““Pot spotted!””
✦ ✦ ✦
Aqua and I both noticed a jar, big enough for one person to hide in. At the exact same time, we both put a hand on it.
“Hey, I saw it first,” Aqua said. “Find your own hiding place!”
“You find somewhere else to hide! …Hey!” When I opened the jar, it turned out there was water inside. I guess this was where they stored their drinking water.
Aqua chuckled in triumph and held up her hair. “Well, well, it looks like I’m the only one who can hide here. Only a beautiful goddess, capable of breathing underwater, could—”
“Man, what a rip-off.” Annoyed by Aqua’s obvious satisfaction, I kicked the jar over.
“Nooo!”
The jar broke with a crash, sending water everywhere.
“Did you hear a sound just now?! I knew it! There’s someone here!”
“There! It came from that room over there!”
The Demon King’s minions, drawn by the noise, were so close now that I hardly needed a special skill to hear what they were saying.
“What are you doing?! What’s wrong with you?!” Aqua demanded.
“Shoot! Even I know that was a mistake! It’s just been so long since I got a chance to quip at you that I didn’t think…!”
“Sometimes I don’t know whether you’re an idiot or a genius, Kazuma! But oh noooo! What do we do? They’re gonna find us!”
✦ ✦ ✦
“Who’s there? Come out!” someone shouted, flinging the door open with a crash. Aqua and I ducked into a corner, trying to make ourselves as small as possible. Aqua had a death grip on my arm—probably trying to make extra sure my Ambush skill extended to her—and she was clinging to me like her life depended on it.
The room might have been gloomy, but Aqua and I could both see in the dark, so we got a good look at the lackeys who came through the door. One was a knight in pitch-black armor; the other was a crimson oni with two horns on his head who must have been at least two meters tall.
They looked around the room…
“Huh. Nobody here.”
“Grrr, that’s weird. How can there be no one here?”
But then, from behind them…
✦ ✦ ✦
<No, someone is certainly here. Someone who shines disgustingly, depressingly bright. She’s right…there!>
✦ ✦ ✦
Behind them, a semitranslucent ghost in a rotting robe spoke telepathically, directly into our minds, and then pointed right at Aqua.
“You’re an undead, a wraith at that, and yet you dare call me depressing? You’ve got some nerve! I’m going to purify you so hard, there won’t be so much as a wisp of you left!” Aqua danced out of the corner of the room, pointing right back at the wraith.
“Dammit, I knew something would happen the moment I found you!” I followed her, drawing the magic sword Dust had lent me.
“Intruders! I knew it! Hurry up and call reinforcemen— Hey, hang on a second. Do these two look ridiculously weak to you?”
“Um, yeah, I guess we could handle ’em on our own. How about it? Are we gonna handle ’em?”
<Gah! Just, someone else, please take care of that woman! My every instinct is telling me someone like her has to be my mortal enemy!>
Let the minions blather on. I leveled my sword at them and said, “Aqua, I’m counting on you for support! Just let me handle the vanguard! I think you’ll see I’ve learned a few tricks since we saw each other last. My power has awakened!”
“Whoooo! Kazuma, you’re so cool! Say, Kazuma, do you need a buff that makes you an amazing performer?”
“Give it to me! That’s a great one!” I said, getting ready for battle.
The Demon King’s minions lined up across from me. “G-gosh, these intruders don’t seem very worried about us…”
“We’ll show them! There are only two of ’em! Let’s tear ’em apart!”
<Uh, I’m starting to fade away just getting close to that woman!>
As Aqua buffed me, she was…smiling for some reason.
“Hey, Kazuma, I wonder what’s going on. We’re in another tight spot, and I know that really isn’t a good thing, but for some reason, I’m having a lot of fun!”
“Dammit, me too! What’s happening? I hate this! But for some reason I’m really relieved to feel like things are back to normal!”
Then the battle began!
✦ ✦ ✦
Buffed and ready, I stood with Aqua at my back. “Aqua, you’re on that wraith over there!”
“Got it! Ha-ha-ha! Woe betide the undead who appears in front of me! What shall I do with you? There are so many ways I could torment a pitiful wraith!”
<H-hey, this lady is terrifying for some reason! She’s bad news, she’s trouble, she’s a walking disaster! Sorry, guys, but do you mind if I get out of here?!>
So there we were in the middle of the Demon King’s castle—we didn’t even know exactly where—and Aqua was intimidating a wraith.
“All right, Payne, let’s trade opponents, then! You and I can take on this weak-ass kid! Nos, you handle the lady who’s got Payne freaking out!”
“I’m on her! Feel free to hide behind us, Payne!”
<Whatever! That weak little snot has my name written all over him! Hey, kid, you better get ready, ’cause physical attacks don’t work on me!>
It was the oni-like monster across from me giving the orders. The knight-type monster edged closer to Aqua, while the oni and the wraith closed distance with me, looking threatening. I didn’t like where this was going…
“Kazuma! This is the perfect time for…you know! Your killer trump card!”
“My killer what?! What’s ‘you know,’ and why the hell are you bringing it up now?! I know I talked up my awakening and stuff…but is there really some secret power within me that’s going to show up right in our moment of greatest need?!”
<““?!””>
The monsters stopped, worried about what “you know” might be.
“No! Kazuma, you’re completely, totally, and remarkably ordinary! I mean… You know! You have it for moments just like this, don’t you?!” I glanced back over my shoulder to find Aqua holding her pointer and middle fingers under her eyes.
✦ ✦ ✦
✦ ✦ ✦
Ah! That’s it!
“I gotcha! Take this— Flash!”
““Hngh?!””
“Eeeek!”
Flash was a magical spell that produced a blinding light, and I never made the same mistake twice. I held my left hand over my eyes as I sent the knight and oni reeling with a blast of light.
“Grrr! Damn! Stupid kid!”
“D-dirty little trick…!”
It worked great on those two, but—
<Ha! That won’t work on me! I don’t rely on eyeballs to see!>
“Yeah, but so what?” I crowed at the wraith. “Now your little friends can’t move, and before they get their vision back, you’re gonna be gone from this world! Aqua, you’re up! Do it!”
✦ ✦ ✦
“K-Kazuma… Kazuma… Where are you?!”
✦ ✦ ✦
I guess the spell had blinded Aqua along with the monsters.
“You’re the one who told me to blind them! Why’d you let it blind you, too?!”
“How was I supposed to know you’d learned a spell like that? When I said ‘you know,’ I was thinking of that obnoxious thing you do with your Earth this and Breath that!” Aqua, her eyes still closed, stumbled around, flailing until she managed to grab hold of my clothes.
Now it was the wraith’s turn to sound triumphant. <Bad luck for you, brother! I told you physical attacks don’t work on me, which means your chance of beating me is one in, like, a gazillion! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!> The ghost’s pale face twisted with pleasure, and then he flung out his hands toward me. His ghostly arms bent in impossible directions, but just before his fingers touched me—
“N-nice try!” I hooked Aqua in front of me, using her like a shield.
“<Eeeeek?!> ” they cried together.
If the wraith said he was starting to vanish just by getting near Aqua, then actually touching her must have been awfully painful for him.
“Hey, Kazuma, what was that just now?! I felt something really, really cold!” Aqua exclaimed, her eyes still closed.
<This guy’s a monster! Using his friend as a shield! Dammit, now my arm’s gone!> The wraith wept, looking at where his right arm had been.
“P-Payne, how’s it going over there? We know the lady’s your natural enemy, but you can at least take out the guy, right?!” The knight shouted, facing completely the other direction from the wraith.
<I s-sure thought so! Nos, Logia, hurry up and heal me!>
✦ ✦ ✦
Ah-ha-ha. Now I know all their names.
✦ ✦ ✦
Payne was the wraith, Nos was the knight, and Logia was the oni. And at the moment, Nos and Logia still couldn’t see.
Nos had his sword out and ready—and Logia was stumbling right past him, trying to turn around.
✦ ✦ ✦
You’re mine now!