“He is no longer here,” Momo explained. “His soul is already separated from his body, so he couldn’t stay long in this world. It was his ‘love’ that kept him grounded here.”
Daniel added, “But actually, it was Momo who helped him… Agh…!”
Momo had grabbed him by the neck, and he fell silent. “It was his love for you,” Momo continued. “You understand, right? You felt it, right?”
“Then why did you take him away?” Rikoko demanded. “You did, right? You took him away, didn’t you?!”
“That’s right,” the girl in white answered. “But he had to let go of his ‘attachments’ first. That’s why he is now able to cross to the other side.”
“Why—how would you know that?!” Rikoko screamed at her.
To which Momo answered, “Oh, I am a shinigami , after all.”
Yanagihara had had a dream. With a laugh, even though there was totally nothing to laugh about, he had said that he wanted to become a kindergarten teacher.
How could a dead guy laugh about his dreams? No, actually, it was me that couldn’t laugh about myself. I had no dreams or anything else to tell anybody, to make them listen.
In Rikoko’s mind, there was nothing for her to talk about, nothing to tell the child about to be born to her.
And here I am, alive, while Yanagihara’s dead. Why? Why can’t things work out?
Suddenly, raindrops fell and struck Rikoko’s cheeks. The ground beneath her began to grow moist. Incredibly, the sky was clear, and yet it began to rain. Perhaps somebody was crying?
Or maybe I’m crying? I can’t even tell. I’m wet from the rain.
But Rikoko was feeling something besides the rain. Her vision was blurring and gradually went white. There was pain in her stomach; it felt like she was being stabbed with a knife. She crouched on the spot where she stood.
“…Ah… ngh…”
One of the nursery school teachers took notice and ran to her. It was the same teacher the little girl had run to and hugged.
“Are you all right?!” the teacher asked.
“Onee-chan, are you okay?”
Standing next to the nursery school teacher was the little girl Rikoko had helped.
“Onee-chan, onee-chan…”
The child’s voice gradually faded away…
—Ring.
✦ ✦ ✦
Hearing the sound of rain, she opened her eyes. Everything was white. Tears streamed down her cheeks.
Jeez, what am I, a crybaby?
“Looks like it,” a voice answered from very close by.
Rikoko turned her gaze and saw Momo and Daniel. Momo was plopped on a simple, steel-pipe chair while Daniel was curled up into a tiny ball on her lap.
She was in a square room with white walls. There were white sheets on her white bed. It didn’t take long for Rikoko to figure out she was lying on a hospital bed.
She heard the sound of rain pounding the window. While Rikoko had been unconscious, the passing rain had turned into a regular downpour.
“How do you feel?” Momo asked.
She was a weird one, a shinigami who worried about others. Yanagihara was gone, but for some reason she was still there. She hadn’t exactly come to claim Rikoko, either.
Somehow Rikoko understood the reason this shinigami was here. She felt the sense of loss one feels when one has lost something precious and can do nothing about it. The feeling spread throughout her body. She knew instantly that the life that should have been inside of her was gone.
Why can’t things work out? Why do I always lose precious things? Why do I always realize how precious they are after I lose them?
Though her body felt heavy, Rikoko raised herself up and asked, “Why, why… Why did you take it away?”
It was gone. The life inside her was no longer there. The shinigami had taken it away.
“How can you just kill people so casually?! How can you look so calm about it?! You killed Yanagihara with that same indifferent expression on your face, didn’t you?! My baby, too! What’s the fun in playing with people’s lives?! You murderer!” Rikoko spat the words out and then caught herself. “…Why…?”
The shinigami was crying. This entire time, Momo had been crying. Her tears overflowed, traveled down her cheeks, and fell.
“Because,” she sobbed, “that’s how I am.”
Momo smiled as she cried. She made no attempt to wipe away the tears that flowed, but she tried hard to make a happy face despite them.
For some reason, Rikoko remembered Yanagihara’s smiling face. In dying, it had actually been Yanagihara who had suffered most. Yet he had smiled. Now this shinigami girl. Perhaps it wasn’t true that she killed people indifferently.
What are you crying for? Makes me look like I’m the villain here. Because I can’t cry …oh, I see. So this little girl is crying in my place even though she’s a shinigami. I swear—give me a break. A shinigami should act like a shinigami.
Daniel woke up, doused by Momo’s tears. “…Huh?” he exclaimed. “Momo, why are you crying?”
Momo smiled gently. “It’s all right… It’s all right.”
She was saying it to Daniel, but to Rikoko as well. It felt that way.
“…I know you’ll be okay, Kagawa-san, I’m sure of it.”
You mean that you want me to “live,” right? That crybaby shinigami-san. Thanks, Yanagihara. For coming. For loving me.
✦ ✦ ✦
A strange rainbow in the sky. It shot out in a straight line instead of traveling in an arc.
Rikoko secretly pointed this out to the sky and the rainbow. Hey, hey. That’s not how it should be.
At the hospital, she asked about her child. But after all the tests were done, the doctor came in, looking as if he wasn’t amused.
“There never was a child,” the doctor said. “There was no evidence of a baby. Apparently, this was a case of an ‘imagined’ pregnancy, a psychological condition where in addition to your mistaken assumption that you were pregnant, symptoms appeared just as if it were a real pregnancy.”
Despite the doctor’s findings, Rikoko had definitely felt a life within her. And she had embraced it firmly.
The reason… For life.
Surely the shinigami had taken it away. Perhaps it was crawling quite happily in Heaven.
“…Do you like to smoke?”
Had Yanagihara asked that question because he knew about the baby in her belly? Perhaps he’d wanted to tell her that it was bad for her and her baby’s health.
Then I’ll quit smoking. After all, it’s bad for my health, right? Even I know that. I’m going to break up with my boyfriend too. I’m going to tell him properly. I fell in love with him, but now I’m breaking up with him. I still love him, though. I suppose it’s due to the so-called young girl’s pained heart? Once burned, twice shy, as they say. After all, I’m just a high school girl. I’m still terribly adolescent. As a result, I don’t plan on going that route for a long while.
Okay, see ya!
✦ ✦ ✦
rude rainbow — fin.