Chapter 25

1 That day. “What is wrong with you?! Just give up already!” It was almost noon, yet Kazuma still hadn’t even made an attempt to climb out of bed, so I smacked his blanket until he peeked his head out and mumbled, “There’s a famous saying in my country: ‘When you give up, that’s when the game is over.’ Those words mean a lot to me, and I don’t plan on ever giving up.” “It’s a good saying, but I think you’re using it wrong! You are going on an adventure with me today, and that’s final!” Kazuma slipped his head back under the covers. I tried pulling them off him, but he wasn’t giving up. Unfortunately for Kazuma, however, I was far more powerful than he was, and it was only a matter of time until— “Create Water!” “………” —he stuck his hand out from under the covers and soaked me with a water spell. I stood frozen in disbelief as water dripped down my body, when suddenly, Kazuma poked his head out again from under the covers. “Woe unto those who disturb my slumber. Begone, cretin, lest you be defiled by the wrath of Create Earth.” “I am not going to back down simply because you are using fancy words! Besides, do you think I am going to let that slide?! I am going to dry off my body on your bed!” “S-stop! You’re going to get my bed wet! Okay! I’m sorry! They’re going to think I wet the bed, so please…!” I wildly rolled around the bed until Kazuma sat up in a fluster. “Seriously, though, you’ve been going on adventures every day lately. Frog slaying, slime slaying… Right?” asked Kazuma, stretching after crawling out of bed. “I don’t want to fight weak monsters like that, though. I want to go after something big. You know, Yunyun and Iris killed a wyvern back in Arcanletia, but me? All I got to fight was Cappy.” “The hell is a Cappy?” When we went downstairs, we ran into Darkness, dressed like a wealthy noble, getting ready to go somewhere. “Wh-what happened to you, Megumin? You’re soaking wet.” “This guy sprayed me with Create Water.” She began nervously fidgeting when she heard about the water. “Oh…? And why did he do that?” “I climbed on top of Kazuma in bed to wake him up when, all of a sudden, he got really excited and made me wet. But that wasn’t enough for him. He told me to get out of his room or he was going to defile me, and—” “I’m sorry, okay?! But do you think you could have phrased that a little better?! Darkness is fidgeting!” Which reminded me… “Get changed, Darkness. We have an adventure to go on.” “O-oh, I can’t. I have work today. There are some documents that need to be signed and…,” Darkness reluctantly replied with a stack of documents in hand. “Do you know how hard it was to get Kazuma out of bed?! Why do you have to do paperwork?! What is your job?!” “I am a noblewoman! H-hey! Give those documents back! You’re smearing the ink…!” Her eyes welled with tears as my wet hands caused the ink to bleed all over the page. “Sorry, but I can’t go on an adventure with you today, either! Cecily said she brought back some amazing booze for me from Arcanletia, so we’re going to have a party at the Axis church,” stated Aqua, who was preparing to go out as well. “You too, Aqua?! You’re going to go drink in the middle of the day?! What is your job?!” “I’m a goddess.” I hated to admit it, but this party had absolutely no self-discipline. All of a sudden, there was a knock at the front door. Kazuma immediately looked over and saw a familiar woman peeking inside. “Oh! It’s the receptionist. Sigh. It looks like my help is needed.” It was the receptionist from the Guild. Kazuma gave her a smirk as if he was trying to act cool, but… “Oh! No, um…! I did come to discuss work, but it isn’t for you. It’s for Megumin…” “…” I flicked back my cloak, showing no concern for Kazuma, who had fallen silent. “Oh? A job that requires my assistance? The client made the right choice. Very well. Take me to this person who needs my help!” “Um… I don’t know why you’re wet, but you should probably change before we go.” 2 I left Kazuma behind, since he was sulking that he wasn’t the one she’d come for, and went to the Adventurers Guild alone. “Your client is Mr. Burton, and the quest’s location is the capital.” “I’m going home.” I tried leaving the moment I heard the client’s name, but the receptionist grabbed me by the cloak and stopped me. “Wh-where are you going, Megumin?! Please don’t leave! This client has donated a lot of money to the Adventurers Guild headquarters in the capital…” “That does not have anything to do with me. I have accepted one of his quests before, but he was a monster-loving weirdo. He is way too much for me to handle alone, so you are going to need to ask someone else.” I tried leaving once more, but the receptionist wouldn’t let go of my cloak. “Are you sure, Megumin?! This is a job from the much-talked-about Professor Burton himself! The man who wrote the famous Professor Burton’s Biology for Dopes!” “I said I don’t care! Since when did he get famous anyway? He was treated like an outcast back when I accepted his quest.” He was basically a nobody in the eyes of the Guild when I last saw him. “After proving the existence of the King Toad, he instantly became famous, and he is now a known expert in the field of biology.” “Wait. What?” That was a monster’s name I couldn’t just ignore. “The King Toad. Nobody knew of its biology or habitat. It was nothing more than an urban legend until Professor Burton was able to submit its carcass and…” I took out my Adventurer’s Card and checked the slayed-monsters column. “Here. Take a look at this. See where it says King Toad? Well, I was wondering if it had a bounty on its head.” “…?! M-Megumin? Why does your card say—? U-um… It is an extremely rare monster, but its existence has just been proven only recently, so unfortunately, there is no reward…” “Oh…” I couldn’t believe a monster of that magnitude didn’t have a bounty on its head. It was just as surprising that Burton had become an authority in the field of biology… “What the…?! What’s this named monster under King Toad? Deadly Poison Slime Cappy…” Hold up. If Burton was an authority on monster research in his field, then maybe that meant he was rich now, too? And he wouldn’t have been able to do it without our help, right? Plus, the pay was really low for a monster that big. …All right! “Megumin, this Cappy here—” “I’ll take the job!” After picking up the written request, I bid farewell to the receptionist, who looked like she wanted to say something, and began my search for a certain someone within the Guild. Who was I looking for? Of course, it was my good friend who was strong, reliable, and could use Teleport. “I’m Beat. This is Clarice. I’m a warrior, and she’s a priestess!” “Sorry to bother you. We’re new in town. Anyway, you’re a wizard, right? You didn’t look like you already had a party, and we’d make a really well-balanced team, so we were wondering if you wanted to join us.” I easily found my friend Yunyun after only a few seconds of searching the Guild. But it looked like something was wrong. Two people around my age were talking to her as she looked to her sides with a stupefied expression. She then pointed a trembling finger at herself. “U-um… Are you talking to me?” “Of course. Who else would we be talking to?” “Ha-ha-ha. Are you nervous? Don’t worry. This is going to be our first quest, too!” It looked like some fledging adventurers new to Axel were trying to pick her up. “U-ummm… I’m Yunyun! I-i-i-it’s nice to meet you!” Tears welled in her eyes while she bowed, as if being invited to join their party made her the happiest person in the world. “You don’t have to be so nervous. I’ve slayed countless monsters back home in my village. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m actually already Level 4.” “Yunyun’s a really cute name! I’m Level 2, but I’m wearing chain mail, so I should be fine if we’re slaying frogs!” Yunyun blushed, having her name complimented by Clarice. “L-leave it to me! I’ll use the Crimson Magic Clan’s power-leveling ability Raise and have both your levels in the double digits by tomorrow!” “Ha-ha! We’re counting on you! Hold on… I feel like I’ve heard of the Crimson Magic Clan from somewhere before…” “Me too… By the way, Yunyun, what level are you? Can you already use intermediate magic?” Yunyun froze for a moment after being asked her level, then promptly put on a smile and tried to play it off. “My level is— Well, I mean—I think I can handle intermediate magic!” “Come on—don’t sell yourself short. She can actually use advanced magic like Teleport, too. Plus, this Arch-wizard is already over Level 40,” I chimed in from behind, causing Yunyun to instantly freeze. “Y-y-you’re over Level 40?!” “And an Arch-wizard?!” shouted the rookie adventurers in surprise. I continued: “And she isn’t just any Arch-wizard. She’s a magic-user of the Crimson Magic Clan—a race born with an extremely high aptitude for magic. You rookie adventurers are probably better off forming a party with someone around your level.” “I’m so sorry we bothered you!” “P-p-p-please forgive us! We’re new here, so we didn’t know!” “Ah?! W-wait…!” The two rookie adventurers took my advice and ran off in a panic. I gently placed a hand on Yunyun’s shoulder as she reached out and tried to stop them, then shook my head. “Let them go. I’m sure they’ll find someone more fitting for their party. All we veteran adventurers can do is gently watch over them.” Yunyun thereupon grabbed me by the lapels with both hands. “Ahhhhhh!” “Wh-what are you doing?! Yunyun, wait! Calm down! Y-you’re choking me…!” 3 We headed to the capital after calming down my bloodthirsty friend. “Sigh… You have a short temper, Yunyun. You know that? Anyway, you are going to be the next leader of the Crimson Magic Clan, so please stop trying to form parties with new adventurers. Everyone back home would be shocked if they heard.” I decided to explain to Yunyun why we came to the capital as she bawled her eyes out. “Besides, you don’t need any more party members. You have me, and we’re about to go on an adventure. Burton needs our help. But first, we should ask Iris to come with us.” “‘Burton’? You mean that weird scholar? And are you sure we should be taking Iris with us? Today might be the day Burton gets executed for lèse-majesté.” I understood where she was coming from, but the written request I got in Axel stated that we wanted the same party members as last time. Yunyun looked up at the castle towering over us and anxiously muttered: “Plus, I’m starting to worry that maybe we shouldn’t show up to the castle uninvited anymore…” “Excuse me, sir!” “Were you not listening to what I just said?!” The guard’s face twisted in disgust, as if he already recognized us. “We came to invite Iris to hang out. Could you please tell her that her friend Megumin is here?” “We cannot have you inviting our nation’s princess to ‘hang out’ whenever you please.” “See? Even the guards don’t want us here! Let’s go home! I can do whatever Burton wants by myself!” Yunyun argued vehemently and in a fluster. “We do not even know what kind of quest it is, though, and we are both spell-casters. We need someone strong to take the front line, and there is nobody better than Iris who can do that.” “You plan on making Princess Iris guard you?! There’s no way I’m going to tell her you’re here now!” “See?!” Witnessing Yunyun on the verge of tears gave me a wonderful idea. “Then how about we do this? Iris can stay, but you need to come with us. Surely, a castle guard would be able to handle the front line.” “I am in the middle of work.” “I’m sorry! Don’t mind her! She’s just an idiot! I’ll take her home!” My rude friend grabbed me by the arm and tried to pull me away, but… “Listen, we are Iris’s friends, and we are about to go on a quest without physical attackers to take the front line to protect us—two little girls. Surely, it would break Iris’s heart if something happened to us.” “Uh…” “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Please don’t listen to her!” As Yunyun profusely apologized to the obviously troubled guard, a middle-aged gentleman suddenly emerged from the station at the side of the castle gate. “Then allow me to go with you. My shift is almost over, after all.” “What?! Captain, are you serious?!” The middle-aged man called Captain did look strong. “I used to be an adventurer, too, so I am confident I will not hold you back. I am off tomorrow, and you are Princess Iris’s friends as well, which is all the more reason to help. Allow me to take the front,” said the captain proudly with a confident smirk. “Yunyun, we just found ourselves a powerhouse. I think he’d be a good replacement for Iris.” “Are you sure we should be bringing castle guards with us, though? …But I guess it’d probably be better than putting Iris into any potential danger.” A bell suddenly began to chime in the background, as if to alert the workers that the next shift was starting. “Perfect. My shift just ended. From now on, I will be your vanguard whenever you need help, so do you think you could please stop inviting Iris?” “Very well. Now that I think about it, this is perfect. I do not get as much time to shine if Iris goes all out on the enemy anyway, so I probably should have stopped inviting her a while ago.” The captain and I shared a merry smile, but Yunyun was subtly pointing at the castle gate as if she was trying to get our attention. “…” Standing behind the opened gate was Iris, with tears in her eyes, pouting. 4 “I can’t believe you! Seriously?! I never knew you could be so coldhearted, boss!” “Can you really blame me? It is not my fault you’re a princess.” Even after we started heading over to the Adventurers Guild in the capital, Iris was still pouting and in a bad mood. Yunyun, who was standing by her side, wore an expression of painful reluctance. “Regardless, that man did seem strong. Should we have brought him with us?” “Yeah, especially since he volunteered and everything.” The captain offered to come with us as Iris’s guard, but… “I can handle being the vanguard by myself! I’ll show you just how useful I can be!” “I am not going to get a chance to do anything if you take this too seriously! I am the boss, so don’t get carried away!” We childishly argued back and forth until we reached the Guild, only to find Burton standing before the door as if he was tired of waiting for us. “At last! You’re here! I’m so glad you came!” cried Burton, pushing his glasses up on his nose. Iris smiled back and replied: “It is so wonderful to see you again, Burton! I heard the book you wrote has been flying off the shelves ever since you were recognized for your discovery of the King Toad! Congratulations!” However, Burton quietly stared at us as if he couldn’t even hear Iris. Yunyun curiously tilted her head to the side. “Burton? Is everything okay? You didn’t forget Iris, right? Show some manners.” But he still didn’t reply, so I muttered, “Long time no see, Professor Burton.” “Oh, Megumin, my dear! What a pleasure to see you again! I have officially received my doctorate now, and it’s thanks to you all! Thank you so much!” It looked like he was planning on ignoring anyone who didn’t refer to him as “Professor.” Some things never changed—his aggravating personality, for instance. “U-um… Professor Burton, it is wonderful to see you again. I heard your Biology for Dopes book was a bestseller. Congratulations.” “Oh, thank you very much for your kind words! Would you like my autograph, too, perhaps?” “N-no thank you…” Burton cackled with evident satisfaction, still clearly oblivious to the fact that Iris was the princess. “Hey, Megumin, maybe we should do something about him during the quest before things get out of hand?” “You sometimes go a little overboard. Plus, this old man’s apparently famous now, so let’s just leave him alone.” Burton’s expression was suddenly overcome with an air of seriousness in the midst of our whispers. “Anyway, there is a reason why I, the authority on biology and bestselling author, called you all here today. It was sunny out the day after you defeated the King Toad on your previous quest. However…” I almost forgot that the whole reason we’d defeated the King Toad was to end the rainy season so that Burton could take Barbera from the pub out on a date the next day. It sounded absolutely ridiculous to us at first, but she was apparently his childhood friend, and his story about her really made you root for him. And yet… “What happened with Barbera? Did she leave you after your ego trip?” “What are you talking about? Things are going very well between us thanks to you all. She even invited me on a date the other day. She was so cute, begging me to buy her this and that.” Burton’s lips curled upward in rapt admiration. “Oh. I guess making the leap from wannabe professor to bestseller really helped y—” “Megumin, shh! Some things shouldn’t be said, even if they are true!” Iris cast Yunyun a skeptical gaze as she covered my mouth, then took a step forward with a smile as if to change the subject. “So, Professor Burton, why did you ask to meet with us today?” “Oh yeah! So I bought Barbera everything she asked for, but when I took her to the jewelry store and bought an engagement ring on the spur of the moment, she wouldn’t accept it. It was the most expensive thing at the store, and yet…” …I see. “So basically, she took those other presents without remorse, but the engagement ring made her uncomfortable, and she wanted nothing to do with it.” “Megumin?! Would it kill you to have some tact?!” Burton bitterly smirked. “So that’s how she felt, huh? Actually, the reason why I requested to meet you all today was because I needed some relationship advice. Last time, you guys taught me a little about how women think and feel, and things went well thanks to your advice. But it looks like my ego ruined it…” “I see. We actually came all the way here because we thought we could squeeze some more reward money out of you, since you’re famous thanks to us defeating the King Toad.” “Stop chiming in with your rude comments!” Just as Yunyun thrust me aside for butting in too much… “I know how Barbera feels!” Iris suddenly shouted with her fists clenched and stars in her eyes. She showed Burton her cheap ring, ill-fitting for a princess, and said: “Do you see this? While this ring is far from valuable in a monetary sense, it is the treasure I value most out of every piece of jewelry I own. Surely, Barbera must want something that feels special to her as well. It has to be thoughtful. That’s why…!” I was pretty sure she’d gotten that ring from Kazuma. I gradually felt myself annoyed at her showing off the ring until Burton suddenly let out a sigh. “A kid like you doesn’t understand love…” “I am trying to help you! Ugh! Jerk!” Burton seemed somewhat cheerful, despite the fact that Iris was smacking him. “But while a child, you are still a girl. Hmm… I see… Something thoughtful…,” muttered the middle-aged man before pondering for a few moments. “Megumin, I have a new job for you all! There is something I want you to get for me!” continued Burton as Iris shook him. “Apologize…! Apologize for treating me like a child!” 5 Different people value different things. I felt that frequenting a popular store until you got your hands on something that was usually impossible to get unless reserved way in advance was more than thoughtful enough. People good with their hands could even make it themselves. If someone worked their butt off and bought a ring that cost them three months’ salary, then the recipient would be overjoyed, regardless of the price. So the most thoughtful present a biologist could get would be… “Burton, Burton, Burton!!” “Call me Professor, Yunyun! Those are Magic Eaters! Their population has decreased immensely, so it’s uncommon to see one anymore, but they are extremely rare sprites that eat mana!” We were being chased by luminous, floating creatures throughout the forest next to the capital. “Burton, magic isn’t working on them! Do they not have any weaknesses?!” “I told you to call me Professor, Yunyun! Magic Eaters absorb most magic attacks. There are only two ways to realistically defeat them: use Light of Saber, which turns the caster’s power itself into an attack, or use Explosion, which can inflict damage on anything and everything!” After hearing that, Yunyun immediately swung her right hand into the air and chanted a spell. “Light of Saber!!” A blinding flash of light swallowed the area, splitting one of the luminous bodies in half. However… “Burton, it merged back together!” “I told you to call me— Ah, forget it! You need to hit each spirit a hundred times with Light of Saber! Surely, that will be enough to—” “I don’t have enough mana to do that! Is there any other way to defeat them?! We’re going to have to get Megumin to use Explosion again if there isn’t!” Usually, I would have loved to save the day, but I felt like it’d be a waste using Explosion on some flashing ball of light when the forest was filled with countless powerful monsters. “You should be able to hurt it if you use a weapon infused with mana! But it would have to be an extremely powerful weapon to defeat a Magic Eater, or…” Before Burton even finished his sentence, one of the Magic Eaters’ light dispersed, and it disappeared. When I looked to my side, I noticed Iris in the middle of attacking another Magic Eater with a glowing sword. It looked like she managed to bring her country’s national treasure, Calibur, with her this time. The out-of-breath professor suddenly stopped running, as if he was relieved. “Good work, Iris. I’ll make sure to give you my autograph once we’re back in town.” “N-no thank you. I’m more interested in knowing how such powerful monsters ended up decreasing in population.” Iris brought up a fine point while slaying another Magic Eater. “That is a very good question, Iris! It’s because Magic Eaters are attracted to high-level monsters with powerful magic, driving them to go on suicide missions. There’s even a famous story about countless spheres of light gathering before the Demon King’s castle.” Powerful magic… “So these Magic Eaters are attracted to anything powerful in the area?” “That’s right, Megumin. In other words, it was one of us who attracted them!” Burton stared hard at Iris as she slayed the final monster. She looked away and muttered, “That’s the Crimson Magic Clan for you. Boss and Yunyun have extremely powerful magic.” “Oh, come on. I’m not that amazing.” “I don’t think it was Megumin and me who attracted the monsters…” After sheathing her sword, Iris showed Burton the expensive necklace she was wearing. “I-it wasn’t me. I made sure to bring a powerful magic item with me this time that suppresses my mana, since it made all those gelatinous slimes avoid me last time!” “Magic Eaters are attracted to powerful magic items as well.” After hearing that, Iris nonchalantly hid not only the necklace behind her back but her holy sword, a divine relic even more powerful than a magic item, as well. “So, Professor Burton, are we any closer to finding that Crystal Liger?” The reason why we were this deep in the forest was because we were searching for the Crystal Liger, said to already be extinct, because that was the “something special” Burton wanted to give to Barbera. It was a monster covered in crystal-like gems, which were extremely rare and which meant you could hardly find them being sold as raw materials anywhere. They were sought after by many adventurers due to the fact that slaying one would not only make you famous but extremely rich. Nevertheless, that led to them being overhunted, which was why they were said to be extinct. However… “I am positive there is one in this forest. I can just tell, since I am an authority on biology, after all. The Crystal Liger is cautious and clever, so the average adventurer would never be able to even find their tracks. But me? Well…” I would usually think someone like this was talking out of their rear end, but he had found the King Toad. He must have had some sort of supporting evidence to make him this confident. We were already deep into the forest, but Burton still hadn’t taken his eyes off the ground. “Oh?” After a sudden halt, he picked up a stick with a serious expression and began digging until he found a black lump. It had been covered by the leafy shade of the trees and completely hidden under the dirt. Burton carefully examined the black ball of matter. It wasn’t long before Iris squatted by his side and began observing it, as if it had tickled her curiosity as well. “What is it?” “Ha-ha. Did it pique your curiosity? Give it a little poke with your sword.” Iris thrusted it with the tip of her sword as suggested, causing it to crumble. “I-it smells awful! What is this, Professor Burton?!” “Monster excrement… H-hey! Don’t point your sword at me!” Burton examined the crumbled feces while paying no attention to Iris, who was cleaning off the holy sword with tears in her eyes. “This is it! I found a hard fragment mixed in the feces! This is the Crystal Liger’s excrement! You did it, Iris! I was able to find a trace of the Crystal Liger thanks to poking around its feces!” “I feel like you could phrase that better…,” whined Iris, who had stabbed monster dung with a national treasure. “I’m glad you found the Crystal Liger’s poop and all, but how are we going to catch it? We’d be able to use the poop to find it if we had an Archer with a tracking skill, but…”