Chapter 7

8 Outside, our teacher gave a flourish of his cape and said, “Good, I see everyone’s here! Those who have weapons already, feel free to use them. If you don’t have a weapon, use this to finish off those monsters!” He indicated something on the ground: a mountain of armaments. The main thing I noticed, though, was… “T-Teacher! All these weapons look too big to hold…” Yes, the weapons were gigantic. There were great swords longer than Arue was tall, axes with blades wider than my shoulders. A morning star with a ball so big, an ogre couldn’t have swung it… As we looked on, our scrawny teacher hefted a massive great sword as if it were light as a feather. He used only one hand. He didn’t even break a sweat…! “The trick is to direct the magical energy that resides in your body into all the fibers of your muscles. By doing so, we Crimson Magic Clan folk are able to temporarily grant ourselves a boost in strength. Believe it or not, my class has been about pounding into you the basics that will allow you to do this. Now, just focus, and you’ll be able to access that power naturally!” Arue took a step forward. And then… “…O magical energy that flows through me, grant strength unto my limbs!” she shouted…and then with one hand, she picked up a sword that was bigger than she was! “““Ooh!””” “What?! Th-that’s incredible…! But was that speech really necessary?!” The other students, pretending they hadn’t heard Yunyun’s less than reverent remark, swarmed the weapons. “This precious one will not buckle, even if I pour into her every ounce of the magical energy in my body…! Behold, for now I name thee! From this day forth, thou shalt be known as…!” One student with a gigantic halberd in hand bellowed out a name. Another girl was swinging a single-bladed long sword with a vicious grin. “Heh!! …Goodness, I’m surprised you survived that practice swing. Very well, that proves I can trust you with my life…!” I ignored all of them and grabbed a huge ax. Considering my level of magical power, this should be nothing…! “…Hrgh, it looks like I haven’t summoned enough magic yet…! Flare up, magical power of mine…! Now, grant me the blessings of your strength…!” I managed to lift the ax, stumbling backward. Still not enough. Not enough magic! I was the greatest genius of the Crimson Magic Clan! This should be child’s play for me…! I gritted my teeth and hefted the weapon again. From nearby, Yunyun said, “T-Teacher, isn’t this all just an act…? These weapons are made from wood with metal plating, and they’re all really light…” “That’s five points off your score, Yunyun.” “What?! B-but, Teacher!” I flung the ax aside and grabbed the smallest wooden sword I could find. We were in the woods outside the village, lined up in front of the teacher, each of us holding our preferred armament. Most of what we were carrying amounted to various blunt instruments. Only Yunyun had a proper weapon: the silver dagger she’d bought from the smith the other day. “All right! Listen up, you runts. Like I said, the bigger monsters have been run out of town. All that’s left is nice, easy prey. And just to be extra sure about this, I’ve gone through and put magical binding spells on everything in the area. Your job is to go out there and finish off those immobilized monsters.” The teacher was still carrying his gigantic—but fake—sword. “I don’t expect any problems, but if anything does come up, just shout extra loudly. Okay, get going!” The teacher went jogging off to who knows where, and my classmates scattered. Then we heard a voice from the direction our teacher had gone: “Freeze Bind!” Arue and I turned toward the sound and… ““Ooh…”” …were reminded that as half-baked as he might be, our teacher was still a member of the Crimson Magic Clan. Specifically, we saw an oversize lizard, crying piteously and frozen from the neck down. “Freeze Bind!” There was our teacher’s voice again in the distance. He was happily immobilizing all the nearby monsters. Arue and I looked at each other. “Can I go first?” Arue whispered, and I nodded. She took the huge—but fake—sword and held it above her head with both hands. “Offer up thy lifeblood to feed my power!” The sword came down on the lizard’s head; the frozen creature squeaked once and went limp. Arue checked her Adventurer’s Card and nodded in satisfaction: It looked like she had gained a level. I needed four more skill points in order to learn Explosion. If I finished off everything here, I might just be able to learn the spell before I left school today! I scanned the area for any possible source of experience points and spotted a group standing in front of a big horned rabbit. They seemed to be discussing something rather animatedly. Then I saw her: Yunyun, standing there in front of the rabbit, her silver dagger ready but motionless. She was, it seemed, unable to strike the finishing blow against the rabbit, which looked at her sadly and whimpered “Kyuu, kyuu” as if begging for its life. Yunyun’s groupmates were trying their best to encourage her. “Y-Yunyun, hurry up and do it in! We have to move on to the next one!” “Sh-she’s right. You’ve got the second-best grades in class, Yunyun; you have to show us how it’s done!” Yunyun shook her head tearfully. “I’m… I’m sorry! Our eyes met…! I’m sorry—I can’t do it!” She returned the dagger in its sheath and held it out to the girls, but neither of them took it. “It’s a little late for that! Us Crimson Magic Clan folk, we can’t be, like, soft, you know? People would make fun of us!” “Y-y-yeah, yeah. It’s easy—that thing’s not even moving. Show us the power of the second-best student in class! Just be like, zap! and…!” “Zap! it is, then.” I came up behind Dodonko, one of Yunyun’s groupmates, pushing her forward. “Huh?! Watch it!” she exclaimed. I took the dagger from Yunyun and pressed it into the flustered Dodonko’s hand. Almost hugging her from behind, I wrapped her fingers firmly around the hilt, then made her hold it in front of her. And then… “Now, Dodonko! Finish it! Tear this pitiful, misty-eyed bunny apart and gain the experience it offers!” “Wait! Hey, hold on! Megumin, stop, I’m sorry!” “What are you hesitating for? Sacrifice this innocent rabbit’s life…! Your guide now is not Yunyun, the second-best student in class, but myself, the very leader in grades…!” “Nooo! Stop, please stop! If you keep pushing, I’ll really cut it! Can’t you hear it crying? Can’t you hear it going ‘Kyuu, kyuu’?!” Funifura waded in to try to stop me. “Hey, Megumin, stoppit! You’re making Dodonko cry! St— I said stop it already!” “…Girls? I think there’s something a lot nastier than a rabbit out there.” Arue was pointing toward the woods. We looked where she was pointing, and there was a monster. It was a humanoid demon with sharp claws on both hands, pitch-black fur, and wings like a bat. There was a birdlike beak on its reptilian face, and it was looking this way and that with close attention to everything around it. There were a number of issues, such as the fact that it looked awfully powerful, but the single biggest problem was that it wasn’t encased in ice. This was the moment to quietly back away and go get the teacher… At least, that was the plan until the monster looked right at us. 9 ““Teacherteacherteacherteacher!!”” Funifura and Dodonko shouted at the top of their lungs as they went running. “Megumin, do you know that thing? It seems awfully interested in you,” Arue said. “How could I possibly know a thing like that? It must be a foot soldier of the Demon King, terrified of the power hidden within me… S-seriously, though, why is it chasing me?!” “What goes around comes around! I saw you nibbling on the offering left on the altar in the Eris Church the other day, you know!” Yunyun informed me. They were running to the other side of me as we fled the monster. The creature, flying through the air, showed no interest at all in anyone else. For some reason, it was coming straight after me. I was sure it could see the other students. I was starting to worry that Yunyun was right and this was some sort of punishment. Arue and I had long ago abandoned our oversize weapons, which were only going to make it harder to run. Members of the other groups spotted what was going on, but considering that no one in any of them could use magic…! Then I felt something squirming at my back. It was Ink, digging in her claws and holding on for dear life. That’s it! I peeled the cat off my back and held her up high so the monster could see her. “I can see I have no choice. I offer you this fur ball! How about it? Looks tastier than me, right? So tasty, even my little sister wants to eat her!” “That’s our top student! You sure have some unique ideas!” “You’re awful! You want to know why a monster is chasing you? It’s because you’re always doing things like this!” I ignored Yunyun’s reproof, continuing to hold Ink aloft; the monster circled in midair and then settled to the ground in front of us. As terrible as the creature looked, it didn’t act especially hostile. With the other students looking on—except Funifura and Dodonko, who were long gone—I confronted the creature. Then, suddenly, Yunyun was standing in front of me. She gripped her dagger in both hands, the silver blade glinting, facing down the beast to protect Arue and me. Yunyun was the only one around with a real weapon. And it looked like she intended to protect us from this demon even though she hadn’t had the heart to kill so much as a small, helpless bunny. Beside me, Arue glanced at her own Adventurer’s Card. She was trying to see if there were any powerful spells she could learn right here and now. …Me, I could already have acquired Advanced Magic. But if I did that, then Explosion would be… But could I let timid, introverted Yunyun look better than me…?! “O dark bolt, pierce mine enemy! Cursed Lightning!” The shout produced a bolt of black lightning that slammed into the monster’s chest. The creature collapsed without so much as a cry. But we ignored it and looked in the direction of the voice to see our teacher walking toward us at a leisurely pace, the giant sword resting on his shoulder. Our teacher had a tendency to cause more problems than he solved, but he really came through for us this time and even looked cool doing it. Beside him were our classmates, who must have gone to get him. “Teacher, you already finished the incantation. So why did you wait till the last minute to cast the spell?!” “? Because you always wait until the coolest moment to rescue someone, obviously.” …Okay, so he caused a lot more problems than he solved. 10 “Hey, did you hear? The monster that attacked Megumin—they say there’s never been one like it around here before. There aren’t supposed to be any flying monsters near the village.” After my little adventure with the monster, our field trip had been hastily cut short, and we had been ushered back to the school. But almost as soon as we were back, the rumors started flying. I was eavesdropping on the conversation, absentmindedly tugging on Ink’s tail where she sat on my desk, when the teacher came in looking unusually tired. His shoulders slumped as he stood at the lectern. “Listen up, all of you. You remember I told you about the trouble with the seal on the Dark God’s tomb? And I think most of you saw the creature we encountered outside this morning. Our investigation suggests it might have been a servant of the Dark God. It was looking for the pieces of the seal but didn’t find any. In light of this, we have to continue investigating, and fast. They’re going to need my help. It’s another monster hunt for me, just like yesterday… As such, classes will be canceled again this afternoon. Like I told you before, until the tomb is completely resealed, don’t go home alone. Travel in groups. Class dismissed!” Then the teacher left the room. I didn’t know anything about any Dark God. I only knew that this was a pain in the neck. Yunyun glanced at me and said hesitantly, “Megumin… U-um, m-maybe you’d like to…” Sheesh, all she had to do was ask to go home together. “Yunyun,” I said, “would you like to go—?” “Hey, Yunyun,” Funifura interrupted, “let’s go home together! Actually, there’s something I want to talk to you about! And I want to apologize for ditching you earlier!” “What?! Uh… S-sure.” Yunyun, who had never been one to resist peer pressure, immediately nodded. I renewed my concern at how eager she was to go with the flow. I kept imagining some strange man begging and pleading and Yunyun doing anything he asked. “Um, w-well, I guess that’s that, Megumin. See you tomorrow…” Yunyun trailed after Funifura and Dodonko out of the classroom, looking strangely anxious and lonely. ……… It was a good thing that Yunyun, seemingly destined to be alone, had made some friends. Yes, it was good, and yet, somehow… I felt something behind me and turned. It was Arue, looking like she could hardly restrain herself. “……………Cuck—” “If you utter one more syllable, those huge, detestable boobs of yours shall meet a terrible fate!” 11 The next day. I came into the classroom with Ink, who was riding on my shoulder. For a cat, she seemed awfully friendly. “Oh, morning, Megumin… And morning, Ink.” Yunyun, who usually confronted me with a challenge the moment she saw me, greeted me normally this second for some reason. “Yes, good morning,” I said. “What’s wrong? Normally you leap on me like a highway bandit spoiling for a fight the second you see my face.” “Have I been that rough?! Er, I mean, you’re not exactly wrong, but what a way to put it… Like a friendly competition between rivals…” Two girls appeared beside the sputtering Yunyun: Funifura and Dodonko. “Mornin’, Yunyun! Thanks for yesterday, huh? That was a big help! Friends really are the best, huh?” “Yeah, thanks! We knew we could count on you, Yunyun!” “U-um, I’m sure glad I could help out my friends…!” Yunyun’s face shone with a smile. …I wonder what happened here. “All right, get to your seats, everybody! I’m going to take attendance!” The teacher arrived before I had decided whether to ask Yunyun what was going on. After roll call, the teacher wrote a magical incantation on the blackboard. It took more than skill points to learn magic. First, you had to learn the entire chant or incantation for the spell you wanted. And unlike basic magic, which hardly had incantations, learning the words to invoke advanced magic took some real time. As for me, the head of the class, though, I had already learned all the relevant chants. And so had the class’s second-best student, Yunyun, who was sitting beside me, as bored as I was. I decided to pester her a little. Did something happen with Funifura and Dodonko yesterday? I wrote on the edge of some notebook paper. Then I balled it up and flicked it over to Yunyun’s desk. Yunyun read the note, then wrote one of her own and sent it flying back: Sorry, friends can’t reveal their secrets to their rivals. ………Now, that ticked me off. For a girl who never had a friend her entire life, a couple of days with some new besties have sure made you feel self-important, I wrote. Look who’s talking, Megumin—you aren’t exactly swimming in friends yourself, she sent back. I glanced in her direction and found her smirking triumphantly at me. ………… So you made some new friends… Now I see why you stopped challenging me. As happy as I am that you finally have someone to care about, the flip side is I’ve become a bit lonely… Wait—I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay? That’s not what I meant by not challenging you! It’s just that a lot happened yesterday, and I wasn’t really feeling like it…! Please, please, you mustn’t worry about me. But whatever I may have said, I actually quite look forward to our morning battles, you know. And not just as a source of free lunch. I’m sorry! Really! That’s really, really not what I meant! I enjoyed our battles, too, and I even enjoyed making your lunch every day…! …It is enough for me just to hear that from you. If only we weren’t rivals, I truly think we might have been excellent friends. ……… After I sent that note, Yunyun stopped answering. When I glanced over, her face was bright red, and she wasn’t writing anything. If I squinted, though, I could just make out what was on her paper. Megumin, someday I hope we can be…fr She seemed to have stopped right in the middle of writing. Inspired by the sight of her, I jotted one more note and sent it flying over, making sure it landed where she would notice it. The red-faced girl snapped her head up suddenly when she saw it. Her eyes were swimming with expectation and maybe hope as she opened the note…! …Wow, I really had you going there, huh? Dummy! Yunyun kicked back her chair, jumped up, and attacked me, weeping all the while. 12 Yunyun and I were still arguing in the courtyard in front of the school. “…Goodness. I have never met someone so oblivious to a joke.” “Joke, indeed! I’ll never forgive you! Never!” Thanks to Yunyun’s tearful lunge at me, we had been kicked out of our previous class and had spent the entire period standing out in the hallway as punishment. Now it was gym class, and we were allegedly practicing for battle. “You there! Quit jabbering, unless you want to spend this hour standing around, too. I don’t care how many incantations you’ve memorized—I don’t want you interfering with the other students’ learning. Twenty points off for each of you! …Okay. It’s time to practice your fighting skills, girls. But our training today is going to have a twist… You two, the ones having a staring contest over there! I have a question for you. What’s the most important thing for surviving combat?” Yunyun took a step forward. I could tell, though, that she was still intensely aware of me. “Friends, sir!” she said. “If you have friends, your chances of survival increase dramatically! Not including so-called ‘friends’ who are so dumb that they don’t understand there are some things you don’t do even as a joke!” …C-curse that girl…! “Hmm… Next, Megumin! What do you think is the most important thing for surviving combat?” “Firepower, sir! Enough firepower to blow away the enemy and any lonely milquetoasts who parade around blathering about friends! Strength! Overwhelming force! I seek to become a proud, independent wizard, rather than to go around scrounging for ‘friends’ and ‘companions’!” “Grrrr…!” Yunyun was once again looking at me through tears. The teacher crossed his arms and nodded, considering our answers. ““How many points, sir?!”” we chorused. “Three points each,” he said. “I’m disappointed! I’m disappointed in both of you! Sit down and listen up! …Pfeh!” And then the teacher spat! Ugh! I was even angrier with this teacher than I was with Yunyun! We seated ourselves formally on the ground as instructed. The teacher ignored our furious shaking and bellowed, “Arue! I’m sure you know the answer! Unlike certain so-called Crimson Magic Clan folk who have nothing but grades to boast of!” So-called Crimson Magic Clan folk! Yunyun and I both ground our teeth. At length, Arue took a step forward. Then she flipped up the patch covering her eye and— “It’s the prebattle speech, sir. If you get that right, then you could be fighting a million-man army with only a radish for a weapon and emerge victorious. Otherwise, even if you were the almighty Demon King, you will be more likely to die if you exclaim, ‘Let me give you one final gift on your way to hell!’ or ‘Your chances of beating me are a measly 0.1 percent!’” “Full score! You’ve got a skill-up potion coming your way later! I assume you’ve memorized the Clan’s Famous Quotes for Not Dying? All right, everybody, pair up and practice your speeches!” Everyone started pairing up with their favorite classmates. There was just one problem: This class had eleven people in it. I had cut gym before, so we’d had an even number, but I didn’t feel like trying to play hooky today. I hauled myself up off the ground and turned to Yunyun, who was still sitting beside me. “…Yunyun, let’s work together. I assume Funifura and Dodonko will pair up anyway. Come on—that would make you the odd one out, wouldn’t it?” “…Fine, Megumin, let’s work together. Just don’t think this is going to stop at some speeches!” It looked like we both had the same idea. “Teacher, we’re going to have one extra. Could you work with me?” “Fine with me, Arue… Okay, everyone, get started!” So while our classmates had friendly face-offs, Yunyun and I alone confronted each other with utmost seriousness. “It looks like the time has come to settle this,” I said. “I place my faith in this: that she who has put in the hard work shall at last emerge victorious. I come from nothing, but I have taken my journey one step at a time… Against you, the chief’s daughter, born and raised in luxury, I cannot lose! I shall prove that it is not background or even talent but sheer tenacity that wins the day!” “And me, I’ve never defeated you even one single, solitary time… But even if my chances of beating you may be virtually nothing…as long as they aren’t absolutely nothing, then I will never give up!” Thus, we both announced our unshakable resolve. And then… ““………”” Then we just stood there silently, looking at each other. “…What was that? That’s unfair, stealing the hero’s lines like that! Now I practically feel as if I will lose! What happened to all your talk of friendship? Say something more along those lines!” “What about you, Megumin? After that whole speech about firepower, you can’t say something more villainous? What was all that about hard work anyway? You’re practically the picture of the gifted genius! And that was a low blow, bringing my family into it!” The prebattle speech allegedly improved one’s chances of victory. But this time-tested secret technique of the Crimson Magic Clan didn’t mean anything when your opponent was another Crimson Magic Clan member…! “I have had enough of this! Is this combat training or not? Let us settle this with our fists! Then there will be nothing more to say!” “Sounds good to me! But do you really think you can win, Megumin, being so much smaller than I am? I’m warning you—your little tricks won’t work today!” And then Yunyun tried to get the upper hand by striking first! She launched a gentle kick at my midriff to keep me at bay. It also allowed her to judge the distance between us; then she planted her feet and kicked off the ground…! “Mrrrow!” The voice from my midriff froze Yunyun in mid-leap. Okay, so it wasn’t technically from my midriff but more like from my clothes. Ink had burrowed into my robes and was mewling at having been kicked by Yunyun, however gently. “Oh… Ohhh…” The moment Yunyun realized what had happened, she was in a complete tizzy. “What’s wrong? You look so confused. If you’re done attacking, then I shall take my turn!” I slid closer, but Yunyun backed away anxiously. “No, wait! Please wait! Don’t hold Ink! Then I can’t attack you!” “What will you do now, Yunyun, with all your talk of friendship? Friends don’t always just help you in the heat of battle, you know. Sometimes they serve very well as hostages or to get you in trouble! As for me, I’ll happily blow away friend and foe alike with my firepower! Come on—attack me if you can! If you can kick this cat, whom you named, then kick away!” “You’re the wooooorst!” 13 On the way home, after I had defeated Yunyun in our little contest. “Megumin, you’ve never once fought fair in one of our competitions!” “And here I thought we agreed to let things go after that battle. You certainly are one to hold a grudge, Yunyun!” Personally, I was trying to go home by myself, but Yunyun, on the pretext that it was dangerous until the Dark God was sealed back in its tomb, insisted on following me, arguing the entire time. “Anyway, it’s your refusal to tell me what went on with the girls that has me bent out of shape. Was it that embarrassing? Surely you could at least give me a hint?” “It—it wasn’t embarrassing! And no, I couldn’t. I refuse to reveal someone else’s secrets! Friends have to be able to trust each other!” How naive this girl was. I could safely declare: In the future, Yunyun would definitely fall in with some worthless man. I would have to make sure that didn’t happen. “…Very well, then. But, Yunyun—and I mean no disrespect to your friends when I say this—I haven’t heard very good things about them, you know? I don’t know what’s going on, but I think a little skepticism would do you some good.” “You’re too suspicious, Megumin. Whatever happened to you to make you doubt people?” “Doubt is the first thing you must do in a family situation like mine. Living on a razor’s edge as we do, if you get taken in by some scheme, the entire household could find itself on the street before you know what’s happening. Why, just the other day, my sister tells me, some shop owner came by claiming that my father’s worthless magical inventions were all brilliant. Can you believe it?” “W-well… I have to admit, even I think that’s probably a scam…” This amounted to a tacit admission that Yunyun agreed that my father’s ideas were junk, but that was a sting I would just have to take. Consider, for example, a magic scroll, which, when read aloud in a dark place, would light up the surrounding area. It sounds very convenient. But how can you read the scroll if it’s already dark? And it turns out that if there’s even the slightest light around, the scroll won’t work. It makes no sense. That wasn’t all. There was the potion that exploded when you opened it, the potion that exploded when it was subject to any kind of impact, and other completely unfathomable creations. It’s wonderful to make a living from your passion, but it would be even better to make a living at all. …Then again, as someone eager to learn Explosion, which was widely regarded as a parlor trick, maybe I wasn’t one to judge. Finally, we got within sight of my house… “…Let me tell you, I think perhaps you needn’t worry so much about having absolutely no friends at all. You might be surprised. Maybe there’s someone around you right now who understands you better than you think.” Such was the advice I delivered to the befuddled Yunyun before going home… …or trying to, whereupon I noticed a suspicious-looking man loitering in front of my house. “H-hey, Megumin, who’s that?!” “He’s trying to look in the windows, it seems. It must be some stalker who… Hmm?” I knew that man peering into the windows of my house. It was Bukkororii, the cobbler’s son who had too much time on his hands. If he had some business with me, he should have just boldly announced himself. “What is it you’re doing there?” “Yipes?! Oh, uh, Megumin… Great, I’ve been waiting for you. There’s something I wanted to ask you about. But look, it’s already late today… Tomorrow’s a holiday, so there’s no school, right? So how about tomorrow morning…? Well, if possible, I’d like to have Yunyun come, too. I absolutely need the perspective of some young women on this.” He scratched his head in embarrassment. Yunyun and I looked at each other… “I’m hooome!” “Welcome home, Sis!” Komekko came sprinting into the room, feet pounding. “Are you hungry?” I asked with a smile. “I shall make something for you right now.” Komekko, though, shook her head. “I’m not hungry. I had lots to eat.” …Lots to eat? We didn’t have lots to eat anywhere in our house. I would have found this pronouncement thoroughly unsettling had I left Ink at home that day, but she was riding safely on my shoulder. Perplexed, I headed for the kitchen… There, I was struck dumb by a huge pile of food. Vegetables, fruits, sweets. There were even some toys mixed in. “Tell me: Where did you get all this?” At that, Komekko gave me a very serious look. “My name is Komekko! She who is entrusted with watching the house and slyest demon of the little sisters of the Crimson Magic Clan!” Then she struck a pose. This girl has a bright, bright future ahead of her.