So I guess we’ve gotta take out this demon lord. That was one problem down. We at least had a clear goal. Time to focus on the how.
“That’s all well and good, but…”
I turned a baleful gaze in Haruhi’s direction. Therein lay our biggest problem. I hardly need to elaborate—basically, all our problems came from the SOS Brigade’s troublemaking chief.
“We’re running outta food! Three rounds for the new arrivals, on the double!”
This soiree was now on its third day. All we’d done in the meantime was move from the inn to the pub and back again. We hadn’t fought any monsters to grind levels, hadn’t hunted down any useful items, and had no idea where the demon lord’s castle actually was.
Instead of playing the hero, Haruhi was trying her best to become a partying high roller. Asahina had reverted to full-time maid like it was her destiny. Koizumi was steadily getting better at playing the lute and bringing his gallery of fair maidens to tears. And Nagato seemed to be training for an eating contest.
I was starting to wonder if maybe we weren’t actually the hero’s party but the party of an imposter. There was a decent chance somewhere out there was a righteous group that genuinely cared about the state of the world, and we were just a bunch of scoundrels claiming to be them. I started worrying that the king would realize his error and a bunch of guards would kick in the doors to arrest us. I flinched every time someone new came in. That must be why my stomach hurt (I wasn’t overeating!) The creak of the door (the source of my ulcers!) came again. Once more, I was relieved by the lack of guards.
Instead, it was a man—he was old, but I wasn’t quite sure how old. He had white hair, and equally white eyebrows, topping a face covered in wrinkles—reminding me of a hermit or a mystic. This guy looked like he was about to teach us about the Force. And for some reason, his piercing gaze was locked on me.
“……You’re still here?” he asked, appalled.
Not like I can do anything about it.
The old man let out a desiccated wheeze, and headed to the back, where Haruhi reigned.
“Haruhi the Hero!”
“What do you want?”
She’d been presiding over a drunken arm-wrestling tournament and gave him a dubious look. “The entry fee’s one gold, winner takes all. Just write your name down over there.”
“You fool!”
The old man was absolutely right.
“I thought you’d be halfway to the demon lord’s castle by now, but you haven’t even left town?! What is the meaning of this?! Haruhi the Hero, destruction stands upon our very doorstep! It is your duty to defeat the demon lord before we are all doomed!”
“Who’s this geezer? He’s a real blowhard.”
“I,” the man began, fully straightening his back despite his apparent age, “am the sage of the forest. It is my role to provide you with vital information and ensure you follow the correct path.”
The din had died away, and his gravelly voice echoed in the silence.
“Ordinarily, I would wait for you to come to me, but since you haven’t budged, I was forced to come to you. Mark my words, Haruhi the Hero—”
“Fine.”
I wasn’t sure what was supposed to be fine, but Haruhi stood up, a smile on her lips.
“I figured someone was bound to show up. We were almost out of money anyway. Time for a change of scenery!”
So this was a premeditated crime. But what kind of heroic party blows their entire budget on entertainment?
“Unbelievable,” the forest sage said. “Then let us leave this place! Haruhi the Hero and her comrades! I must guide you to the first trial!”
Finally. Shaking my head, I got to my feet. Koizumi was shaking the hands of the heartbroken town girls, and Asahina was accepting a purse from the owner. Apparently she was being paid for her work. And Nagato was already waiting for us outside.
“Come on, Kyon.”
Haruhi grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the door.
“Awwwright, time to go kick this demon lord’s ass!” she said, turning back. “I’ll loot his treasure room and come back for some more partying!”
The roar of the crowd swept us out the door.
✦ ✦ ✦
Outside the town walls everything was green. The darker bits were forests, and the lighter bits were grasslands. Extremely basic terrain, like the developers had been stingy with the graphics budget.
“Listen,” said the forest sage, leading the way. “First you must find a cave at the heart of yonder forest. It is not a deep cave; you will not lose your way. There is a single treasure chest within, containing a key to the gates of the demon lord’s castle.”
So it’s a fetch quest.
“Roger that,” Haruhi said, nodding. “Come on, let’s get this over with. Move out!”
She ran off, forcing us to give chase. We couldn’t exactly let the hero charge in alone.
I think I heard the sage yelling, “Wait!” and “I’m not done yet!” behind us, but trying to keep up with Haruhi meant we had to leave him in the dust.
We spent a few minutes charging down the one path in the forest and found the cave at the end of it. This was immediately suspicious. Clearly, this was the sort of place where hideous monsters guarded treasure. Anyone would think twice about entering—but not Haruhi. We all charged right on into the cave, but then we were forced to pull up short not five steps inside.
“Yikes.”
The passage was pretty large, and the walls were faintly glowing. In other words, it wasn’t particularly dark, which allowed us to see what we’d much rather not.
“It’s so big!” Asahina gasped.
“True.” Koizumi nodded. “How do we defeat this?”
“…………”
Nagato was merely peering up at it. So was I—the massive bulk before us defied words.
“Um,” Haruhi said, scratching her head. “Is this the first monster? That doesn’t seem right.”
Haruhi might have a screw lose, but her question was right on the money.
Before us stood a dragon. It was ridiculously huge and glaring at us something fierce. Clearly, the boss of this cave and the guardian of the aforementioned treasure chest.
While we stood there, frozen in shock, the dragon’s mouth yawned open—
We didn’t stand a chance. The dragon’s breath wiped us out.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I tried to warn you!” the forest sage said, scowling. “You should really listen when people speak! Your levels are not high enough to challenge the guardian dragon! You must reach the key without engaging it!”
We were back at the forest entrance. As for why we were still alive after getting defeated—do I really need to explain what save points are? What other explanation could there possibly be?
“I know,” Haruhi grumbled, cutting him off yet again. “We just need to get the key, right? We’ll do better this time.”
“I’m trying to tell you how—”
“That’s quite enough out of you,” Haruhi said, eyes gleaming. She was hell-bent on getting revenge on this dragon. “I just let my guard down. We were caught by surprise! If we’re ready for it, something like that won’t take us down. We’re gonna kick its ass this time!”
And with that, she ran off once more. We didn’t have much choice besides running after her just like we had before. Personally, I’d rather go the other way, but that wasn’t an option. Really wish someone would fix that.
We burst back into the cave, found ourselves face-to-face with the dragon, which diligently breathed fire at us again, and we wiped a second time.