“Nos, he’s right there! The guy is right in front of your face! Finish him!”
“Got it!”
“Eeeeyaaarrrrghhh!”
I used the Performer buff to imitate Payne’s voice and cause Nos to stab Logia.
“How’s that? Did I get him?!”
<You didn’t get him, Nos! You just cut down Logia! This is awful… And you, you’re nuts! How can you imitate my voice so perfectly when we’ve just met?!> Payne demanded, sticking close to the slumped-over Logia.
“Oh no! I cut down Logia?! Wh-wh-what’s that supposed to mean? Payne, tell me what’s going on!” Nos said, shaking uncontrollably. He could tell something was very, very wrong.
<The guy mimicked my voice! Just wait right there until you can see again, Nos; don’t move a muscle! Even I wouldn’t be able to withstand a cut from that enchanted sword of yours!>
“Y-yeah, I gotcha! I’ll just stand right here!” Nos said and stopped moving.
As for me, I made sure my throat was in good working order and then said, “Ha, that’s perfect! Yeesh! You’ve always been a thorn in my side, muscle-brain! You were never the sharpest tool in the shed, but I can’t believe you’ve found a way to make my life hard even at a moment like this!”
“P-P-P-Payne?! Is that r-r-r-really how you feel about me?!”
<N-n-no, it’s not! It was the guy who said that just now! Dammit, what are you smirking about? I’ll kill you!> Payne, enraged, came to attack me, although he had to be careful of Aqua, whom I was still using as a shield. In fact, he was paying complete attention to her—but I had a magical weapon of my own!
“Eat this, you sonofa—!”
<Yooow! Y-you carry an enchanted sword?! Damn! You looked so weak; I never expected you to have equipment that sweet. But if it comes to melee combat, you’re all mine! Try this on for size—the ultimate undead technique, Drain Touch!>
“Yikes!”
While Nos and Aqua focused on recovering their vision, Payne and I were really duking it out. I stabbed him with the enchanted sword Dust had loaned me, but he reached out and touched me, draining my life away.
“Shit! Get away from me, you…! Heal! Heal!”
<Eeeeyow-ow-ow-ow! G-geez, you even know healing magic?! Whatever, doesn’t matter. Too bad your weak-ass sword swinging and half-baked healing magic will never be enough to compensate for all the life I’m draining out of you!>
This was bad. I was starting to feel faint. I tried to make use of my anti-undead shield, but Payne and my shield were both fighting me now, so it wasn’t going very well.
Instead, I plunged my left hand into Payne’s transparent body.
<What do you think you’re— Hyaaarrrghhh! Y-y-you’re human! Why can you use Drain Touch?! Stop it, you bastard! Stop it right now! I’m gonna disappear!>
I was trying to steal Payne’s strength with Drain Touch, but he wasn’t in the mood to give up and started draining me right back. The MP I got from his spectral body was chilly and sort of gave me the heebie-jeebies. I had the feeling that draining an undead was probably terrible for my health. Now I understood why Wiz had been so unwilling to absorb MP from monsters. I’d drained Aqua and Megumin before, but this was something else entirely…
<Gaaah! My body! H-hey, why do you look so…so weirded out?!>
“I’m not exactly thrilled to be draining MP from a wraith! Draining a gorgeous wizard girl was a lot more fulfilling!”
<Draining a gorgeous wizard girl?! G-gods, I’m so jealous…! I know exactly how you feel, and if we’d met under any other circumstances, I’d have loved to have had a chat about the philosophy of draining with you… But we’re enemies, and I guess we’d better settle this, human!>
Geez, listen to him… If he weren’t a wraith, maybe I could have sat down for a drink with him…!
<I’m gonna show you a serious Drain Touch…!>
“God Blow!” Just as we were about to see which of us was the better Drain Toucher, Aqua smashed Payne out of existence. “And that’s what undead are worth against me. How about that? How was I?”
“D-dammit, you’ll never, ever learn to read a room, will you?”
Aqua kept looking at me, hoping I would compliment her fighting, but now wasn’t the time.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Y-you bastards… How dare you…!”