Chapter 4

Ah, I get it now. This person is a weirdo. “C-Claire, you’re weirding me out! Still, I can’t believe you’d find me so easily… Anyway, I have something to ask! Can I stay at Kazuma’s mansion? Just for tonight?” “No.” Snatching Iris by the shoulders, as if to say That’s the one thing I can’t agree to, the attendant hugged the princess tightly, not allowing her to escape. “Let me go, Claire! If I don’t go tonight, he might get seduced!” “That’s great! A man like that deserves to be seduced, even henpecked! Now, Lady Illis, you will see what happens if you continue to whine!” the woman in the white suit shouted as she tightened her grip on the princess. “C-Claire? I can’t talk like this, so can you please ease up for now?” Ignoring her plea, Claire rubbed the tip of her nose on Iris’s hair and inhaled happily. “No. This is your punishment, Lady Illis. To make sure nothing like this happens again, I shall harden my heart, hugging and drawing you clo— Ow, ow! W-wait a second, please, Lady Illis! I’m sorry! I apologize for taking it too far, so please stop squeezing me so hard!” The blond girl retaliated by hugging back with all her might. Claire, whose body was making the sorts of noises it never should, freed herself and looked my way. “Long time no see, Miss Megumin. I am indebted to you for protecting Lady Illis. However, I will set up surveillance on the capital’s transport shop hereafter. As such, I am sure Lady Illis will be unable to come to town again. So please say your good-byes now…” Iris looked down at the ground, dejected and deflated. Judging by how upset Claire was, Iris really must’ve slipped away from the palace without permission this time. Palace security would probably tighten from now on, and with her unable to use the teleporter, our difference in status would mean we’d probably never see each other again. With a gentle nudge from Claire, Iris stood in front of me, looking like a kid who wanted to keep playing. In a voice only my underling—in her sudden kowtowing defeatism—would hear, I whispered, “Keep your ears open after you get back to the palace. I will send you a signal. Starting tomorrow, when you hear that sound, please come to the front gate of the capital, however you can.” It was just like we were making a promise to play together again. “Huh?” Lifting her head, the blond girl stared blankly, not seeming to understand what I’d said. “You may be a temp, but you are still a member of our thieving crew. Once you have joined, do not think you can leave so easily.” Hearing that, Iris’s face lit up. “Yes, of course, boss!” she said with a huge smile. “…Lady Illis, I don’t know what you’re whispering about, but I’m not letting you get out anymore, understand? I-it won’t do you any good to look up at me with a cute face like that! Come on—let’s go to the transport shop. Lain is likely to be in tears by now, looking for you in the capital.” Iris gave it her best, making all kinds of pleas, but Claire still took her away to the transport shop. “She’s gone…,” Yunyun whispered. “Yunyun. You learned Teleport, did you not?” At this, my self-proclaimed rival cocked her head slightly. “Huh? Ahhh, yeah. I finally learned it recently so that I could go home to Crimson Magic Village whenever, but…” “I see. Then I have a request for you. Let us go to the transport shop now. Then, after they send us to the capital, could you register that as one of your destinations?” “The capital? …I mean, that’s fine, but you aren’t plotting anything weird, are you?” Plotting? How outrageous. I was merely making sure we could meet with our grunt whenever we needed to. “Calling it ‘plotting’ is so rude. I am simply going to take a little trip to finish some errands. It is too bad about today, but our plans will have to be postponed. All right, let’s go!” “I don’t mind, but what’s that look in your eye, Megumin?! I’ve got a bad feeling about this!” …After teleporting to the capital from the transport shop, we went straight to the exterior of the front gate. “Okay, please register this area as a teleportation destination. I have something I need to do right now, so once you are finished, please come find me.” “I guess that’s okay, but what’s this thing you need to do? Does it have something to do with whatever you were whispering to Illis earlier?” Yunyun looked a bit anxious, but I just turned my back. I walked toward a hillock far from the gate. Yep, at this distance, the people of the capital shouldn’t be able to see me. I psyched myself up and began to chant a spell for the sake of my minion… “Hold on! Megumin, what are you doing?! You don’t mean to cast Explosion in a place like this, do you?!” I heard the voice of someone who had pursued me after finishing setting their teleport location, but… “Explosion——!!” I unleashed a satisfying Explosion, big enough to reverberate all the way to the palace…! 8 “…Hey, Megumin, starting today, I’m gonna call you the number one idiot of the Crimson Magic Clan.” “If you actually do, I shall call you the loneliest girl of the Crimson Magic Clan,” I said, having returned to Axel using Yunyun’s Teleport. “…I could just leave you somewhere, you know?” “Hey now, you will not get away with leaving me helpless in a busy place like this. What will you do if someone plots something devious, seeing me immobilized after using up all my mana?” Yunyun was carrying me home on her back. “Even in a town with as many weirdos as this, the only person I can think of who’s contemptible enough to molest you is Kazuma… Ow, ow!” At her unnecessary comment, I lowered my hand that was around her neck and squeezed her ample pectoral armor as hard as I could. “Still, I never would have expected it would cause that big a ruckus.” “Why wouldn’t you? An announcement came from the capital warning about an assault from the Demon King’s army. No matter how you look at it, that was entirely your fault.” “…Well, why not think of it as our thief gang’s flashy debut?” “That makes us more like terrorists! Hey, why don’t we disband already? If we keep screwing up, we’re probably gonna get an even bigger bounty than the Silver-Haired Thief Brigade.” I wouldn’t mind that, either. “Oh, I’m sure it’s fine. Besides, the capital denizens will get used to it—I will be doing this every day from here on, after all.” “Wait just a minute! Why is this the first I’m hearing of this?!” “Oh, we’re about to arrive. My mana has recovered a bit, too. You can let me down here.” “Hey, are you really going to do this again tomorrow? Count me out!” Ignoring my fellow Crimson Magic Clanner and her fuss, I headed for the mansion… “…I’m hooome.” “Welcome baaack!” Aqua called from the sofa when I returned to the manor. She was attentively feeding the yellow puffball on her lap. Just then, I heard angry voices from the kitchen. “…So your cooking isn’t exactly delicious; in fact, it’s mediocre! Leave the cooking to me, since I have the skill, and you can just clean up!” “…I have my pride as a woman, you know! If I lost in cooking to a man who lazes about all day, I wouldn’t be able to face the cooks who spent all that time training me when I was young! Just leave it to me—you go relax in the foyer!” It seemed they were arguing about whose turn it was to prepare food today. Thrown out of the kitchen, Kazuma came into the room, looking upset. “Oh? Welcome back, Megumin. Hey, listen, Darkness is whining again…” Kazuma complained as he sprawled himself out leisurely on the sofa. “You went and said too much again, didn’t you? …But more importantly… Er, let’s make tonight the night…” “S-sure. Tonight, we’ll do that. Yep, tonight’s the night for that.” Seemingly unable to come up with tactful phrasing other than “that,” Kazuma turned red and stood up. “What’s going on, you two? You’re acting strange. What’re you talking about?” “I-it’s nothing! It’s that thing, that one thing—this morning, Megumin said she was going to form a group or something! Speaking of, how did ‘that’ go?” Kazuma asked me, trying to change subjects as he panicked under pressure from Aqua. “It’s going surprisingly well. Along with acquiring a hideout today, I recruited two underlings.” “I see. That sounds fun. I’m glad. I often liked making secret bases when I was a kid, too. But if the neighborhood kids steal or destroy your spot, don’t make them cry by fighting back.” This guy! “What kind of person do you think I am?! Anyway, you will be surprised when you see our hideout. It is bigger than this mansion, you see. Plus, I have a new grunt who wields a holy sword and can use legendary-level magic. All in all, it was not a bad outcome for a first day. At this rate, the day we stand shoulder to shoulder with the Silver-Haired Thief Brigade cannot be far.” “I see; that’s great. With that holy sword and legendary magic, I bet you’ll get along well with your new friend. Just don’t go bothering anybody, all right?” Seriously, how rude can this guy be? Still, explaining that I’m talking about Iris is not an option… Oh well, surely there’ll be a chance to tell him about her at some point. While I pondered, Kazuma suddenly turned to Aqua. “Hey. I bought some quality liquor today, so feel free to have some. You’re always working hard at raising Emperor Zel, after all. So enjoy a bit of booze and take a break once in a while.” “Oh, what in the world’s gotten into you? Did you realize you’re always doing awful things to me and finally decided to repent? When you put it that way, I’ll gladly accept, but I’ll stay away from boozing today. I want Megumin to help me come up with a name for Emperor Zel’s future special ability. I’ll have to save the drinking for another time.” “Huh?! N-no, no! Wouldn’t it be better to think about a name after he’s actually learned a special ability? Megumin, you must wanna go to bed early after getting tuckered out from all the fun today, too, right? Right?!” Showing a bit of impatience, Kazuma’s voice grew shrill and vehement. …This guy really seems to think I was just playing around. I considered explaining to him what actually took place today, but as he wasn’t even in our crew, I decided not to tell him yet. Once our thief gang got much, much bigger, he’d no doubt beg to join. On that day… “You are right. I’m pretty tired. So once I have eaten, I will go right to bed. Let us fulfill our promise tomorrow.” “Huh?” I’ll tell him about the day I met that masked thief, too.