Chapter 8

1 …Things were going well. On the thief gang’s very first day, I had acquired a secret ba—I mean, a hideout to serve as our stronghold, as well as a powerful grunt for some muscle. Plus, just the other day, I succeeded in getting regular pocket mon—I mean, a regular source of income for the crew and added someone who could use Heal to our ranks. Honestly, I’d never expected it to go so well. Or rather, I had a hunch our gang would get bigger than I’d originally anticipated. The reason was that— “…Megumin, guess what, guess what! I sent a letter to the Axis Church headquarters about our thief gang. Apparently, they’ve been flooded with applicants. This might be a chance to expand our forces,” said Cecily, who’d cheekily brought her things and moved into Axel’s number one mansion with us. The priestess looked as if she thought she was the master of the place. “…Axis followers? Um, let me think on that just a bit.” Cecily lay about on the expensive-looking sofa she’d claimed. Something about her reminded me of Aqua. If all Axis followers were like this, I kind of wanted to deny them entry. “After I wrote saying it was comprised of only lolis, excepting me, apparently there was even a quarrel when Lord Zesta said he’d quit as high priest and join. If you’re ever in trouble, the Axis Church will always be there for you, see?” “Th-thank you. If anything should happen, then by all means.” A sudden wave of fatigue hit me, and it wasn’t just from my post-Explosion lack of mana this time. I sank my body into the sofa like Cecily. Yunyun, who was reading some letter, fidgeted while she said to me, “E-er, Megumin? I sent my dad a letter, too. I got a reply saying lots of people in Crimson Magic Village want in ’cause it sounds cool and fun…” “…No, everyone in the Crimson Magic Clan has the important job of watching the Demon King’s castle. To begin with, they are like an ace-in-the-hole fighting force for when the capital has an emergency, so they must not come to a place like this.” It wasn’t like the village wasn’t strong enough. Sure, they’d be perfect for invading the Demon King’s castle, but our enemies were just crooked nobles. Also, we were going to be chivalrous thieves, not burglars. “That’s true; I was just giddy about getting more companions. Well then, I’ll reply asking for help if we’re ever in trouble.” “S-sure, if that ever happens, then I suppose there’s no harm…” While I evaded the issue, the forever-alone girl smiled in delight, more about getting companions than anything else. I sure did have a feeling our gang would get bigger than I’d originally anticipated. Yes, and the reason was… “When I bragged to my father the other day about forming a group for justice, he said if we didn’t have enough hands, I could take as many skilled knights as we needed. He also said that should we need money, I was to take as much as I like! Boss, if you ever need help, please ask me anytime!” …Yep, things were going really well. But somehow, I felt like the gang was getting to be a bigger group than I’d envisioned. 2 And so. “I cannot exactly look over this entire list the three of you gave me. Actually, in numbers alone, this is already more than some knight or mercenary orders. We talked before about our goal being to help the Silver-Haired Thief Brigade from the shadows while they forge their own way regardless of the bounty on their heads, but the shadows can’t possibly hold this many people.” Having rested for a bit, my mana had recovered enough to move, and I glanced over the bundle of papers my followers had given me. It included Axis followers, Crimson Magic Clansfolk, and even knights and competent adventurers who were famous in the capital. Our goal was to be a small, elite thief gang, just like my idols. That wasn’t to say I had gotten cold feet from something that started on a whim getting out of hand so quickly. As I politely explained this, Yunyun got a silly grin on her face. “…Hey, if you have something to say, let’s hear it.” “I would neeever. I certainly wasn’t thinking that you always wimp out when things don’t go the way you plan, Megumin.” As I prepared an assault on the impossibly lonely girl who thought she knew everything about people, Iris interjected in a shaky voice. “Boss, I understand what you’re saying, but why don’t we at least let a few more people join? We have two wizards and one priestess. I can use my sword and magic, so I’ll act as an attacker for our party, but I would like at least one more fighter.” “It’s not like we’re going to go on a monster-hunting adventure, so we don’t really need to have a balanced party, you know? Actually, we already have more than enough power to raid a nobleman’s mansion anyway.” We had two Crimson Magic Clan Arch-wizards and even a super-overpowered princess who was the descendant of a hero. I wasn’t sure about the other one, but in the worst-case scenario, she’d help us plenty just by being there as a healer. Iris still looked troubled, however. “Er, why don’t we go on adventures sometimes? I’d like to have someone below me anyway. Forever being the grunt isn’t very…” “…Well, that lonely girl there seems to have a spark of hope in her eyes for adventuring, too, so I will think about it. Though, do you really desire a newcomer for such a silly reason? Oh well, I’ll promote you to being my left hand, so please be patient. By the way, Yunyun is my right hand. So congrats—you’re the number three in our lineup.” Left hand or right, they got neither pay nor benefits, so saying as much was free. Not to mention, there were only four of us, so being number three didn’t get you anything, either, but Iris was genuinely delighted. No matter how powerful she was, she was a kid, after all. Surprisingly, this girl might’ve been just as easy as Yunyun. “What about me?! Hey, Megumin, don’t you have anything for me?! Give me a title I can brag about to people, too!” This adult, who was sometimes more childlike than Iris, was the real problem. As Cecily shook me by the shoulders to and fro, I said, “You are the manager of the Axis Church’s Axel branch, aren’t you? Don’t you already have a good-enough title?” “Not like that! I’d also like something more, you know, like right hand, or left hand, or girlfriend, or lover, or husband, or wife, or anything is fine. I just want an intimate role!” “Some of those words don’t go with the others! …Well then, how about adviser? I’m sure you listen to confessions as a priestess anyway, so whenever we’re in trouble, we can come to you for advice… Advice…” Advice from her? “Why can’t you commit to your answer? Come to me for advice anytime you’re in trouble! I’m especially good at romantic advice! I mean, you’re going through puberty anyway, so it’s perfect, right?” Just when I was thinking how selfish an adult she was, Cecily suddenly said something intensely disturbing. Sometimes this person was—how to put it?—scarily on point. Struggling not to let on how startled I was, I said, “What are you talking about, Cecily? I am she who seeks to perfect the explosive path. I do not have a spare time to lose myself in something like love.” “That’s right, Cecily—when Megumin starts talking about love, you’ll wonder if a doppelgänger is impersonating her.” As Iris listened nervously to our conversation, Yunyun, who was clueless despite having been with me the longest, butted in with an unnecessary remark. …Sometimes this girl was—how to put it?—dumb. “Hmm. Recently, you seem vulnerable, or perhaps kinder or something… And once in a while, you get a look that makes me think, This girl’s in love.” I’d been looking down on her as an Axis follower, but maybe this lady wasn’t just some weirdo. “I was right; you have a love-like admiration for me, don’t you?! You’re a growing girl, after all; it can’t be helped. As far as I’m concerned, you can bring it on! By the way, how about you be the husband four days a week and me three days a week? If I had to choose, I think you’re better suited for the man’s role.” It seemed my fear that Cecily was capable of understanding anything was unfounded. With the words talking about love seeming to have grabbed her interest, Iris looked like she was itching to say something, but I wanted to avoid any further interrogation. “Back to what I was saying! …We have now acquired a hideout and a source of income. Next, we’ll recruit capable personnel. Right now, all we have are sideshows—pretty soon I’d like to get someone respectable.” “Wait just a minute there; I can’t believe the biggest oddball among us said that. I guess I’m all for getting someone respectable soon, though. Like, someone I could go out to eat with, outside of meetings like these—someone nice…” “An attacker, boss! Let’s get an attacker adventurer so we can go on adventures!” “According to my info,” Cecily started, “there are four filthy-rich young men in this town. It would be perfect if they were blond upper-class hunks, but if they seem like they’ll dote on me the rest of my life, I’m prepared to compromise.” Was it possible for the things they wanted to be any more different? Kazuma’s day-to-day leadership somehow started to seem really impressive. “No, let’s look for a Thief with good sense. We aren’t here to recruit friends, adventuring companions, or husbands. Right now, we’re all as far from being a thief gang as you can get.” “Eris followers call me a burglar sometimes, since I often snatch their supplies, so you could say I’m pretty well suited to a thief gang.” “You want to change jobs? I will take you to the Adventurers Guild and have you change classes for real, you know?” It was at that moment… “Speaking of blond upper-class hunks and personnel, have any of you heard? They say that in this town is a former nobleman of a neighboring country who now works as an adventurer.” …For some reason, Iris’s eyes had lit up when she spoke. Nobles generally had a lot of innate talent. Maybe not as much as with royals like Iris, but they actively incorporated the genes of so-called heroes into their bloodlines by giving over their daughters as concubines. “Former nobleman? I do not know why he is down on his luck, but he might have a bit of treasure hidden away. You have my attention.” Even Cecily appeared interested, though it was for a different reason than his potential or his talent. “This is quite a famous story among the royals and nobles of various countries: A boy from the lower nobility in a neighboring nation received the super-rare title of Dragon Knight, and at the youngest age ever. Showing magnificent talent as a member of that class, the boy was the best spearman in the kingdom. Dragons had loved him since birth, too, and he was sincere, faithful, persevering, and good-natured, a shining example of a knight. Naturally, he was the target of the affections of many young women as well, but… “It turned out that boy was appointed at a young age to be a bodyguard for a princess of that foreign country. No surprise that the princess, close in age, came to have feelings for him—anyone probably would’ve in that situation. However, the princess, being of royalty, already had a fiancé. Plus, she and the knight were of different social standings. The girl spent her days in joy and agony, unable to tell the boy her feelings. That boy, however, learned of her feelings by chance, and… “…while knowing it would cause great trouble, the boy set the princess on the back of a dragon and whisked her away. Despite a countrywide search, no trace of them could be found, but about one week later, the boy returned to the castle, princess in tow, and although he avoided the death sentence, they stripped him of his right to be a Dragon Knight and of his inheritance.” The rest of us, who’d been hanging on every word, exhaled deeply after Iris’s strangely moving story. “In other words, he was a useless boy who kidnapped the princess and threw away the high life? Everyone knows kidnapping princesses is the job of evil wizards and the Demon King—you can’t go taking another’s job.” “N-no! This is the beautiful story of a romance forbidden by social class, and him trying to honor the feelings of the princess despite that! According to rumor, the princess was the one who asked him to let her ride on the dragon’s back. I’m sure she said something like, If only we could keep riding far away together…while they were flying together!” “Ooh! What is that? That’s incredible! I-in other words, he threw away his honor as a national hero and then turned his back on a life of wealth so that he could grant the desire of the princess…?!” Yunyun was unreasonably excited at hearing Iris’s fantastical story.