* * * She was like the sun peeking through the clouds. “Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes they have darkness in their hearts, sometimes pure intentions. So you don’t have to carry everything on your own shoulders.” Then she thunked her skull lightly against mine. “That’s why we play in teams, right?” Haru was the one who carried her team on her back. She was always striving to overcome obstacles. She knew the value of cooperation. Her frank words carried a certain weight. Suddenly, the warmth disappeared, and Haru stood up. Then, with a loud thwack, she slapped me hard on the back. “So get it together, General!” “…That hurt, you doofus.” Before I knew it, the rain had stopped, and the western sky was burning bright red. A lakelike puddle soaked up the twilight and reflected the moon. A bluish drizzle dripped down from the soaked leaves of the trees, and a double-blurred rainbow drew a faint arc in the sky. I got to my feet, held up my hands, and squinted a little. I get it, Haru. We arrived at this new summer together—and I can’t let it end like this. See, I knew it. This is the only way I can stay by your side. After returning home, I briefly washed my muddy training gear by hand, put it in the laundry basket, and then slowly soaked in the bathtub. Haru had said this was all she could do, but her idea of drawing me outside had worked wonders. A pleasant feeling of fatigue enveloped my body, and I even felt like the heavy sediment that had been resting on my chest for so long had been washed away. When I finished drying my hair after getting out of the bath, my phone rang. “I had Hachiban’s with Haru tonight. I chose veggie ramen for once, so that should appease your concerns, Yua.” “Well, aren’t you a good boy.” “You call me every day, but how are you? Have you been having any fun, or has it been all family, all the time?” “Yeah, cook the meals, do the laundry, clean up, and then…” “Aren’t you resting at all?” “Keeping busy calms me down.” “Hmm, come to think of it, me too. At least these days.” “You’re not going to end up like how you were last year?” “I thought I’d grown up a little, but maybe I was wrong. Anyway, I have to take care of myself, or I’ll worry everyone, won’t I? Including you.” “Hee-hee, thanks.” “That’s my line.” “So how was Haru?” “Oh, right.” I told her about the day’s events. Even Yua was surprised that Haru had dragged Atomu along. “That’s our Haru.” “She has the crazy ideas.” “That’s true, but she also knows you very well, Saku.” “Well, I really like baseball.” “Yeah, I know.” “Obon’s about to end, huh?” “Yeah.” “Only a little bit of summer left.” “Yeah, just a little bit more.” “Hey, what are you going to do with the last few days?” “I’ll come over and make dinner.” “I think you know this already, but you don’t have to force yourself anymore.” “…” “Yua?” “Hmm, you don’t need me anymore because you got encouragement from Nishino, Yuzuki, and Haru, huh?” “Give me a break.” “Hee-hee, just kidding. But I’m still coming.” “…Okay. I’ll be waiting.” “Okay!” “Well, see you tomorrow.” “Yes, see you tomorrow.” “Good night, Yua.” “Saku…” “Yeah?” “I won’t let go, so just be aware.” “Huh…?” “Good night.” And then she hung up on me. She won’t let me go… Those words echoed deep in my ears. —Ding-dong. It was the evening of Obon itself, and my doorbell was ringing again. I, Yuuko Hiiragi, paused in the act of getting ready, checked the mirror just in case, and went down to the first floor. Mom and Dad hadn’t come home from work yet. When I opened the front door… “’Sup!” Kaito held up a convenience store bag. “I bought ice cream. You wanna eat it in the park?” I chuckled. “How many ice creams have we had in the past week, Kaito?” “What, you don’t like ice cream?!” “I like it, but I don’t think it’s the kind of thing you give a girl every time.” “Is that right?!” Ever since the day Saku rejected me, Kaito had been coming around every day, except for the days when he was kept late at club games and practices and during Obon. At first, we only exchanged a few words over the intercom. But once I’d calmed down a little, I was able to talk to him a bit at the front door. Even before Obon, I was finally able to go out to the park where I’d taken those detours and hung out with Saku before. I couldn’t face anyone, but Kaito would still call and message me on LINE. Even if it was just over the intercom, he always came to see me. When Mom was at home, she would always invite him in, and he would say, “Nah, it’s cool.” Yuzuki, Haru, Kazuki, Kenta, and… Well, I’ve been getting calls from everyone all this time. But I couldn’t forgive myself for ruining the fun summer vacation. And I felt so terrible for wrecking such precious friendships. And for hurting the person I love most. Like a coward, I turned a blind eye to it all. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to apologize, I don’t even know if I can still call them friends. That’s why, even yesterday, I ran away… I wonder why… Kaito was the only one I could show my weaknesses and complain to. Even if I showed him the most miserable side of myself, I felt like he would still accept me. Even if I made excuses or lashed out at him, he would just laugh. I felt like he would forgive me for everything. The two of us walked into the park that was filled with so many memories and sat side by side on a bench. When we first came here together, Kaito suggested the steps. But that was where Saku and I always sat. So I found myself gently positing that the bench was a more normal place to sit. Kaito was like “Oh, sure” and scratched his cheek, but he didn’t seem to think anything of it. I hated myself a little. Somewhere in my heart, I was always chasing the traces of Saku. Saku would say something like this. Saku would do this. If Saku were here, he… Thinking back on the last year and a half…I was always around him. When I arrived at school, I would run to him first, eat with him during lunch break, sometimes walk home with him after school, and force him out on dates during the weekends. Those everyday moments were so precious. I should have noticed, but I thought I knew everything. When I lost him, the world turned black-and-white with astonishing ease. Even when I wake up to clear summer skies… Even when I open up the new makeup Mom bought for me… Even when I spritz on my favorite perfume… Even when I look at myself in the mirror… —Nothing makes me feel much anymore. Hey, Saku, it’s nice weather, so why don’t we go on a date? Hey, Saku, how about this makeup? Hey, Saku, don’t I smell so good? Hey, Saku, I’ll do my best to be cuter. Just imagining it was enough. I was happy with that. “Here, Yuuko.” I realized I’d been lost in thought as Kaito handed me my ice cream. I tore open the package and bit into the first block of my chocolate monaka ice cream wafer. “So cold…” Lately, the meals Mom cooks don’t taste good at all, but for some reason, the food that Kaito buys for me is always really sweet. The crispy wafer, the snappy chocolate, and the nostalgic vanilla ice cream. They’re all such good friends, I thought sadly. “You know,” Kaito said quietly, “Kazuki and Kenta came to my place yesterday.” “Huh…?” I paused, looking over at him. Kaito had already finished eating about half his ice cream. “Then I got into a fight with Kazuki.” “Why?!” I yelped, and he laughed sheepishly. “He asked how long I intended to act like a child… That pissed me off.” “What?” “We were discussing Saku. He said I needed to cool off already.” “…” I couldn’t keep from reacting, and I jerked in my seat. “In the end, I haven’t been in touch with him since then. Kazuki asked how long I planned to continue sulking. He said he can’t say that what Saku did was right, but he can say that what I did was definitely wrong.” Kaito scratched his cheek gloomily. “‘It’s not his fault you’re giving up,’ he said.” Kaito let out a big sigh. “…I know as well as anyone. I know that what I did wasn’t fair to Saku…” Why? I wanted to ask, but Kaito continued. “What about you, Yuuko? Have you gotten in touch with everyone yet?” “…Hmm. Mostly.” “Yuzuki, Haru, Kazuki, Kenta—they’re all really worried. I’ve told them you’re doing okay, though.” “Thank you, Kaito.” “It’s fine. I can do that much, at least.” Since I didn’t know what else to say, I took a bite of the ice cream. When the two of us had finished eating, Kaito opened his mouth again. “You know, you didn’t do anything wrong, so there’s no need for you to cut contact with your friends, right?” I gripped the hem of my skirt tightly. “I did do something wrong. If I hadn’t confessed my feelings in front of everyone, I would have been able to enjoy the rest of the summer vacation. I got ahead of myself and destroyed an important relationship.” “If that’s the case, then I’m guilty of the same thing. Punching Saku just made the whole situation ten times worse.” “You were just angry because of me. Okay, you went a little bit too far. But I still think most of the blame lies with me.” “If that’s really all there was to it, maybe I would’ve been able to clap back at Kazuki properly.” I didn’t understand what he meant, and when I looked at him, I saw that he was smiling sadly. He seemed to have his own complicated feelings about all this. I can’t go on letting everyone indulge me, can I? I tried to lighten the mood. “What a mess, and over nothing.” I spoke in the most carefree voice I could summon. “I’m the only one who got my heart broken here.” I forced myself to laugh. “Even if the second semester starts, and we can make up… It’ll never be the same as it was. Everyone will know I was rejected by Saku. I can’t go dashing up to him squealing his name anymore. I mean…there’s another girl in his heart. And it’s probably…” “No, you’re wrong.” There was some anger in his voice. “Huh…?” “I don’t think you’re the only one, at least.” Then he grinned. “Hey, do you remember what we talked about the other day on the way home from Lpa?” “Er… Something about something that happened around the time of the entrance ceremony, right?” “That’s it.” I couldn’t imagine what he was referring to. And he wouldn’t elaborate, either. “You know how the boys’ uniform at our school has a tie?” Kaito pinched the collar of his T-shirt. “When I was in junior high school, we had that military-style uniform with the button collar. I had no idea how to tie a tie. I mean, I’m not the type to practice that stuff. I figured I could ask a parent.” He chuckled with a somewhat nostalgic look in his eyes. “But I was so nervous that I couldn’t sleep the night before, so I overslept and ran to school with my tie in my pocket.” I could imagine it, and I chuckled, too. “That’s so like you, Kaito. You act all brash, but really, you’re a complex guy.” “That’s right! My hands are, like, shaking before every game,” he said. “I didn’t know anyone in the same class. I didn’t even have time to get to know anyone, and it was already time for the entrance ceremony to start. I didn’t have a choice, so I just knotted it around my neck and ran to the gym.” Little by little, my memory began to come back. “Now, obviously, it looked completely skewed and terrible. Two long flapping bits. And you know, I’m a big guy, so people notice me, right? When I got in line, I could hear snickering. And some even pointed. I was like, Wow, first day and I already made an ass of myself.” Oh yes, I remember that. “And then, Yuuko, you…” Kaito’s eyes softened warmly. “You were like, ‘Hey! Don’t laugh at him! He clearly hasn’t had a chance to get used to tying a tie yet!’ In front of everyone.” Finally, the memory of that day came back to me vividly. “Then you were like, ‘This is how you do it,’ and you retied my tie for me.” “What? That brief moment before the entrance ceremony?! Yeah, you’re so tall my arms got tired.” “After that,” Kaito said, lowering his gaze shyly. “And you told me you’d read over the rules in the student handbook because you wanted to be fashionable without breaking the dress code, and it didn’t say you have to wear a tie all the time. ‘You can just leave it off, you know?’ you said.” “I did—I did say that! And you never wore the tie after that day.” Going through that memory had lifted my spirits a little. I was feeling some warmth and connection, too. …After that, I started chatting with Saku—and Kazuki as well… Back then, Kaito said so casually… “I fell in love with you, Yuuko.” “What…?” What did he just say? “I’m a simple guy. You know, at first glance, you looked like an idol, like you were way out of my league. But you helped me out and covered for me the very first time we met, without worrying about what people watching would think. This girl’s amazing—that’s what I remember thinking.” Hold on a second, Kaito. “So I thought I’d found the girl of my dreams. I started seizing any chance to talk to you. I introduced you to Saku and Kazuki, too, because I wanted to start out as friends.” What was he talking about…? “Now that I think about it, I guess that was a mistake. See, at first, things between you and me were a bit distant—or maybe a little awkward. It was like I was trying to get you to join our group. We all got along well…but you got along well with everyone in class, Yuuko. So I figured it didn’t mean much of anything to you.” All I could do now was listen. “But then there was that day in homeroom—you know, when you and Saku butted heads? To be honest, I hadn’t known Saku long, so it was like, whose side am I going to take? Well, Yuuko’s. I guess our friend group’s over.” Kaito gazed at the sky. “But…” “After that day, you started calling him by his first name. You were so happy, laughing and everything. You never made that expression around anyone else.” But… That’s… “Ah, man. If only Saku really was an asshole. Then I could just punch him hard and feel better about things.” He was smiling, scratching his cheek… “But he’s a good guy. There was a time when I played basketball in the first year, and I was getting picked on pretty bad by a third-year team member. I was really depressed. After practice, Saku told me to make him eat his words with my abilities. And he helped me train. At some point, Kazuki came and joined in. We’d all had similar experiences to a greater or lesser extent, so they helped me out, too… “Now that I think of it, we were just a trio of idiots,” Kaito said, a faraway look in his eyes. “There were a lot of other things, too. When Ucchi joined the group, when there was all that stuff with Kenta, Yuzuki, Haru. I thought, As a guy, maybe I’m not good enough to go against him. So once I realized you had feelings for him, I gave up. I accepted defeat.” “Kaito…” “That’s why, at the very least, I wanted him to be the one who made you happy. If that was how this was gonna end, I could accept it. Because there was a good, solid reason why I withdrew from the race. And then…” He crinkled the empty ice cream wrapper. “I didn’t realize I was doing it, but I blamed what you were going through on Saku.” Kaito stood up and looked at me. I still couldn’t quite grasp what he was talking about. I got up and faced Kaito. His eyeline was a little higher than what I was used to with Saku. Then Kaito smiled, as if a weight had been lifted. As if he were saying good-bye… “I like you, Yuuko. Would you…ever consider me?” His face was so gentle. “Kaito…” Now that he’d said it outright…I finally understood. …Kaito had feelings for me. Why? He’d never shown any hint… I mean, didn’t he just say the other day that he was focusing on the basketball club right now? Even when I was confiding in him, he said… “If they were such a good friend, then I guess I’d take on the challenge, even if it meant coming between the two of them.” He said that… He encouraged me… Maybe that was… For me? Because I said publicly that I like Saku? Because he saw how conflicted I was? Right… Once I realized it, the time I spent with Kaito, the words he said to me, and the kindness he gave me all played in my head like a video on fast-forward. It was painful, almost unbearable, and the guilt nearly crushed my chest. How many times…? How many times must I have talked about the boy I like in front of the one sitting here? “What would Saku like?” “I wonder if Saku’s into this.” “Saku this, Saku that, if Saku were here…” Each time, Kaito smiled and indulged me. When I was conflicted, he worked through things with me. When I was feeling down, he encouraged me wholeheartedly. I’d been so cruel to him, all this time… I had no idea… I had my head in the clouds… If I put myself in his shoes for just a second, I could see how bad it must have been… If it were me… If Saku had talked to me endlessly about Yuzuki… About Haru… About Nishino… I never could have just smiled and heard him out. But Kaito… Was he burying his feelings behind a smile this whole time? Was he rooting for me? Had he never had ulterior motives? Had he been looking out for me after Saku rejected me? Was he trying hard to comfort me? This past week…Kaito never once took advantage of my depression. He just kept saying it would be okay, that this wasn’t the end, that there might still be a chance. He was so soothing. What he said and what he did were totally different. He didn’t take on the challenge at all. This guy… He was so kind and warm. I was right about him. If I became Kaito’s girlfriend, I’d have no more worries. I’d be able to spend every day laughing, telling him I love him from the bottom of my heart. What if I nodded right now? At first, I’d be hesitant. I’d still need time to heal my broken heart. But maybe Kaito could help me patch up my wounds, little by little, until the pain was replaced with entirely happy memories. It might make me forget about Saku. But no…in the end, no matter what… With tears in my eyes… “…I’m…I’m sorry, Kaito.” I gripped his T-shirt. “If I can’t have Saku, I don’t want anyone.” Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I instinctively buried my face in his broad chest. “I’m sorry I forgot such an important moment for you. I’m sorry I didn’t notice your feelings. I’m sorry I hurt you so much without knowing it.” I love you, Kaito; I really do love you. You’re always so silly, acting goofy and self-effacing… Sometimes, you’re so manly, and as your name suggests, you’ve got a heart as big as the ocean. I want to be in your life, always. But… There’s a gap between my love for you and my love for Saku, and it can’t be bridged. No matter how long it takes, I’m sure my love for Kaito will never change into what I feel for Saku. I’m so sorry. Hands dangling by his sides, Kaito said… “Yeah, I knew that!” In his usual voice. “Huh…?” I lifted my head in confusion… “But you know…” He gave his usual winsome grin. “Now we’ve both been rejected by someone we like. You’re not the only one suffering now, Yuuko.” “Kaito… Kaito, you… Oh…!” Then I cried hard against Kaito’s chest. It hurts. It hurts so bad! Even though I do love him so much. Even though he supports me so much. Even though I want him to smile forever and ever. Even though I just want him to be happy. Someone, someone, please… Oh. Oh, right. This must be…exactly how Saku feels. One evening, a few days after Obon… —Ding-dong. The doorbell rang briefly. Yua said she couldn’t come because she had something to do, so it had to be Nanase or Haru. When I, Saku Chitose, opened the door… “Hey.” “Um, evening…” Kazuki and Kenta were standing there. “You guys……” For a moment, I had no idea how to react to this. “Figured it was about time for a wellness check.” Kazuki grinned. “Seems you really have been through it.” After glancing at my face, Kazuki took off his shoes with a practiced air. “We brought McDonald’s. Let’s eat together.” “Oh, thanks.” I called out to Kenta, who was fidgeting outside the door. “What are you doing, Kenta? Come in.” “Uh… I’m not really used to going over to guy friends’ houses…” “Please, stop being weird.” With that, he finally timidly took off his shoes. Kazuki’s been here many times, but I was just realizing this was Kenta’s first visit. He looked around the room curiously. “I heard that you live here alone, but…I guess it’s true, huh, King?” “Yeah. So you can feel free to come around anytime you like, Kenta. Kazuki and Kai—Well, people usually swing by without even needing to call first.” I was hesitant to mention Kaito’s name, but my omission was obvious—and obviously weird. Kenta changed the subject, and I’m not sure whether he picked up on it. “Hey, you don’t have a TV or a computer, do you?” “Oh, right. Kenta, are you a PC geek?” “I wouldn’t call myself a geek. There are geekier geeks. But I do dabble.” “I’m thinking about buying one, but when I get to the electronics store, I have no idea what to do.” “Ah, I think I can give advice at that level.” “Then maybe you’ll come with me next time?” After a bit of chitchat… “Okay. Sit down, Saku.” Kazuki, seated at the kitchen table, finished spreading out the food he’d bought. “Oh, right.” I sat down across from him. Kenta sat down beside Kazuki. “Okay, Saku, we got you a Big Mac set with grape soda. And I wasn’t sure, so I got you a salad, too. We bought a big box of nuggets, so we can all share those.” Except for the salad, it was the exact order I always had. Kazuki had a bacon lettuce burger set with fish on the side, and his drink was an iced coffee. The guy we weren’t talking about always orders a Big Mac set with two extra cheeseburgers on the side and a Coke. And all three of us always get fries with loads of ketchup. The three of us have been to McDonald’s together so much… I have our orders memorized. Kenta had a fried-chicken sandwich and a Coke. We all bit into our burgers. I glanced at Kazuki’s face. Kenta was probably along for the ride, but knowing Kazuki, he hadn’t just dropped by to hang out. “So…” As expected, Kazuki cleared his throat. “How have you been since that day?” “What do you mean…?” “You don’t look like you’ve been in bed crying. Has Ucchi been here?” I’d told him before that Yua usually comes to cook for me, so it’s no surprise that her name came up. “Yeah, a bit.” “Hmm. That’s bold of you, after rejecting Yuuko.” Kazuki’s words were prickly. Beside him, Kenta quivered. I realized he was just sitting there holding his food. He’d only taken one bite. Knowing Kazuki’s personality, I found none of this surprising. “I have no intention of making excuses. I could have said no. But I let Yua indulge me.” “You don’t have to justify it. You’re not doing anything wrong.” “She said as much.” “Ucchi’s the steadiest one of us all, isn’t she?” To be honest, I didn’t really want to keep discussing this. But there was something else I really, really didn’t want to discuss. “So? Who else?” Kazuki looked me right in the eye. Maybe he could sense it. I didn’t want to lie, but I was afraid to face up to him. Either way, he wasn’t someone I could expect to deceive with a half-assed lie. “I went to my grandma’s house with Nishino. And Haru brought Atomu over, and all three of us played baseball together.” “Who else?” Kazuki wasn’t going to drop it. “…Nanase came over and cooked dinner for me.” “…Huh?” Kenta dropped the nugget he was reaching for. “Uh, sorry.” Kazuki and I continued talking. “So what did she make you?” he asked. “Katsudon. Not what you’d expect from her, huh?” “Huh. I find that a little hard to imagine.” “Sorry.” “You’ve got no reason to apologize.” “Are you going to hit me, too?” “I don’t have the right to hit you.” He gave a lonely sort of smile. “So what are you going to do?” He seemed to have regained his composure. “You can’t just keep going like this, right?” “Well…” I knew he was referring to my relationships with Yuuko and Kaito. Ever since that day, I’ve been thinking about it, taking a step forward, coming to a dead end, and just repeating the same pattern endlessly. Yua, Asuka, Nanase, Haru. I feel like the clues are hidden in the words everyone has given me, but I can’t seem to find them. “What do you expect me to do?” I mumbled, and I realized I was crushing my burger in half. “‘I can’t go out with you, but can I just ask you to go on being my friend as if nothing happened?’ Is that what I should say to her?” “Saku…” Kazuki paused, hand hovering over the fries. “What should I say to Kaito? ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t make Yuuko happy, the way you wanted. Could you do me a favor and take care of her yourself?’ Do you want me to say something like that?” Kazuki sighed heavily. Cheek propped on his hand, he said, “Well, that won’t work, will it? That kind of decision has to come from them. You can’t just suggest it on your end.” “Right.” And this is where I always pause. I have no choice in this, because I didn’t accept Yuuko’s feelings. Anything I did—trying to apologize or make up or act like it never happened—would just hurt the other person even more. Dryly, Kazuki continued. “You have no choice. You have to wait for them to come to you.” “I know that.” “We went to see Kaito first, you know.” “…How is he?” “Angry, to no one’s surprise. We had a fight.” “Huh? Why?” Kazuki shook his head slightly and said, “I dunno.” “I took out my anger and self-pity on him because I didn’t make my move, either.” Kazuki narrowed his eyes sadly. “And I’m not proud of my reaction.” “I see,” I replied briefly. At the time, he said something like, “…I don’t feel like covering for you, Saku.” I didn’t need to ask for specifics. If he had really drawn the line in the sand exactly as he’d claimed, he never would have spilled his true feelings in the hot spring. Kazuki is probably still searching for a safe place for his feelings, in his own way. When I was thinking about that… “Excuse me!” Kenta piped up. I smiled a little. “Sorry, Kenta, for getting you involved in all this…” “No, I mean…” Kenta stammered, grabbed a fry, and dipped it in ketchup. Then he stuffed it in his mouth, slurped his soda, and spoke again. “I have no idea what you two are talking about here!” Then he looked down, as if ashamed of his outburst. I tried to keep my voice soft. “What do you not understand?” “…Any of it.” “Yeah, it’s complicated,” I said. “To put it simply, while she never asked me out in official terms, I’ve known Yuuko’s feelings for me for a long time. In a roundabout way, I asked Kaito to take care of Yuuko on my behalf. On top of that, I got close with Yua, Nanase, Haru, and Nishino while things with Yuuko stayed ambiguous. And so now, I can’t face either Yuuko or Kaito. Does that clear things up?” Kenta kept his head down and said, “I still don’t really get it.” He repeated his position very clearly. “I see. Well, anyway, it’s my fault.” “No, I mean…” Kenta clenched his fists tightly atop the table. “…I said I don’t understand!!!” He got to his feet, knocking the chair away with a clatter. “To me, it looks like both you and Mizushino are just giving up! You’ve got a couple educated guesses, and you’re acting like that’s an excuse! Can you please explain what I’m missing, here? You’re so sure your hands are completely tied. You’re sure you can’t take the first step, because of how things went before. You can’t do anything because of X, Y, and Z. Man! Just shut up!” His shoulders shook with emotion. “Or does someone like me not have the right to an opinion like that?” ““Kenta…”” Kazuki and I said at the same time. “Okay, so some romance-related stuff has caused a rift in the friend group. I get that things are awkward right now. But why are you both talking like this is the end? You’re acting like things are irreparably broken, as if they’ll never be the same again…” Kenta’s voice was faint, strained. I shook my head slowly as I responded. “But they won’t.” “You’re wrong!” BAM! Kenta hit the table. “If that’s the case, isn’t it just the same as the superficial group I was in? No, you guys are different, right? You understand each other on a deeper level; you trust each other. That’s why you can’t act. Right?” “…And I hurt someone who trusted me.” “So then why?!” “Kenta, maybe someday you’ll be able to tell someone you like how you feel. When that day comes, you’ll understand.” “Bullshit! Hey, King. This is a loser-to-popular-kid story, right? And so telling you you’re wrong when you’re wrong just shows that I’ve grown, right?” Just like when we first met, he was glaring right at me. “It’s true that you’re the logical type, King. I’m the type who always gets bogged down in arguing, but you always make important decisions with your heart, don’t you? That’s one thing I’ve learned about you in our brief friendship so far. When you smashed my window, when you got mad at Starbucks, when you confronted that Yan High guy, when you played baseball again…” Before I knew it, Kenta’s eyes were filled with tears. “King, what do you want to do? Do you really want to stay like this? Are you really happy to just let it end this way?” I clenched my fists tightly, gritting out the words. “If I could have my wish…then I’d want us all to be friends again…” “In that case!” Kenta hit the table once more. His voice strained, throat sounding raw, as if he were attacking me with his whole soul… “Try a little mutual understanding!!! You’re the one who taught me that it’s not about whether you can do it, it’s about the will to try. Or are you really just that man-slut shithead?! Take a step forward; reach out to the moon!!!” “…” My breath caught in my throat. He was echoing the things I’d said to him over the past few months… Oh. Right. The one who said those arrogant words…was me. Kenta stared at the table. “…I’m begging you, King. It just can’t end like this.” I closed my eyes and slowly chewed on those words, then… “Thank you, Kenta.” My earnest words for a friend who’d reminded me of something vitally important. Our situation has been reversed, I thought. The words struck such a chord because they were coming from a guy who had actually put them into practice. What matters most is…what I want to do. Like Kenta said. I made eye contact with Kazuki, whose mouth was hanging open. We stared at each other for a moment, then snorted with laughter. “Huh? What?” Kenta looked at us with confusion. Kazuki was still laughing as he said, “Kenta got one on us.” Shoulders shaking with mirth, I concurred. “Totally.” Kenta didn’t seem to understand why we were laughing. He stood still, as if stunned. Well, of course he wouldn’t immediately get it. But it was seriously so funny, the two of us getting schooled by Kenta like this. I gave Kenta a lopsided grin. “You’ve learned to speak your mind. Starting today, I shall call you King.” “P…please don’t.” After that, we devoured the rest of the fast food, and then the three of us went out onto the balcony. The sun setting behind the distant mountains felt strangely warm. The next day, Yua came to cook dinner as usual. Lately, she’d been a little unsettled, sometimes acting a little gloomy, a little childlike. But today, for the first time in a long while, she seemed somewhat refreshed. When I told her about Kazuki and Kenta’s visit… “Hmm. Kenta, huh?” She smiled. Come to think of it, when I went to extract Kenta from his room, I brought Yua with me before anyone else. Maybe she was reminiscing about that time we spent talking to him through the door. After dinner, we walked along the riverbed on the way to take Yua home. “Saku, you wanna stop for a coffee?” Yua suggested. It sounded like this had been her plan all along. We didn’t even drink coffee after our dinner today, I realized. At times like this, whenever one of us suggested coffee, it was customary for us to buy a takeout drink instead of going to a café. We stopped at a nearby convenience store. Yua bought an iced houjicha latte, and I bought an iced latte, and then we settled down on the riverbed bank. Together, we sipped our drinks. “Summer vacation will be over soon,” Yua said quietly. Today was the twenty-third. There were eight days left in August. I thought how ironic it was that after the summer study trip, the days felt so long, but looking back, it seemed to have gone in the blink of an eye. “For me, summer vacation is already over.” A self-deprecating response escaped me. “Oh, there you go again.” “In the second half, all I did was sit around and have you take care of me, Yua.” “Oh, please. You loved it.” “And you got to indulge your maternal side, right?” “Honestly, you’re a lost cause. You don’t have to force yourself like this, you know?” Yua rolled her eyes. “Hey, Saku?” She peered into my eyes. “What?” “I have one request.” “That’s unusual.” “Will you hear me out?” Basically, Yua’s requests are all really trivial things, like wanting me to accompany her on a grocery shopping trip or open the lid of a hard-to-open bottle. But even then, she would politely explain the situation first. So this was the first time she’d asked me to promise I’d do something for her without saying what it was yet. “Okay.” I shrugged. She had to have a good reason. We’d built a relationship of trust, enough that we didn’t need to quibble over every little thing. “Really?” Yua asked. “If it’s something I can do. If so, then I promise.” Yua gently held out her right pinkie finger. “Swear it.” “Do you want to go that far?” “It’s standard.” “I see.” I suddenly remembered the last pinkie promise I made—when Nanase was being stalked by those guys from Yan High. Yua had gotten angry. “You have to tell us what’s going on,” she’d said. “Don’t go acting the tough guy by yourself.” At that time, the three of us made a promise. I was sure Yua hadn’t forgotten it. So this must mean she was trying to make an equally important request. I gently looped my little finger around Yua’s. “I swear: I’ll do what you ask, Yua.” I had no reason not to. Yua smiled and said: “—Then will you go to the festival with me tomorrow?” “…Huh?” I wasn’t expecting that at all. “Huh? A festival?” “Yeah.” “Why a festival again?” “You promised you’d wear a yukata and go with me to a festival, right?” “…The situation is a little different now, isn’t it?” “I’m sorry; that was a little mean.” Then Yua continued. “But when I saw that scene between you and Yuuko, and I heard you talk about Yuzuki, and Haru, and Nishino, I realized…I can’t go on like this.” Her little finger tightened around mine. “Hey, Saku.” Sweetly smiling… “August twenty-fourth is like the Christmas Eve of summer. We might not be able to spend the real Christmas Eve together, so…” She wasn’t sounding like herself. “Yua…” “Heh…” The knot between us slipped loose. “I wanted to try an awkward date invitation just once, so I could be like you.” Yua smiled, like she was sidestepping the issue. “Look, when we went to the fireworks with everyone, I was the only one who couldn’t dress up. I was kinda sad about it. And besides, even though this was my summer vacation, too, I feel like all I did was housework and cooking for you the whole time. Before summer ends, I want to make at least one special memory.” It would be rude to mention Yuuko now. But I couldn’t forget the situation I was in, which was still unresolved. If I brought it up here, it would be like questioning her. Like asking, “Don’t you care about Yuuko?” Are you saying that, even with everything going on, you still want to go out and have fun with me? We never know what’s going on inside another person. But for the most part, this is all my fault to begin with, and I’m also the one who stole Yua’s time. If I couldn’t indulge even one wish of hers… And without her around, I might be doing a heck of a lot worse. “Okay, let’s go,” I said. Yua’s face relaxed. “Okay!” She nodded with a big smile. I’d talk to her again after the festival was over tomorrow. For now, this was fine. She should focus on herself more than on me. On Yuuko more than on me. I wanted her to put herself first. And as for me… I was going to have to get on with resolving all this. Somewhere close by, a cicada chirped. When I looked up, I saw a beautiful moon floating on the surface of the rippling river. Like the night sky had been split in two. I clasped my outstretched hands in something like a prayer.
Chapter 90
34 min read