This wasn’t funny at all. Was watching my life just a game to him or something?
“Like I said, this isn’t a joke. He becomes a demon king of terrifying power and destroys the world.”
“Come on. Siegfried? The guy everyone calls the devoted king? He’s the furthest thing from a demon king I can think of.”
He’d devoted himself to his kingdom. He’d never destroy the world. Even I wouldn’t write such a stupid character arc.
“He’s always had an insane amount of mana—even losing some to Albert didn’t faze him. He keeps it in check through sheer willpower.” Professor continued in a solemn tone. “But when you die, the restraints on his willpower shatter.”
“They shatter?”
“Snap right in two.”
“And that’s when Siegfried becomes the demon king?”
“Exactly. A demon king whose power surpasses even mine. And when that happens, he could destroy not only this world, but other worlds too. All because you die.”
“But only if I die?”
“Yes. Only if you die.”
But why? That made no sense. I couldn’t even come up with a plot that ridiculous. It was inconceivable. I couldn’t imagine Siegfried losing control like that. And I certainly couldn’t imagine him as the demon king.
“You’re lying.”
“I am not!”
“This is Siegfried we’re talking about.”
“He’s already shown signs, hasn’t he?”
Siegfried, a demon king? That’s absurd. How could he destroy the world? Someone that kind? Yeah, right.
“Well, believe it or not, that’s how it is. It’s the truth, whether you accept it or not. The reason I broke my own rule and came to this world at all is because I have to keep you alive and end this loop.”
“And yet you just sat back and watched me get murdered over and over.”
“I couldn’t help it! I ran out of divine energy! And if I actively interfered, it would’ve meant wiping this world clean and rebuilding from scratch! And I really don’t wanna do that!”
“Wipe it clean? What would happen to Siegfried then?”
“Wow, even now you’re worried about him first? Most people would be like ‘What about me?!’ You’ve been through all this pain, all those deaths, even by your own hand. You’re starting to sound like a martyr now, you know.”
“I didn’t keep dying because I wanted to! And this time...Siegfried died. He died...” I trailed off. Siegfried had died right in front of me.
Suddenly I was covered in a cold sweat, and just remembering that moment made my breathing turn shallow.
“Ahh...”
“Your body might heal again and again, but your heart still remembers the pain. You try not to think about it too much. Wait, where are you going?!”
I didn’t wait for Professor to finish. I ran out of the room—I had to be sure. He was suddenly all I could think about. I had to see him alive and well with my own eyes. I wouldn’t believe it until I did. Was this really the world where Siegfried was still breathing?
I felt completely desperate as I ran to him.
“Siegfried!”
I threw open the door to his guest room. Although the rest of the estate was still bare, this room had been neatly furnished thanks to Lucas. Siegfried was lying on the canopy bed reading a book, and he blinked in surprise when I burst into the room. But I didn’t care. I threw myself into his arms without a second thought.
“Kreis?”
He was alive. He was really alive.
I was so overwhelmed with happiness that I squeezed him tightly. Siegfried drew in a breath, startled, but I barely even registered it.
I pressed my ear to his chest. His heartbeat was strong and steady, and I finally let out a long sigh of relief. That sound was proof that Siegfried was alive. And proof that this was the world where he existed.
I nearly cried in relief. Being able to feel his warmth again was more precious than anything I could ever express. I’d been so afraid of that warmth slipping away again. But right now, it was here...grounding me and seeping right into my heart.
He gently rested his hand on my head and began to comb his fingers through my hair. “What’s wrong? We just said good night. Did you have a nightmare or something?”
His voice jolted me back to reality. That was right...from his perspective, we’d just seen each other. Now that I was thinking more clearly, I realized how nuts this seemed. I was in my nightshirt and had barged into his room without permission. But my arms only tightened around him.
“Kreis, I can’t help you if you don’t say anything.”
I couldn’t tell him that I’d just died, and that I watched him die, that I’d come running to see if he was still alive. He’d think I’d gone completely mad.
“S-Sorry...”
I couldn’t find an excuse. I hurried to pull away, but Siegfried stopped me. His arms held me tightly, and he leaned in to peer into my face.
“There’s no need to apologize. I just want to know what scared you so badly.”
“It’s nothing. Really... It’s nothing at all.”
I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t want to tell him. It was better for him to never know what had happened.
“You really don’t want to talk about it?”
I didn’t answer.
“Okay, then I won’t ask anymore. But in that case, let’s just fall asleep together like this.”
He pulled me beneath the covers with him.
“Siegfried, I...”
“It’s all right.” He adjusted his position and wrapped his arms around me again before I could argue. “It’s perfect timing, actually. I was just thinking about how I was afraid to sleep alone tonight,” he said.
Liar. It was a lie so gentle it made my heart ache. No...it had been aching from the moment he held me.
Kreis had died first in that original timeline. But this time after I saw Siegfried die before my eyes, I’d realized it. I didn’t want to lose him. I couldn’t live without him; that was how deeply he’d embedded himself in my heart.
If I had to call that feeling anything, it would be love. Just as I’d said to the fallen angel.
His warmth against my cheek was unbearable. He cared about me so much, but I didn’t deserve such affection. I was deceiving him. This kindness wasn’t meant for me, because I wasn’t the real Kreis. I truly didn’t deserve Siegfried’s kindness.
“You’re trembling. Are you cold?”
I cherished this warmth. I knew this gentleness was meant for someone else, but still, I couldn’t bear to let go.
“Kreis, if you’re sad, you can cry. If you’re angry, you can let it out. When you’re in my arms, you don’t have to hide anything. Just be yourself.”
I couldn’t. I could only lie in front of him. He offered me such kindness, and all I could do was keep deceiving him.
“Kreis, at the very least, I want you to feel peace when you’re with me.”
Every time he said my name, I wanted to scream, “You’re wrong! I’m not your Kreis!”
How would he react if I said that? Would he be sad? Angry? Would he despair? I didn’t want to see him like that.
“I’m sorry, Siegfried.”
I was sorry for barging in on him in the middle of the night. For not telling the truth, and for stealing the life of someone precious to him.
Siegfried didn’t reply, but I felt his body shaking. He was chuckling softly.
“We slept like this once when we were children, didn’t we? Do you remember?”
I did. We’d hid under the blankets late into the night, whispering about everything. Kreis had talked about his grand dreams of making the kingdom better, and Siegfried had said, “Then I’ll become the kind of king you’ll be proud to serve.” It was the moment Kreis had chosen to dedicate himself to Siegfried.
But it wasn’t my memory. It belonged to the real Kreis, and to Siegfried. A memory just for the two of them.
“You’ve always been so earnest. That’s what I’ve always admired about you.”
“I’m not the same person I was back then,” I said.
Because I wasn’t him at all.
I didn’t regret being here. Even if the real Kreis had been the one to return, everything likely would’ve gone the same way it had the first time.
But precisely because I knew the full story, because I was cunning and stubborn, I could protect Siegfried from Gilles and Claude. I wasn’t about to back down from the fallen angel either.
Still, I wondered if Siegfried would really be happy about that. Maybe I could keep him from dying. But the person he really cherished was his childhood friend, and that person was already gone.
“Do you think you’ve changed?” he asked.
“I think I’m a far more cunning person than you think.”
“You mean when you pretended to sympathize with Gilles? Or when you looked all sorrowful to win everyone’s pity?”
I froze. I never considered that he’d seen through it. “You noticed?”
“I pay more attention to you than you think.”
Siegfried’s beloved Kreis would never have done something so manipulative. Had I disappointed him? I tensed up.
But then I felt him laugh again, his chest shaking gently against me.
“I know you’ve been doing everything you can to stay by my side. And I don’t think that’s cunning at all. In fact, I was pleased. You’ve been fighting off every threat that comes your way. I’m relieved.”
“Relieved?”
“Yes. Especially if you want to stand beside me. You can’t always just endure things. Remember, attacking is also a form of defense when it comes to protecting yourself. If anything were to happen to you, it could be fatal for me.”