Chapter 23

8 They were hopeless. Utterly hopeless. “The ominous aura is coming from over there.” “Impressive, Father Zesta. I, too, sense an ominous aura coming from that direction.” “I am seriously going to start getting angry if you two keep this up.” Of course, they ended up heading over to the Eris church. Of course. “Okay, Cecily. Are you listening? While I act as a decoy and lure the evil out, you will hide behind the door. Once you hear the signal, I want you to leap out and apprehend the Eris follower.” “Roger, Father Zesta. You can count on me.” “Are you out of your mind?! Are you seriously going to go through with this?! Hey! Wait…!” They took a step forward, ignoring my pleas. People passing by began to wonder what was happening and started to form a crowd. Zesta then shouted: “Pardon me! Is the flat-chested Eris priestess present?! I have thought about your proposal that we date, and I have come to give you my answer!” “Excuse me?!” screamed someone from within the church, accompanied by thunderous footsteps. “I don’t even know where to begin! Did no one teach you the difference between right and wro— Ahhhhhh?!” “See you in hell, heretic!!” “What the—?! Cecily?!” Cecily, hidden within the shadows, grabbed the priestess the moment she rushed out of the church. The priestess then tripped over her own leg and fell forward, dragging Cecily down with her. I didn’t even get a second to stop her before she landed on the priestess’s back. “Marvelous work, Cecily. I was starting to think you were the one behind the previous gelatinous slime incident, but now we can pretend like it never even happened.” “Yesss!” Zesta approached the priestess, who had been caught off guard, with a triumphant smirk. “We’ve got you now, foolish priestess of Eris! I am a man who loves breasts both big and small, regardless of race, but I would never date a woman like you!” “Heh! Eat that, heretic!” “What the…?! First you insult me, then you tackle me, and now you’re turning me down?! What is going on?!” The priestess had never been more confused as she was now, with Cecily holding her down. Zesta grabbed the priestess by the chin and lifted her head up as he peeked into her eyes. “While followers of Eris are wicked beings, I cannot help but admire your beauty. Very well. Out of respect for your passion, I will allow you to have me for the night.” “You’ve always been crazy, but you are acting especially strange today! Ah?! People of Arcanletia, please do not believe his lies! I never told him that—” You loved him? But Zesta brought his face up to hers before she could finish her sentence. “Do not underestimate me! I know you only berate and lecture me every day because you’re playing hard to get! You’re just trying to catch my attention! But my answer is still no! I won’t go out with you, but I’m fine if you just want to fool around!” “Oh, that’s sweet.” “No, that’s disgusting! And I’m not playing hard to get! I berate and lecture you every day because you’re always causing trouble at my church. Seriously, could you Axis followers please just leave us alone?” I felt bad for the followers of Eris who lived here, because it sounded like this was a daily occurrence. “Oh, stop playing games with me. I can’t believe these lips of yours would say such a thing! Hmph! I’m just going to have to seal them shut with my own!” “You’ve got this, Father Zesta!” “Goddess Eris, grant me strength…!” After increasing her physical capabilities with magic, the priestess immediately threw Cecily off her, then sank her fist into Zesta’s cheek. I sighed at the unsightly battle between clerics and took a peek into the church’s still-open door when… “…? Stop. I think I just saw a small black creature…” I noticed something swiftly running away toward the back of the church, so I turned around to alert the others when… “Today is the last straw! I have had enough of you! Allow me to personally send you back to Lady Aqua!” “It’s about time you showed your true colors, you Eris-loving heretic! Lady Aqua told me that Eris has a violent streak in her, and it looks like she was right, judging by how you conduct yourself!” “Reeeeee!” Right when I was considering going home and forgetting about them, Cecily curiously tilted her head to the side. “Is everything okay, Megumin? Did this ferocious follower of Eris scare you? Don’t worry. I’ll protect you.” “Who are you calling ‘ferocious’?! …Oh, I don’t think we’ve met. You seem somewhat decent for an Axis follower, though… Wait. Are you from the Crimson Magic Clan? I see…” “Hey! If you have a problem with the Crimson Magic Clan, then let’s hear it! …More importantly, does this church have a pet? I just saw something run toward the back of the building.” I decided to get straight to the point and ask about what I saw. “I’m the only one working here, and I don’t have any pets. I hardly even have enough food to feed myself thanks to the Axis Church’s ever-growing presence…” “Please don’t look so sad. I would be more than happy to donate any loose change I have later! …But I really did see something black run toward the back of the church.” It was small, black, and shiny. It wasn’t any great king of terror. If I had to guess, it seemed more like a swift little slime… “You were always a smart Axis follower, Megumin. You’re trying to scare her, since she sleeps alone at the church, right?” “Mega-good idea, Megumin.” “No. I would never do something so pathet— Ah! Hold on! I really did see something! Something black! So please stop looking at me like I’m some evil mastermind!”