The girl was fourteen. She was not yet an adult, but no longer a child either. She was in a complicated state. And she was bored every day. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t remember what happened on the previous day after it had already passed by. After all, there was nothing to look back on. There was nothing to remember.
She smiled, although there was nothing to smile about.
Morning came, night fell, and then morning came again. Every day the same boring routine. She gave herself over to the moment. Another day repeated itself.
So the girl thought of doing something. Bad things. Very bad things. To break the boredom. She saw stories of bad girls on TV. That’s right, she’ll try that. She’ll be a copycat. That should ease the boredom.
The girl cleverly deceived a boy, whom she didn’t even like, and manipulated him into falling in love with her. It went well. She deceived him well.
…Or so she thought.
At some point, she fell for the boy. The girl grew attracted to the boy’s expressions, his manners, his smell, his words, his voice, the movements of his lips… everything about him.
She was supposed to make him fall in love with her, but she also had fallen hopelessly in love with him. That’s when the girl realized she had a big problem.
The boy she had fallen in love with was her tutor. He attended a famous university and had a bright future awaiting him. There was even a time when he eagerly told the girl about his dreams.
“…I’m going to become a politician. I think it would be great if our world could become just a little bit better to live in. There’s probably not much I can do. But if somebody somewhere could become just a bit happier than they are now… Things will change, I know it. They can change. If we work hard enough.”
The boy, who was usually quiet and spoke very little, on this occasion was in a talking mood. His cheeks reddened as he realized how talkative he was being. He was very mature for his age, but he spoke eagerly about his dreams like an excited little child. He was even a little bashful about it.
The girl listened intently to the boy as he talked. It was easy for her to see that he was serious about this. He had a great ambition.
So she couldn’t tell him. If she did, she might ruin his future and his dreams. No, if he found out, he would surely step away from the path arranged for him without the slightest reluctance or regret. If she asked him to die with her, he probably would. If it was for her. That was how sincere his feelings for her were. So she wouldn’t tell him. She couldn’t.
“…Not about this child.”
Rikoko placed her hand on her belly. She looked at it lovingly at first, and then with pain.
This new life growing inside of me…
“I knew.”
“…What?” Rikoko raised her head.
“I’m sure that girl put on a bold front, but in reality she was lonely… and just a little weak, right?” Yanagihara said, smiling his usual smile.
“Since I’m dead,” he continued, “I can’t feel you, Kagawa-san. I’m so close to you, but I can’t hold you in my arms. But I know. Maybe it’s because I’m dead. But now, I truly understand life. You held everything inside you, didn’t you? You struggled and you suffered, but you still tried to pull through by yourself, didn’t you? But it’s all right. I know you’ll be okay, Kagawa-san. Yes?”
He was saying such random things, but that was the good thing about it. It was comforting to have someone smiling next to you. What a relief it was simply to be an idiot and smile.
She had decided in her heart that there was no need to tell. She had thought it was the right thing to do. But somehow it was painful. She was afraid, so afraid she could not stand it. Her heart felt like it might get tom asunder.
Rikoko looked downward; she was about to cry. But she shouldn’t cry.
Yanagihara can no longer cry. So what’s the point of me crying? Then what will happen to this child? If I become weak, what will happen to this child? This life growing inside of me? I can’t cry.
Yanagihara was a really good guy with a completely good nature. It was embarrassing for her, but she realized he really did care about her. He had cared about her all this time, even after he had died.
If only I’d realized it sooner. If only we could have met like this sooner. Then things would be so much easier than they are now, and I wouldn’t have to suffer so much.
If she had gotten to know him better earlier, she probably wouldn’t have come close to being crushed by boredom.
“Why did you die?” she asked Yanagihara.
But there was only silence. Rikoko lifted her face.
“…No way…”
He was gone. Yanagihara was no longer there.
—Ring.
He had disappeared.
Well, he was dead to begin with, so that was probably normal. But it was all too sudden.
Don’t go away. You’re a good guy, and it might be strange to say this, but those meaningless conversations we have make me so happy. They’re really idiotic, but they give me comfort, and I was just starting to think it was all good, but now you’re gone.
“C’mon, Yanagihara,” she said aloud. “Come out. You’re just hiding, right? Hey, Yanagihara!”
“…He’s no longer here.”
—Ring.
The sound of a bell. And the presence of the shinigami in white.