So there you have it.
Here we were. Skipping a lot of places we should have gone, obtaining no necessary supplies, doing no grinding in the beginner area. We were making a beeline for the final stage.
The demon lord’s castle loomed over us, framed by storm clouds. Very intimidating. The whole place reeked of evil. Just the sight of it was mentally straining, sending ripples of fear running through me. I instinctively wanted to stay away. Not another step closer.
“What now, Haruhi?” I asked.
Our hero was looking up at it like a tourist at the foot of Mount Fuji.
“We skipped all the other fighting, so this’ll play out just like the dragon. A guaranteed wipeout. That isn’t going to change no matter how many runs we take at it.”
“I’m afraid I must agree,” Koizumi said, taking my side for once. Cradling his lute despite it having been no use since we left the pub. “This isn’t a foe we can challenge with a frontal assault. After all…he is the demon lord. The castle itself will be full of fearsome monsters and traps. Would we even make it to the throne room?”
“Unlikely,” Haruhi said, her smile proving she wasn’t the least bit concerned.
“…………”
Nagato said nothing. She just stood there unobtrusively, siding with neither the yeas nor the nays, like a winter flower blooming in our brigade.
“No worries!” Haruhi said, confidentially pulling our caped and shivering upperclassman closer. “Mikuru will handle it!”
“I will?!” Asahina yelped, bending backward.
Haruhi got an arm round her shoulder, enunciating like she was teaching a parakeet to speak.
“Listen, you’re a mage. And you’re in the hero’s party, so you’ve gotta have stronger spells than anyone else in the world. I know for a fact you can do this. Your untapped potential should be top-tier. We only need to awaken it! Come, Mikuru, unleash the power hidden within you! Blast this dingy castle with something super-duper powerful.”
“B-but…”
Asahina dithered, clutching her robes, looking from the castle to Haruhi and back again.
“I don’t really know many spells…the best I can do is make your ears bigger!”
“Have faith in yourself.”
At the right time and place, that was a very encouraging phrase, but Haruhi had never once considered either of those things. It was arguably her most defining feature.
“You can do it, Mikuru. I chose you, so it has to be true. You have everything. You’re adorable, you’re nice, you’re a little clumsy—the perfect mage.” She pointed at the castle dramatically. “And now is the time to demonstrate the ultimate Mikuru magic! Are you ready?! Go, Mikuru! Cast a spell, any spell.”
“O-okay……!”
Asahina screwed her eyes shut and began muttering an incantation. Haruhi watched over her like a shepherd minding a newborn goat. I watched Asahina like I always do. I didn’t look at Koizumi, so I couldn’t be sure how he was taking this, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Nagato’s impassive stare break—her eyes widening.
Before I could ask why—
Asahina unleashed a super-duper powerful spell.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Meteor Buster and Devil Quake. Both spells activated simultaneously,” Koizumi elaborated. “We heard rumors about both at the pub—legendary spells from myths. To obtain either requires long-lost ancient knowledge and god-class magic points, but Asahina seems to have effortlessly cleared both hurdles.”
✦ ✦ ✦
✦ ✦ ✦
Talk about deus ex machina. Forget game balance. Was it really necessary to one-shot everything?
“Why not?” Haruhi said, looking thoroughly pleased. She was already celebrating our victory. “That’s our Mikuru! I knew you could do… Well, I’ll admit you surpassed my expectations, but in a good way!”
This lavish praise did seem to help; Asahina looked ready to swoon at the sight of her handiwork.
“Aughhh…eeeek…”
We were on the top of a hill. The spot where we were standing was no more, since everything within a twenty-mile radius, including the demon lord’s castle, no longer existed. There was only a massive yawning crater where it had been.
Asahina’s secret spell was legitimately terrifying. It would have reduced us to our component atoms, but Nagato had bailed us out. Just before several thousand meteors and localized earthquakes struck the castle, she moved like lightning, gathering us up in her slender arms and running off at near warp speed, and deposited us all on this hilltop. Good thing thieves are great at escaping. Probably not the most vital thought right now.
“………”
Nagato wasn’t even out of breath. She just watched the smoke and flames belching from the rectangular pit with no discernible emotion.
And so, the demon lord was eliminated along with his castle. All’s well that end’s well… Wait, aren’t we forgetting something?
“Time we head home!” Haruhi declared, thoroughly satisfied, and not inclined to bask in the afterglow. “Shame about the treasure, but no use crying over obliterated milk. Defeating the demon lord saved the world; I’m sure the king will be overjoyed. That means a triumphant return for us! Let’s start planning the victory party.”
That generally wasn’t something the hero planned herself. More like something that would normally be waiting for you, and in the castle instead of the pub—
Hang on; that’s not where “home” was. We defeated the demon lord—shouldn’t the game be over? If this was a genuine RPG, the credits would be rolling by now. In our case, we should’ve been sent back to our own world.
“Mission incomplete,” Nagato whispered, looking at me. When I blinked at her in confusion, she added, “We appear to have been penalized.”
That made even less sense. I stood there like a plank of wood—and the scenery around us began to transform. The forests and mountains collapsed, and the night sky expanded alarmingly. The night sky? Could it even be called that anymore? Though none of them twinkled at us, stars surrounded us in every direction, 360 degrees.
“……………”
Nagato and Koizumi and Asahina and I were all dead silent.
I was forced to say it again—the same thing I’d said when I figured out I was in a fantasy world.
“What the hell?”
We had suddenly found ourselves—this phrase was becoming real tired, real fast, but there wasn’t a better way to describe what was happening—in outer space. I found myself holding some sort of flight stick, which prompted me to examine my surroundings. I was in the cockpit of a spaceship, retro futuristic instruments all around me. My eyes settled on Haruhi, Nagato, and Asahina, all bedecked in costumes I found rather hard to describe. They sure showed a lot of skin. And they were striking rather audacious poses to boot.
“Oh my,” Koizumi said, a suggestive smile on his lips. He’d gone from bard to spaceship pilot. “It appears we’re now assigned to a space patrol unit. I suppose this is Stage Two?”
Don’t ask me. Was this the penalty for not completing the mission? What were we supposed to do this time?
“Do you copy, Ranging Galactic Observation Patrol, Haruhi Squad?”
A stern male voice emitted from the console before us. It sounded a lot like that king, and I couldn’t see this ending well.
“This is the emperor of the Fifth Galactic Separatist Empire. Nefarious space pirates have kidnapped our prince and princess. They seek the destruction of the universe! Please, put a stop to their vile schemes and rescue my children!”
“You got it,” Haruhi said immediately. “Trounce some space pirates? We’ll do that for free! Patrolling space is our job! Your kids don’t need to worry about a thing. We’ll make sure to save them this time!”
Oh, that’s what we forgot. That’s why there was a round two. When I hung my head, Haruhi slapped my shoulders. Her smile brighter than any star around us.
“Come, Kyon! Let’s chase these no-good pirates to the end of the universe!”
Fair enough. Whether our course took us to the ends of the universe or a ring world, there was no disobeying the captain’s orders. Frankly, it didn’t seem like this would ever end unless we rescued these abduction-prone royal children.
The rule of three wouldn’t apply here, right? We weren’t gonna wind up in a gunslinging western or whatever later, right? Please say we won’t.
“Engines, full power!” Haruhi bellowed.
Gritting my teeth, I pushed the flight stick all the way forward.
I prayed the next sudden scene shift would leave me back in the clubroom with a cup of tea.