She was in pain.
“…! Cough!”
The moment Yuki awoke in bed, a deep cough tore from the depths of her chest. She continued coughing several more times, each hacking breath scorching her throat as throbbing aches shot through the back of her head.
She instinctively curled up, trying to endure the pain, but even the slightest movement triggered aches in every joint. Even when she finally managed to fight through the agony and turn onto her side, her shoulder and arm protested once trapped beneath her body, driving her to roll back onto her spine. But then she felt as if her lungs were being pressed down on by an unbearable weight.
I know…this feeling…
Memories from the past resurfaced in her mind, which was still hazy with fever.
They were memories of her lying helplessly in bed, trapped in unending pain. It felt like drifting through a water-worn cave without a map—a feeling of confinement and despair. She never knew when the flood would rise again and steal her breath, but the fear of its return never left her. And no matter how hard she fought or how loudly she cried, she could never escape.
How far would she have to go to be freed from this hellscape? Did an exit even exist? Whenever she pictured a future like this, panic crept in, threatening to unravel her mind.
I need…to calm down…and get my breathing…under control…
She shut her eyes and drew in slow, steady breaths, but each time she inhaled, she could feel the blood slowly drain from her fingertips. She was cold. Alone. She longed for someone—anyone—to hold her hand, but solitude seemed to stretch endlessly around her.
Why…? Ayano? Mom? Natsu, at least, should be here…
Surely they had only stepped out for a moment. Her smartphone was beside her, and if she used it, someone in the family would certainly come rushing in within seconds…but she did not.
It wasn’t the fever clouding her judgment. It was the fact that she could not fathom why no one was already there by her side when she was suffering so much. How could they just leave her alone like this? She despised every last one of them, and she wanted them to see her in this terrible state, crying and broken. She wanted them to panic and drown in guilt.
It was spiteful immaturity, but she was furious, resentful, scared, in pain, and lonely.
“Mn… Ngh!”
She sobbed like a small child, ignoring the pain in her throat. This caused her breathing to become erratic, and with her brain deprived of oxygen, her mind grew even hazier.
“Hff! Hffk! Uuu…”
Soon, Yuki’s thoughts began to lose focus, drifting aimlessly, until she no longer knew why she was crying. Was she crying because she was sad, or was she sad because she was crying? The anger was gone. All that remained was the chilling loneliness and a crushing anxiety that threatened to overwhelm her. How long would this suffering continue? When could she finally go outside? What if she stayed like this forever? The thought terrified her. She didn’t want to be there. She wanted to play with her brother. To tease Ayano. It hurt. She was lonely. She was scared. Utterly, overwhelmingly scared.
“Ahhhmn!! Ngh…! Guh…aaahhh!”
Just then, the door clicked open, and two familiar voices drifted in.
“Lady Yuki?! What’s the matter?!”
“Lady Yuki…!”
It was Natsu Kimishima, a maid of the Suou family, and her granddaughter Ayano, who served as Yuki’s attendant.
“Are you in pain? Did you have a nightmare?”
Natsu rushed over to the bed, barely taking time to set down the tray she was holding. She grabbed Yuki’s hand, worry etched across her face, and reached to touch the sick girl’s cheek…only for Yuki to shake her head and turn away, rejecting the woman’s touch.
“What’s wrong?! Do you need me to bring you something?!”
Ayano spoke in an unusually panicked voice, but Yuki ignored her as well and just continued to weep. She didn’t know why. If asked what hurt, she’d say everything, but that wasn’t why she was sobbing. And yet, Yuki herself still didn’t know the reason for her tears. Not knowing made it even worse, and all she could do was cry as if she were trying to push the whole world away.
“Ayano! Call the doctor!”
“…! Okay!”
“You’re going to be all right, Lady Yuki. The doctor will be here shortly.”
Natsu was saying something, but the words were already slipping past Yuki, fading into nothing but noise.
“Hff! Mn… Brother…”
Natsu froze at the words that slipped out between Yuki’s sobs.
“I want…my brother… Waaah!”
Was it really a cry for her brother’s help—or just a cruel way to burden Natsu with something she could never fix?
“Ah! Kuh…! Ngh… Brother…”
Yuki kept crying, not knowing the answer.