CHAPTER 4 The Sound of Slipping Gears It’s time to wake up, dear brother,” said Mai. “We have to get ready for our date. Come on, up you get,” she said, rocking me awake. “Huh…hmm? Mai? Urgh, I’m still sleepy… At least let me lie in bed until my alarm goes off…” I rolled over and opened an eye to look at the clock. It was even earlier than I got up on school days. “That won’t do, dear brother. If I let you laze around any longer you’ll be demoted from merely useless to an active waste of space. I can’t let that happen to you. Can you at least try to be considerate of your little sister’s feelings?” “…” “Big brothers who ignore their sisters get this.” “Gyaagh?! Ah, ah, aagh!” She pinched my cheek. I cried out in pain, and Mai dragged me from my bed like a hooked haddock onto the cold, unforgiving floor. “I’m going to get dressed, so hurry up and get ready.” “Okay.” After Mai left the room with graceful steps, I stood up. “…What a weird dream that was.” Vague scraps of information clung to my mind, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. “Argh, I just feel even more stressed now! That’s it, I’m not gonna think about anything today!” All this overthinking had dampened my mood lately. I knew I was too dumb to come up with an answer anyway, so why bother? That day, I decided to put it all out of my mind. That knife, my memories, everything. I was going to enjoy Mai’s date, head empty. “Dear brother! Breakfast’s ready!” came Mai’s voice from the hallway. “Coming!” I shouted back. Then I took off my pajamas and got dressed. “Aah, what a nice film. That was so touching.” “Touching? Did we watch the same movie?” Out on the busy streets, my sister wore a cardigan over her one-piece dress, along with a beret and lensless glasses to obscure her identity. Meanwhile, I was wearing my casual clothes, plus a cap and sunglasses. This was what we had to wear anywhere other than at school and at home. And I’d had to sit there dressed like an idiot while the cat and squirrel on the screen did nothing for three hours. That was why Mai’s assessment of the movie had shocked me. I mean, it was literally just a cat playing with a squirrel. And why the hell did it have to be three hours long? What was the director thinking? “You need to learn to be more sensitive, dear brother. That was a hidden gem. You don’t get to see many films like that these days.” There wasn’t a hint of bitterness anywhere on her face. God, she was being totally sincere. There was no point in arguing; she was never going to be convinced otherwise. I guess the pitying look the cashier had given when she handed us the tickets meant nothing, too. And the fact that we were the only two people in the theater. “Well, we’ve still got time. Want to go somewhere?” I asked. “The pet shop, the pet shop!” “Yes, yes. As you wish, Your Highness.” Mai and I walked through the dense downtown streets until we arrived at a shopping mall that was packed with vendors. She was holding my hand as always, and I heard someone remark “What a cute couple!” as we passed. We’re siblings, actually, but thanks… Damn, maybe I am obsessed after all. “Welcome!” “Look, dear brother, look! They have squirrels! Squirrels! Ah, and here’s a kitten!” Her love of small animals stoked by the movie, Mai instantly got excited when looking at the pets on display. She couldn’t hide her delight no matter how much she tried. Aah, what an angel. Yep, I guess I am obsessed. “That kitten was just born last month,” said the clerk. “Would you like to pet it?” “Can I?!” “Yes, just be gentle, okay?” Overjoyed, Mai picked up the tiny kitten in her arms. “Look, dear brother, look! He’s so small and cute and fuzzy and adorable!” Yeah, adorable. And the kitten wasn’t bad, either. What was wrong with being obsessed anyway? We stayed there for a while, and I admired my cute little sister stroking the cute little kittens. “Aah, that was fun. There were kittens and puppies and hamsters and squirrels…” “Isn’t that nice? I’m glad you enjoyed it.” “Let’s go here next, dear brother. I want to see if they have any good stuffed animals!” “W-wait, slow down!” Mai grabbed me by the hand and pulled me into a novelty goods store that radiated a level of feminine energy that made me want to run for the hills. Everywhere I turned, there were teenage girls with their boyfriends, squeeing over the kitschy and cutesy merchandise. “Er…umm…” For some reason, a wave of guilt hit me, like I wasn’t supposed to be there. I knew why I was getting that feeling—it was like I was using Mai as a cover to infiltrate normie space! “Are you thinking about something weird again, dear brother?” “Hmm? Mai? Mgh!” I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around, to be met with a faceful of stuffed animal. “I know that look,” she said. “It’s the one you always get when you’re lost in your neuroses. You know what they say: Overthinking will not empower you. You just keep your thoughts on me, and everything will be okay. Understand?” “Mgh, mgh, mghh.” Mai pressed a sheep plush toy about the size of my head into my face, using the legs to squeeze my cheeks. Then she popped her head out from behind it. Aah, what a pleasant sensation. What an adorable little sister. Who could blame me for getting obsessed? She was just so cute, dammit. After that, we played with some frog and cow sock puppets and messed around with hair clips. You know, I think I’m starting to see the appeal of normie stuff. She’s my sister, you say? What’s that got to do with it? Oh, it’s the normie life for me. Who wouldn’t want to go on a date with such a cute girl? Even though we’re related. Because that doesn’t matter, you see. “Well then, dear brother. There’s one more place I’d like to go. Would you mind accompanying me?” “Sure! We can go anywhere you want.” “Oh, good. Then let’s go to that store over there.” “Hmm? Which one is…it…?” Acutia Lingerie. The shop Mai was pointing at was a pinky, glitzy, no-clothesy store that no man could ever enter. Every one of my happy reveries was expelled from my brain at once. “Sorry, no can do.” “My, you sure did turn serious all of a sudden, dear brother. You should try smiling; it makes you look a little less ugly. Shall we go in, then?” “No, we shan’t. Only dudes with maximum security in their masculinity can waltz into that store and come back alive. Are you trying to get me killed? What do you need me for in there anyway?” “Well, you see, I went up a cup size lately, and I need something more comfortable to wear in bed…” “AAAA. AAAA. AAAA.” “…so I thought if I’m buying one anyway, it might as well be one you like, dear brother.” “I was trying not to listen!! Stop talking!! Don’t you know the rules?” “Don’t be selfish, Kaito. Do you want to end up a useless big brother?” “Telling my little sister what bras I like is even worse! What you’re describing isn’t a useless big brother—it’s a sex offender brother!!” I steadfastly stuck to my guns until I got my way. I knew I never should have agreed to this. Or at the very least, I should have insisted on calling it a day out and not a date. “One bottomless soda. Will that be all? The machine is just over there, so please help yourself.” After relaxing for a second in the air-conditioned restaurant interior, I walked over to the drink machine and got myself a cup of melon soda. I’d managed to avoid the wicked dangers of the ladies’ lingerie shop by the skin of my teeth after I convinced Mai to let me wander off on my own for a while. She’d said she would be an hour, and my task was to hold on to all the stuffed animals and accessories she had already bought until then. “…An hour… That’s a long time.” How on earth could it take an hour just to pick out some fancy bra and panties? I know it wasn’t anything like buying men’s underwear, but still. “So much time…” “Oh, you kids and your time. You’ll wish you had spent it well when you enter the workforce, believe me.” It was Ms. Kawakami, in suit mode. She came over to my table and slumped across it while I slurped melon soda through my straw. “Oh. Hi.” The scent of her sweet perfume was the only thing about her that reminded me she was a fully grown woman and not a child. “I guess it’s been two months, hasn’t it? You after a scoop again?” “Yeah, some idol drama that nobody even cares about. And before that, I wasted my time chasing up this rumor that wasn’t even true, so forgive me if I’m a little under the weather today. You’ll buy me some food to cheer me up, won’t you?” Ms. Kawakami sat down across from me as though it were the most natural thing in the world, spouting her childish request with the most brazenly mature-seeming smile I had ever seen. “No, I won’t. You’re a grown up; don’t you have your own money?” “Oh, waitress! One rib eye steak meal, please!” “…You aren’t listening… And that’s the most expensive thing on the menu.” Bossy as ever, I see. Oh well, she never did ask for that thirty thousand yen back, so I suppose I could let this slide. “So, what are you doing here?” she asked. “Holding on to stuff my sister bought,” I replied. “So I have about an hour free.” “Date with your sister, huh? That’s gotta sting.” Sure, twist the knife, why don’t you? “Oh, shut up,” I said. “I’m living the dream, enjoying the normie life. You’re just sad ’cause you’ll never spend your youth with a cute little sister like mine.” “Er, but she’s your sister. It’s not like she’s your girlfriend.” “…” How did she call my bluff? This woman just stabbed me in the guts without a moment’s hesitation and tore my self-confidence to shreds. I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. Ever. “Well, whatever,” she continued. “So how goes the amnesia? Remember anything yet?” “…No. Unfortunately for you, I don’t.” “Hmm? Did I touch a nerve?” “No… It’s just that I’m kind of on a remembering hiatus right now.” “Huh…? What does that mean?” I wiped a line of condensation off the side of my cup, letting it fall onto the crumpled-up straw wrapper. As I watched it gently soak the paper, I was surprised at how easily I decided to open up to Ms. Kawakami. “…Honestly, I’ve been feeling like I’d be better off not remembering lately. I mean, it’s not like it’s going to help.” It was as though it had taken voicing this aloud for me to finally accept my feelings on the matter. I could justify it any way I liked, but the bottom line was, I was afraid. I was afraid of allowing the thing that lurked within me to escape. Even for Yuuto, even for the police. Even if it would help bring this case to a close. “Instead, I want to be there for Mai. She’s had no one to look after her this past year, and it’s been really hard on her. And she’s been acting unstable ever since I got back. Whatever I’ve got going on can wait, can’t it?” Still, I was telling the truth. Mai had nobody to lean on but me. My highest priority was making sure she was okay. “Hmm, is that right? I would say that’s all the more reason to regain your memories, wouldn’t you?” “Hmm? What do you mean?” “Well, if she’s so unstable, then you don’t want to be carrying this ticking time bomb around in your head, do you? Don’t you think she’s worried about you?” “…” I couldn’t respond to that. “And you’re the only family she has left, right? She already lost you once, and with the case still unsolved, I bet she’s thinking it’s only a matter of time before you go missing again.” “Uh? No, I…huh?” “We might not know yet if your memories will change anything, but that’s no reason to pretend you’re better off not knowing, is it?” “…” Perhaps reading a little into my silence, Ms. Kawakami went on. “…Well, who knows with you. But usually when people get their memories back, they find out it’s not as bad as they feared.” “…Is that right?” “It’s rough, I’m sure. Just stay strong, big brother.” At that moment, the waitress brought Ms. Kawakami her food order. “Here you are, one large rib steak meal.” She placed the sizzling plate in front of Ms. Kawakami. The young journalist clenched both fists and smiled to dispel the serious mood that had fallen over our table. “And you, Kumiko. You keep your eyes on the scoop, all right? ” A second later, I remembered that “Kumiko” was Ms. Kawakami’s first name. “Mmm, that’s the stuff. I was just craving something filling like this.” She sliced into the meat and took a bite. I still couldn’t find it in me to say a word. Shortly after wolfing down her meal, Ms. Kawakami said her good-byes and left. I milled around for a while longer before going back to meet up with Mai, by which point it was late enough that we were both ready to head home. By the time we rode the train back and exited the ticket barrier, the sun was low in the sky and cast an evening glow over the city. Mai and I walked hand in hand through madder-stained streets. “Don’t you think she’s worried about you?” “Stay strong, big brother.” My brief conversation with Ms. Kawakami resounded in my head. Is Mai only acting clingy because she’s worried about me? Mai had undoubtedly been less emotionally stable as of late. But what if it was anxiety causing her behavior? Anxiety over losing me again. “Dear brother? Is something the matter?” “Hmm? Ah, no. Just thinking.” I glanced at Mai, walking alongside me. I felt something frigid in the warmth of her palm. “…Do you feel better after today, dear brother?” “Huh? Do I feel better?” “You haven’t been yourself recently,” she said. “Are you worried about your memories returning?” “Wha…?! How did you…?” I gasped. “I know these things, dear brother. Ever since you came back from the hospital, you’ve been acting depressed. You seem guilty over something you did to Yuuto, too.” Mai stopped in the middle of the street with a worried look on her face. “I think it’s okay not to remember if you don’t want to,” she said. “No matter what anyone else says, I will always be on your side. I never want to hurt you. And I’m sure whatever left you in that awful state, you never want to see it again. You can leave the case to the police. You’re under no obligation to remember anything for them.” “…” She’d seen right through me. Not only that, but she knew exactly what to say. Mai squeezed my hand. “You’re here now, dear brother. You can laugh, smile, think stupid thoughts, and make me angry. That’s the only thing I want.” Right now, it was Mai who seemed like she might disappear at any moment. “…I’m sorry, Mai. You’ve been worried about me, haven’t you?” Goddamn, and to think I said it was all for her. Could I have been any more wrong? Why was I like this? Always using whatever explanation I could hastily concoct to justify avoiding the truths I didn’t want to face. What a coward I was. For shame. “But you don’t have to worry about me, Mai,” I said. “Whatever happens, I’ll always be by your side.” Yeah. What kind of big brother would I be if I couldn’t even do that? I turned and faced forward. There were certainly horrible things out there. This other self I hesitated to accept was terrifying beyond belief. “Or else, you’ll lose everything you hold dear once again.” I suddenly remembered the dream from that morning. …This isn’t the time to be scared. I’ve got to stop making excuses and grow a spine. Tomorrow, I would resume trying to recover my lost memories. Once I did that and accepted my alter ego, I could put an end to the vague fears and insecurities that hounded me now. I could solve the case and make it so I never risked disappearing from Mai’s side again. I would stop running away. And that meant confronting Mai about that bloody knife, too. Everything needed to be put to rest before we could move forward. At that time, that was what I truly believed. “…I see.” And so I failed to notice… …the expression on Mai’s face as she gazed at the ground. “Um…do I go like this?” “That’s right, very good. Then you just keep doing this…” “Hmm? What are you two up to?” We were in the shade of a stone on a grassy plain, underneath the blanket of stars in the night sky. I had gone a short distance from our campsite to where I had dug a small hole filled with hot water. Then I’d immersed myself in the warmth of this impromptu open-air bath, letting the cool night air wash over me. Once I felt ready to pass out from dizziness, I exited the bath and returned to camp, where, in front of a small crackling bonfire, the two girls seemed immersed in an activity of their own. “Ah, Master. We were just adding something to your armor.” “We’ve just finished! Look at this, look at this!” Eyes wide with excitement, they showed me a flower design they’d stitched onto the inside of my leather armor with a needle and thread. “Embroidery? What’s that for?” “For good luck! The daughter of that merchant we met today taught us how to do it!” “Every stitch is made with our own hair, so it contains our feelings of affection. It’s supposed to ward off bad luck.” “You used your hair to make this? That does sound like magic. Witchcraft or something— I mean…” When I realized what I’d said, it was too late. The two girls despondently cast their eyes downward. “Should we not have?” “We’re sorry…” “No, no, that’s not what I meant at all. It just reminded me of something, is the thing. I’m happy you made it for me, honest.” When I said that, the two girls breathed a sigh of relief. “But what do you mean, it reminded you of something?” “Hmm? Oh, it’s just that charm is quite famous in the north. The last time someone made one for me, I was, like, ‘A charm from the demon lord’s hair? You sure it won’t bring bad luck instead?’ I got a real telling-off for that one.” I smiled, remembering the scene. “I should have learned back then. All I had to do was…this.” “Whah…?” “Fwah?!” I placed both my hands on their heads, stroking their hair. “Thank you. . And , too. There’s part of you in this armor now. I’ll treasure it always.” “Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring!” A sound like tiny ball bearings rattled in my ears. I rolled over and stopped my alarm clock, before sitting up in bed. “…Haah. Those two again. Ever since I saw that redheaded girl, they’ve been dominating my dreams.” A week had passed since I decided to remember what I could for Mai’s sake, and I’d had similar dreams night after night. Endless snowfields, thick forests, jagged mountains, barren wastelands, and burning deserts. I was always traveling. Sometimes alone, sometimes as part of a group. And the dreams were always first-person. “Perhaps they really are my old memories…” The contents of the dreams were fantastical, impossible. But assuming everyone wasn’t having a massive joke at my expense, then the circumstances of our disappearance, and of my return, were hard to explain. Maybe, just maybe, the locations I saw in my dreams were real. “…If these are really memories from the time I was missing…” Most were in black and white, and I couldn’t hear anyone’s voice. But some, like the one I’d just woken up from, were clear and distinct. There were voices, colors, smells, and warmth. Even tactile sensations of things I touched. There were a few recurring characters in the dreams, all of whom felt deeply precious to me. But whenever I was about to hear their names, they would be drowned out by horrendous static. “Who were those girls? What did they mean to me?” I asked this question to the old me, whose presence was the only thing I could feel. Those two were important to you, weren’t they? If I really did get teleported to another world, I can see why I’d be angry. I’d do anything I could to find a way home. But you’re back now. Shouldn’t you be happy? And even if that wasn’t the case, and you missed your friends from that world, wouldn’t you be sad? “I just don’t get why you’re so angry…” How many times had I asked myself that question? But now, as ever, the only response I received was a low growl, like that of a starving wolf. “…” Still, it wasn’t just anger. There was more to the memories I’d lost than unbridled hatred. There were other emotions that escaped from time to time. Once again, I’d learned nothing, but I was making progress. I could feel the rattling chains that bound the old me beginning to give. I knew my lost memories would return with just one more push. “…Welp, if one more shove is all you need, then today’s the day!” I clapped my hands against my cheeks to fire myself up. Today, I was going to meet with those detectives and get back what belonged to me. I arrived at the police station amid blustery winter winds. The only part of me that was still warm was the hand with which I’d been holding Mai’s; the rest felt so cold, I thought my skin would freeze. “…My glasses have fogged up,” my sister said, removing her spectacles. “That’s why I told you to wear sunglasses.” “Sunglasses fog up as well, my useless brother. It’s just you don’t notice because they’re so dark.” I let go of her hand and took off my sunglasses, along with the scarf around my neck. Then we went to look for a receptionist but ended up running into Inspector Miyagawa instead. “Oh, Mr. Ukei. Sorry to make you walk all this way.” “Ah. Mr. Miyagawa.” “…” Mai seemed none too pleased to see him, after what had happened the first time they’d met. She cast her glance aside and tugged on my sleeve, which she had been pinching instead of holding my hand. “Oh dear, seems the little miss has it in for me!” “Yeah, sorry about that,” I said, patting her on the head before turning back to Miyagawa. “Were you coming to wait for us?” “No, I just happened to be walking by. Though I have been waiting for you to show. The reception desk’s over this way.” Miyagawa led us to the counter, where he explained the situation to the woman behind the desk. He filled out some forms, then said, “I might as well show you where the stuff’s locked up while I’m here.” “Sure, thanks,” I replied. He then took us down a hallway and began leading us through the building. “There’s not many people here today,” I noted. The police station was relatively unpopulated for its size. It was around lunchtime, so they could have been on their breaks, but I figured at least a few more policemen or office staff would be walking the halls. “Yeah, well, there’s a good reason for that,” Miyagawa replied. “They’re all distracted.” Miyagawa pointed at a dumb-looking poster on the wall that read ALICE KUROI! ACTING POLICE CHIEF FOR A DAY! “Something went down at the event site,” he explained. “I’m heading there, too, after my break. An old man like me can’t catch a break around here, it seems.” He sighed. As I took another look at him, he seemed tired. “Have you been busy, detective? I’ve seen the police posted all around town.” “Hmm? Aah. I guess. I know we got a lot of fresh blood, thanks to the hiring boom, but the more people we have, the less money and time there is. You don’t get nothing in this world for free, you know. So yeah, we’re still busy.” Miyagawa gave a bitter smile. “In fact, we only just found out about another kid connected to the case that went missing a few days ago. They weren’t exactly a model student, though, so we’re still trying to work out if they disappeared or just ran away from home. They’ve done it before.” Miyagawa gave another grin, but there was very little cheer in it. “Looks like you can’t trust the police to do anything. If you have time to complain about it, then do your jobs.” “Mai!!” “Nah, she’s not wrong,” Miyagawa said. “You got every right to blame us. The top brass are chasing the public’s trust, going after numbers and flooding the streets with rookies. But none of it matters if the people still get hurt on our watch. It’s bullshit.” “…I wasn’t saying it was your fault specifically.” “No, we haven’t been careful enough. I know we haven’t.” “…” Miyagawa shook his head, and Mai averted her eyes. “Ah, but don’t tell the superintendent I said that, or I’ll be in trouble,” he said with a grin, dispelling the awkward atmosphere. Just then, we arrived in front of a door reading AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. “Um, are we allowed in here?” “Just so you can get your stuff back. We’re making a special exception this once. That’s why I came to the entrance to find you.” Inside was a row of metal racks, kind of like a backstage dressing room. On each of them were cardboard boxes, their contents labeled. “Wait here for a sec,” said Miyagawa. “I’ll go get yours.” We waited outside the room while he went inside. Just then, I realized my palms were sweaty and my fists were clenched. My heartbeat was racing like crazy. Was I really going to get my memories back? “Dear brother…” “Hmm? What is it?” I answered calmly. But of course, I wasn’t calm. I just had to pretend I was. I had to be strong for my worrywart little sister. That was the kind of idiot I was. Whatever I remember, I won’t let it change me. I’ll protect Mai. I won’t ever let her cry again. For just a second, I thought I felt a flame flicker to life in my heart. It was the ember of the old me. Over the past few months, I had come to understand something about him. Though the old me seemed like a monstrous void at times, our motives seemed to align whenever I was instilled with the desire to protect Mai. That was all I needed to know. To feel that the being of rage within me was not so far gone as to forget that. He was me. And I would never abandon my sister. “It’s okay,” I said. “I promise you, whatever happens, I’ll stay by your side.” “I’ll hold you to that, dear brother.” The look in her eyes was faltering, insecure. I patted her on the head and faced forward again. Once I got my memories back, we’d head right home, and I’d ask her about the knife. I bet it’s just a stage prop or something. Come to think of it, why did I even assume it was human blood? I was jumping to conclusions. It could easily be fake. For some reason, something inside my head told me it wasn’t, but at least I was calming down enough to entertain the possibility. “Sure,” I said. “By the way, I have something to ask you about when we get home…” That instant, a horrendous chill ran down my spine. I didn’t know why, but it felt like an enormous snake had just lifted me up in its tongue. “Hrk?!” “Dear brother?” Mai’s worried question brought me back to reality. Everything looked the same, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that the walls had grown spikes and were closing in around me. “Ah, there it is.” Just then, Miyagawa found what he was looking for and lifted a cardboard box off the upper shelf. Time seemed to slow to a crawl around me, and I couldn’t fathom why. All I knew was that ever since waking up, I would get this sensation whenever I was in danger. What was the threat here? I didn’t know. I didn’t know. And before I could find out… “Mai?!” “Kai—!” I hugged her on instinct, placing myself between her and where I thought the danger was going to come from. The next second… BOOOOOOOOOM!! …a blinding, searing white consumed everything, and an ear-rending blast swept the room. I felt a sharp object pierce my back before the eternal second came to a close. “! ! !!” As the dust cleared, I checked to see if Mai was all right. Thankfully, it appeared my swift action had left her mostly unharmed. She was screaming at me in terror, but the blast had knocked out my senses, and I couldn’t hear a word. I just wiped the soot off her cheek and said: “Thank god…you’re okay…” Leaving her with those words, I closed my eyes. The madder sky tinted the world in red. And beneath it, a decaying ruin stood. “Hey, Kaito? Do you remember the day we first met?” “Yeah, I remember. Of course I do.” “I remember what I told you back then. Do not touch me. Do not even come near. Stay right where you are. I guess you and I are two of a kind, a pair of fools. And look at us now.” “I can’t help the fact that I fell hopelessly in love with you. Besides, , it’s your fault for being so darn cute.” “You buffoon! You nincompoop! You incorrigible fool! What kind of hero attempts to woo the demon lord? And what kind of demon lord returns it? To keep that up, even now, at the very end, will only make our parting even harder.” The red-haired girl before me mustered a weak smile. “I would throw it all away and enjoy what little time I have left. What say you?” “…” My chest hurt. Why? Simple. I knew what she was going to say next. And I already knew I had come here to refuse her. “I’ll do anything and everything I can for you. I’ll give you half the world if I must. So please come to my side.” She looked like she might burst into tears at any moment. I had told myself not to give in, and yet even now my heart felt on the verge of cracking. “Don’t say it. I don’t want to live like that. I’m sorry, but I’m selfish. I want it all. I don’t want our life together to be destroyed, and I don’t want to live with you knowing that everything will go up in smoke in two or three years! I’ll…I’ll find a way to rid you of that curse. No matter how improbable, I have to try!” “Kaito…” “I’m never going to give up. I can’t just sit back and let you die, and neither should you! I’m not about to let you sacrifice yourself for the sake of the world!!” You can’t. It’s impossible. It’s too late. Give up. There’s nothing left. Nothing to save. Nothing to do except take her life with your own two hands. You’ll regret not taking her hand when you had the chance. “I’ll take you back to my world! We’ll restore the great barrier, stop the fighting! You and me, together! Then we can live in my world, happily ever after!” That will never happen. “I’ll introduce you to my family. Brag about you to my friends. ‘Look at this cute girl I got to be my wife,’ I’ll say. Yeah, it’ll be fun. Back there, there’s no heroes or demon lords to worry about. We can be ourselves, and no one can tell us otherwise.” That dream will never come to pass. “I can’t live in peace not knowing which of our days might be our last. I was summoned to this world to be a hero, and that’s just what I’ll be. I won’t compromise. I’ll give everything I’ve got to make sure we can claim our happy ending. Nothing else matters to me. What the hell am I gonna do with half the world?!” “…You always were a fool, Kaito. A hopeless, stubborn fool.” Why? Even in my dreams, I couldn’t make it stop. Although I couldn’t remember what happened next, I knew it wasn’t the bright future I was fighting for. “Okay. I’ll believe in you, Kaito! If anyone can save me, it’s you!” She wiped her tears and retracted her hand. “Yeah, just trust me! Because I love you, you stupid girl!!” “Make sure you come back!! I’ll be waiting! And if you don’t, I’ll be sad!! And I love you, too, you big, stubborn oaf of a man!” With that, we turned our backs on each other and started walking. The sky above was blood-red. I awoke still not knowing what exactly I had dreamed of, only certain that it was a very important dream. The color of the sky remained burned into my mind for minutes afterward. The hospital was a fortress of white walls. I faced my last checkup for the second time before being discharged. “What are you made of, titanium? Are you some sort of killer robot from the future?” “Uhh…I dunno. I’ve been quite surprised myself lately.” “It’s just hard to believe you could suffer a blast at point-blank range and get away with only three days in the hospital.” “Ha-ha… Guess I’m just lucky…” “More like unlucky. If luck were on your side, you wouldn’t have gotten into this mess in the first place. It’s a miracle you even survived.” Dr. Maeno gave a deep sigh. His assessment completed, he instructed me to put on my shirt. There had been an explosion. Supposedly, rats had chewed through the gas lines, causing a leak that was then ignited by static electricity. The blast set fire to the whole room, and it might have spread to the building, if not for the timely arrival of the fire department and the fact that the sprinkler system had been miraculously spared in the explosion. At first, everyone thought there had been some kind of terrorist attack, but the police investigation quickly turned up the truth and put a stop to those rumors. Now they were dealing with the cleanup. The blast had occurred right in the middle of the evidence room, and decades’ worth of confiscated items were now blasted to bits, burned, or flooded. Even a layperson like me could imagine what a massive setback it was. Still, my priority now wasn’t what had been lost in the blast but those of us who had been harmed. Mai and I were lucky enough to get away with only minor injuries. No, scratch that—only she had been mostly unharmed. My entire back had been scorched by the blast, and bits of metal had gotten lodged in there. I must have looked like a porcupine when they wheeled me in. Fortunately, however, the shrapnel didn’t hit anything important, and it had already been removed by the time I regained consciousness. My sister had suffered minor burns to her arms and legs where I hadn’t been able to cover her, but she was otherwise unscathed. Now, two days after the explosion, they had healed to the point where only a slight reddening of the skin remained. I’d told Yuuto about what a good job I’d done in protecting my sister from receiving lifelong scars, and he smacked me upside the head. Even though I had a bandage on. So even though I got turned into a hedgehog for a bit, it was way better than letting Mai come to harm. There was one other problem, though… “Um, how’s the detective?” “Still in intensive care, I’m afraid. He took a burst of shrapnel to the vitals. We’re past the worst of it, but I don’t believe he’ll wake up for some time. At least another two weeks, I’d say.” “I see…” Mr. Miyagawa had come out of it with the most severe injuries. The only reason he was still alive was because Mai had called for help immediately. However, he still hadn’t come to. We weren’t even allowed to see him. “Your tests have come back clean,” continued Dr. Maeno, “but please take care. And keep that head wrapping on until we next see each other, if you don’t mind. Don’t forget to put this cream on your back and change your bandages every day. You might be able to survive a gas explosion, but infections are no joke. Have your sister help.” “I will. Thank you.” I bowed and left the examination room, returning to my hospital bed. I was starting to grow used to this place. Not that I’d been here longer than two days this time. When I got back, Mai was waiting for me, having just stuffed several days’ worth of clothes into her bag. “There you are, dear brother. I’ve just finished filling out the discharge forms.” “I see, thanks.” “Anything for you, dear brother. Now, let’s go home.” Mai snugly linked arms with me and flashed a smile. Her grin didn’t look right to me. It was just like the one she used to wear when she’d been weak, sickly, and shy. A light behind fragile windows. In fact, it was worse now than it had ever been. Her clinginess was borderline pathological. I knew it… Mai’s mental state had deteriorated even further. Now it was difficult for her to spend even a moment away from my side. She was skipping school to stay with me at the hospital, and she never even went home. She’d brought enough changes of clothes to keep a constant vigil and bought food and drink from the stores nearby. At lunch, she was always with me, and she would wait outside the door when I needed to use the bathroom. Even when we weren’t doing anything, she would hold my hand, and when we walked, it was always arm in arm. I kept telling her it wasn’t appropriate, but she showed no remorse, let alone a desire to change. When I woke up and saw that Mai was spending every waking moment looking after me, I’d tried to get her to leave, but she refused. Her eyes just glazed over like a robot’s while she hugged my arm and said “No.” Regardless of what I said, she just repeated “No! No! No!” over and over again, leaving me with no choice but to surrender to her whims. I couldn’t help but think that the broken doll that sat by my hospital bed was a far truer portrait of Mai than the girl smiling and clinging to my arm. “Yeah, let’s go home,” I said. How can I get her to go to therapy…? I started walking, without voicing my concerns to Mai. Now that things were this bad, I had to do something about it, even if that meant swallowing my pride. I planned on taking Mai to a therapist. This hospital was a decent pick, but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to trust Dr. Maeno completely, so I planned to take her somewhere else. Perhaps it might help jog my memory, too. Apparently, the outfit I had gone to the station to retrieve had perished in the blast. It was a real shame; although the odds weren’t high, I had still hoped that seeing the items would lead me to recover my lost memories. But if there was one silver lining to be gleaned from all this, it was that dream I’d had just after the blast took me out. It was the clearest one yet, and it seemed to come from a place very close to my heart. However, now that I was so close, my urge to forget what had happened to me was as strong as it had ever been. The demon inside me was just a step away from freedom. Free of his shackles, only a single pane of glass separated him from the outside world. And yet that final barrier was solid and sharp. It felt as though a single touch would tear my fingers to shreds. I’d lost my greatest clue. And just when I’d made up my mind to remember, the final step revealed itself to be the brink of an interminable abyss. It was all so close, yet so far. I wasn’t naive enough to think that a second medical opinion would suddenly lead to a major breakthrough, but I had to do something. Mai was getting worse by the day. I had to get better, for her sake. “…” My mounting unease swirled around me like a forest fire, licking at the edges of my heart. “We’re home!” I announced to an empty house, knowing there was nobody there to hear it. “…” Even Mai didn’t say anything. I guess she’d gotten so used to living by herself that she’d fallen out of the habit. Such a trivial change, and yet not trivial in the slightest. “Man, I’m starving. I’m gonna go make dinner.” “How about we cook together, dear brother?” “Huh? What’s this all of a sudden? We’ve never done that before.” “I’m just a sound-minded little sister who wants to cook together as siblings, from time to time.” Mai smiled. Another calm and gentle smile that made my heart ache. “…Good idea. Let’s whip something up together, then. I’ll wow you with my sick culinary skills, O sister of mine.” I played the fool as always, trying not to break her heart. Besides, I was worried what Mai would do if I left her to her own devices. “Tee-hee. I can’t say I hold out much hope for this alleged skill of yours, dear brother. After all, you’ve never cooked anything that wasn’t for home economics class.” “That’s not— Huh, I guess you’re right. Well, that doesn’t mean I can’t peel some veggies or something.” For some reason, I had been under the impression I could cook. I guess I must have picked it up during my blind spot. In my dreams, I was exploring another world, so it makes sense I would have had to feed myself, right? …I didn’t think I would ever accept it, but ever since my memories started coming back, I’ve grown used to the idea that I was living in a fantasy world that whole time. “Really? You sure you won’t cut your fingers?” “Don’t underestimate my deft knifework, dear sister.” Even though I could feel the demon inside me tearing free of his chains, banging against the paper-thin wall between us, I shrugged and laughed. I put down my things in the living room, and we washed our hands before Mai took a peek inside the fridge. “What are we making?” I asked. “Hmm, stew…? No, on second thought, curry.” After sizing up my reaction, Mai changed the menu on the fly. I guess I must have given the game away. Curry would have been my choice. …Why am I getting déjà vu? I guess someone must have usually cooked for me in the fantasy world, too. I watched as Mai swiftly prepared two portions of ingredients. “…You really are good at this, dear brother.” “Not as good as you, though.” As I stood peeling the vegetables beside Mai, even I was surprised by how natural the knife felt in my hand. But not as a kitchen tool. More like…as a weapon. I…I hope I didn’t kill anybody… It all felt too familiar. The sensation of inserting the blade at precisely the right angle, honed to the point I did it subconsciously. I had a bad feeling about the actions of my past self, whose anger I was no stranger to at this point. “…” “Hmm? What is it, Mai?” “Oh, I’m just a little jealous of your knife skills, dear brother. I’ve been doing this for a year, and I’m still not that good at it.” “Heh-heh. What can I say?” I said with a little pride. “Maybe it’s time you reevaluated my worth around here.” I could tell what she was going to say. “You mustn’t get too big for your britches, dear brother. Pride comes before a fall. Keep it up and you’ll be useless. Bad Kaito!” However… “You’re right, dear brother. What a good job!” she said with a smile. Mai had complimented me for perhaps the first time in my life, and yet I wasn’t happy in the slightest about it. “…Ow!” As I was distracted, my hand slipped, and I cut myself. A line of blood dripped from my fingertip. “Shit. Guess I spoke too soon. Mai, fetch the first-aid kit, would—?” “Om.” Mai bit onto my finger like a fish on a hook. I could feel her wet tongue on my flesh. “Mmm…mmm…” I stared in stunned silence as she sucked on my digit. Before long, she let go of my hand. “Phah. All better. Now let’s put a bandage on it,” she said, walking over to the kitchen shelf and pulling the first-aid kit down. She fished around, pulling out a bandage, then stuck it on my finger. “That’s what happens when you get carried away, dear brother.” “R-right. Sorry.” Mai had never done anything like that before. I wasn’t quite sure how to respond. Normally, she would have just run the wound under the sink. “You know what, dear brother? Blood doesn’t taste half-bad,” she said, licking her lips. There was a fragile, bewitching aura about her. She was like a single flower blooming by the river—something that you could crush between your fingers in an instant. “Ah, maybe it’s only your blood that tastes so good. I bet other people’s is like ditch water.” “…Don’t be silly,” I said, flicking her on the forehead. “Stop talking crap and let’s get back to work.” “Ow. That hurt. Kaito, you meanie.” “Less talking, more cooking.” With that, I went back to peeling vegetables. I was sure that Mai was having a little sulk, but I didn’t look. I didn’t want to look. “…” And so I couldn’t say what expression she was making at that moment. All I knew was that while the curry we made that night turned out fine, to me, it tasted of nothing. After dinner, I whiled away the hours like usual. Actually, not quite like usual. At Mai’s insistence, I sat outside the bathroom while she took her bath. I couldn’t have one because of my back wound, so I wiped myself clean with a wet towel instead, then asked Mai to rub the disinfectant cream on it before bandaging it up. I thought about changing my head wrapping, too, but it had been reapplied at the hospital already today, so I left it alone. After changing into our pajamas, Mai and I sat on the sofa eating potato chips, watching boring TV for a while before heading to bed. “Should probably hit the hay, I guess.” “All right, dear brother.” Normally, we would each go to bed separately, before Mai would sneak into my room while I was sleeping after an hour or so. Her presence would always wake me up, but I’d pretend to still be asleep, Come morning, I would wait for her to leave before moving. But tonight, that didn’t happen. “Dear brother…do you think we could sleep together tonight?” “…” I wondered why she was suddenly asking permission for something she’d always done of her own accord. “Sure, why not?” “Great! I’ll fetch my pillow.” If sleeping together would help Mai deal with her anxieties, then I couldn’t very well refuse. She soon returned to my room, all smiles. I had already gotten into bed and closed my eyes. I had school the next day. I’d use the time in classes to research hospitals on my phone. “…” I heard the door creak open. Mai didn’t announce her presence at all. “Turn the light out for me, will you?” I asked. “…” I’d left it on so she could find her way in the dark. But she didn’t answer me. “Kaito… Kaito…” “Mai?” “I’m not turning off the light.” Mai slowly shuffled over to the bed, but she didn’t get in. There was something deeply disturbing about the way she called my name. But when I opened my eyes and rolled over, what I saw made my blood run cold. “Kaito… Kaito… You’re mine, and nobody else’s. You know that, right?” I heard a click as Mai slapped a handcuff around my outstretched arm, chaining me to the bedpost. “Huh? What?” While I tried to work out what was happening, she took my other arm and both legs and cuffed them to the posts as well. “H-hey, Mai? What’s going on?!” I asked, my eyes darting around in confusion. I struggled beneath the covers against my restraints. I’m sure it would have looked hilarious to anyone watching, but to me, it was no laughing matter. “I can’t turn off the light, dear brother. You won’t be able to see me if I do.” “Wh-what are you talking—? S-stop it, Mai! This isn’t a joke! Did I make you mad? Just take these off, and we’ll talk things out!” “I’m afraid not, Kaito. I have to make sure my useless big brother doesn’t try to run away. You’re always appealing to common sense and hiding behind it, but tonight, I’m not going to give up until you understand.” Mai’s seductive smile was unlike any I’d ever seen. She tore the covers off me. Then she climbed on top of me, straddling my torso. “Hey, what are you—? Mai!!” “It’s all your fault, dear brother. You left me all by myself and went away with somebody else.” One by one, Mai undid the buttons on her pajama top. The thin cloth in the center parted to expose her smooth, bare skin. “Tell me. Who were they? Who’s ? Who’s ? Who’s ? What were you dreaming about? Why did you say those names with such affection when they’re not mine? Why? Why? Why are you trying to leave me again?” “Grhh?!” When Mai said those names, they were drowned out by static, and a searing pain burst through my head, as though somebody had stuck their finger right into my brain. Through the agony, I looked up at my sister, her face like that of a lost child about to burst into tears at any moment. “You see, dear brother? You’re better off not remembering. Didn’t I tell you? You don’t need to hurt yourself. If you have the capacity to think, then never stop thinking about me. All you need to do is stay with me forever, and you’ll never have to worry about anything ever again.” “Stop it…rgh…! I was just trying not to make you worry—” Mai dug her nails into my chest. However, I could barely feel the pain over that of my splitting headache. Her voice turned fragile and weak. “Worry? Of course I worry about you, dear brother. Every single day, I worry that someone’s going to take you away from me again. I worry the man I see in your bed is just a dream. It’s terrifying, dear brother, so I need you to cross the line with me. Stay here and let me fill your thoughts. Let me drown out all your worries and fears, so you can finally be happy.” “W-wait, is that why you tied me down?!” As my headache abated, I found myself able to think clearly again. Mai wasn’t making sense, and my head still hurt, but what I was able to put together came as a profound shock. “Mai, we can’t, we’re siblings…”
Chapter 87
45 min read