Chapter 85

CHAPTER 3 A Life Irrevocably Changed Two months had passed since I was discharged from the hospital. It was now the middle of winter, and my skin bristled in the cold and desiccated air. Returning to my regular school life hadn’t been nearly as bad as I feared. I knew few of the underclassmen, due to my general dislike of social clubs and extracurricular activities, and even many of my peers were strangers, as classes weren’t shuffled until entering third year. My only acquaintances in the entire school were Yuuto and Mai. Almost all the students in my class had disappeared. The lucky few who’d avoided that fate all happened to be running somewhere and had tripped and fallen in surprise when the circles materialized, or had otherwise avoided the magic circles when they appeared. That was how Mai had been spared. She’d been late to school for once in her life and was rushing to class when it happened. However, the handful of my classmates who’d survived lost their lives soon afterward. About a month before I came back, Mai’s friend, Satomi, had been murdered, and there were the stabbings from six months before that as well. Every last one of my classmates had died in random killings, almost like someone was pulling the strings behind the scenes. Even Mai’s friend Yuuki had gone missing without a trace. The only people still alive from the old class 2-3 were me and Yuuto. That meant I didn’t know very many people in my new class. I’d prepared myself for a barrage of questions, like a transfer student at my own school. No doubt they would all be clamoring to hear where I had been and what I had done. However, it turned out nobody wanted to ask me about the incident. “Everyone’s been hurt in one way or another by what happened…,” Yuuto told me, a bitter smile on his lips. “And they’ve all been told that you don’t remember a thing.” I felt ashamed to have been worried when I heard that. How could I have been so thoughtless? The school seemed concerned about my well-being, because they had put me in Mai’s class and seated me next to her. Thanks to that, it didn’t take long for me to grow accustomed to my new surroundings. And with my peers treating me as normally as they could, I soon settled into a new routine only marginally different from the one I’d had before. “All right, time to give back the tests from the other day. Be sure to look over them before class!” Our homeroom teacher’s voice echoed throughout the room as cries of joy and despair erupted from my classmates. “I feel like I made a pretty dumb mistake on the last math question,” said my sister, the perfect honor student that she was. “I don’t even want to look at my score.” However, my heart was pounding. “D-did you now?” When my name was called, I walked to the front of the class, picked up my stack of test papers, and brought it back to my desk, making sure not to let Mai see them! “Dear brother? What’s the matter?” “I…er…need to run to the bathroom.” I immediately stepped out of the classroom and headed down the hallway, test papers in hand. Once inside the restroom, I entered the first open stall and locked myself inside, before taking my first hesitant look at the test sheets. “Oof.” My fears were confirmed when I saw the scores. Heartbroken, I cast my eyes skyward. Not that there was a sky in there to see. Mai’s gonna kill me when she finds out… “Kaito… You’ve made me so upset. Why is my dear brother such a feeble-minded moron?” I could see it now. I shivered in fright and crumpled the failed test papers into a ball. If Mai found out about this, she’d have me on twenty-four-hour surveillance, studying in my room from dawn till dusk, all seven days of the week. Even though my life had only recently been thrown into shambles, she wouldn’t take that as an excuse. Mai had changed when she picked up naginata all those years ago. Along with improving her fitness and general health, the sport seemed to instill in her a merciless obsession with rigid, structured training, and she would force such procedures on me with a smile. This one time in middle school, I’d played too many video games and failed a test. Even Mom and Dad hadn’t been able to save me from her. I did get a perfect score on the make-up exam, though. “However, my dear little sister, you are forgetting one very important fact. A big brother never loses. And unlike a certain cartoon boy whose name rhymes with ‘Bobita,’ I won’t make the mistake of disposing of this evidence somewhere it can be found.” With that, I tore the papers up and flushed them down the toilet, one at a time so it wouldn’t get clogged. “…There. Evidence destroyed.” And my punishment with it. No matter how suspicious it looked, Mai wouldn’t get angry if she couldn’t prove anything. She’d always been logical-minded like that. I’d say, “Well, you know, I ran out of paper,” and she’d say, “That’s disgusting. Learn some tact,” and that would be that. I casually sauntered out into the hallway, feeling like a king, and returned to the classroom with my head held high. “Welcome back, dear brother,” said Mai as I returned to my seat. Homeroom had ended, and we still had about five minutes before classes started. “Oh, sorry about that,” I said. “My stomach just started killing me. And to make matters worse, there was no paper in the stall.” “I see. And so you used your tests instead. Is that right, my useless brother?” “Huh?” I hadn’t expected that. Uh-oh. Something’s off. I don’t like this… The sweat dribbled down my brow as an awful feeling overcame me. “Something the matter, Kaito? You’re sweating.” “A-am I? There must be something wrong with the air conditioning. Ah-ha-ha-ha…” “No, there isn’t. The repair people just came to fix it last week. And the temperature in here is rather pleasant.” “O-oh, really? That’s weird. Ha-ha…” Mai gave a sharp sigh. “Kaito, as your sister, I shall stick by your side no matter who you become, whether you get off on torturing women, are aroused by your own sibling, or develop an unhealthy obsession with the shapes of women’s feet.” A chill ran down my spine. “Wh-wh-wh-what are you talking about?! Please stop. Your big brother has a reputation to uphold! Everyone’s staring at us, and look! Nakamura’s even trying to move his desk away! You’re dragging my name through the mud!” “Oh? I would have thought a piece of human garbage who obstructs public services by flushing his own embarrassing test scores down the toilet would have no reputation to save.” Shit. How did she know? Welp, my bright idea had gone the way of my test papers. By the sight of Mai’s threatening aura, I’d say she’d found plenty of reasons to be angry, proof or not. “And just look at these deplorable scores. It makes me so sad. Although I suppose that’s to be expected from a vandal who damages school property.” Mai waved a bundle of papers with a sigh of distress. Papers that ought to have been halfway to the ocean by now! “What?! H-h-how did you get those?!” Mai waved the test slowly enough that I could still see the scores. “I never imagined you would betray me like this, dear brother. Though it filled my heart with guilt, I asked the teachers to make a second copy, just in case.” Mai heaved another sigh. “I cannot believe it has come to this. I pity you, dear brother, I really do.” “I-if you pity me…th-then may I humbly suggest…and this is just my opinion…but maybe you could…consider…letting me off the hook? Maybe?” “Kaito,” said Mai, showing not a shred of this pity she allegedly felt. “Let’s draw up a study schedule together when lunchtime comes around.” Right then, the class bell rang, mercilessly shooting down any hope I had of objecting. “Ah. Farewell, my peaceful days. Tranquility can be so very fleeting.” It appeared the routine to which I would be returning would involve a lot of late nights, and a lot of books. On one of those very days, I was studying over at Yuuto’s, a fancy apartment in the center of town. “Grrr…that’s enough. I need a break…” Yuuto said he had no family. His mother had passed away while he was just finishing elementary school, and he lived off regular payments from his father. However, his relationship with his dad was not without its problems. He’d only ever told us about it the first time he invited us over. I waited a while as Yuuto checked my answers, listening to the squeaking of his marker against the paper. “…Well, I think that’s enough math for today. You should be able to pass that test now,” he said. “Really? All right! Great success!” I cried, pumping my fist. Of course, I was incredibly grateful for my friend’s time, seeing as how he had university exams coming up, but right now, I was just pleased to be studying as little as humanly possible. So pleased that I was ready to strike a pose! “Right, on to social studies next, Kaito.” “What…?” “What do you mean, what? You failed that, too, didn’t you? Sorry, Kaito, but I’m not your friend today. Mai threat—I mean, asked me to be strict with you,” said Yuuto, flitting his gaze to a corner of the room. What the hell, Mai? What dirt could you possibly have on this perfect gentleman of a friend? “Still, I suppose a little break couldn’t hurt. I’m gonna run to the store. You want a coffee or anything?” “Yeah, can you get me the brand that has the snowflake on it?” “…You know that’s just coffee-flavored milk, right?” Yuuto gave a snarky grin and disappeared out the door. I placed my pen on the table and lay back onto the wood-paneled flooring, letting the numbers spill from my overworked brain. …I hope Mai’s okay, I thought, as I listened to the constant ticking of the wall clock. Today was Satomi’s 100-day memorial wake. It was originally supposed to be only for her family, but Mai was a close enough friend to Satomi that her parents had allowed her to attend. “…” I remembered her smile, tinged with sadness and grief, as my sister had left the house that morning. “…All right, enough of that. Time to find out what dirt I can gather, too.” I flipped onto my feet and decided to go search Yuuto’s room. I didn’t need to get caught up in Mai’s sadness as well. I needed to take my mind off it, so that she could come back home to someone pleasant to be around. “Let’s start in here. I wonder if Yuuto has any dirty mags under his bed?” I was just fooling around, same as always. But I was woefully unprepared for what awaited me there. “…” Once I opened the door, my words, my thoughts, all vanished. This wasn’t a teenage boy’s room. It was a cage. The walls were plastered with newspaper cuttings, online articles, forum posts, social media profiles, and photographs, the faces of which had all been crossed out in red pen. It was as if the whole room was screaming at me. “Why?” it asked. “How? It hurts. I can’t accept it. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?” This was more than enough to convey how much Yuuto had been suffering this past year. How he was still hurting even now. I gently closed the door and pressed my fist against it, then my forehead. “Why did it have to turn out like this…?” came my weak, strained voice. It was just as well there was nobody there to hear it. When Yuuto returned, we had a quick refreshment break and got right back to studying. I never mentioned what I’d seen in his room. I didn’t know what to say. I got on quietly with my problems while Yuuto read a book. “Oh, isn’t it about time for your appointment?” I checked my watch. It was three PM. “Crap, I’m late,” I said, getting to my feet. “I’d better hurry.” I’d made the appointment last week. I gathered up my things and got ready to leave. “Make sure you get some revision in tonight. You don’t want to be stuck taking make-up classes.” “Yeah, I know. I don’t want to know what Mai has in store for me if I fail another test. I need to reclaim my dignity.” “You really are obsessed with her,” Yuuto said. “No, I’m not,” I shot back. “I love her a normal amount.” With that, I opened the hallway door. “See you, Kaito. Get well soon.” “Thanks. See you at school.” I left Yuuto’s apartment and walked down the busy streets toward the hospital. I was headed to the psychiatric ward to meet with a specialist Dr. Maeno had recommended. We were hoping that these sessions would hasten the return of my lost memories. “Come on, me,” I told myself as I walked. “What have you got locked up in there? Think about how it could help Yuuto.” Whatever it was that had been eating me up ever since the day I returned, it didn’t want to speak. The only thing I could hear were its rattling chains. Yet somehow I knew. And once I remembered what had created this boiling heat within me, there would be no doubt. The answer I sought was not a happy one. “That’s right. You’re in a nice, warm place.” I closed my eyes and listened to the gentle, soothing voice of the psychiatrist. A metronome ticked away on the table, and the sweet scent of flowers filled my nostrils, setting my mind at ease. Usually we just talked, but the nice old man had recently suggested a few sessions of hypnotherapy to shake things up. To be honest, though, I couldn’t say it was working. “You hear a phone ringing. You go to pick it up. You hear someone on the other side.” I tried using the psychiatrist’s voice to construct an image in my mind. But my brain just couldn’t keep up with what he was saying. “It’s your voice. The person on the phone is you. He’s reminding you what you’ve forgotten. Listen carefully.” Argh! It wasn’t working. I just couldn’t imagine it. As soon as he said the word “forgotten,” I saw the old me, trapped within. No! he screamed. That’s not right! My imagination gave up the ghost the instant I heard the voice, and the scene disappeared. This just wasn’t right. It was never going to work. The fire inside me burned a stifling black. It would never come back while my mind was at peace. “I’m sorry, doc, but I don’t think this is working…” I opened my eyes and returned to the room, where the psychiatrist and Dr. Maeno were waiting. Obviously, Dr. Maeno was a surgeon, not a psychiatrist, but he was the one who’d observed me when I came back badly injured, so he wanted to keep an eye on my recovery. I sat there in embarrassed silence while the psychiatrist gave a troubled glance. “I see. Hmm. Perhaps you’re not compatible with this sort of therapy after all.” He reached over and stopped the metronome. “Sorry,” I said meekly, bowing my head. “Oh no, it’s not your fault,” said Dr. Maeno, patting me on the shoulder. “Hypnosis is highly influenced by the subject’s personality, you see. It’s quite all right. There’s no hurry.” “Quite true. We’ll end it there for today and take it slow. Nothing good ever comes from rushing this sort of thing.” “I see… Well then, see you next time, I guess.” “Yes. Same time next week.” “Take care, Mr. Ukei.” I avoided their eyes, embarrassed at the sheer lack of progress to show for my efforts. Then I bowed to the two doctors and left. Guilt was gnawing at me, along with another inexplicable emotion. I wasn’t sure why, but it seemed to be hatred or disgust for Dr. Maeno. For some reason, I would feel a bitter sense of nostalgia whenever he laid eyes on me, along with a tingle, like a serpent’s tongue lapping at my heart. It was as though the me trapped deep within was trying to say something. Scream something. Something I knew all too well. “Huh? Mai?” “Ah, dear brother.” As I left the hospital, I spotted my sister waiting by the gates in her school uniform. “Why are you…?” “Why? I came to pick you up, obviously,” she said, pouting and looking up into my eyes. “Can you not even understand that? You really ought to be more attuned to my feelings, dear brother.” “Aah, sorry. Thank you, Mai. But isn’t it dangerous for you to go out by yourself?” “Don’t worry, I have a police escort. Look, there’s one over there. And over there, too.” Mai pointed to a couple of ladies in black suits, who waved back. Now that she mentioned it, I had a few officers watching over me as well. Even without them, the police presence in this city was way higher than it had been in the past. You could hardly walk down the street without seeing one, and while it was difficult to get used to that, it certainly wasn’t easy to imagine any serious crime being committed while they were around. “Now, let’s head home… Oh, your little sister’s hands are tired.” Mai thrust toward me a bag filled with the shopping for tonight’s dinner. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll carry it.” I grinned and took the bag, while Mai nonchalantly slipped her hand into mine. Her cold skin caused me to cast my eyes downward. Ever since I’d returned, Mai would hold my hand wherever we went. It didn’t matter if we were at home or at school, she would suddenly link arms or touch me out of nowhere. She hadn’t done that before. Not that I minded, of course. It didn’t make me uncomfortable, and it surely earned me big brother points, but… We can’t keep doing this… My missing memories weren’t my only concern. I was also worried about Mai. The sight of Yuuto’s room had forced me to realize I couldn’t keep ignoring her. So I steeled myself and prepared to take the first step forward, come what may. “…Isn’t it about time you stopped doing that, Mai?” “Hmm? Doing what?” She cocked her head and looked up at me, puzzled. Yes, I know, it’s very cute, but that’s really not what I need right now. I already felt like I was bungling it, but I pressed on regardless. “You’re not a kid anymore. Don’t you think it’s weird to hold hands every time we go out?” I looked down at her hand, which now gripped mine even tighter than before. I’d like to say it was out of affection, but somehow, I wasn’t so sure. It seemed too strong for that. “Not really,” she replied. “We’re brother and sister.” Her eyes grew dark. They certainly didn’t look healthy. “But Mai…” “Shut up!! I don’t…want to. Please don’t let go.” She squeezed me so hard, I couldn’t have released my hand if I wanted to. Like a mother ensuring her child wouldn’t get lost. …Or rather, like a mother who’s already lost her child once and is making sure it doesn’t happen again. “If I hold your hand, I can’t lose you again. Surely even a simpleton like you understands that.” “Mai…” She glanced forlornly at the ground. There wasn’t much I could say to that. “…Right. Once we get back, it’s dinner, followed by more studying. Let’s aim for a perfect score on your retests, okay, my dear brother?” “…R-right.” What could I say? It seemed like Mai would fall to pieces at the softest touch. So I kept my mouth shut and continued walking. “It’s time to study, dear brother.” After I got home, I’d quickly scarfed down dinner. Mai had fortunately inherited Dad’s talent for cooking and not Mom’s, and the food was great, as always. Then I’d taken a break before I went up to Mai’s room to begin our joint study session. Unlike my own room, Mai’s was always clean and smelled nice whenever I visited. I don’t know how she did it. “Er…sure, but what are you wearing?” “Hmm? Something strange?” Mai cocked her head, causing the lensless glasses sitting on her nose to rattle. She was wearing a sand-colored suit, and the aqua-blue ribbon that was usually tied at the end of her hair, which fell to her thighs, was now fastened around chest height. Yes, my conservative and modest little sister had somehow transformed into an office-ready, career-oriented young woman while I wasn’t looking. Actually, when had she gotten changed? And where? “No, no, it doesn’t look strange. In fact, it kind of suits you.” “Yes. I’m well acquainted with your desires, dear brother. What was it that was written on that magazine you bought last week? The Demanding Teacher and Her 24-Hour Private—” “Aaall righty, then. I’d say it’s about time to get started, wouldn’t you?” I didn’t ask. I wasn’t listening. “I can’t say I approve of such racy literature, dear brother. But not to worry. I took everything that I could find and burned it in a big pile in the yard.” “I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!” I let the water of my heart seep from my eyes as I continued not listening. “However, I am no tyrant, dear brother. I understand that boys your age can be insatiable in their lustful appetites. That is why I am prepared to dress in a way that pleases you. Well, what do you think?” she asked, nudging her shapely breasts upward with her arms. “Please, why won’t you stop?” I cried, my ears surely glowing red. “Do you think I have some kind of humiliation fetish?!” What was I supposed to do?! She’d found my stash, burned it, and then started analyzing my preferences! “Come, dear brother. It’s time to start your lesson.” “…Yeah.” I’ll tell you what I did. I sat at that desk and wept while my sister grinned, that’s what. “Hmm. I’m impressed, dear brother. You pass.” “Finally!” I threw my mechanical pencil aside and collapsed onto my desk. “Very good, dear brother. Here, I’ll stroke your head as a reward. There, there.” I no longer had the energy to resist. I just let Mai do as she pleased. I almost commented on how it felt like she was treating me like a dog, but I managed to hold my tongue. I knew what she would say: “That’s right, dear brother, you are a dog. I’ll always look after you and tell you what a good boy you are.” The worst part was, she would have been completely serious about it, too. “Now then, there’s just one test to go. Shall we begin?” “Huh?” Just as I tasted relief, Mai casually summoned a new foe for me to deal with. “You’re nearly there, dear brother! Just keep it up! ” Huh, that was odd. Through the tears, my little sister’s adorable smile almost looked like that of the devil himself. Strange, right? I thought this was supposed to be her greatest smile, reserved for only the most special of occasions. “Now, while you take care of that, I’ll go make you a midnight snack.” With an unbroken grin, Mai left the room, while I stared blankly at my desk. “…I feel like Mai’s gotten even worse while I’ve been gone…” I lay back in my chair, gazing up at the ceiling. The fatigue set in at last, and in the silence of the empty room, I muttered… “Crap. What am I gonna do?” Mai had undeniably been acting strange ever since I got back. On second thought, our lives had changed greatly even before I went missing. It was no surprise that she’d needed to adapt. It wasn’t so much the fact that she’d changed I was worried about; it was the way she’d changed. She’s gotten way too attached to me. She’s like a cracked pane of glass. I thought back to our walk home from the hospital earlier. As I’d held her hand, I could swear I felt her shivering, as if she were possessed by a vicious beast of winter. A beast that couldn’t be stopped. And try as I might, I couldn’t shake the feeling it would tear Mai to shreds the moment I stepped out of line. I wanted to help my sister. I wanted to fix her. I wanted to mend her broken heart. But how? I couldn’t even begin to guess. “Haah… I know it’s cliché,” I mused, leaning back in my chair, “but perhaps all we can do is wait… Wh-whoa!” At that moment, I pushed a little too far back and went tumbling out of my seat. But something strange happened. The entire world around me slowed to a crawl, and I calmly thrust out my hands, silently breaking my fall with only my fingertips. “Whoa, that was close… Hmm? What’s that?” Now lying on the floor, I noticed something I hadn’t before. A dark stain on the underside of the desk drawer handle that was completely invisible from above. My heart skipped a beat as soon as I laid eyes on it. The dark part of the stain tickled something in the back of my head, and I grew quite uneasy. It was on the middle drawer, the only one with a lock. “…Hmm, unless Mai’s changed where she hides the key… Ah, here it is.” I stood up and moved the pen holder aside to find the key, then used it to unlock the drawer. I was neither seized by idle curiosity, nor did I have any particular motive to pry. It was just…for whatever reason, I was certain I had to know what was inside. As I wrapped my fingers around the drawer handle, I felt a tingling sensation at their tips, as though they were being stabbed with thousands of tiny needles. Everything went cloudy with thick purple smoke for a moment, before returning to normal. What am I doing? I wondered, but that didn’t stop me from teasing open the drawer. And when I did… “…Huh?” At first, I didn’t realize what it was. “Wh…what? That’s not… What…?” It didn’t feel real, seeing it there with my own eyes, but I couldn’t look away. I picked it up, just to make sure. Surely I was just seeing things? Then everything went dark, save for me and it. I felt dizzy, like I had been doused in a cold, viscous oil that spurted from the deep, dark hole in my mind. A paralyzing sensation swept through my mouth, as if to numb me to all sensation. “…Mai… What have you done…?” There was no response to my question. It was a knife. With dried bloodstains on the blade. “Good evening, my dear little sister. I wonder if you wouldn’t mind taking a seat over here with me?” “Hmm? What’s all this about, dear brother?”