Chapter 15

“…and then you told her that if she didn’t want you to reveal her most embarrassing secrets, she had to do all the naughty things you told her to!” “We did not! We did no such thing!” “Why would we even do that?! Who do you think we are?” My little joke had turned both their faces bright red. “Look,” Funifura said, “I just… I just borrowed a little money from Yunyun. The truth is, my little brother, he…” “Yeah, that’s right. Funifura’s little brother is super sick, and he needs medicine. We couldn’t come up with the money on our own, so we asked Yunyun.” “My, what a dire predicament… But how very aloof you are. If you were in such dire straits, you should have told me.” ““Huh?!”” They were very surprised at my proclamation. “What? Are you amazed that I would offer to help someone in need? Or are you trying to pick a fight with me?” “W-we’re not…! We’re not picking a fight with anyone, but look. You… You’re, like, super poor, aren’t you?” “Totally poor. No matter how badly we needed money, we could never come to you, Megumin.” “I’ll kill you both.” I started swinging my bag, ready to attack, but they both just frowned. “S-so how did you think you were going to help us?” “Yeah, that’s right! You’re so worked up about this, are you actually going to lend us money or something?!” “I could never. Who do you think you’re talking to? You must consider whom you are asking.” ““Wh-why, you…!!”” Veins were bulging out of their foreheads, but I hadn’t really been teasing them. “Now, now, calm down and listen. You want money for medicine. In that case, I need only bring you medicine, even if I have no money. Is that right?” “Wha…? I mean, yeah, but…” “Do you know how to get medicine?” I gave them a knowing smile. “Just leave it to the greatest genius of the Crimson Magic Clan,” I declared, full of confidence, but they just looked at each other, worried. 5 Hmm. Despite what I had said to the girls, I had no idea how to get medicine for them. Maybe I could take Komekko to the drugstore and have her beg for some? She was so sly, it might just work. “Ink! Hang in there, sweetie! What happened?! Why are you in such bad shape?! Megumin… Don’t tell me you forgot Ink was in here and swung your bag around on the way to school?!” In her seat beside mine, Yunyun was clutching Ink and making a huge fuss, but I let it wash over me. I tried to think of a way to craft a sickness-healing potion. At length, our teacher came in, looking listless. We all took our seats, just as usual… “Ahem. I believe I’ve told you that the resealing of the Dark God would take place tonight. I don’t expect there’ll be any problems, but you never know for sure. I’ve been saving a special something just in case the resealing fails, and I’ll be waiting with it at the ready—though I hope I won’t have to use it. And I doubt I will, since the projected success rate of the ceremony is better than ninety percent. Yes, I would certainly rather not have to use it…” If there was a more obvious setup for failure, I did not know it. I watched him—he seemed oddly fidgety—and started to wonder if in fact he wanted the ceremony to go wrong. Then he would have a chance to use this thing he seemed so intent on bragging about even though no one had asked him to elaborate. “Anyway, on that note. Today you should go straight home, no detours. And once you get home, stay there for the night. Now, first period is Magical-Item Crafting. Everyone, head for the laboratory! Get going!” Everyone started bustling out of the room…and that’s when it hit me. Magical item crafting…! The laboratory was situated beneath the school building. Was that because we were handling dangerous chemicals and potentially explosive substances? No. It was because the builders just figured an underground laboratory was the obvious place for a wizard to do their bizarre experiments. We could sit in any open spot in the laboratory, but I was always in the front row. The teacher came up to the lectern, scratching his head. “All right, we’re going to get started on magical item crafting here. The creation of magical potions and items is an important source of income for us wizards, so it won’t hurt you to pick it up. Now……Megumin, I like your attitude, but don’t get too far ahead.” “I’m sorry, sir. This is my favorite class.” The teacher gestured at me to move back a little from my front-row spot, then picked up a bottle. “Now, I know we’ve been over the basics before, but they’re important. Let’s start with a simple healing potion and… Megumin, you have your hand up. Got a question?” “Please skip these cheap consumables and teach us to make something harder and more lucrative, sir.” “All right, you’ll be my assistant for this class. I’ll work you like a dog, so you’ll stop mewling like a kitten.” No fair! I trudged around, helping the teacher as he went through his explanation. “Okay, everyone pick your favorite ingredients and get to work on a potion. If you succeed, you can start adding some personal touches. Remember, the proportions can change the potion’s effect. Make something that’s uniquely yours.” When I had finally finished passing out tools and materials to my classmates, my mind went back to my original objective. “Teacher,” I started. “I have a question. Do you think I’m capable of creating a sickness-curing potion?” “Something to cure illness? It’s not impossible, but those aren’t easy potions. And just so you know, the materials tend to be expensive, and they don’t sell well. You aren’t going to be making a profit on them, okay?” “I understand how it is that you see me, sir. This is not about money but about helping someone I know who is ill. I’d hoped I could do something for them.” The teacher scratched his chin. “…If that’s what you’re after, then go ahead and use our materials. Here’s a recipe—take it… Gosh, to think such a freewheeling, money-grubbing, totally-ruthless-and-able-to-kill-a-monster-without-hesitating person as you had a real heart.” “Now I really and truly understand how it is that you see me, sir.” Privately vowing to pay this teacher a little visit after graduation, I glanced over the recipe and started gathering my materials. Fire Drake’s liver, mandrake root, Duxion’s… “Megumin, what are you going to make with those ingredients? Hey, what happened to your healing potion? Ink’s looking pretty low; we should give her something…” Yunyun had looked over anxiously in my direction, observing me putting something together. “This is a secret between a friend and me, so I can hardly tell you, my rival, what I am doing.” “Hey! Wh-whatever! What, are you getting me back for not telling you what I talked to Funifura and Dodonko about?!” I ignored Yunyun, throwing the very expensive collection of ingredients into a mortar. “Fine, I’ll help Ink myself…!” Finally, I glanced over at Yunyun. Ink, still looking limp and tired, was on her desk, and Yunyun was struggling to make a healing potion. “Our household follows a high-impact educational model, so please do not baby our pet too much.” “Putting her in your bag and swinging her around isn’t high impact! It’s cruel! She’s just a kitten! You should be more careful with her!” Yunyun was acting awfully short-tempered as she patted Ink. Despite her protests, I had a feeling this cat could not be done in so easily. She climbed all over people and was all-around brazen, not to mention that as she was a kitten, she could and would eat anything. But there was something rather un-catlike about her. Maybe she was just adapting to the unforgiving conditions of my house? “Well, whatever. Let us make potions! Observe my magical skill! I shall strike down illness with a single blow! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…!” “Whatever you’re making over there, it’s not a poison, is it? You’re making something that’s good for people, aren’t you?! I heard something about striking things down in a single blow!” Yunyun frowned in distress as I began the process of crafting my very difficult potion— First, powder the dried Fire Drake’s liver. Then, take the mandrake root (full of vitality) and… “Eek! There are specks of fire coming from Megumin’s bowl! Megumin, what the heck are you making?!” “Yikes! The fire’s coming over to me! Argh, it’s spreading! Teacher, Teacherrrr!” “Create Water!” someone shouted—a shout I ignored as I grabbed a cleaver to chop up my mandrake root… “Hey! Some of the mandrakes are running away! Who’s even using mandrakes?” “…?! Uh, that plant that’s catching your cleaver in its hands, Megumin… That’s a mandrake, isn’t it…?” I heard the question, but I was busy subduing the surprisingly resilient mandrake; eventually I managed to chop it up and put it in my pot… But there was still more to do. I had to catch the mandrakes that had escaped… “Hello. I think I’ve got something of yours. I don’t know what you’re making over here, but it sure looks interesting.” Arue had one of the mandrakes by the leaves; she flipped up her eye patch with one finger and handed the plant to me, grinning. “I am making a very difficult sickness-curing potion. Have you finished with your own potion, Arue? If you’re not busy, I would appreciate some help.” “Fine by me. Let’s see, we can start by chopping this guy up…” “Excellent, Arue, hold him down so he can’t resist! He is a plant monster; you need not feel bad for him! Grrr, stop resisting! You want me to get out the vegetable grater?” Arue helped me with the potion; Yunyun, meanwhile, watched us struggle at our work, her face pale. “Aww… Ahhh-ah-ah…” Her face was streaked with tears. I could feel her watching me as I safely finished off the mandrake and went for my final ingredient. The Duxion is a duck-like monster, rare and quite cute, that always carries with it the onion that serves as its main source of food. And I needed it…! “I won’t let you do it! I won’t let you go any further!” Yunyun exclaimed suddenly, grabbing my hand. “What are you doing? Please don’t interfere with my potion making.” “But! But! D-D-Duxions are just so cute…!” She shook her head, tears flying. Somewhere along the line, the other students had started to look like they were going to break into tears, too, and I had become the center of attention. As had the Duxion, which looked at me curiously with its moist eyes. It was cute, I had to admit. But even so… “Yunyun, as cute as it is, it’s a monster, remember? The world is full of monsters that look harmless but are in fact deadly. Why, we have the Leisure Girl right here near our very village, don’t we? A monster that evokes a powerful protective instinct in its victims so that they can never leave its side and are forced to dote upon it until the end of their days. However sweet a monster may appear, one must not hesitate to destroy it.”