“Good morning, Kunugi-kun,” said Kiryu. “I have to admit, I was so certain you’d be late that I couldn’t believe my eyes for a moment when I saw you.”
“Funny, considering I thought I was hallucinating for a second when I saw you.” The fact that I’d been so distracted by Renge I hadn’t even noticed the other two walk in made me seriously worried that they might’ve witnessed something that could let them pick up on our relationship.
“Hmm?” Kotou glanced down. “Aren’t those the president’s high heels? Is she already here...?”
“Not even gonna try to pretend you’re happy about that, huh?” I sighed. “Also, thanks.”
“Why are you thanking her for something like that, Kunugi-kun?” Kiryu furrowed her brow suspiciously. I’d actually forgotten for a minute there, but it suddenly hit me that she was one of the very few people in the know about Renge being my second cousin.
It was probably pretty confusing to see me thank Kotou right after she made it clear that she wasn’t a fan of my relative. Truthfully, I was just thanking her because her comment had cleared things up for me: she wouldn’t have reacted like that if she’d already seen Renge, so I knew for a fact that she hadn’t witnessed anything unfortunate.
“I knew it—you’re the only one on my side, Kunugicchi! Not even Kyou-chan understands how I feel!”
“Huh...?” murmured Kiryu, still confused. “What do you mean by that, Kotou-san?”
“You don’t know what it’s like, Kyou-chan... You’re one of the big-boobied; you’ll never understand how we feel!”
“Hold the phone, Kotou!” I interjected. “You’re making it sound like I’m jealous of Kiryu’s huge boobs, and for the record, I’m not!”
“What?! But I thought we were comrades in the Tiny Titty Alliance!”
“I’ve never even heard of it! And guys have tiny titties by default!”
“You know you’re both sexually harassing me right now? Especially you, Kunugi-kun.” Kiryu glared at us, her gaze packed to the brim with utter and complete contempt. In my defense, A: Kotou totally started it and dragged me into this mess, and B: the real lewd element in the room was Kiryu’s boobs! The way she was crossing her arms over them to hide them just made them even lewder! I wasn’t being lewd at all, no siree.
“Oh, Tsumugi, Kyouka! Morning, you two—come on in!” called Kaito from the living room.
“Morning, Kaito!” replied Kotou.
“Good morning, Ayase-kun. Thank you for inviting me today, and thank you for allowing me into your home as well.” Okay, Kotou was one thing, but the way Kiryu greeted Kaito was transparently friendlier than how she greeted me! Like, c’mon, she’s gotta be a heroine after all, right? She’s an ice-cold tsundere-honor-student-class-president-type, right? With that thought in mind, I hung back and whispered into Kiryu’s ear as Kotou jogged into the living room.
“You know you can call him ‘Kaito-kun,’ right? He’s been calling you by your first name for ages!”
“What? Why would you bring that up now?”
“Just feels like it’s about time for you and Kaito to start getting closer to each other, y’know?”
“I know that it’s none of your business,” she snapped. Of course it’s my business! A best friend sidekick’s primary responsibility is to gauge the status of the relationships between the protagonist and all his heroines! It’s literally my job! It was still absolutely none of my business in the way she meant the phrase, of course.
“And besides,” she continued, “if we’re going to talk about first names, wouldn’t it make more sense for the two of us to use them with each other first?”
“What, us? Nah, I think we’re good. I mean, ‘Kiryu’ and ‘Kunugi’ have a sorta catchy ring together, don’t they?”
“I have no clue what standard you’re judging that by...”
“They both start with K?”
“So do Kyouka and Kou.”
“Good point. You’ve got a good eye for these things, Kiryu.”
“Well, thank you for that, I guess!” she spat, seemingly irritated, then headed into the living room. I wondered for a moment what I might’ve done to piss her off, but quickly concluded that I’m so irritating in so many different ways that narrowing it down would be next to impossible, if I do say so myself. I should probably just be thankful she hadn’t smacked me.
Thus did our members gather and our study party commence! Being the exemplary students we were, the moment our scheduled start time arrived some of us sat down around the dining room table, while the rest sat at the smaller, shorter table by Kaito’s couch. Then we all spread out our textbooks and began poring over them. We were mostly self-motivated—we all studied for the tests we were the least prepared for, and if we had any questions, we had our resident teachers to turn to.
“Hey, Kyou-chan, i-it’s not like I want you to teach me how to answer this question or anything!”
“Please, please just ask me normally, Kotou-san.”
“Renge-san, I’m not sure I understand this part... Can you help me out?”
“Yes, of course, Ayase-kun.”
Kiryu and Renge, our resident honor students, could solve pretty much every problem we could throw at them. They weren’t literally teachers, of course, but that actually sort of helped. Learning from your peers makes it much easier to see from each other’s perspectives. From what I understood, a lot of students at our school would’ve paid good money to join in on one of our gatherings.
“Is there anything you’d like me to explain to you, Kunugi-kun?” asked Kiryu.
I hesitated for a moment. “Nope, not really. I’m good.”
“Oh, now isn’t that impressive,” chimed in Renge. “You might just be in danger of losing your position atop your grade’s test rankings, don’t you think, Kiryu-san?”
“I can’t rule it out. Even I have subjects I’m not entirely confident in.”
“I know you two’re messing with me! Cut it out!” Look, knowing what you don’t know yet’s actually pretty hard in and of itself! We who can’t can’t tell what we can and can’t do! Okay, this is getting obnoxious—moving on!
“But considering he’s refusing help on the whole,” amended Kiryu, “it seems safe to assume he doesn’t even know what he could use help with... If anything, he may very well end up being the lowest-ranking student in our grade.”
“Oh, my, that’s impressive!”
“That’s one word for it. We should probably leave it at that.”
There’s a one hundred percent chance that Renge’s “impressive” there was a sarcastic attempt to get a rise out of me. The first one was too, by the way. She just keeps taking provocative potshots, but too bad for her, ’cause I have absolutely nothing to fire back with, even if I wanted to!
“Anyway, Kunugi-kun, do tell me if you have any questions about anything at all,” said Kiryu, more seriously this time. “We organized this whole study party to help you out, after all.”
“About anything at all? Okay, I’ve got one! Kiryu-sensei, what’re your measurements?!”
“Die.”
“Die”? Oh, I get it; it’s code for something! Okay, I’ve got this—a normal die has six sides. Next up... Nope, that’s it, outta ideas. Come on, Kou, stay calm and think! There’s a hint hidden in there somewhere!
Kotou chimed in right around then. “That one was your fault, Kunugicchi. Straight-up sexual harassment. You really should just drop dead.”
“Oh, you meant that ‘die’?”
“What else could you have possibly thought she was talking about...?” Well, I didn’t think somebody would wish death upon me for asking for their measurements! If that were a capital punishment-worthy offense, then all the lingerie-shop workers, doctors, and talent scouts in the world would be wiped out! “Anyway, point is that was your bad. But on the other hand, Kyou-chan, you did say that he could ask you anything at all, and it’d be a really bad look if you totally refuse to answer! So how about you tell him your bust size and call it even?”
Oh, that sneaky little snake.
“W-Wait a second, Kotou-san?! You’re not serious, are you?”
“Just look, Kunugicchi’s all depressed now! He won’t be able to study at all at this rate!”
“B-BuT, sniff, sHe SaId aNYthiNg, sob, boo hoo.”
“You’re just pretending to cry, and you’re terrible at it.” Kiryu rolled her eyes.
“Sniff, nO I’M nOt, sob, I’m ReaLlY CryiNg, sniff, PLeAse bEliEVe mE.”
Renge chuckled. “Kunugi-kun, you sound less like you’re pretending to cry and more like you’re pretending to be a foreigner who doesn’t know Japanese.” Man, acting’s hard. The world of the performing arts is a deep one indeed. UnBEliEvAbLe.
“Okay, let’s put Kunugicchi’s super pathetic attempt at acting aside for now,” cut in Kotou. “You’re up, Kyou-chan! Bust size, please!”
Kiryu sighed heavily. “You can’t seriously think I’d say it here? Ayase-kun is sitting right there!”
“Wait, me?” Kaito’s eyes widened. He’d been quietly spectating from the sidelines up until that moment, but suddenly he was in the thick of it. I didn’t miss the way his gaze darted to Kiryu’s chest for a split second either.
“Oh, no worries there, Kiryu. Kaito’d love to hear all about it,” I helpfully added.