Let me tell you about Soketto, I can tell you because Soketto and I are so close, see? Soketto wakes up at seven in the morning, that’s a great, healthy habit, and after she puts her sheets in the hamper, she starts making breakfast, which is udon every single morning, so I’m like, does she like udon that much? And while she’s waiting for the water to boil, she brushes her teeth and washes her face, that’s really efficient, don’t you think, like, she’s as pretty as she is smart, and Soketto is really, really smart. After she eats her udon, Soketto washes the breakfast dishes and the dishes from last night’s dinner at the same time, see, so she can let the dinner utensils soak overnight every night because she is so smart, and I’m sure she’ll make someone a great wife someday, and then Soketto takes a bath—she takes a bath first thing in the morning, she must really love to be clean, because she takes one at night, too, and that must be why she has such nice skin, and then when she gets out of the bath, she puts her clothes in the hamper and then, and listen up, because this is the important part, then she does the laundry right away, which is a real problem for me because—well, uh, no, it’s not really a problem, it’s just—it’s no problem, because I never do anything creepy, and then after she does the laundry, Soketto takes a little walk, which is really healthy, huh? And after walking around a bit, she comes back to the shop, and you girls know what happens after that, how she starts by cleaning—she must really love to be clean, in fact she seems really good at all kinds of housework—and then after some cleaning, she goes back in the shop and doesn’t come out again, which is too bad, plus I’m sure she must be bored in there, seriously, if I had the money, I would go there every single day, then after that if there are no customers maybe she gets bored, because she comes out and does a little light stretching and peeks this way and that like, Are there gonna be any customers today? and it’s just adorable, it’s totally against the rules the way she’s not just pretty but cute, too, have you seen how cute Soketto is? And then she closes the shop and goes off somewhere, just leaves the store, and I love how she’s lackadaisical like that, like some people might say she was being too free, but after all, I’m a NEET who’s always propounding freedom and I think that would make us perfect for each other, and so but anyway, by now I think we’ve got about two more hours until she comes back, and I don’t mind waiting, but what about you, what do you want to do?
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Bukkororii performed this info dump with his eyes sparkling. “Y-you sound like you’re watching her every waking moment; it’s most unsettling… How come you know so much about Soketto?” “Aww, I just come here to check things out whenever I have a few minutes to spare. And not to brag, but I have the most minutes to spare of anyone in the village.” That really wasn’t anything to brag about. But wait… “Y-you’re just a stalk—” “Careful, Yunyun. You may be the chief’s daughter, but I won’t let even you finish that thought.” If I attacked from behind, we might be able to bury him right here and now. It might be for the best. “In any event, without Soketto, there is nothing for us to do here. I believe we should call it a day…” Yunyun nodded emphatically. “Don’t worry—I think I know where she went,” Bukkororii assured us with confidence. “Well, I’ll be. You were right.” “Yeah…” I wasn’t sure whether to be glad we had found Soketto or to report Bukkororii to the police. Bukkororii had led us, mixed emotions and all, to the general store, where we found Soketto looking at the items for sale at the front. “See? I can come through when it counts. Finding out where she goes when she leaves the store? Child’s play.” Staaaalllkeeerrr… “…Whatever. This time she’s outside, so it will be less suspicious if we stop to talk to her. Yunyun and I will try to ask casually about her type. Let’s go, Yunyun. I need someone to help gin up a conversation.” “Okay. Let’s just ask and get this all over with.” Yunyun, looking immeasurably tired, went into the general store with me. “Oh, Yunyun,” I said. “Look at this. Is it not adorable?” “Y-yeah, it’s so cute! I’m sure if you gave it to the person you liked, he would… Huh?! W-were you talking about this thing?! It’s a wooden sword with a dragon carved in it!” Whereas I had found the perfect conversation starter, Yunyun had to go and mess it up. “Yunyun,” I snarled under my voice, “I need you to play along!” “But you have the weirdest tastes, Megumin! How am I supposed to play along with that?” As we had a whispered argument, Soketto turned to us. “Oh my, isn’t that cute? The dragon carving is wonderful! I think it would look great on you, hanging from your hip as you went around town.” “What?!” Yunyun almost choked. “I completely agree. It combines practicality and adorability… Incidentally, Soketto. I wish to ask completely casually, what is your t—? Wh-what are you doing, Yunyun?!” I had been just about to imperceptibly shift the topic to Soketto’s preferred type when Yunyun grabbed my arm and interrupted me. “There was nothing casual about that! And what am I, crazy?! Am I the crazy one here?! There’s no way anyone could consider that sword cute!” “You have always been crazy, Yunyun, such as how you gave my cat the bizarre name Ink… Yipes!” As we resumed our whisper fighting, Soketto finished shopping and left the store. “How could you have done that? Things were going perfectly!” “But—! But—!!” Now we were just fighting—we no longer had to whisper—when along came Bukkororii. “What the hell are you two doing? Soketto just left!” “Do not blame me; I was just about to strike the coup de grâce when I was rudely interrupted… And another thing: How can someone who walks around armed with a dagger every day possibly dislike a wooden sword? But enough talk—we must be off!”