Chapter 2

1 There was a town called Axel. It was a town where fledgling adventurers gathered to seek companions, and it was also a place famous for being very safe. I was at Axel’s Adventurers Guild when… “St-stoppp! What are you doing?!” Some completely undeserved abuse was being hurled at me. The Guild’s receptionist lady was holding the paper I’d posted on the bulletin board as she spoke to me. “What do you mean, ‘What are you doing?!’ This bulletin board is for adventurers to recruit party members. If you’re looking for playmates, go somewhere else!” “Playmates? How rude! This is a legitimate search for the most stalwart of companions—if you have a complaint about where I stuck the flyer, let’s hear it!” Demanding the return of my recruitment listing, I went off on the beautiful, well-endowed receptionist lady who was thrusting her breasts toward me quite ostentatiously. “The fact that you aren’t just playing makes it all the worse! I’m not complaining about where you put it! I’m complaining about the kind of people you’re recruiting!” Holding the piece of paper in front of me, she read aloud the words written on it. “‘Seeking Thieves. Only enthusiastic individuals unafraid to commit crimes to do what’s right. Main duties include assaulting residences of nobles…’” The nearby adventurers, who’d been listening, looked at me like I was a pitiful child. “…Fine. Truthfully, I wanted to limit it to Thief classes, but other classes can join, too. I’ll rewrite it.” “That’s not the issue! I’m asking you not to use the Guild’s bulletin board to recruit accomplices to crimes!” …It was back during the time of the Eris Appreciation Festival when I ran into the thief gang I had become so enamored with. There was the silver-haired leader, whose mouth was hidden behind their mask. With the leader was a mysterious man wearing a cool-looking domino of his own. Such an awesome disguise meant there was no way he was just some ordinary person. The silver-haired one, the boss, seemed pretty lively, I guess. They gave off the impression of being a trustworthy companion. What stuck with me was the other robber who hid his face. He wore a replica of Vanir’s mask. The guy looked really familiar. There was something about him that put me at ease, even though I had most definitely never met him before. Plus, he rolled with a bandit crew. He was a chivalrous thief and wore a mask. …I was in love. To bear so many traits that tugged at my heartstrings, this could not have been some common man. Truthfully, I wanted them to let me into their crew. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any thieving skills. “…And so, as a fan of theirs, I thought I would take it upon myself to make a subgroup and recruit people to assist in their righteous endeavors.” “If you form such a dumb party, I’ll put a bounty on you.” With the receptionist lady having confiscated my flyer, I surveyed the Guild Hall’s interior. If she wasn’t going to allow my recruitment posting, then I had no choice but to scout members myself. But the adventurers who’d been listening to our exchange wouldn’t look me in the eye. I approached a young guy nearby who looked like a Thief. I smiled as hard as I could to put him at ease. “You look bored, sir. Could I ask you something?” “Sorry, I’m busy counting the wood grains in the table. Ask me later.” I found myself grabbing on to him when he started making a show of counting the little flecks. “You were looking bored just a second ago. What is your problem?!” “Give me a break; don’t involve me in this! Why me, of all people, when you’ve got that guy you can use all you like?! He has Thief skills, doesn’t he?!” “Of course. He was the first one I asked. But he said he would come play when it was less hot outside. It seems he does not think I am serious about making a group to support the thief gang.” “Obviously. Anyone would think you were joking if you said you wanted to support crooks with bounties on their heads.” I pounded the table with a bam as he nodded at his own statement. “That heroic bunch is working day and night to save the future of mankind, even when others continue to bad-mouth them! It looks like I need to tell you all about that part first!” “Stop it—I don’t wanna hear about that, and I don’t want anything to do with you! Here, I’ll give you some peanuts to snack on, so go bother someone else!” …I do not understand. To think I would have to clear up society’s misunderstandings about them before I could even start to help those whom I admired so much… With a bowl of nuts in one hand, I munched idly as I surveyed my surroundings… Naturally, though everyone was averting their eyes, I sensed a look from behind me. When I fixed my eyes upon them, the person whose gaze met mine looked down in a panic, only to later glance up at me, as if in expectation. … “Miss Looks-Like-a-Thief there, could I ask you something?” “Hey, Megumin, didn’t we just lock eyes?!” As I called to a different young woman nearby, the look-away-glance-up-girl, also known as Yunyun, kicked her chair over and stood. “It’s so annoying when you stare like you want my attention even though you don’t come over and talk to me yourself! If you have something to say, just say it!” “Stop it! All right, I will, so stop pulling my hair!” As I grabbed at the ever-troublesome Yunyun, she twisted her face into a resolute expression. “I don’t know what you’re gonna do—I just thought I’d like to be a part of it…,” she said with unusual initiative. Actually, there had been rumors this girl was involved with some strange folks recently. Perhaps her involvement with those weird people had made this girl a little more assertive. However… “What are you talking about? You are already the subleader of my crew, you know. Your name is even on the list.” “What? I never heard anything about that! Wait, that’s what you’re doing? Inviting people to join some shady group?!” I found myself lashing out at Yunyun as she raised her voice in surprise. “What do you mean, ‘shady group’?! It is a pure, just, and respectable thief gang who steals for the sake of the world and its people!” “That makes no sense! I’ve got an awful feeling about this, so count me out!” As I was arguing with Yunyun, the woman I’d been trying to talk to left the Guild in a panic. I grabbed Yunyun by the hand as she attempted to flee, too. “You are a member of the Crimson Magic Clan—what are you afraid of?! I swear, everyone is on guard because of our spat just now. Look, do not stay there pouting; we are going into town to find some members! New members will also be your companions. Get it? You can make some friends.” “If you think I’ll do whatever you ask just because of the promise of new friends, you’re dead wroooong!” 2 “…Look, what about him? He looks like he would make a good bandit.” “Shh, Megumin, you’re too loud! He’s just a regular person who happens to look scary; he’s not an adventurer! Maybe that girl over there instead. She seems about our age…” “She’s even more of a normie. You know we are looking for thieves, not friends, right?” We were on Axel’s main street. Yunyun, who’d come along despite her griping, sat with me on a bench along the road. Together, we observed the people going here and there. Yes, this was so when we saw any talent who made us think This is the one! we could immediately recruit them. Right from the get-go, however, Yunyun’s opinions and mine were so different that we hadn’t been able to talk to anyone. “Ah, what about that girl? I can’t see her face under the hood of her robe, but she looks around our age. That sword she’s wearing means she’s not just a regular person, right?” As she spoke, Yunyun pointed at a petite young woman wearing a drab mantle. I couldn’t see her hair color, but the eyes peering out from her hood were a clear and bright shade of blue… “Wait a second. Why is that girl here in town?” “Wh-what’s wrong, Megumin? Do you know her?” We watched; the hooded girl wobbled as she walked, then looked anxiously here and there, like she was highly interested in what was around her. Just then, a middle-aged man running a kebab stall called out to her. “You there, young lady, how about a freshly grilled kebab? I’ll lower the price for a cutie like you, okay? Just one million eris each if you buy now.” “Kebabs… I’ve never seen food like this before. One million eris each? Well then, could I get three?” Having taken the man’s joke seriously, the young girl in the hood took out her wallet from an inner pocket… “What are you doing?! You must not take out so much money in a place like this!” “Huh?! Ahhh! It’s Megumin!” I ran up to the young girl—who I knew to be Princess Iris—as she took a high-value coin from her wallet like it was nothing. I snatched the money she was about to offer to the vendor. Not hesitating, I began lecturing Iris, ignoring the kebab man, who was frozen in place at the sight of such a valuable coin. “He was joking about the one million; he actually means one hundred eris each. In what world do they sell kebabs at a price that high?” “R-really? I don’t know anything about market prices…” Just then, the previously frozen vendor held out a skewer with a serious expression. “No, no, one million eris each is correct. You’re a pretty young girl, so I’ll give you a deal—one million for three.” “Is it okay to take them for such a low price? Thank you so much!” “Do not be deceived! This man is trying to rip you off now that he knows you’re inexperienced! Here, three hundred eris! If you want to cheat an ignorant girl, then you will have to go through me first!!” …With Iris and her fairly priced kebabs in tow, the three of us relocated to a nearby park. “I swear, why are you wandering around a place like this by yourself? What is your bodyguard doing?” I asked Iris again as she wasted no time bringing one of her just-purchased skewers to her mouth. The princess relaxed into a happy smile. This was, perhaps, her first experience with this kind of commoner food. “What do you mean, ‘bodyguard’? My name is Illis. Maybe you have me confused with someone else? …Still, these ‘kebab’ things are delicious. This might be the first time I’ve eaten something so warm. You can have one if you like.” Feigning ignorance, she offered Yunyun and me one each. Apparently, she wanted us to use this “Illis” alias. I took one of the skewers. “Sigh… Well, what are you doing in a place like this, Lady Illis? This town is one of the safer ones, but you never know what kind of mistakes might happen, you know?” “Stop it with ‘Lady Illis.’ Just call me Illis… Hee-hee, actually, I came to this town in secret the other day for some fun. I wasn’t able to see Kazuma, but I met an interesting individual… It made me realize that this world is still full of oddballs, so I’ve snuck away like this to learn more about society.” At her sudden and shocking utterance, I spat out a bit of the kebab I was munching on. The imperial capital must’ve been in an awful uproar by now. “Here, here, you have one, too.” “Ah, thanks, Illis! Ummm, my name is Yunyun… Hey, Megumin. This girl has blond hair and blue eyes. Is she a noble?” Yunyun asked as she took a skewer from Iris, bringing it timidly to her mouth. “No, I’m Illis, a granddaughter of Chirimendonya in the capital. I am no noble girl.” Who in the world could’ve influenced her to say such a strange thing? And what was Chirimendonya supposed to be? “She’s insisting on it, so just humor her… We have a problem, however—now that we have happened upon Illis, we cannot simply leave her alone…” We couldn’t encounter a princess only to leave her by herself. Seeing me in doubt, Iris, kebab in hand, cocked her head to the side. “What were the two of you doing here?” For a moment, I wondered if answering Iris’s innocent question truthfully was the best idea. However, I was certain this pure maiden didn’t harbor any ill feelings toward the noble pilferers I admired. “Actually, we are hoping to create a subgroup to the Silver-Haired Thief Brigade.” “What’s that?! Tell me all about it!” Wait, I didn’t expect her to be this enthusiastic. “Basically, just unofficially calling ourselves their subgroup, unofficially recruiting companions, and unofficially supporting their crew. That is what we are going for.” “Sounds fun! Might there be some kind of test for getting into this group?” With Iris again showing a positive reaction, I shook my head to make her rethink this. “What, you want to join? That will not do; this is not for play. There is much to be done, like constructing a secret base to be our hideout and expanding our forces. So of course we would need to have our members do their share of the work, too.” “A secret base!” For some reason, Iris’s eyes brightened at my attempt to dissuade her. “U-ummm… In addition, we expect to be using illegal means to punish crooked nobles…” “‘Punish crooked nobles’!” For some reason, Iris’s eyes brightened even more at my attempt to dissuade her.