The park’s cold night air stirred with Masachika’s voice.
“In the end…I couldn’t do anything for Yuki.”
He had failed to make her happy, to give her freedom, to always be a big brother she could rely on. And yet, unlike her pathetic and inadequate brother, this little sister, who had once been so small and fragile, had grown into someone so big and strong.
“I abandoned her. I ran away from my responsibility as her brother.”
He couldn’t bear it. His sister was too radiant—too bright—to look at.
“But even then…she was still nice to her pitiful older sibling.”
Yuki always charged straight up to her brother, even as he looked away. As his silly, nerdy little sister, she swept his guilt aside as if it were a joke.
“She would always cling to me like a little animal, always expressing how much she loved me through both her words and actions, as if it were never enough…”
To an outsider, it might’ve looked like Yuki was just being spoiled by Masachika, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth.
“I—I…! I took advantage of that kindness of hers!”
It was in fact the other way around. It was Masachika who was being spoiled by Yuki all along. She saved him. Only when he was indulging his little sister could he forget his guilt. Only when he was humoring her selfishness did he feel like an amazing and dependable big brother again.
However…deep down, he had always felt it—the cold gaze of his former self, the Masachika Suou from before he had lost his way, watching him with disapproval. He could clearly hear the higher-pitched voice of his younger self as he asked, “How can you smile like that after ruining your sister’s life?”
He pretended not to notice the voice and smiled, but he despised that part of himself.
“I realized I had sacrificed my little sister Yuki’s freedom for my own sake, yet I’ve refused to face that fact while squandering my days as the pathetic, self-absorbed failure that I’ve become. That’s who I am… That’s Masachika Kuze in his entirety.”
No matter what excuses he told himself, the truth remained the same. In the moment his sister had needed him most…he couldn’t move. He said he loved her more than anyone. Said she was the most important person in his life. But in the end, the only one he truly cared about was himself. How arrogant—to speak of love and importance with such empty weight.
Oh… It all makes sense now…
Suddenly, Masachika understood why he couldn’t return Maria’s feelings. It wasn’t about confidence, or the fleeting nature of love, or even his parents’ divorce…all of which he now understood was merely an excuse. After all, he already knew the bond they shared was unbreakable. In other words, the real reason lied elsewhere entirely…
I just…
He simply couldn’t believe the strength of his own feelings.
He told a girl he liked her, yet he failed to recognize her as his first love when they were reunited. He said his sister was important, yet selfishly abandoned her.
He had realized how shallow and fragile his feelings and love were compared to theirs. Filled with disappointment and self-loathing, Masachika buried his face in his hands, trying to squeeze out the emotions that swelled in his aching chest.
“I have nothing… I have absolutely nothing to be proud of… I’m a worthless scumbag…”
He even felt disgusted with himself for acting so pathetically. Simply trying to repent felt arrogant as well. There was nowhere for him to seek forgiveness or comfort.
“I made a mistake.”
A low voice, saturated with darkness, spilled from him.
“It was all just one big mistake…from the very beginning.”
The day he walked out of the Suou household, leaving his sister behind, was the moment he veered off course; even now, he was still lost on that same misguided path, none the wiser.
“Masachika Kuze was a mistake.”