Chapter 6

5 There was no school today. This accursed day came once every week, and it always tested me. Why? Well……… “Mornin’, Sis! You don’t have school today, right? Let’s have breakfast together, then!” “…Komekko, our mother should have made breakfast before she left this morning. It must be in the kitchen. You can even eat my portion. I’m simply going to lie here motionless all day to conserve calories.” I didn’t move from under my blanket. Komekko, however, didn’t go away. “You can’t get breakfast from Yunyun when you don’t have school, right? Let’s eat!” …At that, I heaved myself out from under my blanket. No school meant no Yunyun with her packed food for me to obtain. Normally I gave my breakfast here at home to Komekko, who seemed to be in a perpetual growth spurt, on the grounds that I could get breakfast at school. But on these days when I didn’t have school, my sweetheart of a little sister invited me to eat with her. “I can see you’re right. So what’s for breakfast today?” “Rice balls with salmon!” “…I guess that’s about the best we can expect at the end of the month. I’m not much of a salmon person, though, so you can eat mine for me, Komekko.” “Let’s feed it to her, then,” Komekko said, spotting Ink as she crawled out from under the covers with me. I knew how badly Komekko must want that salmon. My dear, sweet little sister. I patted her head and… “…Drool.” …guided her into the kitchen, away from the drool-inducing sight of my cat. “Here, Ink, you want the skin from my salmon, too?” “Mrrrow!” “The skin is full of nutrients,” I said. “Be sure to eat it all.” After Komekko and I were done eating, I turned my thoughts to what I was going to do that day. My father, as I’ve said, was a craftsman specializing in magical items, but unfortunately, all his creations had little quirks that made them unsalable. Even when he did manage to sell something, he always wound up bargained down to some pittance of a price, so our household was forever poor. At the end of each month, he and my mother would go to the city to sell his latest creations, so during that time, Komekko and I were latchkey children. They’d said they would be leaving this morning, and I didn’t expect to see them again for several days. I was confident there must not be much to eat in the cold room where we kept our ingredients. And that meant… “Komekko. Let’s take a little walk, okay? We’ll try to get some f—” Chomp. “Mrgrah!” …There was a sort of biting sound, and Ink gave a little yelp. “…Did you just bite Ink?” “She doesn’t taste good raw.” I would have a crisis on my hands soon. “Now listen, Komekko. Your targets are the older men. I’ll use my overwhelming attractiveness to work on the young ones.” “Sis, you sly demon!” “Heh-heh-heh, just you watch, Komekko. I didn’t want to have to do this, but the state of our cold room compels me… Oh, and here comes our first mark.” Komekko held Ink like a stuffed toy as I led her by the hand toward our chosen target, acting the part of the responsible older sister. “Well, if it isn’t Bukkororii, you dashing son of a cobbler. Good morning! Lovely out, isn’t it?” “…Just FYI, I don’t have a job and I don’t have any money.” Thus Bukkororii, who had been practicing his dramatic poses in the courtyard, tried to take the initiative, regarding my broad smile with suspicion. I had assumed he was just another NEET; I would have to be careful not to take him too lightly in the future. “Perish the thought. Would I ever try to scam you, Bukkororii, whom I respect so highly and to whom I’ve been indebted since my youngest days, out of your cash? I’m just a little hungry, that’s all.” “Respect, my foot. You might as well be carrying a sign that says moocher. I’m unemployed and barely making ends meet myself; I’m not about to be like, ‘Oh yeah, let me run home and get you some food!’ Sorry, but you just have to try someone e—” “Big Bro, I’m soooo hungry!” “Just wait right there, Komekko! Bro’ll go get you something right away!” As I watched Bukkororii run back to his house, I turned to my little sister. “…I believe from this day forth, you may adopt the name of Komekko, the sly demon.” “My name is Komekko! She who is entrusted with watching the house and slyest demon of the little sisters of the Crimson Magic Clan!” My demonic little sister went on to wheedle us a lot more gifts that day. 6 “Megumin! You understand, don’t you?!” No sooner had I entered the classroom than I was accosted by Yunyun, who was once again far more excited than was warranted this early in the morning. “What I understand is that it’s time for breakfast. I’ll need enough for my friend here, as well.” “What do you mean, ‘time for breakfast’?! Why do you assume I’ll lose every single d…? Huh? When you say your ‘friend,’ do you mean Ink? I’m supposed to make breakfast for her now, too?!” While Yunyun jabbered in early-morning delirium, I lifted Ink off her perch on my shoulder and held her up for all to see. “If you refuse, I will understand. However, my household is not blessed with many resources, so if you say no, this sweet thing is sure to waste away until she starves to—” “Okay! All right, I get it; I just have to make breakfast for Ink, right?! B-but she only gets to eat if you beat me, Megumin! And if you’re going to demand more food, then you have to let me set the terms of our contest today!” “Fine by me.” “And if you won’t let me, then…… What? You agree?” Yunyun looked astonished. “Yes, it’s okay,” I said. “You’re more than welcome to decide the nature of our competition.” “…!” Yunyun’s face lit up and she pumped her fist. In the middle of it, though, she suddenly frowned. “This is our one and only contest, okay? You won’t say later that I only got to set the terms of the first of a best of three, will you?!” “I would never. What do you take me for?” I said immediately, but Yunyun still looked suspicious. “‘What you just defeated isn’t my true form. The body I wear now is merely temporary. When you have defeated my next form, then and only then can you be said to be victorious, Yunyun’…is not something you’re going to say anymore, right?” “You still remember that? That was ages ago. And incidentally, I have fully four separate forms, but today, if you defeat me even once, I shall acknowledge my loss.” At that, Yunyun finally seemed to relax a little. “Right… All right! The contest is arm wrestling! There’s no way I can lose against your puny little limbs, Megumin!” Yunyun braced her arm on her desk and rolled up her sleeve, smiling confidently. I set Ink on a corner of the desk where Yunyun would be sure to see her, then rolled up my own sleeve and sat down. When we clasped hands, it attracted the attention of our long-legged, eye-patched classmate Arue, who came over to have a look. “Arue, perfect timing,” I said. “May we ask you to referee for us?” Arue raised her eye patch dramatically and sat on the floor in a formal sitting position. “…Hmm, very well. Before my magic eye, no misdeed shall go unnoticed. On your marks, then…!” “Incidentally, Yunyun. I know you’re going to feed Ink-kichi and me when I win this time, but I’m afraid I still don’t have a skill-up potion today. What do you want for winning?” “Huh?! What do I want?! W-well, uh, that’s a good question… Okay, how about… S-starting tomorrow morning, you and I will walk to school togeth—” Arue, resting her hands and chin on the desk as she sat on the ground, exclaimed, “Fight!” “Hiyah!” “What? Ahhhh! Wait! Ohhh!” I tried to finish the contest in one fell swoop at Arue’s ambush of a start call, but Yunyun managed to just hold me off. She was physically stronger than I was, and she started to push her way back up. If surprise had failed, then that left…! “Hrgh… It looks like I might…have to go without breakfast this morning… Your delicious meals have always brought a small spark of joy to my day, Yunyun, but I guess…” “?! Th-that won’t work on me, okay?! Today is the day I beat you, Megumin! And then the title of Greatest Genius of the Crimson Magic Clan will be mine! I won’t just be ‘Yunyun, the chief’s daughter’ anymore…!” Yunyun didn’t like being given special treatment just because she was the daughter of the chief. I think part of the reason she harassed me every day had to do with the fact that there was no one else brave enough to go toe to toe with her. But the name of Greatest Genius of the Crimson Magic Clan—that I would never surrender…! “Hrgh… At this rate, it seems not only I but Ink-suke, too, shall go without food…! Our household is so poor, we can’t feed another mouth, even one as small as Ink-taro’s. For the sake of our dear Ink-bei, I must…not…lose…!” “What?! Y-you… But how can she be so important to you if you can’t seem to remember her name for two sentences?! You’re trying to get to me! You just want to take advantage of me, right?!” Yes, and it seemed to be working. I could feel Yunyun getting weaker. The stalemate didn’t escape Arue’s watchful eye. “They’re in a stalemate! Thirty seconds left! If a winner isn’t decided in that time, both of you die!” ““What?!”” Neither of us had expected that particular house rule. Ink got up and walked across the desk to Yunyun. She started sweetly sniffing the arm Yunyun was using to fight me. “S-stop that, Ink… Don’t worry—I’ll feed you even if I win…! Just don’t act so cute…!” “What belongs to a pet belongs to her owner! Know that if I have no food, I shall steal Ink’s!” “You monster!” “The winner: Megumin!” Arue announced, holding my right arm aloft. 7 “I believe you have heard that one of the village NEETs…er, a brave young person with time on their hands…was able to drive the monsters away from the village. Thanks to their hard work, there are currently no powerful monsters in the vicinity. We specifically asked them to leave the weaker monsters and only exterminate the most dangerous ones. On that note, we’re taking a field trip today to get some battle experience. We’re going to raise everyone’s level in a relatively safe environment via a time-tested Crimson Magic Clan technique called farming. Everyone, assemble in the courtyard! Form three groups of three and one pair! Get going!” Such was the plan our teacher outlined after calling attendance. It provoked a lot of chatter in the classroom as soon as he exited the classroom. While everyone else was finding their best friends to team up with, Yunyun sat at her desk, stealing occasional glances in my direction. “What is it? O self-proclaimed rival of mine, Yunyun.” “Self-proclaimed?! Er… I mean… I am, I guess… He says to make groups.” “So he does. Groups, eh? What about it?” I deliberately kept my response cool and watched as Yunyun started to trip over herself. …My goodness. It looked like she still couldn’t bring herself even to say that she wanted to work with me. Well, I did take her breakfast. Maybe I could give her this one. “Hey, Megumin, if you don’t have anyone to work with, how about me?” My invitation to Yunyun was preempted by Arue, who had shown up out of nowhere. But the teacher had said we should be in groups of three, right? “Very well,” I said. “Let us work together.” “?!” Beside me, Yunyun looked even more distressed. Arue and I gave her a casual glance. At last Yunyun said hesitantly, “U-um, Megumin, could I…?” But she never got to finish. “Heeey, Yunyun, you’re gonna work with us, right?” “Yeah, you never have a partner, right? We’ll let you join us.” Funifura and Dodonko called out to Yunyun. They came over to her seat, both grinning. “Oh, er… But…” Yunyun, not sure what to do, shot a glance at Arue and me. “Come on, Yunyun—let’s go. We’re classmates!” “Yeah, we’re friends, aren’t we?” “?! F-f-friends…! W-well, okay then…” Yunyun stood up, her face bright red on account of that one word. Easy! An easier target I’d never seen. I had a very bad feeling about the kind of men she would fall for in the future. Yunyun still had half an eye on us as she let Funifura usher her out of the classroom. As we watched her go, Arue whispered…