Looking up, there was the ash-gray sky. Looking down, a pure white world spread out below.
Cold hands…
Where should I go? I am not here, even if I am here. Find me. Please. After all, I am here. I am not here. I have always looked up. Ash gray. Looking down, pure white. Cold hands, but somehow a warm heart. A smiling face. Surely tomorrow will be gone. But for now, I smile. Even though, probably, tomorrow this smile will be gone…
I’ll keep smiling.
✦ ✦ ✦
Since when have I been alone? Since when did I get used to being alone?
The situation was pretty harsh, but she had gotten used to it.
“Now then… what should I… do?”
On that day, Hirohinata Azuri was alone, as usual. She was used to it, but it was a different thing when one knew that this aloneness would continue for some time. Although she had just turned eleven, she was much more mature than her looks or age indicated. In fact, she could easily surpass her peers. But the situation she faced now was not one that would be so easily resolved.
Of course not.
Both her parents had died in a car accident. The specific cause was, for the time being, still under investigation by the police. Even Azuri, who usually maintained a cool facade, was distressed over the sudden turn of events. Her parents had been taken from her in one fell swoop. And she was suddenly swallowed up by the world of adults.
Her father had maintained a business, while her mother had managed a fashion brand. After the accident, their eleven-year-old daughter inherited both fortunes. Adults who had never paid any attention to Azuri before now flocked to her, saying things like, “Poor thing, we’ll help you, just tell us what you need.”
I don’t need any pity, and I don’t need any help. Don’t come near me. I don’t want to be at your beck and call. I have no intention of playing the part of the tragic heroine. So don’t mind me. I’m me. I can get by on my own. I have money, the one thing Papa and Mama left me… It isn’t me these people want. It’s the money. I swear, these adults are such turncoats…
Perhaps this was what those adults had hoped for? For her parents to be gone?
Or maybe they actually killed Papa and Mama?
The loss of her parents was so sudden that Azuri thought such hateful things. In the truest sense of the word, she had become alone. She had thought this kind of thing only happened in movies or books, but it had actually happened to her. It was all horribly overwhelming.
“Really… What should I do…?”
Azuri took a sip of tea from the cup. For the first time in her life—and alone at that—she had come to a place called a family restaurant. Not knowing what to do, she had found herself peeking from the entrance, afraid to enter.
What had made things worse was that an apparently naive young girl on the staff had started worrying about her. “Are you okay? Where’s your mama?” she had asked.
“I’m alone,” Azuri had said.
In a very nasal voice, the girl had replied, “Wow, you’re here all by yourself?”
She had shown Azuri to a seat. Carefully placing her coat and shoulder bag on a stool, Azuri had slowly sat down, making sure her skirt didn’t flap up. She was filled with self-loathing for being so ignorant of the ways of the world. But she at least understood she needed to order something. She at least knew that. She had tried ordering some tea, but…
“…This is not good at all… This…”
It wasn’t Earl Grey. The aroma stank like the cheap imitation that it was. And the pot wasn’t even properly warmed. The leaves weren’t steamed enough. The water wasn’t hot enough. Nothing was any good.
No good, no good, no good, no good, no good.
She stopped herself from letting out a sigh, deciding that it didn’t make for a good appearance. She pushed the sigh back, deep into her throat, and swallowed it.
Glaring at the tea didn’t make it taste any better, so she gave up and switched her gaze to the scenery outside the window. It was snowing. The snow, which had been falling for the past few days, covered the city in white. The sky above was a bleak ash gray, but the world in front of her eyes was a snow-covered scene of white and silver.
Which one is real? Which one is the true appearance? Which one is the real world? What is… real?
The powdery snow danced outside the window. She reached out her hand, toward the world beyond the glass. The cold she could not touch.
Sigh. She let out a breath, and the window fogged up.
It doesn’t matter which one. It doesn’t matter which one is real.
For now, Azuri had decided that she would at least leave the house. She wanted to go somewhere the adults could not reach her. But where could that be? There was nowhere a young girl in the fifth grade could go alone. However, she had nobody she could rely on. Where should she go?
“…For now…”
First, she had to do something about this godawful tea.