1 I looked down from the balcony of the most magnificent mansion in all of Axel and saw a beautiful blond woman talking to herself as she relaxed on the bench. “It must be hard being a commoner, always working day in, day out.” “Yes, madam!” a young blond maid replied. The blond noblewoman opened her newspaper. “…Hee-hee. Well, well. The man, who used to struggle defeating a single goblin, has now made the front page. He’s grown.” “Yes, madam!” The beautiful woman scanned through the article, then threw the newspaper on the table and grabbed her glass. She brought the expensive-looking wine to her nose and indulged in its aroma while her maid fanned her until she listlessly tilted her glass to the side. “Cough! Hack! Cough!” “Are you okay, madam?!” The beautiful blond woman began to wildly cough, as if she had choked on the wine due to not being much of a drinker. More importantly… “Is this some kind of game?” “Oh my! If it isn’t Megumin! Here, put on this maid outfit. You’d look so cute in it!” The woman laughing with a glass of wine in hand was Priestess Cecily of the Axis Church. And the maid… “Good morning, boss! Madam Cecily said she wanted to play Snobby Rich Girl and asked me to be the maid.” Iris was still fanning Cecily while wearing her maid uniform. It reminded me of when my NEET housemates were pretending to be celebrities… Was everyone I associated with like this? “Cecily, you do realize that your head will literally roll if someone from the castle sees you like this, right?” “Authority doesn’t mean much to the Axis Church. But, Iris, let’s just make this our little secret, okay?” “Yes, madam!” Iris seemed to enjoy being the one who served rather than waited on for a change. “Seriously, though. What are you doing? Cecily, you’re the head of the Axis Church in Axel, right? Do you really have so much free time that you can sit around and play games like this?” “How can you say such a thing, Megumin? Of course I have things to do. I’m simply putting them off and playing with a pretty little girl.” “That’s even worse!” It had been surprisingly sunny recently, despite the rainy season not being over yet. I’d be thrilled if it was because of our adventure the other day, but I had to wonder if Burton was able to go on that date he was talking about. Because it’d make all that hard work worth it if he did. “By the way, boss, forgive me for asking, but what brings you here today? Are you going on another adventure?” “Yeah, I was thinking about it. I didn’t want to let a perfectly sunny day go to waste, so I figured I would take on a quest with Yunyun, but…she wasn’t at the Guild, surprisingly enough, so I was wondering if she was here. More importantly, what are you doing here, Iris? While I know the teleporter can send you to different towns, that still doesn’t explain how you got out of the castle.” Iris was hanging out here as if it was no big deal, but I couldn’t help wondering how she had snuck out of the castle unnoticed. “I used a secret passage for emergencies that only the royal family knows about and is—” “Okay. I get it. I don’t want to hear any more. I’d prefer to have my head remain on my shoulders.” After Iris stopped herself in a fluster, Cecily curiously tilted her head. “I’m really curious about this castle and royalty you speak of, but there’s one word that piqued my interest even more. You’re going on an adventure, you say?” “Yes. Do you want to come?” I was an Arch-wizard while Iris was well-balanced across the board, so we’d have a decent party if a priest like Cecily joined us, but… “So, um…Megumin? Sweetie? Could I ask you for a favor?” “I’ll consider at least listening to what you have to say if you stop squirming like that.” 2 “Are there any good quests? Maybe something that needs one guard in the front and one in the rear?” “…Yes. There are, but…” “Megumin, please don’t abandon meeeeee! I beg of youuuuuu!” Iris and I went to the Adventurers Guild to see if there were any good quests. “What do you think about this, Iris? All we have to do for this quest is exterminate some Adamanmoise snails, which have been rapidly breeding in the client’s field. While the average person’s attacks would bounce right off these snails, our attack power is high enough for it to not be a problem. As long as our attacks connect, we can slow down the monsters’ movement. Plus, they don’t fight back, so it should be an easy battle.” “I—I see. But, boss…” “Ahhhhhhhhh! Megumin! Have you already forgotten when I kind of helped you when you challenged that demon?!” Oh, hey. Now this was a quest I couldn’t ignore. “Excuse me. I would like to accept this quest to slay the Bloody Squirrel. It once peed on me, so I’ve got a bone to pick with it.” “V-very well. The quest is yours.” “You’re a monster! A monsterrrrrrrr!” “Shut up already! People are staring!” My patience had been exhausted after Cecily continued to cling to my waist and cry nonstop, so I reluctantly decided to listen to what she had to say one more time. Her request itself wasn’t really a big deal, but there was one glaring problem that stood out. “I want you to come to Arcanletia with me and blow up the mysterious slime.” “…I would have instantly taken you up on your offer if it wasn’t Arcanletia.” The problem was the location. “Boss, what kind of place is Arcanletia?” “A breeding ground for pervs and creeps.” “How dare you say that, Megumin!” Cecily slammed her hands on the table in response to my blunt explanation. “Then you tell Iris what kind of place it is.” “Fine. It would be my pleasure teaching this innocent, naive young girl many new things.” Why did she always have to act like this? “Arcanletia is home to the Axis Church, which worships the goddess Aqua. Long ago, it was a town of water and hot springs, but now it is a holy land blessed by the goddess and flowing with holy water!” “So the hot springs shoot out holy water? That’s amazing! I bet everyone who lives there is an angel with a heart of gold!” Cecily averted her gaze as Iris stared at her with sparkles in her eyes. “Go on, Cecily. Iris is waiting.” “I—I know. Holy water is not only extremely effective against undead, but you can infuse weapons with it to improve quality and even mix it into your food to give your immune system a boost. It’s a miraculous liquid with many different uses! And if you look down—” “Something that amazing just comes out of the ground for free?! That must be really beneficial for the townspeople! The generosity of priests knows no bounds. I am sure there are plenty of bad people who would just love to monetize it.” Cecily closed her mouth without even finishing her sentence. She then shot me a look that seemed to scream, Help me! “…It’s probably better if you just see it for yourself. Come on—let’s go check out Arcanletia.” “Sure thing, boss! I can’t wait!” “Ow, ow, ow! My stomach…! It hurts! It must be all that gelatinous slime I ate yesterday! It’s getting its revenge on me! I’m sorry, you two! I don’t think I’ll be able to go with you today!” Cecily clutched her stomach and rolled on the ground with the worst acting I had ever seen. “Wait here. I’m going to head back to the castle and bring you an Arch-priest who can help.” “No…! Anything but that! Nooooooooo!” 3 The next morning. “Please don’t do anything crazy, Cecily. We’re in a store.” “What kind of person do you think I am, Megumin? I’m a priestess, you know!” I met up with Iris and Cecily early that morning and decided to take them to Wiz’s shop to prepare for our trip to Arcanletia. Iris’s eyes lit up when she looked at the shop, as if this was a novel experience for her. Now that I thought about it, I’d heard that Aqua also made a scene the first time she came here with Kazuma. “Still, I want you to promise me you won’t do anything, Cecily. The person we are about to meet is not like any other shopkeeper you have ever met. No matter how hard you try, you cannot beat her, and I do not want to deal with that right now, okay?” “Oh, Megumin. What kind of people do you think we are at the Axis Church? We can get along with anybody as long as they’re not a demon, an undead, or a heretic.” That was the problem. We were going to meet an undead and a demon. Iris, who had been listening to our exchange, curiously asked: “Boss, what kind of store is this?” “A hangout for nutjobs.” “For ‘nutjobs,’ eh? That’s funny, coming from a joke race and a joke mage.” Before I had even realized it, Vanir was already standing behind me. “Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Welcome, joke mage and my petite former master… H-hey! What do you think you’re doing?! Take your hands off my mask!” Vanir desperately held on to his mask as Cecily tried to pry it off his face. It appeared members of the Axis Church were able to instantly recognize demons and undead just like Aqua. In other words, Cecily realized what Vanir was the moment she laid eyes on him. She wasn’t a model adult, but despite her flaws, she was still an Axis priestess. She wasn’t blind. “I bet you’re so hot! I can smell the handsome coming from under your mask! It’s a pleasure to meet you, Masked Man! My name’s Cecily!” “I am Vanir. Nice to meet you and farewell! Hmph! I want nothing to do with you! This is why I don’t like the Axis Church…!” She still wasn’t a model adult, but she was definitely blind. Vanir ripped Cecily’s hands off his mask, then straightened his back and faced Iris, whose expression lit up the moment their eyes met. He gave the reverent bow of a noble. “It has been a while, granddaughter of Chirimendonya. It appears you have grown even stronger since we last met. Even I am having trouble seeing your future.” An amused smirk curled Vanir’s lips. “Hey, there’s no reason to hate all members of the Axis Church! Now can you take that mask off and show me your face? Just for a second? Just the tip! I won’t touch it! I just want to see it!” “Hachibee! Hachibee!” “I’m sorry for interrupting, but is Wiz around? I need to ask her for a favor.” “Ugh! What a noisy bunch! Will you brats shut up already!” Iris wouldn’t leave Vanir alone that morning. “Hachibee, do you work here? Ha-ha-ha! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, Hachibee! Hachibee!” It seemed they were acquaintances. Iris was full of smiles as she clung to the tall demon’s waist. “It has been a while. I am glad you are doing well, child of the Chirimendonya clan. Now, what brings you here?” “We were thinking about going to Arcanletia, so we were hoping Wiz wouldn’t mind teleporting us. She went there not too long ago, right? So I was wondering if she registered it as a destination to teleport to.” We didn’t come here to play. I was worried that bringing the princess on a journey, which would take days by carriage, would cause a scene. Plus, I didn’t really have any money, either… “The owner is currently in the back resting after being scorched due to various circumstances that I mustn’t get into now. She should recover after sufficient rest, so please find a place to relax until then.” It sounded like Wiz had done something stupid again. That was when I realized that Cecily had been surprisingly quiet for too long. When I looked over, I saw that she was squirming in place with her palms on her cheeks. “He called me a brat, but how should I feel? I’m usually treated like an old woman, yet I feel so young again. It’s as if someone as experienced as me is but a naive child compared with Sir Vanir…” It sounded like Cecily giddily took the insult as a compliment. Anyone would seem like a child to a demon who had been living for who knows how long. I wouldn’t ruin the moment for her, though. All of a sudden… “Oh! Welcome back, Vanir! …Oh my. Customers this early in the morning?” The door to the shop opened, revealing someone wearing a penguin suit while holding a broom and dustpan. It looked like they had just been cleaning the shop to open for the day. Iris immediately leaped into the adorable-looking demon and former nobleman’s arms. “Zeeleschilt! Zeeleschilt!” “If it isn’t the princess! What are you doing here?” I guess it shouldn’t have been a surprise that a duke and the princess would know each other. “Zeeleschilt, here I’m just your run-of-the-mill Chirimendonya girl! So please call me Illis!” “I—I have no idea what a ‘run-of-the-mill Chirimendonya girl’ is, but, Your Majesty, I am bound by the rules given to my race. There is no way I could call you by your first name.” “Call me Illis, Zeeleschilt!” Iris wouldn’t back down, though, seemingly in love with her Chirimendonya alias. I vaguely remembered that demons could only call people they approved of by their first name. “N-no, Your Majesty, I—” “Illis! Now that I think about it, I remember hearing that you didn’t call people by their first name if you didn’t think they were strong or had talent. Hee-hee. I’m not the same little girl you used to play with. Here, let me show you what I’m made o—” “Lady Illis, you have grown to be such a strong, beautiful woman! I, Zeeleschilt, am so proud of you!” The suited demon took a step back as Iris began gleefully unsheathing her sword. He must be on his last life—mentally, since the townspeople messed with him from time to time. “I had no idea you and Zeeleschilt were acquaintances as well. At any rate, please come inside. We are friends, are we not? Allow me to sell you our wonderful products at a special price!” “Wow! Thank you so much, Hachibee! This store sells magic items, right? I can’t wait to see what you have!” Vanir smirked as if he was thrilled to catch himself the perfect customer, and Iris naively followed him inside without even a shred of doubt. It was clear that this gullible girl still needed someone around to keep an eye on her. 4 “First, allow me to show you this! A certain boy with a harem came up with the idea: the mysterious spring worm! At first glance, it appears to be nothing more than an ordinary spring! However, when you gently drop it down the stairs, it gracefully crawls along each and every step like an inchworm…” “Wow! That’s amazing! I’ll take it! How much?!” “What would you even use it for?! Don’t waste your money on junk! Your wallet is filled with the taxes paid by your countrymen!” Iris had been inside the shop for only a few seconds, and she was already about to be taken advantage of. “Then how about this?! These mysterious sandals squeak with every step! This equipment is said to have come from another world. Simply walking in these will strike fear in the heart of your opponent. They must have once belonged to a seasoned warrior long a—” “Say no more! I’ll take them!” “If you walk next to me in those squeaky shoes, I will tear them off you and burn them myself!” Everything seemed to be so novel to Iris that she’d probably buy a used eraser if offered. “Hey, there’s a young, beautiful man inside that suit, isn’t there? You can’t hide from me. After all, an adult would be too tall to fit inside!” “S-stop it! This suit is essentially a magic item, so— Ah! Quit it! Stop it, I say! Stop trying to look inside my suit!” Cecily, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying herself as she cornered the man in the penguin costume. “I will not stop! It’s your fault for wearing something so charming! I mean, what kind of shop is this?! First, there’s a mysterious gentleman wearing a mask and now someone wearing a fancy penguin suit? It’s only natural women are going to want to tease a cutie like you!” “I told you I’m not a young man… Vanir! There’s something wrong with this girl! Please…! Help me!” They weren’t making a scene to the point of interrupting our conversation, so I decided to ignore them. “They say that these gloves were regularly used by the legendary Crimson Magic Clan member Hemoglobin. Rumor has it that wearing these gloves will awaken the powers of a hero—” “The powers of a hero…!” “You could buy shady items like that for next to nothing in Crimson Magic Village.” “Stop getting in the way, joke mage! I’m trying to make a sale! Young Chirimendonya, I have just the item for you! This magic item is known as the bamboo-copter. You simply spin this between your hands, and it flies on its—” “I already have one of those, and it’s not a magic item! You can buy them anywhere! Hachibee, you’re just trying to tease me like Kazuma, aren’t you?!” Just then, the door to the shop flew open as a familiar face stepped inside. “Vanir, I did it! Look! I got the Adamanmoise shells y— M-Megumin?!” Yunyun’s expression was overcome with surprise as she carried tons of shells in her backpack. “What in the world have you been up to all morning?” “Huh?! V-Vanir asked me to bring him some Adamanmoise shells to make magic items with, so I’ve been searching for them since yesterday.” Apparently, she hadn’t been collecting shells all morning. She had been out looking for them throughout the night. “Good work, my dear friend. You can put the shells over there. Allow me to make you some delicious tea as a token of my appreciation.” Despite being clearly exhausted, Yunyun joyfully smiled from ear to ear as if she were thrilled to have helped her friend. “Are you only calling her your friend because you’re trying to make her work for free?” “How could you say such a thing? Do you charge your friends when asked a favor? Exchanging money is tactless between real friends. Isn’t that right, my dear friend?” “H-ha-ha… Yeah, you can’t buy friendship, after all.” Seeing my pathetic rival giddy over a little cup of tea made my head hurt. “‘You can’t buy friendship’? Did you forget about how you used to treat your classmates to lunch and donate your lunch to me?” “I—I didn’t donate anything to you! You stole from me!” All of a sudden, Yunyun casually surveyed the shop while relaxing with a cup of tea. “Wait. Why are you even here, Megumin? And with Iris and Cecily, to boot…” “We’re about to go on an adventure in a faraway town.” Immediately, Yunyun carefully placed her teacup on the table with both hands, then stretched in an exaggerated manner. “O-oh, you don’t say? What kind of adventure are we talking about?” “A quest to slay the mysterious slime th—” “A slime?! Those things with squishy bodies that your average swordsman can’t even cut through? Those monsters that have a resistance to most magic? And a mysterious one, at that?! Oh my! That sounds rough! Are you sure you’re going to be okay?!” Yunyun asked as if she had a strong interest in our quest. “…It’s not that big a deal. After all, I have Iris, who is definitely not your average swordsman, and a spell-caster—me—who can use the strongest spell of them all. A sluggish slime won’t stand a chance against us.” “Y-you’re being way too overconfident! You’re going to get hurt if you let your guard down like that! Besides, your party is—” “Iris will take the front while I take the rear with the priestess Cecily. But yes… It would be better if we had at least one more person in the front.” “R-right?! Incidentally, I happen to be a high-level Arch-wizard from the Crimson Magic Clan, so not only am I fairly strong, but I can fight on the front line as well, hence the dagger.” …………… “Yeah, I wish you could join us, but you worked all night on another quest, so I think you should rest tod—” “I was actually about to go on a jog because I didn’t get nearly enough exercise hunting those Adamanmoise! …By the way, Adamanmoise are also strong against physical and magical attacks, but I handled them with ease.” I soon found myself aggravated by Yunyun’s persistence. “Why do you have to make things complicated?! If you want to come, just say so! To tell the truth, you are the first person I tried to invite, but I couldn’t find you because you were out all night playing with snails or whatever! More importantly, you probably used a ton of mana last night, so are you sure you’re in any shape to even come?!” “I’m perfectly fine! Don’t worry about my mana, either! I’ll grab a ton of manatite before we go! Vanir, sell me all the mid-level rocks you’ve got!” “Pleasure doing business with you!” “I know I just asked you if you were going to be okay, but you really don’t need to buy that many! I’m pretty sure this is going to be an easy job!” Just then… “Have you wrapped everything up yet? I’m ready to go.” I was wondering why things seemed so quiet. Cecily must have been working hard, trying to take a peek inside that suit. She audaciously smirked while holding the limp penguin who was still trying to resist…until out of nowhere, a relaxed voice called out to us from the back. “Oh? What a pleasure to wake up to so many customers! P-please give me a second! I’ll go make some tea and—” “Please don’t worry about the tea. More importantly, I can almost see right through you!” Cecily’s eyes opened wide in shock as Wiz staggered into the room with a fading body. “Wh-what in the…?” Even someone as dense as Cecily would notice something odd about Wiz fading. Her body trembled, and she couldn’t take her eyes off Wiz. “Cecily, calm down. Please do not cause a scene. She may look like that, but she is actually a really ki—” “Tsk! Megumin! Now I know what you meant when you told me I wouldn’t be able to beat her no matter how hard I tried! Look at those breasts! And that face! She looks so delicate, like she would shatter and disappear if you touched her!” She was literally disappearing, but that wasn’t what this was about. “It would probably be best if I did the mature thing and backed down… While we haven’t known each other for long, we did have a physical connection, Vanir. I do have one last favor to ask of you, though…” “I feel as if I am being insulted, but I will agree to listen if you promise to leave without causing any more trouble.” Cecily traced a heart over Vanir’s chest with her finger. “Could you take off that mask and show me your face?” “Sigh…” Vanir heaved a deep sigh, then beckoned Cecily with his index finger, luring her to the back of the shop. She immediately and gleefully followed him, disappearing into the back room. “Oh my gosh! No way! I usually prefer boys and girls on the younger side, but I’m having second thoughts now! Ah! Wait! Don’t stop! Just let me stare at you for a little longer!” ………… Cecily eventually returned, grinning broadly with evident satisfaction by Vanir’s side. Everyone immediately broke their silence and simultaneously said: “““““I want to se—””””” “No.” 5 “Cecily, I have got to know! What did Hachibee look like when he took off his mask?!” “A handsome and refined gentleman was hiding behind that mask! …Cecily, stop! Get ahold of yourself! You love them on the younger side, don’t you?! Yes, you are going to find yourself a good-looking, rich husband and hire so many spritely young maids! You mustn’t be led astray by that man’s devilishly handsome face!” Cecily squirmed while holding her head as if she were fighting the voices inside it. “Anyway…” After finally calming down, Cecily looked at us with a huge grin on her face. “Welcome to the holy-water capital, Arcanletia!” We were sent straight to Arcanletia so Vanir could get us out of his hair. “Heh…heh-heh-heh… I knew I should have trusted my gut… I had a bad feeling about this. I just wanted to go on an adventure with everyone, but…I guess this beats daydreaming all day by myself… I never thought I’d come back to Arcanletia, but I guess it could be fun, since I didn’t come by myself…” “Megumin, it’s breaking my heart to see her like this…” “I didn’t tell her we were coming to Arcanletia, after all. You can blame the smile vanishing from her face on the Axis cult and Cecily.” Yunyun had been smiling through tears ever since we were sent here. Iris, on the other hand, was eagerly looking at each and every sight with stars in her eyes, since this was the first time she had ever been here. “Oh gosh! Her beautiful crying face…! The tear-streaked face of a cute little girl… Megumin, isn’t it wonderful?” “You seriously never learn, do you?! More importantly, when are you going to tell me why you care so much about a slime in a city all the way out here?” Cecily had asked us to slay a slime for her, but she was the branch manager in Axel now, so normally, any monster that appeared in Arcanletia wouldn’t be her problem. “Hey, Megumin. We’ve known each other for a while now, right? And we’re pretty close, yeah? So…can you promise me you won’t get mad?” “The only thing I can promise is that I will get mad if you do not tell me the truth.” Cecily froze. “…You’re from the Crimson Magic Clan, which means you’re smart, right? So let me give you a little hint first.” “I am not in the mood for games, Cecily. Just tell me why we are here.” She raised her index finger, ignoring me, and replied, “Nobody knows where slimes come from. They’re mysterious creatures. Nevertheless, this city is home to the Axis Church’s head church, and despite the holy water and the fact that this is a sacred land, a mysterious monster appeared. This is serious.” “I understand this is serious, but I want to know what it has to do with you.” Cecily clasped her hands before her chest as if she was praying. “I’m just thinking aloud here, but…” Why did I have a bad feeling about this? “Think back to that day in the Axel church when that gelatinous slime escaped from the refrigerator and devoured all the vegetables in the fields. Yes, my improved versions of the slimes came back to life even after being turned into powder.” “Yeah, I remember that. What does that have to do with this, though?” Are these two events connected? was what I was about to ask when it suddenly hit me. “Cecily.” “No. I promise.” I hadn’t even asked my question yet. “Remember that stupid incident where gelatinous slime came out of the hot springs in town instead of hot water?” “Yes, the Demon King’s army was trying to sabotage Arcanletia. That was a very tragic event, wasn’t it? Never in my wildest dreams did I think someone would steal the gelatinous slime I had been saving.” …………… “I am starting to get the feeling that that incident and this one were both your faul—” “That’s enough! This is pure speculation! I mean, it’s probably just a coincidence! Besides, I know for a fact that the Demon King’s army was behind stealing my gelatinous slime last time, so that was all their fault! But this time, I did forget about the slimes I had been saving to eat later, so they might have come back to life, escaped, and evolved into the mysterious slime. It could just be a coincidence as well. The only thing I do know is that…!” Cecily gently smiled before continuing: “The sudden appearance of the mysterious slime has been nothing but trouble for the people of Arcanletia. Is it so wrong to want to help?” “I am going to go home if you do not start telling me the truth.” She fell silent for a few moments, then said: “Fine! I want to dispose of the evidence before anyone finds out that I had something to do with this! Ah?! Ah! Megumin, wait…! Please don’t abandon meeeeeeeee!” 6 I heard a voice coming from the other side of the door. “I’m gonna go confess my sins at the church of the Eris sect! I’ll ask if getting turned on by Goddess Eris’s portrait is a sin! Who’s coming with me?” “Right behind you!” “Oh, count me in!” The ridiculous conversation made me hesitate over even opening the door. “Go! Confess your sins! I bet that Eris priestess will turn bright red and come yelling at me again, but little does she know, I love it! Now go! Confess!” The familiar voice belonged to an Arch-priest and the highest-ranking person here: Zesta. He was a middle-aged man and the current leader of the Axis Church. “It won’t be long before that beautiful Eris priestess will come screaming. I should take off my robe, sprawl out by the church’s entrance, and lie in wait to ambush her. Somebody, bring me a magic camera! I need to get a picture of her tearing up when she steps on my naked body! Seeing such a beautiful priestess crying and running away would be a treat! I’ll call the piece An Eris Priestess Stepping on a Naked Axis Follower and pass out copies around town to cause even more damage!” “Wonderful! What a marvelous idea, Father Zesta! Do you think I could be the one who lies down at the entrance tomorrow?” “Hey, that’s not fair! I want a beautiful priestess to step on me, too!” I reluctantly opened the door while listening to their depraved conversation. “…?! It’s a beautiful woman! No! Two beautiful women have descended upon our church!” “Hey! You’re scaring them! Stand back, you brutes! We, the female devotees, shall welcome them!” “Hey?! That’s not fair! I want to breathe in their glorious scents, too, you know!” It was like a painting of a scene from hell. This…was the Axis Church’s headquarters located in Arcanletia. Yunyun and I were surrounded by Axis followers the moment we stepped foot in the church. The men seemed to be hesitant, but the women were all over us, showing no reserve, probably since we were the same sex. Yunyun was frozen solid as they hugged her and rubbed her head. She couldn’t have been any more useless, so I tried to push the Axis followers away myself until… “Meg—honeyyy! I love youuuuuu!” “What are you doing joining them, Cecily?! You should be helping me! And don’t call me ‘honey’!” I pointed outside the church with my chin as she tried to take advantage of the confused state of affairs. “Sigh. I’m glad I went inside first. Listen, there’s a girl about to come in, and you cannot harass her like this. No touching or any sexual comments at all. Because if word gets out that you did, the head of the leader of the Axis Church will roll. Literally.” “What?! Father Zesta could be executed?! …Eh.” “Things would probably be a lot more peaceful in Arcanletia without him anyway.” “If Father Zesta was out of the picture, then perhaps I could be the leader!” “I may be old, but I’ve still got years left before I retire! If you want to become the next leader, you come over here and fight me like a man!” They were hopeless. “Hey, Megumin? You should probably remember that saying something like that is going to have the opposite effect here.” “I would prefer not to remember anything you people do here. Anyway, can you get rid of Zesta for me? I am afraid of what he might do if he sees Iris…” All of a sudden, the door to the church slowly opened, followed by Iris peeking her head inside. Zesta looked at her, then froze as if he was deep in thought until… “I-is everything okay, boss?! Someone just passed out…!” There was panic in Iris’s voice as she rushed over to Zesta, who had suddenly collapsed. “Another high-quality, beautiful girl! Have I used up a lifetime’s worth of good luck today?! Or perhaps I have already died and gone to heaven?!” “A beautiful blond little girl?! Ahhh! I can’t fight it anymore! Hey, cutie! Come here and give Mama a hug! I’ve got candyyyyyy.” Iris was surrounded in the blink of an eye, as if my warning was all for nothing. “Wh-what is wrong with you people?! This old man needs a healer! He hasn’t moved since he fell!” Iris exclaimed as she kneeled by Zesta’s body. “Sir, are you okay?! Can you hear me?!” She shook his body. “…Iris, step away from that man. He’s only pretending to be hurt so you’ll—” The other Axis followers suddenly began collapsing one by one before I could even finish my sentence. “A-are you okay?! Boss, everyone suddenly passed out! It must be some sort of illness or curse!” “They just want you to touch them to make sure they’re all right. Let’s start stepping on them if they refuse to get up.” Zesta suddenly rolled over and lay on his back, followed by the other Axis followers. It was as if they wanted us to step on them. “Megumin, I don’t think anybody’s going to move, since they probably consider that a reward. Father Zesta, please get up. You are making these beautiful young girls uncomfortable. Besides, the lovable branch manager of Axel, I—Cecily—have returned.” “Ptooey.” Still lying on the ground, Zesta skillfully spit out of the side of his mouth. “…Cecily, no offense, but being stepped on by you simply doesn’t do it for me. So do you think you could take your massive foot off me so I can get up now?” Zesta slowly sat up while Cecily was stomping on him. “Megumin, Yunyun, long time no see. Welcome, stray sheep, to our church. How may I help you all today? Wish to be baptized? Or is it a confession? If it’s to be my weekend mistress, then come on.” “Father Zesta, could you please shut up already? We came here to slay the slimes.” Zesta’s eyebrow twitched. “Oh? You came all the way here for that? I really appreciate the thought, but why would you do such a thing for us?” “Because we love this city! It’s home to the Axis Church’s headquarters, after all! I, Cecily, am one of the most devoted followers of Goddess Aqua and one of the most beautiful in the Axis Church as well!” Cecily cheerfully claimed. “I don’t know if I’d say you’re one of the most beautiful, but I like your spirit! Very well. I will come with you on your quest so I can see for myself just how much you’ve grown since you moved to Axel!” “Huh?!” And that was how Zesta ended up tagging along. 7 “I am trusting Iris with you, okay? Make sure the Axis followers’ warped personalities do not rub off on her.” “Why are you asking me to take on such an important mission? I don’t mind, though. Plus, getting to go on an adventure with Iris is nice, too, but…” The slimes that had come out of the old hot springs had apparently multiplied, and they were now using the pipes connecting the hot springs to travel around the city and cause trouble. “You can count on me, boss! I’m going to fight for the people of the city and for peace for the Axis Church!” I asked Iris and Yunyun to head into town to slay the slimes. I, on the other hand, would be looking into who or what was behind this incident, since I could only use my spell once a day. Plus… “Let go of me, Cecily! Those pure, innocent angels are leaving! Ahhh! I only said I was going to tag along because I thought I could be with them!” “I will not allow you to bother those angels, Father Zesta! Touching and flirting with those girls is a special privilege given only to the branch manager of Axel!” I was in charge of supervising these two. Great. While I was doing it to protect Iris, I honestly wasn’t that confident that I’d be able to handle two Axis followers. “Eh. If it comes down to it, I will just use Explosion and claim I was trying to kill a slime…” “Megumin?! I heard that! If I see that staff of yours pointing in my direction, I swear I will traumatize you before you can even cast a spell!” “Megumin, please keep in mind that Father Zesta always gets first place at the Speed Stripping Contest, so please don’t even think about pointing that staff at us.” I had to deal with the two most annoying people, and I was honestly not looking forward to it. “I was really fired up for the job when I first heard we had to slay some slimes, but we already know who caused this mess, so…” “Oh, Megumin. Whatever could you be talking about? I don’t think we should jump to conclusions simply because these are gelatinous slimes that are causing trouble around town!” It was obvious after getting the details. All eyewitness testimonies pointed to the slimes being gelatinous slimes. That alone already made it pretty clear whose fault this was. “But this is exactly like what happened in Axel when—” “I don’t want to hear any more about it, Megumin!” The slimes were stealing food just like Cecily’s gelatinous slimes had last time. “It sounds to me like you have figured out who was behind this incident?” “She did it.” “Wait! Not so fast! There isn’t enough proof yet that it was me!” I pressed my staff into Cecily’s stubborn cheek and rubbed it in a circular motion. “Then does that mean you already found the gelatinous slime you hid here in town? What was that? No? Thought so! Which means this is all your fault! How can you still deny that it was you?!” “Because I safely stored it away! They can’t resurrect if you don’t give them water! Trust me! Please…!” Zesta suddenly chimed in. “A while back, the Demon King’s army poured gelatinous slime into the city’s hot-springs source, but for a while, everyone thought it was me. It was a terrible time in my life. But now you’re making me wonder if that was really all y—” “It was the Demon King’s army!” Cecily firmly declared. I was now honestly starting to wonder if they really were the ones behind that incident… “Anyway, let’s get to the bottom of this case while Yunyun and Iris are taking care of the stray slimes! My priestess gut is telling me that there’s an evil aura coming from somewhere in town.” “Your gut has never been right, though.” “Megumin? Are you going through your rebellious phase? Why are you being so mean to me today?” “Recently, I have sensed an evil as well,” Zesta suddenly mentioned with an unusually serious expression. “I am pretty sure that’s you, Zesta.” “Megumin, shh! Let him believe!” Out of nowhere, Zesta took off without even acknowledging my insult. “Cecily, follow me! The sinister aura is coming from this way!” “Okay, Father Zesta! Let’s put an end to this evil!” shouted Cecily as she took off right behind him. “I have a really bad feeling about this…,” I mumbled to myself as I watched them run off. I then reflected on my actions after realizing that this was how Kazuma probably felt most of the time, too.
Chapter 22
35 min read