“By all means, let me in! Let me join the two of you!” Seeing Iris flushed and clenching her fists, as if something had pulled at her heartstrings, even Yunyun was forgiving about bringing Iris along. “Hey, Megumin, if she’s this enthusiastic, surely we can let her in? …N-not that I’m happy to have a kid my age as a companion or anything.” I wondered if we wouldn’t be hung the day word got out that we let the princess join such a dangerous group. Actually, the people who put the bounty on my beloved Silver-Haired Thief Brigade in the first place were close to this girl. “W-well, when you put it that way, I think it’s fine. However, as this is no game for us, either, I shall have you take the entrance exam. If I judge you to be deserving of admittance, in addition to having good marks, I shall bestow upon you the position of left hand to the gang leader.” “Hey, Megumin, just asking, but who’s the right hand? I’m just letting you put my name on the roster for numbers, you know? Don’t go making me part of the top brass without my permission, all right?!” Taking no notice of Yunyun and her cold feet, Iris’s face was sparkling. 3 …We stood on a familiar plain just outside of town. “A-are you okay, Illis?! That is a much bigger frog than we usually see around here!” We were trying to measure the girl’s abilities against Axel’s famous monster and our sworn enemy, the frog. “It’s fine! The royal family… I mean, the Chirimendonya clan is strong!” Was Chirimendonya the name of a clan like the Crimson Magic Clan? Iris drew the sword at her waist and took a combat stance against her fearsome opponent. “Exterion!” She swung with a shout, even though the frog was still quite a distance away. Her enormous and lavishly decorated sword, a weapon that didn’t match her petite frame in the slightest, gently cut through the air despite its large size, and… …the frog, which had been leaping toward us, abruptly fell to the ground in two halves. ““Wha—?!”” Yunyun and I blurted out. Iris sheathed her sword in satisfaction as we watched. “What do you think, Megumin? Do I pass the test?” “Huh?! …Ummm, this is still the first stage! The creature you defeated is a monster any adventurer with decent equipment can hunt! It is only natural for you to beat it in one hit, you see!” “You know you got eaten by one of those frogs…” Ignoring a voice from behind me, I decided to assign Iris an additional test… “…Exterion!” “Hold on now—what is that attack you keep using?! Do you not find it a bit overpowered?! How are the mighty One-Punch Bears the ones getting one-shot?!” Iris’s power seemed to have no limit, so I’d kept raising the difficulty level of the monsters for her to put down. “This is an attack only usable by those deemed worthy by the holy sword, which has been passed down in my clan for generations. It’s a special ability that can unleash a fierce slashing blow!” “Might that be what the hero was said to possess? The legendary—? N-no, let us not think too deeply about this.” The royal family was known for having had a powerful hero marry into their lineage, incorporating that mighty warrior’s strengths into the royal bloodline. Thus, a great training foundation was passed down to members of the ruling family, most of whom were already unfairly strong… “In any case, it is the weapon that is strong, right? My thief gang will get into some rough work, so we cannot let people in if they, themselves, are not up to snuff. What I want to see is your real power. Please show me that, at least.” “Hey, Megumin, isn’t Illis pretty obviously stronger than we are? Why don’t you just admit it?” Yunyun said as she tugged on my clothes. However, if I simply admitted that now, I’d be dishonored. “All right, I’ll go defeat that gaggle of monsters over there without using my holy sword.” Iris pointed her finger at a group visible in the distance while Yunyun and I whispered to each other… “Er, isn’t that a gaggle of goblins?! You must beware—monster types as tempting as that usually have a formidable Beginner’s Bane nearby…!” Even as I gave the warning, the princess was already stretching out her hand toward the group of creatures…! “Sacred Lightning Blare—!” At the same time Iris shouted, a blinding light flashed from within the middle of the goblin pack, unleashing streaks of white lightning that mowed them down as a violent gust blew forth…! 4 Arriving back in Axel, I clapped my hands together. “Okay, the first stage of testing is now over. I will admit you have somewhat decent-enough skill for a newcomer. Though, since we are a thief gang, we do not have much need for combat prowess. So power alone does not put you in our good graces.” “Come on, Megumin! That’s completely different from what you said before! What happened to ‘not letting people in who aren’t up to snuff because we’ll be performing rough work’?” Yunyun, who’d been somewhat in awe of Iris’s power, came back to her senses and scolded me. “P-pipe down. She passed the first test without issue, so what’s the problem?!” “You’re saying ‘first test,’ but there wasn’t anything like that for me, was there?! Anyway, this girl is obviously more powerful than—” “S-stop it! You mustn’t say any more; once you admit defeat, it’s all over!” To be honest, I’d underestimated the strength of the royal family. The power of the royal family and others of nobility was well-known, but I never would’ve thought it would be like this. Actually, maybe this girl should’ve been the one to go up against the Demon King. “But to also take out the Beginner’s Bane lying in wait at the same time, Illis really can use some incredible magic. Actually, even as a Crimson Magic Clanner, I’ve never heard of that spell before…” “It’s one of the spells passed down through generations in the royal family…I mean, the Chirimendonya clan. The magic emits lightning that conceals a sacred power. Apparently, it’s an original spell said to have been the legendary hero’s specialty.” The mystery surrounding the Chirimendonya family only kept getting deeper. “So what sort of test is the second one? I have confidence in my physical abilities, so I’ll take on any trial!” Seeing Iris so full of enthusiasm, I held my head, wondering what to do. I could imagine what an uproar there’d be if it got out that I had let the princess into my thief gang without anyone’s permission. To be honest, I’d meant to find some kind of fault to make her give up on joining, but… Just then, Yunyun suddenly offered an idea. “There’s no point in testing her strength anymore. Maybe an intelligence or street-smarts test would be better? Of course, Illis seems to have a good upbringing, so she’s probably academically gifted as well.” “That’s it!” I nodded enthusiastically at Yunyun’s casually uttered words. This applicant was a princess who’d had a gifted education. Thus, an academic test would be meaningless. Street smarts, however… “What is necessary for thieves is not power in battle. And a high IQ is good and all, but the most important thing is common sense! I shall test you, Illis, to measure how streetwise you are!” “Megumin, as someone so exceptionally lacking in such a thing herself—even in Axel—it’s a joke for you to measure someone else’s— Ow, ow!” As I was pulling Yunyun’s hair for her unnecessary interruption, Iris, who was somewhat hesitant, clenched her fists nevertheless. “N-no problem! Even I, having slipped away to explore the town like this, should have some decent street smarts by now! Don’t hold back—begin this test!” …To make a long story short, it went terribly. “Miss, that is not something you eat as is. You peel off the skin first and eat the inside.” When I had her shop around on the commercial strip, Iris stopped to bite into a freshly purchased mango as if it was her first time seeing unpeeled fruit. The blond girl blushed, embarrassed at the shop owner’s admonishment. Then she looked at me helplessly. I swear, this ignorant princess is so hopeless… “I cannot say I am surprised—after all, up until now, you have never eaten fruit unless it was peeled and served on a plate, right? I shall teach you what everyone here knows. When it comes to fruit, first you remove the skin. After eating the inner flesh, fry up the seeds for a snack. Later, you can boil and eat the peeled skin.” “You’re off, too, Megumin! Normally you just throw away the skin and seeds!” For a moment, my beliefs seemed about ready to crumble under Yunyun’s unexpected criticism. “Th-that cannot be. The seeds are just as delicious as sunflower seeds when you fry them until they’re nice and dry; and if you boil it slowly, the skin is edible, too! You were the biggest oddball in Crimson Magic Village, you know, Yunyun. I swear, kids these days, no common sense…” “Hold on a second, you! I’m pretty sure I’m the most sensible one out of all three of us, you know?! Speaking of, Illis, you can’t bite into that until you’ve paid for it!” “S-sorry! Someone in my entourage always went ahead and paid for me…!” An unexpected weakness of mine had been exposed, and I couldn’t afford to continue the trial like this. Hmm, Iris certainly is outstanding both in battle and in talent, but… “Hey, Megumin, I don’t know what you’re hesitating for, but why don’t you just let Illis join already? Not getting to be a part of things can hurt someone’s feelings…” “That is seriously depressing coming from you, so please stop! Fine, we will set aside this test. For now, we will call this a temporary provisional induction. We do not know what your attendants will say if they find out, after all.” Iris’s face lit up as I gave in to Yunyun. “Your temp status means that you are a grunt. You will have to do what I say as leader, okay?” Hearing that, Yunyun seemed to remember something. “Speaking of, why are you suddenly the one in charge? Not that I want to be leader, but as your rival, I don’t like you going and making me your underling like I lost.” “Look at this girl being a pain again. Is it not obvious that I am the strongest and most dependable adult among us? As such, I have to be the one to lead.” My two minions, seemingly unconvinced at my reasoning, both looked uneasy. “The royal fa… The Chirimendonya clan is strong. Would you like to try fighting me?” “Battle…might be difficult, but I’m the most mature among us, am I not? I have common sense, and I’m the tallest, to boot.” Good grief, I thought, shaking my head at the tiresome things my two underlings had said. “Getting worked up so easily like that sure is childish. Besides, obviously I am the most adultlike, don’t you think? After all…” A little while later. “I have asked a certain guy if he would like to come hang out in my room tonight, so.” I revealed the promise I’d made with a special someone just the other day. ““Whaaaaaaa—?!”” “Wai—! Wh-what are you doing—stoppit! Stop iiit! Please let me go; I shall have you stop pulling on my robe!” “Come on, Megumin, what do you mean?! That ‘certain guy’ is Kazuma, right?! D-do you mean to cross the line with him?!” “Ohhh, did you invite him to your room?! He’d probably jump on any invite he received. That is improper for a lady like you, Megumin. As his little sister, I cannot overlook such a debauched relationship!” The two girls had grabbed me. Pushing them away, I fixed my collar. “I am old enough to be married already. Anyway, we are a young man and woman living together under one roof, so surely there is nothing wrong with it at this point?” Hearing my carefree words and understanding the obvious difference in my status, the two of them were pale and shaken. “Well then, do you have any objections to my being leader?” 5 Having demonstrated my overwhelming superiority, I led my minions to our original destination… “I am begging you. Can you please do something?” “Impossible.” The landlord’s answer was immediate and cold. “What in the world are you unhappy with?! You mean to say you cannot trust me, who came to repel the Demon King’s many generals?! No other wizard is so deserving of deferred payment as I am!” “I’m telling you that it can’t be done, no matter what you say! You have no collateral, nor do you have the funds. Yet, you’re cheeky enough to ask to rent the largest building in town?! And while your party has had some success, you should realize that it’s also been selected as the group most likely to get wiped out!” “Wh-what?! Who could have made such an unfair evaluation?!” Having come to a landlord in Axel, we were in discussions to acquire a hideout. As you can see, however, we were being treated very unfairly. “In any case, thirty thousand eris is not enough for a security deposit. I have done this job for a long time, but this is the first time anyone has asked me to fork over the best building in town for such a price.” “Ugh… I guess I have no choice. This was my nest egg for emergencies, but…,” I said, adding onto the table my reserve of ten thousand eris, which the landlord flicked away with his index finger. “Hey, what are you doing to my savings?! I saved up very carefully for that!” “Upping thirty thousand eris to forty won’t change a thing! Please leave already!” Just then, as I was having it out with the landlord, there was a tug on my mantle from behind. “Hey, Megumin, don’t you think you’re being a bit unreasonable? I guess you were serious about creating a hideout or whatever. I’m all for the idea of having a place for all our friends to get together and relax, so let’s head back for today and think of how we can come up with the money.” I gnashed my teeth at Yunyun’s words, thinking about what to do. But then… “Excuse me… How much would it cost to rent the largest building in town?” Iris timidly asked the landlord, poking just her head out from behind us. “The biggest in this town would cost, ohhh, two million eris a month. Adding in the security deposit and such, I suppose it’d run around five million.” Five million… I gently pushed Yunyun toward the landlord. “…I will throw in the right to have this girl call you ‘sir’ every day, so can’t you lower the price just a little?” “Why do I have to do that?!” I took a defensive stance against Yunyun’s strangling attempt; then Iris tapped me on the back. “What is it, Illis? These are important negotiations here, so please stay out of the…,” I started. Then a gasp escaped me. “Um, would this be enough money?” Iris held out an incredibly high-value eris bill. Even the landlord was frozen at the sight. Yunyun’s face went stiff. “Th-that certainly would be enough money, but to lease the building, I would need a trustworthy guarantor who can vouch for you…,” the man said apologetically. Iris looked troubled. “Um, is this good enough?” she asked, taking a pendant out from between her breasts, and… “My sincerest apologies! For you, I will lease any number of buildings! No charge, of course! I will bring the key at once, so please do wait right there!” At the sight of the trinket, the landlord flew off in a panic to the back of the shop. Watching him go, Yunyun said with a nervous look, “…Hey, Illis, are you from a really prestigious family, by chance?” “…She is nothing more than a lowly grunt in our crew of bandits.” “Yes, I’m a grunt!” Yunyun was taken aback at seeing the blond girl so happy being called such a demeaning thing. “But you must be of high birth to have changed that man’s attitude, right? …Hey, Megumin, is it okay to involve Illis in these dumb games? Are we doing something incredibly stupid?” Her mouth twitching, my self-proclaimed rival only now seemed to have realized the seriousness of things, but it was too late. “Sorry to keep you waiting; here is the key! …I do look forward to your continued business with our realty office in the future, if you please.” With the same fervor as when he left the room, the landlord flashed a stiff smile. With key in hand, sweat ran down his face. “…Hey, Megumin. If I cause any more trouble to the police, I don’t think I’ll be able to look the other villagers in the eye…” “It’s fine; if anyone asks, we’ve been guarding Illis from danger. Nothing more, nothing less. Understand?” 6 There stood a large, splendid mansion in the first-class district near the center of Axel. Starting today, this building, which made my own mansion look like a regular house, would be our hideout. As Yunyun and I looked up at the enormous abode, we exchanged some muttered words. “…We need to decide on the name of our thief gang soon. Also, let us make this place the Axel branch.” “Hey, Megumin, exactly how big a group are you planning to make? I thought it was just going to be for pretend at first, but I’m a bit scared at how out of control things are getting.” I hadn’t expected things to go smoothly, either, so I was actually pretty flustered, but I couldn’t let them know that. Never would I have expected to get the best mansion in town on the day our band of crooks was formed. “What a big mansion! It might even be larger than my father’s summer home!” Ignoring Iris and her singularly out-of-place impression of the building, I opened the front door. Perhaps all nobles’ homes were designed in a similar fashion, as past the entrance was a great hall, just like my own. Although the landlord had cared for the interior well enough, there still wasn’t much in the way of furniture, with nothing more than a big sofa and table. Throwing my body upon the cushioned seat, I made a declaration as I lazed about. “Starting today, this is our secret base. Henceforth, everyone shall come here when we scheme, or discuss plans of action, or when we are bored and feel like it. I guess you could call it our hangout. You will each need to hold on to your own key.” At the word hangout, Yunyun’s eyes glowed red, showing her delight. Iris, whatever she was happy about, leaped impolitely onto the sofa with a huge smile on her face. Before long, Yunyun joined us, sitting on the edge with a relaxed grin. I sat myself up straight to address my underlings. “The hideout fell into our hands with unexpected ease, but connections and family power are also a kind of talent. Let us use what we can without reservation… Now, then.” I placed my hands on the table. “Okay, let us discuss our plan of action.” With those introductory remarks, it was here that I finally began my explanation to them… “…Now you understand. They are not lining their own pockets. Despite acting as chivalrous thieves, friends of the common man, they are being chased as criminals with large bounties on their heads. Nevertheless, they continue on for the sake of the world, for the sake of mankind! Even if no one knows of their actions or understands them, their struggle continues, even now!” “Amazing…! What brave and true people…! Megumin, I’ve made up my mind! Up till just now, I was reluctantly going along with what I thought was another silly game you started, but from now on, I’m serious about helping!” The part about “another silly game you started” gave me pause, but she was on board now, so whatever. Iris, however, had been quiet for a while at this point. When I looked over at her, she was trembling. “I—I…” “Illis? What on earth is the matter? Your face is red and your eyes watery…” Seeming to have not heard what I’d said, Iris struck the table with a bam and stood up. “I’m going to my father right now to whine until he removes the bounty on that thief gang! If that doesn’t work, then I’ll just go to Kazuma and dote on him!” “What is this girl saying all of a sudden?! Forget the bounty and whatnot—surely there is no need to dote on Kazuma!” With the way the conversation had been going, why in the world would she go and say something like that? “We can’t look the other way when a helpless girl is in danger, even if she’s a princess. When someone’s in trouble, we’ll sneak into any place, whether it’s a nobleman’s mansion or the royal palace. That’s how the Masked Thief Brigade rolls.” Yes, all I had done was teach her those words the masked man had said when I first encountered those awesome thieves. “Anyway, this is our objective moving forward. We are still only three people. With all of us being so young, even if we try to extend our territory and expand our forces, surely no one will take us seriously. Therefore, we must raise our fame gradually, gathering more intimidating and competent members. That way we can eventually stand shoulder to shoulder with the Silver-Haired Thief Brigade!” Having heard my impassioned speech, both my minions were likely considering who would be suitable as a member. “‘Intimidating and competent members’… The people I’m thinking of have the perfect image for being bandits or outlaws, but absolutely nothing good will come of that…” While Yunyun pondered and muttered quietly, Iris crossed her arms, looking troubled. “Er, Megumin. When I came to this town before, there was quite an outstanding individual who did a lot for me. Shall we invite them?” “An ‘outstanding individual,’ you say? I’m not sure what led to you meeting someone in this town, but what kind of person were they?” Iris cocked her head slightly at my question. “Their name was Hachibee, a cheery individual who spent most of the day laughing. They loved flattery and thoroughly complimented and doted on me. They said they would help out with anything for the right price.” “Listen, Illis, you need to cut ties with them right away! What I am seeking is someone who can sing and dance and fight—someone hilarious and extraordinary!” Well, we’d only just formed our righteous criminal group. It was pretty outrageous to expect more members right off the bat. We needed to take our time from now on to increase our membership. In order to put our original plan into action, I said, “For now, have a look at this, you two. Let us discuss tonight’s plan.” I spread out a map of the town on the table… 7 Our target was a certain nobleman’s second home. We watched as some soldiers guarded the front gate. “…Hey, Megumin. I was wondering this before, but are you an imbecile? How in the world did you get the best grades in the village?” Ignoring Yunyun, who’d been saying things like that for a while, I got back to observing the mansion. “The number of guards and the scale of the building… If I wanted, it would only need one hit with Explosion.” “Hey, Megumin, you ought to take the title of the Crimson Magic Clan’s number one idiot!” We couldn’t afford drawing the attention of the people in the manor, so I covered Yunyun’s loud mouth to silence her. Iris tugged the edge of my cape, looking uncertain. “Excuse me, Megumin…? I may not have much worldly wisdom, but even I can tell this is a bad idea. Why don’t we at least find some kind of evidence first…?” I smiled confidently to reassure her. “It will be fine, Illis. The Crimson Magic Clan is skilled in crafting magic items, and its members have this saying: ‘Make what you don’t have.’” “Wait a second! That’s not what that means!” Despite Yunyun’s reflexive criticism, I kept my eyes fixed on the target. “It’s fine, Yunyun; we have Illis. With her at our backs, we can never lose in court.” “You know, I was trying not to ask this, but I have to! Just who are you, Illis?! Is this perhaps something we shouldn’t be doing right now?!” My self-proclaimed rival was shouting something, but I just stared at the space above the manor, looking where best to center my spell. Then suddenly…! “Lady Ir…! L-Lady Illis, I finally found you!” From behind us, there came a voice on the verge of tears. Turning to look, we saw a woman dressed up in a white suit and wearing a sword at her hip. I could tell from the tears welling in the corners of her eyes and her shortness of breath that she must have been searching desperately for the princess. As I recalled, her name was Claire, or something like that. Anyway, that lady was serving as Iris’s bodyguard. “Claire?! H-how did you know I was in town?!” Iris stepped back, looking stunned, like she hadn’t expected to be found. “Do you know how long I have been serving you, Lady Illis? As a loyal attendant, I make note of every detail about you: how much you grew in a week, how many times you yawned in a day, and how many times you tried to put your green peppers off to the side at mealtime. Naturally, I know all about what you have been up to!”
Chapter 3
22 min read