“Guh… Gack…” It was delicious. So good. But very, very salty. Without saying anything, Yua stood and turned up the volume of the music a little. “Thank you for the meal. Really, it was delicious.” As soon as I finished eating the omurice and consommé soup, I rushed into the dressing room, washed my face over and over again in the sink, then finally returned to the living room. “I’ve made better, but thank you.” Before I knew it, Yua had finished eating, too. Now she was about to carry two dishes to the sink to wash them. “Oh, I’ll do that.” “Sure.” Yua withdrew, since we both had our usual jobs. I was grateful that she didn’t try to comfort me and just left me alone. I squeezed some detergent onto a brand-new sponge, then washed the drinking glasses, soup cups, spoons, plates, and so on, starting with the cleanest items first. Yua once told me that this was the most efficient method. Rinsing is done at the end, and if something’s very dirty, wipe it off with a paper towel first. I think it had become a habit before I even knew it. While you’re at it, clean the sink thoroughly with the old sponge you haven’t thrown away yet. As I went about my work, my feelings gradually calmed down. I looked at the clock and realized with a jolt that it was already ten PM. “Yua.” “Saku?” Suddenly, we spoke at the same time. I held out a hand, signaling her to go first. Yua nodded and said, “Can I take a bath here?” “…Huh?” “Didn’t you hear me? I want you to lend me your bath.” “No, I heard you very well, and then I wanted to hear it again.” It was way too late for a young woman to be in a guy’s apartment. “I’ll take you home. You can have a nice hot bath there.” Yua tilted her head. “Uh, but I’m sleeping here tonight, though?” “Oh, I see, then that’s… WHAAAT?!!!” I was so taken aback that I yelped like a puppy. “Wait, didn’t I mention that?” “Hold on… It’s not about whether you mentioned it…” “It’s okay; I have a spare change of clothes.” “You thought that far ahead?!” “While you were taking a bath, I explained things to my dad on the phone.” “I’m begging you, please don’t tell me something that crazy…” Yua blinked at me, like I was being ridiculous… And she showed no hint of embarrassment. Almost like she was being intentionally frivolous about this. I sighed deeply, then… “There’s no possible explanation that could be given for a girl to stay at a guy’s house. A guy who isn’t even her boyfriend.” I had to state the obvious. Yua laughed a little. “Aw, Saku. You treat me like a real girl.” “How else should I treat you?” “As your mom? Someone who cooks you dinner?” “Listen here…” I slumped my shoulders. “Please. I’m not in the mood to talk about girls like that.” However, Yua pretended not to know what I was saying. “You let Yuzuki stay over, though.” “Well, there were extenuating circumstances…” That’s right; I remembered the scribbles Yuzuki drew on my neck, as a prank… “You know,” Yua said, scratching her cheek. “Since this isn’t the first time, don’t you think it’s a bit too late to be making a fuss about it?” “…” I didn’t know what to say to that. Yua peered at me. “If you don’t want me here, wanna try kicking me out?” She didn’t wait for my reaction before she continued. “I’d turn you down either way, but just to check, you don’t feel guilty, do you?” “That’s not what I’m worried about.” I’m not some kind of lowlife who’d abandon all rationality just because a girl was staying over. Especially not on a day like today. But sleeping in the same apartment seemed like a serious betrayal. Even though I’d already committed the ultimate betrayal. “Saku, you probably won’t be able to sleep tonight anyway. Sure, I’ll be staying over, but we’ll just be here chatting like it’s any other visit.” It was like she’d been reading my mind. “But why…why go to all this trouble…?” “I told you, didn’t I?” Yua said, gazing straight at me. “Just like you did for me that day. This time…I’m going to be the one who’s with you, Saku.” She smiled, and I thought I saw pity in it. I couldn’t say anything more. “Well, then,” said Yua, picking up her own bag. “I’ll borrow your bath.” “…I’ll take a walk until you’re done.” “All right. I’ll be about an hour.” I nodded, stuck my smartphone in my pocket, and left the apartment. Outside, it was still slightly humid and warm. Up until a few hours ago, I’d been smelling the sea breeze. Now the familiar scent of the riverbank tickled my nostrils. Crick crick, chirp chirp. The sound of the insects created a very specific atmosphere. The night had grown awfully thick. I had an inkling as to why Yua was being so stubborn. That was why I wanted to keep my distance. But in the end, I caved. What am I doing? It sucked—really sucked—and I knew I shouldn’t be doing it, but I wasn’t able to stop myself from crying in front of Yua. No matter how desperately I tried to act cheery, I kept seeing Yuuko’s smile, her tears, hearing her words in my mind. And I lost the ability to judge what’s right and what’s wrong. I realized my phone was buzzing, and that it had been for a while now. Nanase had sent me one LINE message, and Haru had sent a whole bunch. But I wasn’t brave enough to open those messages now. I could imagine what they said well enough. It would be nice if they sent things like, “It’s okay,” or “Don’t worry about it.” But thinking of Yuuko again…I realized I didn’t want to see that. While I was thinking… —Brrrrr. Now my phone was buzzing continuously, letting me know I was getting an incoming call. I was just thinking about how I was going to opt out of answering (sorry) if it was Nanase, Haru, or even Kenta, but then I blinked and looked at the display again. Asuka Nishino, it said. “Asuka?” I muttered to myself. After that trip to Tokyo, we’d started communicating over LINE, but this was the first time I’d received a sudden phone call. I wondered if something was up. Nanase and the others knew the current situation, so they’d understand if I didn’t answer. But if I left Asuka hanging… And what if…what if it was an emergency? I couldn’t ignore it. I hesitantly tapped the display… “Evening. It’s a beautiful moon tonight.” …but her voice was completely calm. “Uh… Yeah.” I managed an answer of sorts. “Huh?! I’m sorry; were you busy?” “Uh, I was just taking a walk. What’s wrong?” After a short silence, Asuka spoke. “…Nothing’s wrong. I was just wondering what’s up.” It was an unusual and uninformative response. While I was contemplating how to answer… “Do I need a reason to call you?” Asuka sounded somewhat uneasy. I tried to be as bright as possible. “I just got home, took a bath, and ate dinner.” I guess I performed well. Asuka’s voice was peppy when she spoke again. “I see! Well, what did you have?” “The kind of old-fashioned omurice a certain person favors.” “Nice. So you cooked for yourself, right after coming back from summer camp?” “Uh, yeah, I guess I did.” I’m sorry I’m being so evasive. “Okay then, once I’ve learned how to cook meat-and-potato stew, the next on the list is omurice.” “…It’s surprisingly difficult.” “Hey, you’ve been acting like I’m useless lately, you know?!” “Nope, you’re still the same older girl I look up to.” “………” Suddenly, the conversation ground to a halt. “What happened?” Asuka said. “What? Nothing happened.” “Liar!” Ah, it was going so well, I thought, giving in to the inevitable. “I’m just a little tired. You’re being weird, Asuka.” “Hey, it’s a new moon tonight, you know.” One of the first things Asuka said to me came back to me then. “If everything was all normal with you, then you’d be like, ‘Would that we could meet, but alas’ or something, wouldn’t you?” “Sorry. I was just surprised by your call, so I was being glib. Anyway, I really did want to look at the night sky tonight.” “All right, well enough of the usual sarcasm and snark. It’s obvious to me that something happened. So come on, spill it to me. Didn’t I tell you I wanted to talk about as much as I can with you in the time we have left?” “But…” I fumbled for words. “Hey, you’re not mincing words on my behalf here, are you? Like, you don’t want me to get involved, or you’re worried that telling me might wreck my mood? You know…” Asuka’s voice was a little sad. “Being left on the outside of the mosquito net really sucks. I mean, we have a one-year age gap. I don’t know anything about your life at school. It might be selfish of me, but I’m always worried something big’s going to change right out of my reach, and by the time I find out about it, it’ll be too late. There are times when the wounds you don’t know about go deeper than the ones you do know.” “Asuka…” “I don’t want that to happen again!” I heard a sharp intake of breath, and her voice softened again. “I don’t want to see you playing baseball again when nobody told me anything.” Oh, I see. That day…on the baseball field… That’s how Asuka felt. … I’m really sick of my selfishness. Of course, I was planning to tell Asuka about the baseball club. But I wanted to be fully prepared when I told her, “Hey, I’m going to play in a game, so make sure you come watch.” Because when we met again in high school, all she saw was me sulking. I wanted to show her that I was facing the game I loved again. …But thinking about it from Asuka’s perspective… Despite all our talks, it would have looked like I’d just decided to go off and play baseball again on a whim, leaving her out of it completely and goofing around with my classmates. Yeah, I could see how she took it like that. Hey, I did it again. Without even realizing it, I’ve hurt someone I… “All right. I don’t know if I’ll be able to explain it that eloquently…” “I don’t need it explained eloquently. Just tell me what happened in whatever words you want.” I took a breath, mentally going back over those days spent with Yuuko. After I finished telling her everything… “I’m sorry.” Asuka’s response was brief. “I’m sorry, too. About the baseball.” “It’s okay. I know you had your own reasons. You weren’t in the wrong. We just misunderstood each other…” After a short silence, I heard the sound of swallowing, the clink of ice in a glass. In the background, I could hear Bump of Chicken’s “Embrace” playing low, so as not to drown out the call. “I wish I had some good words to give you right now.” Asuka forced a laugh. “It’s no good, though. Whatever I say is going to sound trite.” She was putting herself down, but I… For some reason, I felt like I’d been saved. No doubt, she’d imagined the whole story unfolding almost as if it was all happening to her. And this girl, who valued the importance of words more than anyone else I knew, was now at a complete loss. I was helpless in a maze with no exit in sight, and I felt like I had a little bit of affirmation that things really were as dire as they felt. “It’s tough, isn’t it?” “Yeah. It is.” I let my weakness show after fighting so hard to hide it from Yua. When that song was over, we said good night to each other. After ending the call, I stood there motionless for a long time. Maybe even a few minutes. I, Asuka Nishino, was snapped back to reality by the sound of my phone dropping onto the bed. I was the one who’d pushed him to talk, but I still hadn’t wrapped my head around what exactly he’d said yet. I noticed it right away, the desolation in his voice. I’d wondered if it was my imagination when he started goofing around as usual, but the more we talked, the more certain I was that something was off. You’re always like that. You stick your neck out for others with no regard for who or when. I’d assumed he’d been up to more of his usual schtick. So I figured, Hey, I’ll be Big Sis Asuka and make myself useful. I…I… I’ve been so naive. The time we spent together during summer camp was so amazing…and even though it was only for a brief time, it felt like we were actual classmates. When we got home, I was on edge, though. I wanted to hear his voice even more. I wanted to talk even more. I want to go back over each and every moment to make sure that these four days weren’t some kind of summer mirage. So there I was, floating up off the ground… Meanwhile, this whole other thing was unfolding. It was over and done before I even knew it was happening. Hiiragi’s determination, the confusion of the others, Asano’s anger, the tears I know you cried. It all happened without my involvement. Hey. Why did I have to be born before you? Why aren’t you my classmate? That’s the only thing I would have needed, and I could have been a main cast character. I could have jumped in and confessed my feelings to you first, before you got a chance to respond to Hiiragi’s. I could have been there to stick up for you with Asano. I could have been the one to run right after you when you split from the classroom. —But I wasn’t even given the chance to make those choices. I’m so jealous of Uchida and Nanase and Aomi. It feels like my soul is filling up with dank mud. I could easily hate Hiiragi. You girls are so lucky to be his classmates. Even if you confess your feelings all in a rush and get a disappointing response, the new term will start again once summer break is over. You’re going to have to see him every day. After all, you’re classmates. You’re friends. Any bitterness will soon disappear, and you’ll be hanging out like normal all over again before long. And as you continue to spend time together, you might get another chance one day. Maybe even far into the future, during a class reunion or something. But I’m a year ahead. If I try and fail, even once, it’s over for good. It’s not like we have close friends in common. We don’t always have a specific place or opportunity to meet, and we don’t have an inseparable bond. The moment I try for your heart and miss… …That’s it. The moment I realized that, I was terrified. This wasn’t some hypothetical scenario. One single misstep. What if you’d accepted Hiiragi’s feelings? Then that call just now would have been a good-bye call. “Yuuko and I have started dating. I can’t meet up with you one-on-one anymore, Asuka. But let’s chat every now and again at school, okay?” I hate that. I can’t stand the thought of it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! When I decided to go to Tokyo for university, I’d thought I was prepared for not being able to see him anymore. I’d come to terms with not being his wife someday, or so I’d thought. But in a corner of my mind, I let my imagination run away with me… We’d message back and forth every day over LINE, talking about my new life… Maybe call each other once a week or so… And when I came back to Fukui in the summer, we’d go on a long-anticipated date. Maybe you’d even come to Tokyo. This time, I’d play the part of the older sister and show you around, have you stay at my place and feed you the meat-and-potato stew I’d specifically learned how to make. It was lost time that could never really exist in the first place. Yeah. This is the truth about me. —Even though I was prepared to live apart, I wasn’t prepared to leave you, at all. I know, it’s not Hiiragi’s fault. She just summoned up her courage. We traveled together, slept in the same bed in the same hotel. What am I doing, blaming Hiiragi for stealing the lead? I stole the lead ages ago. If we’re not classmates, and we have no opportunity or reason to meet—if there’s no thread tying us together—then I’d just have to build my own thread. I need the single golden ticket that gives me the right to be with you: the girlfriend ticket. But…even so… Thinking back on it now… Back when I was that shy little girl, you came to visit me in the summer and took me to all kinds of places. Thinking back on it now… After we met again in high school, you’d seek me out and sit down right beside me. Thinking back on it… You’ve been leading me by the hand all this time. I don’t have the slightest idea of how I can take the initiative. How can I take hold of you and turn you my way, when it seems like you’re on the verge of leaving? Don’t go, don’t leave me, don’t leave me out. I don’t want to feel sad every time summer comes. Not after a miracle brought us together again. Let’s go on adventures together, again and again. Take me to the festival again, like you did that day. “Saku…” I hugged my pillow tight. Everyone’s out there standing under the spotlight, yelling, “Here I am! I’m here!” They’re living out their respective stories and holding their happy endings in their hearts. Even right now, I wish I could have asked him one thing. Hey. Who was the one who made you omurice while you sat crying…? After the phone call with Asuka, I, Saku Chitose, took a walk to kill some time, and after an hour or so, I returned home. I’d thought that moving my body would distract me a little, but it just made the ruminating worse. I should have taken my baseball bat if it was going to end up like this. I could have broken a decent sweat and then just taken another bath. If I’d concentrated on my swing, I wouldn’t have been in my thoughts so much. I pressed the doorbell. Ding-dong. Immediately, there was a clattering inside, and the door swung open. Yua had changed into blue satin pajamas covered in little white stars. “Why’d you ring?” I frowned at her. Her hair, which she usually wears in a side ponytail, was loose. “I guess you wouldn’t be freaked out either way, but I figured just in case.” If by any chance I caught her in the middle of changing clothes in the living room, I’d be sleeping on the balcony tonight. “Hee-hee. Well, thanks for your concern.” She held the door open for me, and as I passed by her, I suddenly caught a whiff of a scent that struck me as significant in two ways. That was the shampoo I always use. And it was the shampoo Yua insisted I buy. When I took off my shoes and entered the apartment, trying to shake off the mood that seemed stuck to me, the smell of strong coffee reached my nose. “Would you prefer it hot or iced?” said Yua, squatting down to straighten my Stan Smiths. “We didn’t get a chance for after-dinner coffee earlier, see.” She said it so casually that I felt my shoulders relax a little. “But it’s already almost midnight,” I said. The clock read just before eleven thirty. “Sorry. I figured you wouldn’t be sleeping much even without coffee…” “No, it’s okay… Can I have mine hot?” “Black, right? No milk?” “…Yeah.” She read my mind again. I tuned my Tivoli to a frequency I liked and sat down on the sofa. Yua placed two mugs on the coffee table and sat down beside me. We both took our coffee black. “You don’t have to stay up with me,” I said. “Why don’t you have some hot milk or something?” She gave me a devilish little grin. “I have to stay up and keep an eye on you, at least until you go to bed properly.” “You don’t trust me at all, do you? You don’t need to worry. I won’t be able to sleep right away after drinking this, but I’ll lie down and close my eyes at some point tonight. That’s what I promised you, after all.” “Then I guess we’ll have to move the sofa again.” Yua turned to me. “Let’s keep chatting until one of us falls asleep.” She smiled, the corners of her eyes crinkling a little. “Like I keep saying, you don’t need to stay up with me.” “No, I won’t be able to sleep right away anyway. Besides, I was very relieved at the time.” “I see. Well, you can use the bed.” “Even if I say no, I guess you’ll keep insisting. So I’ll take it gladly.” The air filled with slurping sounds as we sipped our coffee together. “I think I feel a little better,” I muttered to myself. “I wonder how she’s doing right now.” Obviously, Yua knew who I was referring to. “Probably still crying,” she said without hesitation. “Don’t sound so callous…” But whose fault is it anyway? …I mean, I guess that’s true, but I was curious about her indifference. “No point ignoring the obvious facts. Yuuko’s crying, you’re suffering, and I’m here. We all made our own choices.” “…I guess so.” Yua’s been like this ever since our talk by the riverbed. “The other day, I met Kotone,” she said. “Yeah, I heard. Yuuko acted like she was annoyed, but I think she was actually pretty happy about it.” Just picturing that made my chest hurt again. “When Yuuko went to the bathroom, Kotone told me a little bit about her childhood. When I saw the two of them, they seemed to get along really well. To me, they looked so close, like friends, or sisters. It was so wholesome. I thought it was nice she had a family like that.” When I glanced over at Yua, I saw that her expression had shifted to one of total calm. “Yeah. I’ve been over for dinner several times. I had the same impression.” “At the time,” I said, taking a sip of coffee, “Kotone told me that she was relieved to know that Yuuko had me in her life. And I told her I’d always be around. As her friend.” “…I see.” “So that’s another promise I’ve broken.” Yua shook her head. “Yuuko was the one who tried to change your current relationship. You did your best to stay her friend. Anyway, Kotone said the same thing to me. She said she wanted me to help dress Yuuko for her coming-of-age ceremony. She said she hoped that Yuuko and I would always stay friends.” She trailed off for a moment. “But…the way I feel about Yuuko right now…” For the first time, Yua’s voice trembled slightly. Oh, right. I kinda guessed. I stood up and turned up the volume of the Tivoli, just like Yua had done earlier. Then, for a while, we listened to an unknown piano sonata on the radio. Still, Yua didn’t let me see any tears. “Mom… Oh, Mom…” I, Yuuko Hiiragi, sat on the sofa in the living room. Only the overhead light was on. I was clinging to my mother, who sat clutching a glass of wine in one hand. In the end, Kaito ended up silently walking me home. I didn’t even have the energy to take the keys out of my bag. When he rang the doorbell, Mom came out and saw me with Kaito. I think she knew immediately that something was up. “Thank you for bringing Yuuko home. Um, I’m afraid I don’t know your name…” “I’m just a classmate. Well, see you around.” And Kaito turned and walked off. I really should have thanked him, but I was so relieved seeing my mom, and the tears welled up all over again. She didn’t say anything, just took me to the bathroom and brought me a change of clothes and a bath towel. I was standing there like such a zombie that Mom almost started undressing me herself. So I snapped out of it and told her, “It’s okay. I can do it myself.” After that, I took a shower, then soaked in the bathtub and thought about all kinds of things. Eventually I started to boil, so I got out of the bath and did my usual skin care routine, even though it seemed pointless now. Finally, I carefully dried my hair. When I returned to the living room, Mom was waiting on the sofa. Dad should have been home by now. Maybe Mom asked him to go upstairs to spare me the awkwardness. Mom patted the sofa beside her, and I sat down. She put her glass on the coffee table, then poured some Welch’s grape juice into a second glass for me. “Take your time, Yuuko.” “…” And then I told her, all in a rush, about the events of the past four days. About my confession to Saku and his response. About my true feelings, the ones I hadn’t been able to tell anyone. I told her everything as my voice broke. “Mom… It’s all over.” She patted my head a couple times. “I see. You did everything you could, Yuuko.” Then she stroked my hair gently. “Did I…do the wrong thing? Did I just run off a cliff like a giant idiot?” Mom took a sip of wine. “Well, as far as a romance tactic goes, yeah, you messed it up.” Her blunt reply made my vision go white for a second. “Mom! That’s horrible! You didn’t have to say that…” “But you know it yourself, Yuuko, don’t you? You knew that if you confessed now… Well, it was never going to go well. You knew it was still too early.” “…Yeah. I knew. But there are so many other girls around that probably like Saku, too. And some of them are my best friends! I just didn’t know what to do…” “If it was me…I would never have done what you did, Yuuko.” Mom was giving it to me straight. “I guess… I guess you’re right…” My voice faded to a whisper. “But you know…” Mom looked at me, with infinite kindness in her expression. “I’m proud of you. You’ve grown up to be an earnest girl. You really cherish the people important to you.” Mom paused for a moment. Then… “I’m so glad you’re the way you are, Yuuko. Thank you for being my daughter.” Mom grinned. I…I just… “Really? You don’t think I’m the worst? I hurt the people I love—my best friends.” And Mom said… “—I’m sure the people in your heart will tell you.” I drew my knees up on the sofa and hugged them, and my tears spilled down my cheeks again. After drinking coffee and brushing my teeth, I, Saku Chitose, joined forces with Yua to drag the sofa into the bedroom. We just needed to be close enough to chat, so I positioned it a little away from the bed. I set the shut-off timer on the Tivoli in the living room, turned down the volume, and clicked off the air conditioner. Yua called to me from the bed. “It’s okay. I have a blanket.” I run pretty hot, so I always have the air conditioner running at a low temperature. On the other hand, Yua, who tends to run cold, sometimes pulls out a hoodie from my closet and puts it on when she’s over. “No, I’ll point the fan at myself. Besides…” I opened the window that led to the balcony. “It feels more comfortable like this.” The curtains filled with air, and a quiet midnight breeze stole into the room. It had gotten much cooler outside. Lying down on the sofa and closing my eyes, I smelled the summer grass. But I was still wide awake. No escaping into dreams just yet. I could hear Yua tossing and turning. Glancing over at the bed, I saw her lying on her side, her cheek resting on the pillow. “Let’s talk about something.” Yua clutched the edge of the blanket with both hands as she spoke. “You’re seriously going to stay awake with me?” “I told you. I don’t think I can sleep, either.” “I see.” I turned on my side, too. “But having a cozy bedtime chat alone with you feels…” “Unfair to Yuuko?” “Yeah.” Yua giggled, shaking the bed. Her hair, unbound by its usual scrunchie, spilled over. “It’s weird. You know, Saku, you’re the one who taught me what to do in a situation like this.” “Huh…?” With a tender expression, Yua said… “—Let’s talk about Yuuko.” She smiled softly. “That way, it doesn’t seem like we’re discounting the time we spent together. It doesn’t sound like we’re turning our backs and saying we never should have met. It’s almost like it’s the three of us here, having a fun sleepover together.” I blinked. Right… Yua was talking about that time when… “Okay. Then tonight, the three of us will sleep lined up next to each other.” I finally gave a real smile. “She hides it well, but Yuuko’s the type to get lonely easily, huh?” I propped up my cheek with my elbow on the pillow. “Oh, totally!” Yua laughed and continued. “Yuuko often comes to your place, but when I do the same thing, she’s always like, ‘Hey, Ucchi, no fair!’” “Well, the reverse is true. She’s often like, ‘Why is it that Saku’s the only one who gets to eat Ucchi’s special homemade omurice, huh?’” “She’s so pretty, and friends with everyone, but sometimes she gets insecure. Like if I’m not talking much, she’ll be all, ‘Ucchi, are you mad at me?’” “And when I went shopping with her, we went to Hachiban’s after, and I had just a regular spicy ramen. And she was all, ‘Saku, are you tired? I’m so sorry for making you hang out so long. I mean, usually I have a double helping of ramen.’” “Hee-hee. Yuuko’s so innocent. She lives in tune with whatever she’s feeling. One time, I didn’t have any side dishes in the fridge, so my lunch bento was just rice with furikake, pickled plums, and one omelet. I was super embarrassed, so I tried to hide what I was eating. And Yuuko was like, ‘Open wide, Ucchi’ and shoved some of her food in my mouth. I just know she noticed.” “I know what you mean. Normally, Yuuko acts pretty selfish, right? She’s not the type to agonize over things. She just tells it like it is, and her charm makes up for the rest.” “Yeah, totally. Like, ‘Hey, there’s a new shop in front of the station, so let’s go there right now.’” “Yeah. Or ‘I bought so many clothes today! I’m gonna hold a fashion show at your place right after this, Saku.’” “Oh, that’s so Yuuko. What else?” “Around this time last year…you weren’t hanging with us on the daily yet back then, Yua, but this was when I was down-and-out after quitting baseball.” “I know. I think I mentioned before how I saw you practicing for games over the summer at the sports field.” “Right, you mentioned that when we went to Kenta’s house… Wait, during summer vacation, I…” “Now, now, that’s not the part to focus on here.” “Right, well anyway, I couldn’t talk to Yuuko, Kazuki, or Kaito about what really happened. But around then, Yuuko stopped being so selfish. It was summer vacation, so usually she’d be all over me about hanging out, but there was none of that. Instead, she sent me perky messages over LINE every day, with pics and stuff. Like a sunflower she’d seen on her walk home, or a pretty sunset, or the moon when it was really big in the sky. Stuff like that.” “Sounds like she was aware that you were going through something.” “I think so. When I came through the worst of it, she dragged me all over the place. It was way more than before.” “Yeah, and by that time, I’d started hanging with you, too.” “Yeah, that’s right…” Would we… Would Yuuko… Would my best friend, Yuuko… …ever be… …ever be… …with me, Saku… …with me, Yua… …ever again? …ever again? We spent the next little while with memories of Yuuko. We didn’t think about anything else. Like looking for pretty seashells on the beach, like counting the stars one by one, like chasing a contrail at dusk, like running away from a tomorrow that has already arrived. We were afraid—that if we fell asleep, we’d be locked out of the world of yesterday, never able to put things right again. I think we were both quietly hoping that if we kept talking like this, all night, then Yuuko would suddenly appear, and summer vacation would continue as if nothing had even happened. I think we were both trying to prepare for what came next. —But the future would arrive no matter what. “Hey, Yua?” “Hmm?” “Do you think I can make it up to Yuuko and Kaito?” “I don’t know. I don’t think it will ever be the same again.” “I guess that’s true.” “Hey, Saku?” “What?” “Do you think Yuuko and I can still be friends?” “I don’t know. Not without changing something, at least.” “I guess that’s true.” So for now, for just a little longer. Let’s pick up beautiful candy balls, rolling around at the bottom of a box of midnight. Let’s let the color of our sorrow run its deep-blue course. So that, someday, we can walk through the twilight again together.
Chapter 85
29 min read