’s beautiful, she smells like flowers, she’s smart and kind and caring and helps me relax and… Never mind.” Nothing but virtues, floating up into the air like soap bubbles. So Chiki was supposedly walking perfection? People like that didn’t exist. “She sure smells like flowers, at least.” The smell on Mizuike whenever she came back from her nights out was Chiki’s perfume. Next time I woke up to that scent, I’d know exactly what it entailed. “Everythin’ about her is good. That’s why I fell in love with her so soon after we met. I’m sure she’s hiding some things, but she must be a genius to do it so well. And if I never see her bad side, then that just means she doesn’t have one as far as I’m concerned.” “Hmm.” I doubted Chiki would manage to conceal her true self forever, but whatever. She was doing her best to appear nice in front of the girl who adored her. It was just a normal thing people did in order to get along. “And does she…reciprocate your feelings?” “She said she loves me.” Hmph! Really? Never would I have imagined that one day I’d find the concept of love so revolting. “I don’t actually believe her. Not because I don’t trust Ms. Chiki, but because I don’t believe in myself. I trust her completely… Although, I don’t even know her real name.” “And you think you can have a real relationship with someone like that?” I knew I couldn’t ask that without risking hurting Mizuike’s feelings. But seriously, how could she hope for a wholesome relationship in that situation? I was one to talk, stalking my own crush, sniffing around her like a dog. “You ever become a baby in front of someone?” “Sorry, what?” I’d thought she was going to ask something else, and I had been ready to tell her it wasn’t a basis for a relationship, but now we were talking about babies somehow? What…? “Because I have. That’s the sort of relationship we’ve got.” What did that mean?! What was Mizuike thinking, gazing up at the ceiling and smiling shyly, her arms wrapped around her legs? I didn’t understand her at all! Was the conversation just going over my head? No, if anything, it was rock-bottom low. And why was Mizuike’s complexion glowing? Was it the light? The bright illumination? Or was it because she was basking in the superiority of talking about something I couldn’t even grasp? I wanted to ask her for clarification, but despite my curiosity, I also had the urge to cover my ears, fearful of what she might say. Her weird metaphor had the power to shut me up and close that topic immediately. “I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have told you that,” Mizuike confessed slowly without taking her eyes off the ceiling. I would have to agree. Mizuike’s reaction to the knock on the door made me think of a dog or cat waiting for their owner to come back. I realized Chiki had left her key card inside. If I stop Mizuike from opening the door, I could keep Chiki out, I thought, watching idly from my spot. “I’m back!” Chiki walked inside carrying two bags. Mizuike closed the door and excitedly trotted after her. “Welcome back.” “Criminal…,” I muttered under my breath instead of a greeting, sure Chiki wouldn’t hear me, but she was too sharp…or at least sharp of hearing? Anyway, she turned to me and smiled. “Guilty as charged! I gather Umi told you everything about us?” She was looking at me over Mizuike’s shoulder. “She told me enough. You’re a degenerate who buys sex from high school girls.” My barbed accusation was aimed at Chiki, but it was Mizuike who glared furiously at me. I almost flinched. Chiki set the bags on the table. “An apt description!” she said. “I’m so glad you’re a sensible girl, Takasora.” “You’re glad?” “I wouldn’t want Umi to have someone with strange ideas for a friend!” She sounded as if she were Umi’s parent or guardian rather than her girlfriend. “If you know what you’re doing is a crime, why don’t you stop?” “Because Umi needs the money.” Outwardly she seemed calm, but there was a sharp undertone in her reply. She wasn’t plagued by self-doubt. She firmly believed she was in the right. “It doesn’t bother you it’s dirty money?” “Money is money. If you insist on attaching a moral value to it, then it’s definitely good. Money gives people the option to be kind to others.” She smiled, as if to say, “Just like what I’m doing.” I thought about it. Maybe there was some truth to her perspective. I’d never been rich, so I could only theorize, but Chiki was kinder than me and that seemed to be what Mizuike was attracted to. People have a weakness for kindness. Kindness is an asset, a weapon. Enough about that—Chiki had probably steered the conversation away from what I was really getting at so she could be in control again. “Is there something we can spread on the floor? I’d love for us to sit down like we’re having a picnic.” Honestly. A picnic? Mizuike looked around and diligently set about finding something that’d work. “We already had ramen a little while ago…” “It’s not a feast. Just some nibbles.” “Well, I haven’t eaten,” I grumbled, upset even though nobody had asked me to follow Chiki and Mizuike around and spy on them while they had ramen. “Then don’t be shy and eat as much as you want, Takasora.” Chiki took out a can of juice from one of the bags and handed it to me. I begrudgingly accepted it. It was a brand of soda with a picture of the local bear mascot character. I’d seen it before. “I couldn’t find a tablecloth, so I used tissues instead,” Mizuike reported. “Thanks!” Chiki opened the bags of snacks and sweets she’d bought and shook them out on top of the tissues. A delicious smell wafted from the colorful pile, which somehow hadn’t spilled all over the floor. Chiki sat down first and gestured for us to join her. I couldn’t shake off the uneasy sensation of everything being out of place. Maybe because I was the most out of place here, like a bit of food stuck between my teeth. Or an interloper who’d crashed someone else’s date night in a hotel. Only the crazy woman who’d cheerfully invited me along seemed in her element. Mizuike half-crouched with one bent knee pointing up. So that was two out of the three points of our triangle. The empty space beckoned me, the outsider who shouldn’t have been there. I thought it was weird to sit on the floor with a bunch of food when the room featured that massive table and extravagant sofa, but sitting on the floor suited both me and Mizuike better than perching on fancy furniture, and Chiki in her kimono looked very pretty sitting formally with her legs folded beneath her. I didn’t make for a pretty picture like Chiki, but I sat down as I’d been told anyway. I gazed briefly at the ceiling, my anxiety stirring again. “Shall we begin with a toast?” Chiki raised her can of apple juice. “I have nothing to toast,” I objected. “Woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, hmm?” I wanted to shout that of course I was angry, but that would only have confused Mizuike. She was oblivious to the reason I was upset, wasn’t she? That was a relief, but at the same time, it bugged the hell out of me that she was so ignorant. “That’ll soon change. Bad moods and sweet treats are mutually exclusive. Cheers!” Chiki overrode my objection. She raised her can of juice again. Mizuike picked up an unopened can of chilled green tea with her dainty hand and held it close to Chiki’s drink. They turned and looked at me expectantly—one sharply, the other softly. It’s hard not to join in when others are waiting with their hands raised. You can’t keep ignoring them forever. In the end, I gave up and danced along to the crazy woman’s tune. We clinked our cans together even though, as far as I was concerned, there was no occasion to toast to. “Cheers!” “Cheers.” I bonked Chiki’s can hard—a little protest I could get away with. That done, I picked up a bite-size pie and shoved it into my mouth. The satisfying crunch and hit of sugar did lift my mood a little. I’d had nothing to eat or drink since dinner, and the events I’d witnessed that evening had left a bitter taste in my mouth. The sugar worked like an antidote. The dry crumbs scratched my parched throat, so I took a gulp of soda to rinse them down. A very unhealthy sweetness spread through my body, dehydrated from the summer night. My tongue caressed the superficial source of mild, transient happiness. “Snacks like this can be so delicious when you’re not used to having them,” Chiki said. She had not yet tried the curry-flavor rice cracker, instead turning it over and inspecting it. Mizuike had said she was still full from the ramen earlier, but she was working her way through a packet of chips at a steady pace. A hint of a smile played on her face as she ate. Just watching her made the tension inside me lessen a little. I glanced over at Chiki—she was also watching Mizuike with a similar expression on her face. She immediately sensed my attention and turned to me. I was startled by her swift reflexes. In the park, she had also been quick to notice me for some reason. Despite her calm manner, she must have been highly sensitive to any changes around her. Probably because she was up to no good. “Takasora, dear, mind if I ask you something?” “What?” “What do you like about Umi?” I should’ve flat-out refused to be questioned about anything. I felt my eyes drying up. She’d attacked me with no warning, and her opening move was a skull-splitting ax swing. The atmosphere around me was sizzling and dry. “What? About me? Or did you mean umi as in ‘ocean’? The big ocean nearest to us?” Mizuike spread her arms wide as if to illustrate the vastness of the ocean, but she began to look increasingly uneasy. She turned to me, and I broke out in a cold sweat, not wanting to be seen, afraid of what she could read in my face. Were my emotions showing, or was I still safe? “A calm ocean…can be pretty to look at.” I spoke as if I were pedaling a bike, only to discover the pedals had come off and my feet were in the air. Mizuike wouldn’t take her eyes off me. My head was burning around the temples. I managed to meet Mizuike’s gaze. I felt like my heart was being crushed against a wall. “We’re just talking about the ocean, not you.” I spoke too fast, my words rushing out in a desperate attempt to save myself. “Ah, okay…” Mizuike didn’t seem convinced. I wanted to hide, to put my duvet over my head, shut out all light, and just lie there like a subterranean creature. My poor, raspy attempt at saving face was met with laughter from Chiki. She was absolutely in stitches, laughing heartily, her voice ringing in the air and in my ears. “What’s. So. Funny?” I coughed out, angry at myself that I couldn’t speak normally. “Oh, I just love girls’ nights in! So much fun!” “For you, maybe…” “These rice crackers are so good. You should try one!” She gave me one of her crackers, and I crunched it aggressively between my teeth, not even tasting it. It did have a strong aftertaste of some sort, but I quickly rinsed it down with my soda. My face was burning, but I had calmed down somewhat. Disaster averted. Chiki resurrected the conversation, grinning. “I like the ocean, too, although I’ve never been to see it.” She made no attempt to hide the fact she knew damn well I wanted to move on to a different subject. This was the person Mizuike had described as kind? “That was confusing. Thought you were talkin’ about me at first,” said Mizuike. “Hmm.” Chiki thought for a moment. “The ocean’s nice,” she said in a mixture of Japanese and English. That made the conversation sound even more fake. “So what do you do at the seaside?” she mused, giving up the English vocab. She picked up one of the pies in front of me and took a bite so small I couldn’t even register movement in her throat when she swallowed it. I was discovering that she was different from us in every manner. Maybe sophistication was made apparent through calmness and control. “Never seen the ocean, either. Pretty sure I never seen a river, either,” Mizuike said in between bites of chips. Chiki gently wiped crumbs from Mizuike’s lips with her fingertips. She gazed at them for a moment, then licked the crumbs off them. Agitated, Mizuike quickly rubbed any remaining crumbs off her mouth herself. “Summer’s the best time to visit the seaside.” Chiki’s comment just sounded like a way to close the topic before moving to another one, but Mizuike replied earnestly. “There’s somethin’ I been thinkin’ of doin’ if I ever went to the coast.” “Oh yes? What’s that?” It was rare for Mizuike to express any desires, so Chiki’s interest was instantly piqued. She leaned forward expectantly. “Put on goggles and see underwater.” “So you wanna go fish watching?” “Not specifically.” Mizuike shook her head firmly like a child, which I thought suited her. “Just to see what the ocean’s like under the surface.” That’s all? So mundane. “Let’s go together someday,” Chiki suggested, wrapping up that topic. Mizuike gave a slight nod and smiled faintly. Smiling seemed to come naturally to her when she was with Chiki—a fact which I had to pretend didn’t bother me. Chiki chose sugarcoated rice crackers as her next snack. She seemed to like rice crackers. I was littering my brain with useless trivia about a woman I hated. “Why don’t you talk about something now, Takasora?” “And why should I?” “Because my mouth is getting dry from doing all the talking.” Was it my responsibility to keep her mouth from drying out? Just drink some water or something. “I don’t know what to talk about…” I meant that. While there was a lot I wanted to ask about, it was too overwhelming for me, and I didn’t know where to start. I had so many questions. While I sat there groaning under my breath, Mizuike stole a march on me. “You said we could talk about anythin’,” she started. All her attention was focused on Chiki. Of course she only cares about Chiki; what did I expect? I told myself, pretending to be too disillusioned for Mizuike to wreck my heart even more. “That’s right. Go on, then.” “Can you tell me…what it is you like about me?” How insensitive to talk about that with me present. But I had to remind myself that Mizuike was oblivious to my feelings for her. Chiki, meanwhile, knew how I felt about Mizuike, and that didn’t affect her at all. “Well, your pretty face,” Chiki replied without hesitation. I assumed she was telling the truth, but it didn’t seem right to admit one’s attraction was so superficial. Not that mine wasn’t. “So if…I swapped heads with Hoshi, would you love Hoshi and not me anymore?” “You have a morbid imagination.” I hated to agree, but the same thought crossed my mind. Chiki made a motion as if she were unscrewing Mizuike’s head and throwing it to me. “Catch.” So dumb. “You only like me from my neck up… That’s kinda sad. What about the rest of me? My upper body, my legs…” Mizuike sounded very pitiful, but what she was saying made me want to scratch my head. Were girls in love so sensitive about their upper bodies and legs? I’d caught the love bug, too, but it hadn’t crossed my mind. “I love your legs, too!” Wow, how romantic, I thought testily, biting into a candy. “And especially your big toes!” “Why big toes…?” “Oh, I think you know!” Mizuike started blushing, and I was left in the dark. Again, despite my curiosity, I was too scared to ask for an explanation. This sleepover was hell for me. Chiki, on the other hand, was having a great time. Even Mizuike seemed relatively relaxed. Even the sweets couldn’t neutralize the bitterness growing inside me. That’s what I had to endure for tagging along despite common sense. But wasn’t it too cruel a punishment? Was developing a crush on a roommate such a sin? “Why don’t we have a bath before going to bed?” Chiki stood up and stretched her arms up high. I couldn’t believe my eyes when she started taking off her kimono right in front of us. Mizuike seemed used to this, as she barely reacted. Chiki removed the kimono, let her hair down, and slipped off her underwear. Unashamedly naked, she grinned at me. My vision was flickering as my eyes darted this way and that, unsure where to look. “Let’s all go in together.” “What?” Mizuike said. She seemed to object. “Together?” I asked disapprovingly. Together—meaning all three of us. I was unwilling to accept the simple reality of Chiki’s proposal. “It’s perfectly acceptable for girls to bathe together.” “Acceptable? But…aren’t we, y’know, together?” “Of course we are! And today’s a date to remember, our very first day as a couple.” Chiki wrapped her middle finger around Mizuike’s. I’d seen couples wrap their little fingers together, but not the middle ones… “I’m cool havin’ a bath with you, but…I dunno about havin’ Hoshi in there with us.” “Why? Bathing together is the best shortcut to becoming close friends. Come, let’s go.” She led Mizuike to the bathroom by the hand. …No way. I had to join them? Could I, really? It wouldn’t be just me and Chiki, after all; Mizuike would be in there, too. I’d get to see her naked. “…Seriously?” I’d been sharing a room with Mizuike for some time, but obviously, I had never seen her in the nude. Still, I balked at the idea of going into the bath with her just because Chiki said I could. But…if I didn’t go in, Chiki would have Mizuike all to herself. Whatever I did, it was going to be hell for me. So if both options were equally bad… “…” I might as well play along. Even though I felt sick with myself for playing that woman’s games as soon as there was a slight benefit to me. Worst-case scenarios filled my head, but I stood up, stepped over Chiki’s clothes on the floor, and strode off to the bathroom. Willing myself not to chicken out at the last moment, I almost slammed the door open. If the door had swung back and hit me in the face, it wouldn’t have stunned me as much as the sight in front of me. My eyes met Mizuike’s. She was stark naked. I almost heard the crackling of my brain freezing. “Hoshi…?” “Don’t mind me,” I heard a voice say, one that sounded mysteriously like my own. Everything was a blur, as if my head was bobbing up and down on some wild ride. I mechanically removed my clothes. The ringing in my ears had started even before I’d entered the bathroom and was getting progressively worse. My consciousness seemed to float somewhere above my body as I walked, my bare feet pitter-patting on the floor. I wasn’t myself anymore.