Mitsuki and Subaru were five years apart in age. Their parents had wanted a boy as the firstborn. So for their first child, they only thought of boyish-sounding names. They became so attached to the name they finally chose that, even though they ended up with a daughter, they still gave their firstborn a boy’s name.
For their next child, it was the reverse. They only thought about girls’ names. But this time, they received a boy. They had grown so enamored with the name they had thought of that, yet again, in the end they gave their son a girlish-sounding name.
Because Subaru was their firstborn, they wished for the child to grow up strong. But their hopes went just a little haywire, and although she was a girl, they raised her as if she were a boy. Subaru certainly looked like a girl, but she had a very boyish personality. She was more cool than cute.
Their parents loved astronomy, and it rubbed off on Subaru and Mitsuki. Both liked to look into the sky. Subaru was especially interested in outer space. She often stretched her arms up and tried to grab the stars in the night sky.
What an idiot, Mitsuki often thought. There’s no way she’d reach them.
But he liked those things about his sister, and he respected her.
Then, Subaru… died.
She was gone.
On that hot summer day, Subaru passed away.
They had snuck into the pool, laughing about it and promising to do it again. They had pretended to be fish, swimming in a universe of stars. Subaru loved to swim. She was even part of the junior high swim club.
That day, Mitsuki went to the junior high section to pick up his older sister after club activities. They had promised to sneak into the pool again later that night. He was excited and nervous—he couldn’t wait, so he went to pick up Subaru.
“Subaru!”
Seeing Mitsuki waving at her from the school gate, Subaru smiled and walked toward her brother. Her skin was darkly tanned, her hair short.
She spoke to him in a gentle voice, saying, “Mitsuki, it’s not time yet.”
Everything now was just like it was on that day. Everything was as it was, and Subaru was smiling in Mitsuki’s memory. It was a strange feeling.
To think, he was now older than Subaru had been back then.
What an idiot. Why did you save me? I’m worthless.
Subaru, though only a second-year student, had been chosen to represent the region in swimming competitions and had won several tournaments.
She was the one everyone had high hopes for. So why did she have to die? Why did she have to take my place?
In retrospect, he believed that if he hadn’t walked with her that day, if he hadn’t picked her up, or made that promise with her—if even the tiniest of details had been different—then surely Subaru would not be gone today.
On the day Subaru died, the two of them had been walking under the glow of the sunset. It had been a beautiful scene, steeped in red as if the world were about to end, brother and sister laughing and walking together, casting long shadows behind them.
But in the next instant…
—A roar.
—Reverberation.
—Screams.
—Dissonance.
Various sounds fused into a single cacophony.
When he came to, Mitsuki was lying on a hospital bed. A while passed before he learned Subaru died.
Mitsuki and Subaru had been passing by a building construction site. From above, a construction beam had fallen, as a sudden wind caused the crane lifting the beam to tilt. Subaru had shoved Mitsuki aside, to protect him from the falling beam. She, in turn, was crushed and died.
Why did you do that…? Why…?
The girl and the cat were gone, but Mitsuki was unable to move. He remained in the same position, with his knees clutched to his chest. No light came through the open window, and the room was nearly dark. The only movement came from the fluttering white curtain, swaying in the wind. It glowed faintly in the darkness.
—But it’s all right, Mitsuki told himself. It’s finally my turn. Nobody has to take my place anymore.
He heard a knock at the door.
It was his mother. “Mitsuki, I’ve been telling you to come downstairs to eat. Mitsuki? I’m coming in… Hey, what are you doing with the lights out like this?”
She made a face as she entered the room. She flicked a switch, and the fluorescent lights suddenly came to life. With light flooding the room, his mother immediately saw her son huddled on his bed.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
Mitsuki said nothing.
His mother let out a sigh, then said in a disgusted tone, “Look, you—you suddenly quit club activities, and now you sit here every day moping around. Oh, you were moping around even before that… I mean, get yourself together. Shape up! There’s something wrong with you these days, Mitsuki.”
“I’m okay,” he answered meekly. His voice sounded like the meow of a little kitten.
After Subaru died, Mitsuki didn’t go to the pool for a long time.
—He couldn’t go. He had promised that they would go together.
But the other day, for some reason, he had wanted so badly to go to the pool. He had wanted to swim in the water and wade in the universe of falling stars.
He knew that any time now he would die too. Maybe because he knew, he had found the urge to go to the pool. He might never again be able to swim in the night sky.
He had wanted to go to that precious place one more time. He had wanted to confirm that he had a precious place.
But as it turned out, he hadn’t been alone. He had come across her.