Chapter 86

One night, after getting out of the bath and returning to the living room, I sat down on the sofa and gestured to the seat opposite the coffee table. Mai came over wearing a puzzled look, drying her hair with a towel. Her cheeks were slightly flushed with heat, and her skin glossy with moisture. Damp patches of her thin, aqua-blue pajamas clung to her skin, emphasizing the balance of her slender proportions. In fact, the contrast between her slovenly appearance and apparent ignorance thereof only added to her charm, in my opinion. “…Ah, I see. Very well, I understand how teenage boys can get. You’re like a dog in heat. But if it will lessen the chances of you bothering someone else, then by all means, cast your amorous gaze wherever you please. I don’t mind at all.” Saying this, Mai sat not across the table as I had indicated but cuddled up next to me on the sofa. “I don’t think you have any idea what’s going on. And you should mind. Look, just sit over there; you’re in big trouble, you know.” My little sister may have been the cutest in the world, but she was going to have to get up pretty early in the morning to pull one over on her own big brother. “Hmm? Have I failed in my duties to be a charming little sister, Kaito?” Mai pouted, trying to speak like a child. She was just going to ignore my request to sit over there, then. “Listen, you…” Mai had been slipping into “pamper mode” more and more these days. She had always been like this to some extent; whenever she reached emotional extremes, whether that was on days she was extremely happy or times she grew sad and depressed, she would reveal the lonely personality she usually kept hidden behind insults and abuse. What this meant was that it was very obvious when she was mentally unstable, and it had been happening a lot recently. I was starting to think about taking her to see a therapist. I was sure it must be the cause of her clingy behavior as well. I hesitated a little before answering. Mai was a wineglass balancing on the head of a pin right now. “…You know that’s not it,” I said. “You’re as cute as a little sister should be.” The source of my irritation was not the physical appearance of my sister, on the verge as she was of blossoming into a fine young woman. It was her dripping wet hair and damp clothes, the same as mine. Now would be a good time to note that we lived in a normal house with a single bath. “Mai, I believe you have gone too far this time. This cannot stand.” “What? What cannot?” “This idea you seem to have that our bathroom is for two people at once! Don’t come in while I’m in there!” Yes, my little sister had decided my bath times were the perfect occasion to show her face. She’d justified this by claiming that extraordinary events might serve to stimulate the return of my memories, and there was nothing wrong with it unless I was an incestuous creep just seconds away from sexually assaulting his own sister. Her words, obviously. However, now that I was reflecting on things, I realized I should have said something the first time it happened. It had started with a one-piece swimsuit, but the invasions were all accompanied by new outfits, each more titillating than the last. It all culminated in the events of today, which saw Mai intruding on my bath wearing only a towel. I could let it slide no longer. I had to put my foot down before things got out of hand. “But we used to bathe together completely naked,” Mai complained. “There’s no problem if we’re brother and sister, is there?” “There is, there is! Where’s your sense of shame?!” “So I can’t come in anymore?” she asked, lowering her gaze in a move perfectly calculated to leave no doubt how my actions looked. “Absolutely not!!” I cried. “Hmm. Well, I won’t risk angering you any further. I think I’ll go to bed.” For a moment, her brazen attempt to flee left me stunned. “What? Hey, don’t run away on me! Come back!” I shouted after her. I reached out in an attempt to grab hold of her, but she deftly slipped away. “I am not running away,” she said. “But we promised to go to the movie theater together tomorrow morning, and I wouldn’t want to oversleep. Nighty night, dear brother. I’ll see you in the morning.” Without giving me a chance to voice my objections, Mai slid out of the room and went down the hall. “…Haaaaah.” After everything went quiet, I let out a drawn-out sigh. Suddenly overcome with fatigue, I fell over sideways onto the sofa. About two weeks had passed since I’d found what Mai was hiding in her desk drawer, and I still hadn’t asked her what that bloodstained knife was doing there. I had been doing my utmost to pretend I hadn’t found it and make sure Mai didn’t discover I’d seen it. I knew I couldn’t just sweep this under the rug, but I also knew that the moment I asked Mai about it, this peaceful life I’d worked so hard to recreate would all come crashing down—for good this time. And the longer I left it, the farther I watched Mai walk down that hill, spilling tiny cogs and gears behind her. God, I’m pathetic. I can’t even help my own sister. “What am I supposed to do? Mom? Dad?” I turned to their photographs on the family altar. Only after losing them had I realized how much they’d been supporting me. All I did was run and run, never intending to stop and do anything. Just then, our landline rang. “…Hello?” “Ah, I’m sorry to bother you this late in the evening. It’s Onishi with the Iizuka police department. Would this be Mr. Kaito Ukei?” I answered in the affirmative, and the young police officer loosened his speech a little. “Would you happen to be free to meet tomorrow, Kaito?” came the detective’s sunny words. “You see, Miyagawa has just been in discussions with the higher-ups, and they’ve allowed us to proceed as planned.” I thought back to the first time the two detectives had visited me in the hospital. They’d made quite a scene then, but they’d been back over the next few days to talk to me some more. As a result, I’d grown quite friendly with them. “…I see.” I had asked Miyagawa to do me a favor. The clothes I’d been wearing when I first reappeared at school had been confiscated as evidence. I wasn’t allowed to take them home, but I had been shown the outfit in a plastic bag at the hospital. There was a damaged set of light leather armor, along with a cape so dark it seemed to swallow all light. I’d felt a curious sensation in the pit of my stomach the instant I laid eyes on them. The clothes were important to me. Or at least it seemed to me like they were. Though I didn’t expect my request to be honored, I had asked the two detectives if they could arrange for my possessions to be returned. I figured if the old me cared about them so much, then perhaps they could help jog my memory. “Ah, is tomorrow not good for you?” “…No, sorry. I kind of have plans…” “That’s quite all right. I shouldn’t expect you to drop everything at short notice. I simply thought I ought to give you a call as soon as possible.” “I’ll come and get them this weekend,” I said. “Give my thanks to Miyagawa, won’t you?” “Very well. I’ll let him know. And apologies again for calling so late. Good night.” I returned the good-bye and hung up. Then I immediately fell to the floor, cringing with guilt. “Nnnnnng. What am I even doing…?” Miyagawa and Onishi were both busy with the ongoing Rebirther cases. There’s so many idiots out there, it’s hard to keep up, I had heard them complain. They were doing everything they could for me, and yet I had waited so long to make my request. Why? Because I had my hands full with Mai and didn’t want to think about anything else. I was being selfish, plain and simple. “…Haah. Time for bed.” I turned off the living room light and headed upstairs to my room. The bed creaked as I lay down in it and wrapped myself in my expensive duvet. My mattress, a perfect blend of soft and firm, seemed to suck all the exhaustion out of my body. It had been worth saving up for months to buy this. “…” Once I was fully relaxed, I turned my gaze inward and searched for my lost memories. It was the first time I’d done this since finding the knife in Mai’s room. Even though I wasn’t as far gone as she was, I’d be lying if I said I was in a good place mentally. To be completely honest, I didn’t feel prepared to face the other self who lurked inside me. I turned out the light and hid beneath the covers, emptying my mind. I was sure it wouldn’t be long before Mai came silently over and crept into my bed, like always. They say if you can fall asleep in three minutes, that’s not sleep, it’s passing out. That bit of trivia I didn’t even remember reading came to me unbidden as I drifted off to sleep, hoping that whatever force of slumber gripped me, it would not let go so easily. “Listen to me, knave. How long are you planning to take?” I was dreaming. Yes, I was dreaming. Before me was a vast, dark space that seemed to go on forever, filled with crowns of every shape and size. The surreal sight made me pop into vivid lucidity, and I found myself wondering that if this was a dream, then why couldn’t my subconscious have come up with something a little more cheerful? I wanted to see a bright world that was open and free, the kind that only sleep could provide. “What are you playing at?” Suddenly, it felt as though I were melting into the darkness. From within the gloom came a man’s voice. Not a single ray of light penetrated the area, yet I could clearly make out the man’s silhouette. His face, however, was cloaked in a veil of shadows. He sat atop a heavy throne, gazing down at me with crossed legs. He was scrawny, with an unbroken, childlike voice, but I could tell from the way he spoke that he thought very highly of himself indeed. …Who are you? I got the vague sense that I’d met him somewhere before, as though he were a character from a movie or TV show I’d watched. I couldn’t see his face, of course, but dreams rarely required visual detail to invoke such feelings. “I am what you see. A part of you. I am the weight of your sin, as well as the strength to lift it.” Oh, geez. So this is what we’re doing, is it? Let me grab my robe and wizard hat. I’d heard that dreams were a manifestation of one’s subconscious desires, but this was ridiculous. Freud would have some damning things to say, I’m sure. So my edgelord phase was determined to follow me to my grave, was it? Well, at least it was better than one more dark, vaguely depressing dream that told me nothing in the slightest. “Ha, even with me, you play the fool. Determined to stay ignorant forever, are we? You’ve always been a coward, my lord. I should have expected nothing less.” The part of me, as he called himself, scoffed. What did he bring me here for, to shame me to death? What a dumb dream. How did my brain come up with this stuff? “Well, it matters not. I’m tired of waiting. Remember already. Free me. You don’t have time to idle around doing nothing.” …I couldn’t say I understood what was going on, but I gathered that he wanted me to get my memories back. “What lies beyond your closed eyelids is a new hope. You know that.” Argh, come on, dream. You know I have my hands full with Mai right now. What’s the harm in putting myself off for a while to make sure she’s all right? Besides, I’m trying to remember, aren’t I? What more do you want me to do? “You can hear the voice inside you, can you not? It’s been screaming this whole time.” I know. I know!! I hear it every damn day, and I don’t know what to do anymore! “Then don’t disappoint me.” Though I couldn’t see a thing beyond the veil of shadows, I knew the figure was smirking. He was laughing at me. “Or else you’ll lose everything you hold dear once again.”