Chapter 10

This was what it meant to give no quarter. She probably didn’t think of Vanir as anything more than a bit of a weirdo, either, but this really showed me how blind Chris was. Then, as Chris looked perplexed at my sudden question… “Ah, both of you, over there!” When we looked where Iris was pointing, we saw Dust making sure nobody was around as he stood in front of a trash heap that crows had strewn about. “Huh, he really is an honest person after all. Look, look, he’s doing good deeds when nobody’s around to notice. After he’s gone out of his way to make sure no one is around, he’s gonna start cleaning up the garbage. Even regular people don’t usually do that. He’s looking more and more like the person you’re searching for!” …Not exactly. “I see, so he’s sifting through the unsorted trash. I really had this individual misjudged! He must have had some noble reason when he hassled that lady on the street before, too…!” Both of them were gloriously mistaken—he was going through the refuse to search for anything he could sell. As proof, when he found something that seemed worth selling, he rejoiced with a huge smile plastered on his face. “See, Megumin, my eyes aren’t so bad, huh?” She was just as blind as Aqua. “Look at that! He’s not just sorting the trash but even cleaning up what was scattered around. The ex–Dragon Knight in the story was said to have a sincere, faithful, and persevering personality, after all…” Not knowing much about garbage, Iris seemed to have a strange misunderstanding—clearly, he was doing it because leaving the refuse scattered would make it difficult for him to go through it later on. Having found something of value, Dust was beside himself as he cleaned up the trash heap and took what he found straight to the nearby hardware shop. “He found that a moment ago, right? Is it okay to exchange something you found for money, even if it was in a pile of garbage?” Chris volunteered to answer Iris and her doubts. “W-well, it was thrown out, after all. Rather than leaving it thrown away, I guess reusing it like that would be better for the world…” Ignoring what both of them said… “It seems that perhaps he did not agree with the buying price, because it looks like he just started arguing… Ah, I guess they ended up winning, since now he is venting frustration by kicking the garbage bin out all over the ground!” ““……”” The two of them, who’d been looking smug as they praised Dust, once again covered their red faces. …We continued to follow him thereafter. “Look, Megumin, over there—he’s helping a woman who’s being hassled by some foreign adventurer! He’s gonna do a good deed this time for sure…!” “…He’s started bothering her himself now, demanding she date him as thanks.” He ran away once the police warned him to stop harassing her. “…Oh, Dust dropped his wallet.” “He sure did. This isn’t the time for stalking; we have to pick it up and return it… Oh, the person walking behind him is returning it. That’s good!” “Wait, oh no! He’s arguing now, something like, I’m sure I had more in my wallet. You stole it, didn’t you?!” Having deliberately dropped his wallet and argued with the young man who picked it up for him, Dust bolted again after the police showed up. “This is our chance! A newbie adventurer is practicing his spear play in an empty lot! If Dust is a spear master, I’m sure he’ll do something…!” “…He went by, picking his nose, showing no interest whatsoever.” “…In fact, he’s making a fuss to the police who came after him earlier. Looks like he’s asking why they don’t scold an adventurer who’s waving a weapon around in town.” It was thus that Dust relentlessly showed us his pathetic stripes. After fully and shamelessly demonstrating that he was the loser to be most wary of in this town, he finally… “…Then I boldly leaped out in front of the Kowloon Hydra as a decoy to protect the other adventurers from danger. I was sent to Lady Eris when it killed me. Man, seeing her with my own eyes… Dang, she was divine.” “Ooh…! I want to meet Lady Eris, too, but that won’t happen when I die of old age. I’m sure going somewhere dangerous and throwing away one’s life on purpose would go against her will, too. I’m so jealous you got to meet her…!” Having made an utter nuisance of himself as he wandered around town, Dust returned to the Adventurers Guild and was now telling fishy tales to an old Eris priest he’d grabbed. As I recalled, the souls of people who met an unlucky fate, like getting killed by monsters, did make their way to the goddess Eris. Things like death from old age were not included in that, of course. It wasn’t completely unbelievable that, if Dust did die from a Kowloon Hydra, he would have met the goddess, but… “And so Lady Eris says to me, ‘You are not meant to die here. You are destined to aid the hero who will defeat the Demon King someday. Come now—return to us and help the hero who will save this world. I pray that you may bring light upon the land…’” “Wow, Lady Eris said that?! You sure carry a great destiny on your shoulders! If there is anything I can do to help, don’t hesitate to ask!” It was rather dubious whether Eris really told him that. For some reason, Chris started to tremble when she saw the priest so sincerely moved. As a devout follower of Eris herself, perhaps Chris was jealous that Dust had met her. His tale concluded, Dust chugged a drink the clergyman had bought as thanks for the story. The blond man turned with a smile toward the naive-seeming priest… “Oh, really? Actually, I’d love to fight alongside the hero and save the world, but sadly, I don’t have the money… I wonder if there are any devout followers of Eris around who’d be my patron, for the sake of world peace…” “What did you saaaaaaaay?!” Chris grabbed ahold of Dust. 7 “Come on—what’re you doing? I was this close. Ah, you’re that girl, right? The Thief who Kazuma yanked the panties off of when you two first met. Didn’t you run away crying after that?” “I—I—I didn’t cry! Anyway, that was an accident!” We treated Dust to a meal at a table in one corner of the Adventurers Guild. When Chris had suddenly flown into a rage and grabbed the man, he’d complained that she was interfering with business. Somehow, the tables had turned, and the Thief was buying him food after he got angry… “Boss, is it true that Kazuma stripped off Chris’s panties? You said earlier you were bathing with him, too. What is he getting up to?” “That sort of thing is business as usual for him. Just the other day at the mansion, he was trying to pull down Darkness’s underwear in the bathroom stall.” “What could possibly lead to a situation like that?!” As I was filling Iris in on all of Kazuma’s sexual harassment, Dust went wild ordering everything he could on Chris’s dime, saying, “Speaking of, I guess you were all tailing me today; what was that about? Are you guys my fans?” “No one would be weird enough to be your fan… Er, wait, you noticed us? I didn’t use my Ambush skill, but still—just as I thought, you’re more than just some nobody, aren’t you?” Chris asked suggestively, still seemingly unable to let go of the idea of Dust being a former noble elite. “Nah, you all stand out like crazy. I’m sure anyone would’ve noticed with that loud fuss you were making.” “W-well, whatever. Anyway, you—just because you met Eris doesn’t mean you can spread lies, you know! Don’t come crying to me when she smites you!” It was hard to believe such a levelheaded Thief was this devout a follower of Eris. Unperturbed by Chris’s anger, Dust said, “Hey, hey, how would you know if I was lying? You’ve never met Lady Eris, right? That’s right, you haven’t; you can’t meet her unless you die, after all.” “Well… I—I mean, Lady Eris would never say something so prophetic…” Chris averted her eyes awkwardly, sensing her weakened position. Seemingly unable to repress her curiosity, Iris leaned in. “What sort of individual was Lady Eris? Did she look just like she does in the pictures?” “Oh, who’s this? I haven’t seen your face around. Lady Eris was just as front-heavy as the Axis Church claims her to be, which was obviously because of pad— Er, aaahhhh!” After his sacrilegious remark, Dust got a better look at Iris’s face and let out a shriek. “Wait a second! You can’t go around spreading that talk about pads!” “Shut up! Who cares about a goddess’s boob pads right now?! Hey, kid, aren’t you that brat who was with Vanir’s master and set your short-tempered blond bodyguard on me while I was hitting on chicks?! That scary suit lady isn’t here today, is she?!” “Ummm, if you mean Claire, she isn’t here right now.” Now that he mentioned it, I did seem to remember Iris saying something like that a while back. “Wait, you seriously have to stop mentioning boob pads! Anyway, you can’t make up conversations with Lady Eris—she really will smite you, okay?!” Dust grinned amusedly at Chris as she slammed the table with a wham. “Like I said, do you have any proof I lied? I tell you, even though it was the first time we met, Lady Eris was obviously into me. The look she had was unmistakable.” “No, she was looking at you with pity, like anyone would look after someone died in such a stupid way!” “Don’t insult me like that, as if you were there yourself! I bravely charged the Kowloon Hydra—now apologize!” “All you did was lose your mind trying to get all the glory for yourself!” Their argument didn’t look like it was going to calm down, but once Dust’s food arrived, they seemed to call a temporary truce. “…Well? Getting back on topic, why were you following me?” “As it happens, I recently formed a thief gang with a certain goal in mind. Then I heard rumors about a blond and handsome expert adventurer, so I decided to recruit him. When I asked the receptionist lady if such a person existed, she told me you were the only adventurer with the right color of hair, so I figured I’d measure your ability…” His face stuffed full of food, Dust swallowed and impolitely pointed his fork my way. “A handsome expert adventurer? I swear, all anyone cares about these days is looks. I’ll let Kazuma know later that you were all trying to pick up hot adventurers.” “N-no, we were not trying to pick up anyone! Besides, I personally do not care if they’re not hot; that is just what the rumor said!” For some reason, I stammered an excuse. Dust gazed my way, doubtful. “What sort of person is this guy you’re looking for? I guess this panties-stripped girl couldn’t find him, but I know a lot about this town’s adventurers, even if I don’t look it. Anyone can dye their hair, after all. Try me: What’s this guy like?” “He was supposed to be a blond, handsome, highly skilled, sincere, faithful, persevering individual. Supposedly, all the young women idolized him.” “……Does anyone like that really exist in this world?” Dust asked, looking more and more unsure. “If we’re talking someone similar to that, I guess there’s just that weirdo named Mitsu…something-or-other. Was he really that stalwart, though? He got super mad when I touched the butt of the chick he was with.” It was glaringly obvious we really had asked the wrong person. “Er, do you mind if I ask you something?” Iris spoke up after having remained silent for a while. “Huh? What is it, kiddo? I don’t have a girlfriend or anything, but unlike Kazuma, I’m not a loli-lover, got it?” “Please don’t call him a ‘loli-lover’! No, that’s not it… Er, do you ever use a spear?” His eyebrow perking up at the mention of a spear, Dust scratched his head a bit awkwardly. “I—” “Lady Illiiiiiiiiiiis!” No sooner had Dust started than he was cut off by a yell echoing throughout the Guild Hall. The owner of the voice was none other than Claire, Iris’s bodyguard. “Ahhh! You’re that weird chick who took swipes at me out of nowhere before!” “Ahhh! You’re that skirt-chasing wretch from before! I won’t let you get your claws on Lady Illis this time…!” “Liar! Hey, kiddo, didn’t you say this chick wasn’t around today?!” “Th-there was no way I could…” Dust, frightened by the woman in the white suit, fled the scene, his complaint to Iris trailing off behind him. …Chris and I saw the princess off. After, we realized how late it was and decided to call it a day. “No fabled ex–Dragon Knight after all. Well, I am glad you joined up at least, Chris.” “That adds up. No expert adventurer would have a reason to stay in a beginners’ town. But anyway, I guess that Dust guy wasn’t him. I was sure I had an eye for people, though…” Vanir and Wiz standing out as much as they did was proof this girl was as blind as a bat. “But why did that Dragon Knight make off with the princess? The story may have been lovely as Illis told it, but he must have had his reasons.” “Well, everyone has a secret or two. I myself have something I have never shown anyone, not even Kazuma.” We Crimson Magic Clansfolk were each born with a number and mark on different spots of our bodies. In my case, it was sort of on a spot I couldn’t show other people… “Megumin, a girl shouldn’t say they’ll show that to just anyone, you know?” “I am not necessarily talking about anything lewd! Anyway, you have at least one secret of your own, don’t you, Chris?!” The Thief giggled quietly at that. “I guess I might have a few I keep from you, Megumin—secrets I share with Kazuma, at that.” “Oh, are you challenging me? That is a challenge, right? Fine, I am sick of seeing all the hussies ogling him recently—bring it on!” “W-w-w-wait a sec, I’m not like that!” 8 Cecily was still sleeping like a log when we got back to the hideout, so I decided to head home. The priestess was so totally smitten with the place, it seemed she would live there in a heartbeat. It was probably better to have someone always there than to leave it empty anyway. Today, we got a really good new member. Yes, the Thief we’d been waiting so long for, at last. Somehow, we’d been straying off course at every turn, but now we could finally get down to some real banditry. It was like, everyone was so unique, it made it hard to keep everyone on track. Kazuma might have actually been a genius to get such people to do what he wanted and to bring them together when it counted. …Pondering leadership qualities on my way back to the mansion, a familiar figure caught my eye. It was the newbie adventurer who had been practicing his spear play in an empty lot. He was still swinging his spear around, despite the setting sun. Dust watched him quietly from a short distance. He was probably just going to mess with the newbie again. Checking for police nearby, the blond man approached the newbie adventurer. “…Hey, lemme see that spear a sec. I’ll show you how it’s done,” he said rather unexpectedly. The adventurer, perhaps ignorant of Dust’s notoriety, wiped sweat from his brow and handed over the spear. Checking its length and condition, Dust swung the spear around for the while with a whoosh, and then he showed off some thrusts. Even to an amateur like me, it looked well practiced. The newbie adventurer stopped wiping himself off, his gaping mouth confirming the same thing I was seeing. The sound of the spear slicing through the air became sharper with each swing. The newbie was totally stunned. A growing sense of tension gripped me. Dust oozed such concentration that it made me wonder where the usual loser had gone; finally, he came to a low squat with the spear held at the ready, and… “…I’m home!” “Welcome back. Tonight’s dinner is everyone’s favorite, beef hot pot. I’m sick of Aqua saying, ‘Come on, come on,’ so go ahead and wash up.” Kazuma was today’s chef. He was carrying a gently boiling pot. Aqua was already seated at the table, and Darkness, who’d apparently been waiting on me, was pouring booze for everyone. “Kazuma, I have a little something to ask—do you mind?” “Oh, what’s this all of a sudden? …Ahaaa, you wanna ask when I’m going to bed?” he said with feigned ignorance, apparently thinking about our promise the other day. “No, not that. It is… Do you have anything you’re keeping from someone else? Like a secret, or something like that.” “A secret? I have tons of secrets. I mean, who doesn’t?” …I guess that’s true. The spectacle I’d witnessed just before was so shocking, it’d made me ask something silly. Could Dust really have been that Dragon Knight? His last technique had been almost unbelievable. If he hadn’t brought me back down to reality by saying, “Bring me one million eris if you want me to teach you that,” I might’ve been overwhelmed. “What are you on about so suddenly, Megumin? By the way, I don’t have any secrets. I trust all of you. I’ve told you everything there is about me.” Darkness spoke to me with a soft smile as I contemplated. “Funny you’d say that, since you joined the party pretending not to be a girl and caused that big scene when you tried to get married in secret.” Suddenly, Darkness looked ready to cry as Kazuma instantly won the argument. Then Aqua, who was excitedly waiting for the hot pot meat to cook, said, “Oh my, even I have secrets, you know? Actually, I was thinking I should let everyone know soon.” “Come on! You’re just gonna tell everyone you’re a goddess again, right? I told you, you’re never gonna get these two to believe you…” “No, not that. It’s coming up on a year since we formed our party, and I couldn’t help drinking the expensive booze Kazuma bought to celebrate!” Kazuma suddenly froze at Aqua’s words. “My bad!” “Whaddaya mean, ‘My bad’? You bonehead! That’s called dishonesty, not a secret! …Hey, those are some shifty eyes there. You were probing to see if I’d get mad about something petty because you have a bigger secret to hide, don’t you?! Come on—tell me!” …Oh well. Even I was still keeping the thief gang’s presence hidden from Kazuma. I just ignored the two of them. They were busy arguing like they always did anyway… Tilting a wineglass, Darkness asked me cheerfully, “By the way, Megumin, apparently you’ve been spending time with a lot of different people recently? What on earth were you doing today?” Huh. What had happened today? A bunch of stuff, I guess? I got another grunt, but if I had to pick something… “I saw some surprisingly different sides to a few different people today. If they give the okay, I will tell you about it sometime. I am sure you will be shocked.” This was like Iris or Yunyun, but I’d definitely have to ask what had really happened with the princess next time.