Chapter 89

* * * She looked down, red right to her ears. “Like, maybe I’m trying to be something I’m not…” Even Nanase feels insecure, I realized. Times like this, she feels confused and anxious. Even though one glance at her tells you she has no cause for concern. So… —Honestly, I was a little stunned by the contrast between the usually cool Nanase and her in this homey apron. It’s cute and a little sexy. It definitely suits her. I was about to list my honest impressions, as usual. But I immediately swallowed back the words. “Let go! This jerk! This freaking jerk! He knew how Yuuko felt, but he acted like it was no big deal and went off chasing whatever other random girl he could find!” I recalled what Kaito had said. Even though the pain had long since subsided, I felt heat begin to gather again in my face where he’d punched me. He might be right. Originally, I acted casual in order to draw a necessary line in the sand between myself and girls. I’d built a wall so no one could get inside my heart. To maintain a facade, right from the get-go. But Nanase… She’s already become too important to me for me to treat her like that. Maybe I should quit acting so casual. So I smiled brightly at her and said: “There’s no clothing invented that doesn’t suit Yuzuki Nanase, right?” I chose words that were as innocuous as possible, but still reassuring. Was this all right? You look good in that. That sentiment got across, right? Nanase’s eyes widened in surprise, and for a moment, she bit her lip as if she were about to cry. “—That’s right! Thanks!” The chirpiness of her voice sounded like a forced smile. That moment… A sadness spread from the center of my chest up to my throat and made it hard to breathe. …Huh? Nanase and I were both laughing. I praised her. She said thanks. That was a textbook interaction. I couldn’t help feeling like I had made a mistake. Nanase jumped down and stood in the kitchen. Her back was to me. I reached for her, wanting to tell her to wait… I didn’t mean it… What I actually meant was… Stopping at the last minute, I clenched my fist tightly. No. It’s better this way. This sadness, this pain, is the result of my own selfish thoughts. I wish I could have praised her from the bottom of my heart. I wish I could have laughed more heartily. But you hurt Yuuko doing that. Over and over. Nanase no longer seemed to be awkward or on edge. In fact, she seemed to have returned to her usual form. She washed the rice, set the rice cooker going, boiled water in a pot, and started shredding cabbage. I stood nearby, watching. “Never peek when food is being prepared.” She spoke with an absurdly theatrical intonation. What’s wrong with that? What is this, the fable of the grateful crane? I thought, forgetting about what had just happened and trying to focus. “While you were asleep, you rode on the back of a turtle to the Palace of the Dragon King.” “I think you’re getting your folklores mixed up.” “You were never allowed to leave there again and lived happily with me, the princess, until you died.” “Hey, so it just ends with me being kidnapped and dying?” “A very happy ending…” “No, it ain’t!” Just our usual sort of banter. Nothing’s changed, but nothing’s progressed, either. We weren’t really moving forward. Chop. Chop. Chop. Chop. A rhythm different from the one I’d been hearing for the past few days spread through the air in the room. Careful, accurate. Measuring, planning, evaluating. Chop. Chop. Chop. Chop. The kitchen knife struck the cutting board methodically. It was a very Nanase-like sound. I wanted to listen to it better, so I turned down the Tivoli Audio. Every now and again I peeked at her. Her side profile was serious, like when she was aiming for a three-pointer in a game. Before long, when the pleasant smell of frying oil began to waft in the air, Nanase finally looked over her shoulder at me, smiling. Her apron didn’t have a single stain. That, too, was very Nanase-like, I thought. When our eyes met, she scratched her cheek as if she’d finally remembered my existence. “Oh, uh, I was concentrating way too much.” She stretched a little. “Guess I can’t turn into Ucchi overnight.” I cast my eye over the sink, cluttered with used bowls and cutting boards. “I was afraid you’d cut me if I distracted you,” I teased. “I went about it like it was a game against Ashi High.” “Thanks to that, I never got bored.” “You couldn’t stop staring, hmm?” “Nanase, keep your eyes on the oil.” “Oh, whoops.” It looked like the finishing touches were coming soon, so I wiped the dining table and prepared chopsticks, cups, and barley tea. “Chitose, just sit down. Don’t look until I bring it over.” “All righty.” Along with the fragrant aroma of fried food, a sweet-and-sour nostalgic scent tickled my nostrils. My stomach rumbled involuntarily. “Okay. Chitose, keep your eyes closed until I say you can open them.” “All righty.” I closed my eyes, just as I was told. This was Nanase. No doubt I was going to be presented with a meal the likes of which I’d never even dreamed of. Some kind of fancy, avant-garde sauce. To be honest, I don’t really like cream-based sauces, so I hoped I could stomach it. There was a clack, a clatter, the sound of bowls lined up on the table. Nanase pulled out the chair and sat down on the opposite side. “Well, thank you for waiting. Let’s see what’s on the dinner menu at Café Nana tonight!” Enough buildup already, I thought. I opened my eyes slowly, half with expectation and half with anxiety… “…This isn’t a freakin’ set menu restaurant, is it?!” In front of me was a salad, tofu-and-seaweed miso soup, pickles, and then… A bowl of rice and fried pork cutlets covered with sauce…the Fukui staple. “Boys like this sort of thing, right?” Nanase gave me a smug grin. “N-no mistake there!” I burst out laughing as well. We looked at each other, grinning. “I was expecting—” “Something French?” “Well, yeah, if I’m honest.” Maybe not French cuisine, but I thought it would be something fancy. Something Nanase-esque. Some kind of dish I’d never heard of. Clever but not overly pretentious. “Hee-hee,” Nanase chuckled. “I’ve stopped all that.” She paused. “…Almost. “Any Fukui citizen worth their salt would eat katsudon at a time like this, right?” Her expression was pure. There was nothing more to say. “Let’s eat,” Nanase said, putting her hands together in front of her chest. I followed suit. “Wow, thanks for the food.” When I took a sip of the miso soup, it tasted completely normal, and I mean that in a good way. It didn’t need anything added to it. I could drink this every day and call it good. The salad with dressing had surprisingly finely shredded cabbage. You only realize how difficult that is when you try shredding cabbage yourself. But the pickles had a slightly odd shape. “Is this celery…?” Nanase responded with some unease in her tone. “Yes, I pickled it at home. You don’t like it?” “No, it’s good. Especially with mayonnaise like this.” “Really? Well, that’s how we do it in my house.” I took a bite, and the taste of dashi stock spread over my tongue. No vinegar used. The celery’s unique aroma and faint saltiness would go well with the rice. “This is really delicious.” “I’m glad. I had some extra, so I put it in the fridge for you.” Nanase sounded happy. I picked up my katsudon and grabbed one of the three pieces of pork with my chopsticks. Gently, I took a bite from the edge. Then I followed it with some rice. With Fukui katsudon, we don’t pour the sauce on top. We soak the cutlets in it instead. Nanase seemed to have also glazed the surface of the rice with sauce before placing the cutlets on top. “How is it…?” “…” I ignored Nanase, who seemed to be on tenterhooks. Before I realized it, I’d gotten so engrossed in eating my pork that a third of the rice was already gone. “…The heck? This is really freakin’ good!” I yelped with genuine enthusiasm. “Did I grab ya by the stomach?” Nanase said, a little bolder now. She appeared much more confident. “Oh man. I think you did.” When I said that… “All riiight!” Nanase pumped her fist, like she’d just pulled off an epic buzzer beater. “I mean it; I’m not just saying that. This is as good as anything they serve at Europe Ken.” For example, in the case of curry, even if you use commercially available roux, the meat, ingredients, and secret flavors all depend on who makes it, so I think there is definitely such a thing as “homemade curry.” Similarly, in Fukui, we have homestyle katsudon. When you make it at home, the sauce is generally a mixture of Worcestershire sauce, Chinese sauce, ketchup, mirin, soy sauce, and sugar. First of all, it’s troublesome to make, and in most cases, the sauce is too strong or too sweet, resulting in a stickier taste than you get eating at a restaurant. Even more difficult is perfecting the texture of the cutlet. It’s a completely personal opinion, but I stubbornly believe that the thin and crispy cutlet from Europe Ken is the best, so I can’t help but balk at the thickness of tonkatsu made at home. It feels somewhat unrefined. In that regard, the bowl that Nanase made was, shockingly, exactly to my taste. “What kind of meat are you using for this?” I asked. “Normally, it’s pork loin. However, meat tataki isn’t common in ordinary households. So it’s the stuff for frying, not for tonkatsu. Thinly sliced meat is the key, you see.” Nanase giggled with pride. “Hmm, that’s why it looks like something from a restaurant. What about the sauce? It’s just a little sweet-and-sour; it’s perfect.” “I tried using apple juice as a secret ingredient.” “Oh, genius. By the way, can I have seconds?” “Oh, I’m sorry. For the cutlet, I only fried three pieces for you and two for me; isn’t that enough?” “No, I meant seconds on the sauce.” “…Huh? I still have some, but why?” “For the second bowl, I want to pour it over the white rice and make a soup.” “People eat it like that?” “What, you don’t know? It’s a way to really appreciate the sauce.” “No, I’ve never heard of it.” She twisted her lips, like she was trying to hold back but couldn’t. “That is really weird.” Then she started laughing, doubling over and everything. “You like the sauce that much?” “When you eat at home, you gotta make the most of it.” Nanase smiled, looking reassured. “—Then I’m glad I gave it my best effort.” All of a sudden, we stopped grinning. I hurriedly started eating the rest of the meal. If I kept looking at her face, I was sure I was going to blurt out unnecessary things again. After washing the dishes and removing the oil, the two of us went out onto the balcony with a plastic bottle of soda each. I wouldn’t really describe the air as cool, but the nights that make you sweat just by existing seemed to have passed. The wind that blew from the river now and then had hints of the coming season. “What about club?” I suddenly remembered. “We have three days off during Obon.” “Still, it’s only for three days. Aren’t you aiming for the Inter-High competition?” “Speaking of which…” Nanase, leaning against the balcony railings, turned toward me. “Has Haru been by yet?” “Here, you mean?” “Yeah.” “No, but I got messages on LINE.” “…What an idiot. She’s hopeless.” The last sentence was so faint that I almost didn’t catch it. “Nanase, have you…?” “Hmm?” “Have you been in touch with Yuuko, since what happened?” Nervously, I voiced something that had been bothering me for a long time. Maybe, if it was Nanase… But Nanase only smiled sadly. “Of course I contacted her, but there was no response, either on the phone or LINE. She didn’t even mark me as read.” “…” I thought for a moment that I shouldn’t have asked. A part of me was hoping, I guess. It was about time to get my thoughts together a little. In fact, I got the feeling I needed to. Things with Yua would still be uncomfortable because of what happened, but at least I wanted Yuuko to be able to rely on her other friends. “Wait,” Nanase said quickly. “I did get a call from Kaito. It seems Yuuko has been meeting and talking with him. She’s depressed, but Kaito said she seems like she’s going to be okay. So we probably don’t need to worry too much.” “I see. Kaito, huh?” “Not sure how to feel about that…?” “No,” I replied. “I’m relieved. If he’s by her side, she’ll be fine.” And I really meant it. My only concern was what would happen if Yuuko was left alone with her pain. If Kaito was with her… He was an idiot, but he would watch out for Yuuko. “…I’m glad, actually.” I murmured, looking at the sky, trying not to acknowledge the emotion I felt burning the backs of my eyes. Gently, Nanase put her arm around my waist. “Hey…” Before I knew it, I started talking. “Nanase, what would you do at a time like this?” I knew it was a pointless question. But Nanase was a lot like me. Maybe I was curious to know how she’d answer. “First of all, I’d keep a distance until everyone had a chance to calm down. Then when the second semester starts, I’d set up a place to talk properly again, and we’d make up. After that, we’d be friends as usual…” Nanase laughed, a short laugh that sounded like a sigh. “I wish I was still able to say something like that.” She continued, her voice faint. “But right now, that’s kind of impossible.” I really am an idiot. Even Nanase must be frustrated that she can’t get in touch with her friend. I should have thought about it more, simply because we’re so similar. If I were Nanase, seeing my friends hurt in front of me, knowing I can’t do anything to help them—knowing I was such a useless friend that they couldn’t even come to me for help… “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” I felt Nanase’s fingers tighten into the back of my shirt. “…Katsudon.” She mumbled a word that seemed a bit random. Even I knew this wasn’t the start of a joke. It meant something. I silently urged Nanase to continue, which she did. “It doesn’t seem very Yuzuki Nanase-like to have the first homemade dish you made for a boy be a katsudon set meal, right?” “I guess not.” But as a result, there was no artifice…and the outcome was insanely delicious. Still, I can’t deny that I was surprised. It certainly wasn’t what I’d expect from Nanase. “You know, we—Can I say ‘we’ right now?” I nodded as she scrutinized my face. “I think we tend to care too much about formality and good manners. Appearances and aesthetics, in other words.” She looked at me with some unease as she spoke. Perhaps she was worried about how she was coming across. “Nanase, I’ll listen to anything you have to say. You wanna keep going?” After taking a deep breath, she nodded. “Of course, it’s also an aesthetic we can’t compromise on. It’s because we’ve lived like that that we’re the Saku Chitose and Yuzuki Nanase here today. But…who exactly would you make fancy pasta for?” She was speaking as if she were talking to herself. “I wanted you to say ‘Boy, this is delicious,’ not chuckle and say ‘Well, this is exactly what I’d expect from you, Nanase.’ I wanted to help you cheer up, even if only a little. And that sentiment…is part of who I am, as Yuzuki Nanase today.” She let go of my T-shirt, and I sensed her hand clenching. “—So, Chitose, don’t go dying on the wrong hills, okay?” With a light touch, her fist knocked my cheek. Just a short message. In Nanase’s words, which meant even more. She seemed a lot like me on the surface, but on the inside, she was stronger and more beautiful than I was. It touched my heart. I wanted you to understand me more than anyone else. That’s all I could say… After sending Nanase home, I was walking alone on the riverbed path, when the phone I’d stuck in my pocket began to vibrate. After glancing at the name on the display, I answered the call without hesitation. “Hello?” “Hello?” “I was good. I ate dinner.” “…Er… Oh, ha-ha.” It was Yua on the line. “Sorry, I know it’s getting a bit late to call…” “It’s okay, I’m just out walking anyway.” “You went for a walk?” “No, I was sending Nanase home.” “Oh really?” “I’ll explain, so you don’t have to be so tense, okay?” I told Yua about everything that had happened. After I finished speaking, Yua responded in a slightly sullen voice. “Was it really that good? Yuzuki’s katsudon, I mean?” “It was excellent.” “Hmph.” “I’m not talking about how it compares to your cooking, Yua. Anyway, you’ve never made me katsudon before.” “I know that. However, I will not be making katsudon at your place in the future, either.” “Why not?” “HMPH!” “That’s mean; I tried to sugarcoat it.” “And that’s beside the point.” Finally, we both chuckled at the same time. Lately, Yua had been a little childish. I think she and I both felt an urge to distract ourselves from worrying whenever we thought about Yuuko. “You know, Saku…” “Hmm?” “Even though you barge into other people’s secrets and say all these lofty things, you can’t see anything about yourself clearly, can you?” “Hey, are you really mad at me?” “Hmm, if I had to say, I guess…I’m always mad.” “Yua…” “However… There are two people who deserve a telling off. So…” She paused, then said… “Thanks. I think I’m good for tonight, too.” Her voice was calm. “Okay, good night, then.” “Yeah, good night.” At the very least…I wanted Yua and Yuuko to make up. I wanted to see them laughing together again. The last day of Obon arrived. Around four PM, when the heat began to ease a little, my doorbell rang again. When I opened the door, I found Haru standing there in a sporty outfit. After Asuka and Nanase comes Haru. I guess that was why I wasn’t so surprised to see her. “’Sup.” I raised a hand in greeting… “…Listen!” Haru’s head snapped up. She’d been looking at her feet, as if she was trying to find the right words, and I guess she’d found them. “I’m still a child, maybe, so I don’t know what to do at a time like this…” Wow, it was obvious she had a lot on her mind. I responded with a mix of gratitude and apology. “Thank you. It’s really nice that you came. Would you like some tea?” Haru shook her head. “Then, do you want to play catch?” She shook her head slightly again. “I thought about that, too. I was trying to find the best way to cheer you up. Maybe I could take you out to eat something yummy, lend a sympathetic ear. I could take you shopping. Even write you a letter. But none of that is very ‘me.’ Or more like I can’t see myself pulling any of it off…” Haru looked down again. “In the end, the only thing I thought I could do was to help you get out and move your body, get some of it out of your system. But against me, it’d just be child’s play for you.” “No, it wouldn’t…” “And so!” She cut me off. “I brought someone who can give you a real run for your money!” She reached out her hand to the blind spot beside the door, grabbed something large, and yanked it toward me. “…” “……” “………” “…………” “What the heck are you doing here, Atomu?” “…That’s what I’d like to know! Dumbass!” Haru, Atomu, and I went to Higashi Park and started stretching. “I’m impressed you managed to get him over here.” I smiled wryly. If she wanted a Haru-esque plan, she certainly had one, although this was pretty out-there, even for her. Going to all this trouble, just to cheer me up… Haru grinned back. “Really? But when I asked, he came right along. Right, Uemura?” “Are you insane?!” Atomu snarled, then turned to me. “This little pip-squeak. I don’t know who told her, but she found out that I train alone in the park, and she cornered me. ‘He’ll get more into it against a real batter, won’t he?’ she said. ‘Yeah, if it feels like a real game, he’ll definitely enjoy it more!’ Then she was like, ‘I’ll treat you to Hachiban’s if you come,’ she said. On and on!” I could picture the scene, and a snort of laughter escaped me. Haru scratched her cheek sheepishly. “Tsk,” Atomu groused. “Then she was like, ‘You’re Chitose’s main opponent, aren’t you?’ and ‘I really need you to come help cheer him up.’ And well, here I am.” So he gave in. I grinned. “Is this because of your famous tsundere nature?” “You’re gonna pay for that, asshole!” Atomu put on his glove and stood up, slamming the ball against it. “Since Aomi had her fun manipulating me, I’m going to take my frustrations out on your face. Get ready for a broken nose.” Come to think of it, they even had a helmet and a ball case. No idea where those came from. I picked up my wooden bat and got to my feet as well. “If you feel lonely during the summer vacation, you can call me anytime.” Spinning the ball on his fingertip, Atomu grinned. “Huh, what good is a brokenhearted puppy like you gonna do me?” “Hah, okay, now you’re gonna get it, my friend!” “How’s your wrist, by the way? Is it actually functional again?” “Would you like to try me? Playing with kiddie balls ain’t exactly sports rehab, you know.” Sniping back and forth, we took our places at the mound and the batter’s box. Scrape, scrape. Atomu smoothed the dirt beneath his feet. “Do you still have some New Year’s gift money from your mama? Because those wooden bats break easily.” Scrape, scrape. I smoothed the ground beneath my feet, too. “I’ll take your pride as collateral.” “Haru!” “Aomi!” “All right, all right, on my way!” Delighted, Haru dashed off to the outfield. I did my usual routine and gripped the bat. “…Hey, Atomu. Think Koshien is heating up right about now?” Atomu entered a windup stance. “Hmph. How would I know?” —Clank. A fastball, strong enough to blast away all other thoughts, went flying…right to the low inside corner, my sweet spot. About two hours later. Once again, we were all slumped around the mound. It wasn’t the frenzied practice we’d been doing before the tournament not so long ago, though. Somewhere along the way, Haru entered the batter’s box, and we taught her the basics, and Atomu took the bat while I stood on the mound. Haru sighed happily. “Yep, whenever life gets tough, a good workout solves everything.” Atomu rolled his eyes and sighed, too. “Dammit, what the hell have you two dragged me into?” “What are you talking about? Once you got into it, you really enjoyed yourself.” “Shut it, Chitose.” “Excuse me?!!!” “Aomi, are you really going to continue playing basketball at your height?” “Duh! Of course I am!” “…Hmph. You’re both crazy.” “Why am I crazy?” “Because someone like you should go all the way to the top.” “Huh…?” “Otherwise, your potential is wasted. Like little burned-out chips of cinder, lying in the dirt.” I snorted. “Behold, the bonfire of my dreams.” “You never shut up, do you?” said Atomu. “You’re still practicing your swings, right? Are you thinking about starting over in college?” “What if I said yes?” “…Well, you can talk to me about it if that’s the case.” “Are you getting mushy?” “Are you getting ready to die?” Geez, this guy. Atomu got up, brushing off the dust. “Well, I’ll leave you two to clean up.” Haru quickly sat up, too. “Why are you leaving? I said I’d buy you dinner. Let’s all go to Hachiban’s.” Atomu snorted. “Look, if you want the guy so bad you’re willing to cry about it, then just jump him and have at it. Luckily, you seem to have plenty of stamina.” “What?!” Leaving Haru spluttering, Atomu, having said his piece, walked off without looking back. “…” “…” There was a silence in the air between the two of us who remained. “I wasn’t crying!” Haru yelled suddenly. “R-right.” “I’m the type who sweats like a waterfall; that’s all!” “I know, I know. But I don’t think that’s a very delicate, maidenly way to deny something…?” Oh, right, I thought, scratching my cheek. That good-for-nothing jerk didn’t just come along because he felt like it. No doubt Haru begged, whined, pleaded, even cried to convince him. “Thanks, Haru,” I said. She turned her back in embarrassment. “I…I’m sorry. I tried, but all I could think of was something dumb.” “What are you talking about? Anyway, if anyone’s dumb, it’s me. And I haven’t felt this refreshed all week.” I wasn’t trying to flatter her. I honestly meant it. Ever since that day, I’d been worrying about all kinds of things, repeatedly hitting dead ends and feeling depressed. Playing ball had helped me finally empty my head for the first time in a while. “Still, that was pretty funny how you dragged Atomu along.” “Ugh…,” Haru grunted, fiddling with the soil with her fingertips. “I thought it wouldn’t work unless you were up against someone who really challenged you.” She looked so funny in that moment, I couldn’t stop myself from snorting with laughter. Yua, Nanase, and Haru are completely different in their approaches, I thought. More than anything else, though, I was just glad to know that Haru cared about me. “You know me well,” I said. She finally turned to me and grinned. “I’ve been observing you closely, Hubby!” —Drip, drip, drip. As we chatted back and forth, I felt cold droplets on my cheek. I thought it was sweat dripping from my hair, but… “Oh, gah.” When I looked at the sky, black clouds had come rushing in. “Looks like it’s gonna rain. Haru, we’d better split.” “Aw, it’s fine.” She lay down, totally ignoring what I’d just said. “Didn’t you love the rain when you were a kid?” She squinted up at me a little sadly. “Hmph. If you get wet and your shirt goes see-through again, don’t take it out on me.” “Unfortunately, I’m in a sports bra today.” “…Well, even a sports bra can be—” “Listen, you!” I quickly moved the bat and ball cases under some shelter. In the blink of an eye, the rain was pelting down harder. Soon, it was bouncing down like hail. Too late now, I thought, lying down beside Haru. “Heh… Ha-ha-ha!” I laughed out loud. It was so funny. “This hurts, doesn’t it?” Raindrops beat down on my eyelids, lips, and cheeks, splish splash splosh. “Ah-ha-ha, what are we doing?” Beside me, Haru clutched her stomach with laughter. I propped myself up. The air was thick with the scent of rain. Fresh showers washed away the dust and asphalt that had been baked by the summer sun. Many large puddles formed on the ground, and waves spread across their surfaces. Haru propped herself up, too. We put our backs together. In the cold rain, the warmth of each other’s bodies felt nice. “When I was little…,” Haru began. “I was able to play like this without overthinking everything.” “…Ah.” “We’ll be dry once the sun comes out…right?” “Yeah, this does bring back some memories. During baseball club practice, we’d be worn out and find our second wind when it rained. Did you know if you slide as hard as you can in a downpour like this that you can go about thirty feet?” “Hmm?” “No, don’t actually try it. You’ll get in big trouble if you go home with your training outfit dripping with mud.” Then we laughed together again. “Hey, Chitose?” “Yes, Haru?” “I’m not experienced enough to give advice on love and friendship.” “Uh-huh.” “Let me just say one thing.” Haru leaned her back against me. “You can feel free to lean on me sometimes. “Yuuko, Yuzuki, Ucchi, Kaito, Mizushino, Yamazaki,” she continued… “—We’re all important as friends, girls and guys.”