“S-sorry. I got a little lost in stroking your hair.” Nishino’s lack of composure was nothing like what I’d expect from this cool older girl. I had to grin, despite my own embarrassment. “No, it’s okay. It just tickled a bit.” I shook my head, and her face seemed to relax a bit in relief. Fiddling with the ends of her own hair, she spoke again. “Maybe I’ll try growing mine out again.” “Was it long before?” She narrowed her eyes, as if looking back. “Yep. When I was little.” Her short hair was lovely and gave her this mysterious vibe. But little long-haired Nishino must have been like something out of a fairy tale. “Huh,” I said. “Why’d you cut it?” Nishino answered without any hesitation. “You know how Saku and I met?” “Yes, you were childhood friends.” “If you can call seven days one summer being childhood friends.” She chose her words the same way Saku did. I wasn’t able to come up with a witty reply. And I was a little sad to think that these two must have lots of conversations like this, conversations like something out of a novel. “I always just called him by his first name then—Saku. He was the kind of boy who would take one look at you in your favorite pure-white dress and advise wearing a T-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops the next summer.” I could picture the scene. It made me laugh. “So he’s always kinda been like that.” Nishino smiled. “I figured if I was going to hang around with Saku, this sort of hairstyle might be better. So at the end of summer, I cut it off.” Just like with Yuuko this summer, I thought. Wow, getting two beautiful girls to cut their hair. He sure is something. Nishino laughed shyly. “But after that, we ended up not being able to meet the next summer.” It must have been then, I think, when Nishino got kinda grown-up and mature like this. “Maybe I should cut my hair again, too,” I muttered to myself. Would that help me out of my current funk? Nishino glanced at me. “Uchida, your hair was shorter when we first met, right?” I remembered that awkward, childish self-introduction I’d done, and I looked away in embarrassment. “Yes, I was just starting to grow my hair out.” “Well, then…” Nishino gently ran her fingers through my hair once more. Then she spoke in a voice that made me think of penning a letter by candlelight. “When you brush your hair, it’s full of some beautiful idea, isn’t it? Like a prayer, or a wish, or an aspiration.” “Huh…?” My hair slid through her fingers. “That’s what happens when a girl changes her hairstyle, right?” Nishino smiled, her eyes narrowing. Right, I thought. Yuuko and Nishino didn’t cut their hair to get rid of something. They did it for positive, beautiful reasons. Just like the wish that led me to grow my hair long a year ago. I ran my fingers through my hair myself. It was pretty long. I’m going to cherish this, I decided. “Thanks, Nishino.” Sorry, Saku. I smiled wryly. Just for tonight, I think I’m going to enjoy taking your usual spot by her side. “It’s cool,” Nishino said warmly. “I’ve been hoping for a chance to thank you someday.” This time it was my turn to tilt my head in confusion. “Me?” “Yeah.” As she spoke, Nishino looked around the living room. I realized that Yuuko and Yuzuki had moved out to the wooden deck to watch Yamazaki practice. Nishino seemed to be checking they were out of earshot. “Well, first, there’s the summer festival.” “Oh…!” I finally got what she was referring to. The night before the festival, when Saku and Yuuko had decided to talk. I’d gotten Nishino’s contact information from a senior in the brass band and called her. That was what allowed us to make up and return as a group of three. Because I felt that Nishino surely would have wanted to be there. And that Saku would have probably felt her absence if she wasn’t. “You’ve gone this far for Saku. Are you sure this is as far as you want to go?” “I’m doing this for myself.” I recalled our phone conversation and smiled a little. I knew the decision I made was the right one. If, for my own sake, I’d avoided making that call…I might not have been able to reach your heart. And I’m sure that this unusual night, this chat between me and Nishino, wouldn’t even be happening. I replied with a chuckle. “It’s okay. You already treated me to a snow cone. Blue Hawaiian flavor.” Nishino’s eyes widened a little, and she nodded. “You’re not just kind. You’re strong, too.” She continued with a smile that was a bit sad. “If you hadn’t invited me, I probably would have just been knocking around by myself all summer. I might not even have made that decision to join the cheer squad…” Well, in that case, I thought, smiling. “Then I’m really glad I did invite you. Let’s make tomorrow a great day of training as well, ’kay?” “Absolutely! I think both you and I still have some work to do on that front…” We looked at each other and laughed. Nishino wiped her eyes, then spoke in a calmer voice. “And there’s one more thing. I know it’s not my place to tell you this, Uchida, and don’t read too much into it, okay?” “Yes…?” This time, I had no idea what was coming, so I just waited in silence to hear more. Nishino gently closed her eyes. “Thanks for being by his side that night.” Her words carried the air of the bygone summer. Of course, I knew what she meant instantly by “that night.” That moonless evening, when everything suddenly changed. Oh, right. This girl is appreciating this September as much as I am, now that she’s made it through August. I pulled out the awkward truth from inside my heart. “I’ve always been jealous of you, Nishino. You have that special place by the riverbank that’s just for the two of you.” “Huh…?” She looked at me in surprise. I looked down shamefully and brushed my hand along the sofa. “This is the seat Saku always wants to have.” She chuckled, her face relaxing. “That’s an odd way to look at it. I mean, you’re the one who’s always by his side. Walking to school, walking home, even after he’s home, and then there’s the weekends…” I scratched my cheek in embarrassment. “That just kinda happened. Or maybe I forced my company on him…” “Do you know something?” she said in a teasing tone. “Aside from Nozomi, I’m the only one out of all of us who’s never been inside Saku’s house.” “Oh…” “So the riverbank was our place, yeah. But the riverbank is all I’ve ever had.” “Oh, right,” I said, the realization hitting me. Nishino must have been feeling lonely for a long time. “I was so envious of you, Uchida… You could be by Saku’s side, supporting him and caring for him every day.” Everyone wants what they don’t have, I thought. What may have seemed like an insignificant commuter’s pass to me might be the admission ticket to somewhere irreplaceable to someone else. That’s why we’re trying to cherish the time we have right now, so that none of us has to lose her place. I sighed. “Can I…thank you for one more thing?” “Hmm…?” I folded my hands on my lap. “Thanks for being there for Chitose that fall.” As I spoke, the words seemed steeped in nostalgia for a long gone season. Nishino opened her mouth just a little, before closing her lips again, and then burst out laughing, as if she couldn’t hold it in any longer. Shoulders shaking with mirth, she said, “Maybe we’re actually pretty similar.” “I was just thinking the same thing.” “If we were in the same year, maybe we could’ve been friends.” “We may be in different years, but I think we can become friends anyway.” “Can you teach me how to cook?” “Yes, but only if you recommend a novel in return.” “You could always ask Saku for novel recommendations, Yua.” “You could ask Saku for cooking advice, too, Asuka.” And now we were on a first-name basis. We looked each other in the eye and laughed. It felt like bubbles floating up from the bottom of the ocean toward the starry sky above us. Connecting last fall and this summer as the season slowly changed again. Would I ever look back on this night, when Nishino became Asuka to me? I, Saku Chitose, returned from Hachiban’s and walked into the living room to find Yuuko, Yua, Yuzuki, Asuka, and Kenta sitting on the sofa, chatting away happily. The girls all looked defenseless in their pajamas, avoiding eye contact with me and Kazuki and Kaito. Yua also had her hair down for once. Kenta seemed right at home in their group. What a guy. Kureha, the last of the girls in line, hopped off to the bath, but then… “Senpai, you can go next!” …she returned in no time at all. I was taken aback. “Wow, that was faster than Haru.” “Yep! I don’t want to miss a single moment of the night I’m spending with you all!” “That’s a good attitude.” “By the way, I drained the water, but then I was worried it might be dangerous, so I blew out the candles just to be safe!” “““Good thinking!””” Then us four remaining guys played rock-paper-scissors, and Kenta, Kaito, and Kazuki all took quick showers in that order. I was the last to emerge, and by then, it was somehow close to midnight. Considering tomorrow’s practice, it was probably time to call it a night. But then I looked at everyone’s faces. No one seemed to want to stop talking. It was like they were reluctant to part ways…or trying to prolong the night somehow. Yuuko spoke up in a quiet voice. “I just don’t want to go to sleep at all.” Yuzuki chuckled. “I know, it’s that kind of night.” Haru grinned. “Should we just stay up till morning?” Yua said, with a calm expression: “It’s been a long day.” Asuka smiled warmly. “It really has.” And then the four of us guys looked at one another with vague, sentimental smiles. Someone had to be the one to suggest going to bed, but no one on our pirate crew wanted to be such a villain. It was almost as if we believed we could make this night last forever by refusing to go to sleep. Like we could all ride the seven seas together forever. The night was filled with a peaceful silence, a sense of drowsy immobility. Almost like our current situation. Nothing to wish for, because we were already satisfied. In the end, the one who gave this bunch of no-good older kids the vital nudge was… “Well then, let’s all just sleep together!” …the younger girl we could always rely on. Seeing us exchange confused glances, Kureha continued. “We could all just lay our futons out in here?” Originally, we guys had planned to sleep together in the living room. I’d heard the girls had gotten futons out in Yuuko’s room. No big deal, we could just move them down here. Still, I thought, looking at Nanase. “I don’t think that’s the best idea…” She was smiling wryly. “Right…” “What? Why not?” Kureha chirped with confusion. “What’s the difference between us sitting here together and us lying out on futons together?” Yuzuki sighed. “You see, Kureha. The biggest difference is between being awake and being asleep.” Kureha shrugged, undaunted. “What do you mean, Yuzuki? You think if we sleep in front of the guys, they’re gonna end up taking advantage?” Yuzuki shot me a glance. Then, narrowing her eyes, she said… “Nope, I don’t think any of them have the guts to do that.” Her smile was lightly mocking. “Hey, why are you looking at me?” Haru nodded. “We’re talking about the kind of guys here who get all flustered over giving a simple massage.” “Hey, I did my best to hit the right pressure points on your feet.” Asuka smiled knowingly. “Yep, you really are a timid kinda guy, aren’t you?” “Hey, I just have morals, you know?” Yua spoke up on my behalf. “No worries there. Saku is too nice to do that kind of thing.” “Hey! I can’t tell if you’re complimenting me or breaking my heart!” Finally, Yuuko turned to Kureha and gently asked: “You’re not worried at all, Kureha?” “Nope! Not a bit!” “So, shall we all have a big sleepover?” “Yes, yes!!!” I sighed. Everyone had to know by now that Kazuki, Kaito, Kenta, and I weren’t the type of guys to pull anything just because we were sleeping in the same room with female friends. If anything, it was the newbie Kureha who ought to be feeling the most anxious, but she was the one acting like it was totally NBD. I looked around at the girls, but they were all nodding in agreement. “…Guess we’ll go get the futons.” As I got to my feet, the others followed my lead like they’d just been waiting for the go-ahead. The girls all worked together to bring the futons out of Yuuko’s room, and then the boys brought them into the living room. We moved the dining table to a corner and laid out futons for five people. Yuuko was originally going to sleep in her own bed, so we were one futon short. But Yuuko decided to snuggle in with Yua. The guys got blankets and settled down on the sofas. The coffee table was pushed against the wall to make floor space, and since the living room was sunken in a step, there was a nice sense of separation between boys and girls. Yuuko wandered back into the living room. Spotting the cuddly toy she held, I couldn’t keep from commenting. “Oh, it’s Shibamaro.” “Yep!” said Yuuko. “I always sleep with him.” I felt myself smiling. Asuka, sitting nearby, tilted her head. “Shibamaro…?” Yuuko lit up as she held up the cuddly Shiba Inu dog toy, complete with a little scarf, or maybe a bandanna, wrapped around its neck. “Yeah! Saku won it from a crane game at the game center! I always keep it by my pillow. I just can’t relax without it!” Asuka watched Yuuko, who was scratching her cheek in embarrassment, then lowered her eyes. After a moment, she looked up again with a smile, and the two of them went over to the futon area, chatting away. By the way, we guys were too embarrassed to go into Yuuko’s room or even to peek inside. I mean, it would be rude to barge into a lady’s room. That privilege was reserved for the special person she chose…whoever such a person may be. The thought opened up a lonely hollow deep in my chest. Now, why am I getting so sentimental? The answer was simple. Whoever such a person may be. Right… Who the heck am I to say something like that? What a cliché. That thought belongs in the trash. A shallow self-loathing attacked me over and over. It was just a self-indulgent escape. I should try being honest with myself for once. If I’d been able to accept Yuuko’s feelings, I could be the “special someone” she would one day show her most private bedroom. But I couldn’t. So I won’t be. Which means that someday, the guy who would walk into that room was someone whose face I’d never even seen. That sweet voice I loved, that big smile, that big heart, and her physical self—all the love that she could ever have or ever will offer— Yeah, the day might come when I let Yuuko go into the arms of another man. Just thinking about it made my chest so tight, it felt like it might burst. If I couldn’t call this feeling love, then what could I call love? I looked down a little and bit my lip, careful that none of the others were watching. I tried to imagine that kind of future for Yua, for Nanase, for Haru, for Asuka… And I felt the same for each one. Pained and sad. Suddenly, I lifted my head. Nanase and Kazuki were chatting away pleasantly, and I remembered a casual comment I’d heard in the school gym. “Isn’t it better to choose one thing, even if it means you have to give up something else?” I hated to admit it, but that was right on the money. Kazuki, what will you choose, and what will you throw away? Or have you already made your choices? I made eye contact with Nanase. She cut short her conversation and came over. Kazuki watched her leave with a sort of tenderness in his eyes. “What time do you want to wake up tomorrow, Chitose?” asked Nanase. “Well, it’s pretty late. Maybe even nine would be okay, right?” Can a fake love ever turn into real love? “Right. Well, anyone who wakes up early can spend the morning how they like, I guess.” “I bet you’re the type to wake up at the regular hour.” Would the day come when Nanase and Chitose would return to being Yuzuki and Saku? “Don’t say that. I’d be embarrassed to sleep.” I wish September wouldn’t end. I wish the trees wouldn’t change color. I didn’t want the first night of training camp to turn into the last morning of training camp. I heard someone yawn indistinctly. The others all started yawning and rubbing their eyes then. Sleepiness was catching. It was about time to say good night. We took turns brushing our teeth, then finally all gathered back in the living room. The sight of futons spread out everywhere really made it look like the night of a training camp. The girls eagerly crawled into their futons. After a round of rock-paper-scissors, Kazuki and Kenta ended up sleeping on the sofa, while Kaito and I ended up sleeping on the rug. I rested my head on a throw pillow and pulled a blanket over me. It must have been left to dry outside. It smelled like sunshine, warm and soft. Yuuko, standing in the middle of the room, cleared her throat. “Just to check, is there anyone who absolutely can’t sleep if there’s music playing…?” We all called back in turn, saying things like, “Nope,” “Fine with me,” and “Actually, I prefer it.” “Okay, I’ll put it on a timer.” Haruka Kumoi’s “BLUE FRIDAY” began playing from the speakers. Then, like a candle at midnight, Yuuko spoke in a hushed voice. “I’ll just leave the small lights on.” There are certain moments where that feeling of staying at someone else’s house really hits you. Like the smell when you step through the front door, the time you start eating dinner, the dinner menu and the types of dressing they have for salad, the order in which people take a bath, the scent of their shampoo and conditioner, the temperature of their air conditioner, the music in your ears. The low lights staying on when you go to sleep. I generally turn off all the lights so that it’s pitch-dark. But some people don’t feel comfortable unless they leave a small light on. Because when they wake up alone, they feel alone. I don’t know what Yuuko does normally. It could simply be a consideration for people who get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night in an unfamiliar house, or it could be that she always sleeps with a small light on. Either way, I don’t mind it. It’s like a lighthouse beacon to guide you in the middle of the night. Suddenly, Kaito, who was lying not far from me, spoke in a hushed voice so the girls wouldn’t hear. “Hey, Saku.” “Yeah?” “Yuuko… She really is cute, isn’t she?” “…No arguments there.” He didn’t say anything else after that. He rolled over, his back to me. I put my hands behind my head and stared blankly at the ceiling. Though we were in the same room, I couldn’t see anyone’s faces. Not Yuuko’s, Yua’s, Nanase’s, Haru’s, Asuka’s, Kazuki’s, Kaito’s, Kenta’s, or Kureha’s. Maybe everyone had already closed their eyes. Maybe they were thinking deeply about someone—a guy, or a girl. The occasional sound of faint breathing and the rustling of sheets was a comfortable distraction from silence. “Hey, Saku, are you awake?” Suddenly, Yuuko said my name, too. A little embarrassed, I responded in my usual joking way. “I’m already asleep.” “Hee-hee. It’s weird, you being here.” “Indeed, I am here.” “Yes. Here is where you are.” The Yuuko I know and the Yuuko I don’t know. It’s like yesterday and today, coming and going. Nanase sounded mildly exasperated. “Stop flirting.” Kazuki sighed heavily. “It’s time for good children to go to sleep.” In a rare move, Kenta backed him up. “Save your yelps for your nightmares.” Kaito, back still turned, muttered quietly: “Nobody go nowhere.” Yua laughed with some embarrassment. “Yuuko, actually, could you scooch?” Haru said cheerily: “Gah! You guys are so noisy, I can’t sleep.” “Hee-hee,” Asuka chuckled. “I want to bask in the afterglow of the party forever.” Kureha giggled. “It’s not over yet. In fact, this is just the beginning.” The night laughed like a baby’s cradle. Swing, sway. Drifting to sleep, along with the melody. On nights like this, everyone wants to keep their eyes open until they’re the last person awake. We all want to fall asleep secure in the knowledge that nothing more’s going to happen, that we won’t miss even the most insignificant of exchanged words. If you miss a single thing…someone’s reluctant blinking, a sweet whisper, or someone turning over ticklishly in their sleep…you’ll probably regret it. But the more I resisted, the more my vision blurred. Tick, tick, tick. The sound of the second hand resounded loudly, its regular rhythm lulling me to sleep. Soon, the sound of soft breathing replaced the whispered good nights. One by one, I heard each person’s breath turn slow and even. Zzz. Zzz. Zzz. Gradually, my eyelids began to feel heavy. I clung to the edge of consciousness, but it kept slipping away from me. Why couldn’t we stay like this? Forget about being boys or girls. Put all our pillows side by side in the same room. Let our dreams merge into one another, until we’re all dreaming the same one. One, two, three, like counting sheep. Just drifting through this night. …I wish I could be seventeen years old, dyed in the fresh blue color of youth forever. I awoke to the sensation of someone touching me. When I cracked open one eye, all was dark and still, indicating it was still night. I looked at the clock and saw that it was around five. Unusual for me, I thought. Generally, once I fall asleep, I can sleep soundly until morning, so it had been a while since I woke up at this time. Maybe it was all the excitement of training camp. I thought about going back to sleep, but the moment I rolled over… “Senpai?” …a girl whispered, crouching above me. “Nng…” I managed to suppress a yelp of surprise and roughly rubbed my eyes. Once I was fully awake, I spoke in a hushed voice so as not to wake the others. “Kureha…?” The younger girl appeared to breathe a sigh of relief, her lips curling in a smile. “Yeah, it’s Kureha.” I sat up. “You startled me.” Kureha scratched her cheek, looking guilty. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up…” She bowed her head a little in remorse. “You were sleeping so comfortably, I got a little carried away and gave you a peck on the cheek.” I smiled wryly. “You’re up pretty early, huh?” Kureha looked awkward. “…Actually, I’ve just been dozing this whole time. Maybe I was too excited to be having a sleepover with a bunch of older students I look up to. Anyway, I thought watching you might help me relax.” “Don’t try to get me with a smooth line like that. I only just woke up.” I stretched and yawned. It must have been lonely lying there, in an unfamiliar home, with unfamiliar older students, with nothing to keep her mind occupied. Kureha twisted her fingers together, her voice sounding somewhat lonely as she said, “Sorry, Senpai. I’ll go back to my futon. Please, get some rest.” “It’s all right.” I stretched out my arms and rolled my shoulders. “Why don’t we go for a walk? Some fresh air outside might help.” Kureha’s eyes widened in surprise. “Huh? You want to take a walk…with me?” I nodded. “Go get changed, but try not to wake the others. Pajamas aren’t the right thing to wear for a midnight walk.” “…Okay!” Kureha replied in a hushed but happy tone, then carefully sneaked out of the living room. I chuckled and let out a sigh. She’d startled me completely awake. How could I just abandon her and go back to sleep when I’d woken to see her gazing at me so hopefully? I’d had a similar experience myself, after all. It was back when I was in elementary school, the first time I went to a baseball club training camp. The location was, I believe, a sort of public lodging facility called Otaiko Hills. One night, all the club members stayed in the same room—by which I mean two connecting Japanese-style rooms. Though the others were all snoozing away, I just couldn’t sleep, for some reason. I tried clearing my throat, tossing off the covers, going to the bathroom, until I ran out of ideas to try to get someone to wake up. But I still wished they would. Perhaps Kureha, in tapping me on the cheek, had a similar vague wish in mind. Anyway, I thought, throwing off the blanket. This is the kind of thing that can only happen at a training camp. I waited for Kureha to come back, and then we sneaked out of the house, careful not to wake anyone else. Although the night was beginning to fade away, it was still dark outside. Stars twinkled in the sky. I wouldn’t say I was chilly in a T-shirt and shorts, but it was cooler than I expected at this time of night. Beside me, Kureha was wearing her short pleated skirt, but she had a baggy Adidas nylon jacket on top. I stretched in front of the house, took a deep breath, and filled my lungs with fresh predawn air. It was so clear. So pure. There was not a soul in sight. Only the rumbling and slamming sounds of the newspaper delivery van gave us a hint that dawn wasn’t far off. It’s not like I want to do it every day, but waking up early is pretty refreshing. As the two of us started walking aimlessly… “Senpai, mind if we stop by the park where we were practicing yesterday?” Kureha looked up at me. “Hmm, sure…” It’s not like I had a destination in mind anyway. After I finished buying us some cans of coffee from a nearby vending machine, I found Kureha waiting for me in the park, looking happy. “It’s only been one night, but it feels like such a long time ago.” “Maybe because you haven’t slept, Kureha.” “Hey! Don’t make it sound so mundane!” I was just joking, but I actually kinda got how she felt. All of us excited, running around having fun—it was like a condensed version of summer vacation. When I woke up, I felt somewhat relieved to find it wasn’t all just a pleasant dream. Maybe it was because Kureha’s face was the first thing I saw. Right. Today’s picking up where yesterday left off. Perhaps the presence of a younger girl for once was what made me appreciate that. As I was thinking about this, Kureha suddenly dashed off, her nylon jacket rustling. “Senpai, over here!” I followed, and we stopped by the short staircase that connected the open park to the area with the swings and slides and stuff. She sat, and… “Senpai, right here.” …she patted the space beside her. This was the place I always sit when Yuuko and I stop by the park. I almost found myself saying, Wouldn’t the bench be better? Kureha seemed to read my mind, though. “You always sit here with Yuuko, don’t you? I wanted to see what that feels like… So let’s sit here a little, okay?” She blushed and scratched her cheek, and I felt a bit relieved somehow. “Oh, so you heard about that from Yuuko?” “Yep! ‘Saku and I always sit here and chat,’ she said!” I smiled wryly. Well, how was I supposed to refuse her after hearing that? I mean, if she was just another girl, it might be a different story. But she was my junior. Recently I’ve been paying way too much attention to this sort of thing, I thought wryly. I sat down beside Kureha, offering her a can of iced black coffee in one hand and a caffe latte in the other. “Which one do you want?” Kureha thought hard. “Well, which one do you want, Senpai?” “It’s morning, so I’m in the mood for black.” “Then I’ll have that one!” “Hey!” I mock-frowned and handed her the can. Clink. Kureha smoothly put her hand in my pocket. Judging from the sound, it was likely some coins for the can of coffee. I sighed. “This is one of those times it’s okay to let someone buy something for you, you know.” Kureha grinned impishly. “Hee-hee. Your pocket’s warm, Senpai.” “Hey, hands out. That tickles.” She pulled out her hand, popped the tab on her can, and looked me in the eye. “Cheers!” “It’s not even daytime yet.” But I clunked my can against hers anyway. When I took a sip of the caffe latte, it was sweet and delicious. I realized I was actually pretty thirsty. Probably because I fell asleep after all that talking. At home, I keep water by my bed. And when I’m up, I go grab some cold water from the fridge. But staying at someone else’s house, you tend to forget your daily habits. That made sense, since I was trying not to wake anyone up today. If I’d been staying at a hotel or something, no doubt I would’ve tried to re-create my usual routine. But it’s like you don’t want to intrude when you’re in someone else’s space. I think maybe I’m still partially half-asleep. I’m thinking endlessly about things that aren’t really worth thinking about. Yesterday, Yuuko said, “Feel free to drink whatever’s in the fridge.” Kotone would have been totally cool with it. But I still felt awkward just going to the fridge and grabbing whatever I wanted. Even Yua checked with Yuuko before using any of the ingredients in the house for her cooking. Hotels and inns, on the other hand, are considered communal spaces, so to an extent, you can do what you like there. Just like us, I thought. A place for everyone. A special place for someone. We draw lines in the sand and take care not to cross them. For example, the cheering squad itself is a place where we can spend time together, and these stairs are a place I think of as belonging to me and Yuuko. Kureha took a sip of her black coffee and scrunched up her face a little. “Senpai, what do you and Yuuko talk about here?” I narrowed my eyes vaguely. “All kinds of things.” “Since when?” “Almost a year and a half.” “That’s a long time.” “Doesn’t feel like it.” Kureha laughed, sounding frustrated for some reason. “You guys are all so nice and friendly.” I’ll take it. “And now you’re one of us, Kureha.” But to my casual remark, she said… “…That’s not true.” Kureha said in a firm, cutting voice: “I can’t be part of your circle. I won’t.” I said nothing. I wasn’t sure how to respond to the sudden rejection. Kureha’s expression softened, maybe because she sensed that. She braced her palms on the step, shifted her butt, and came closer. Close enough for our elbows to touch. “I want to stay everyone’s junior.” She looked up at me with a mischievous sort of expression. “I see,” I said. “Shall we take a walk?” “I’d like that.” I stood up and threw my crushed, empty can into the trash. A morning spent with a junior girl. A private moment while everyone is asleep. Only the tiny stardust particles were watching over us before they disappeared. Huh? Chitose and…Kureha? So Kureha and I walked along the nearby rice paddy path. The night was slowly coming to an end. The sky changed from the color of damp feathers to a deep blue, with autumnal clouds floating high above. The number of headlights rushing impatiently along the national highway gradually increased, and we could see that the town was waking up. The mountain ranges in the distance emerged clearly, like a dividing line between yesterday and today. Before we knew it, the cool air had started to feel more comfortable, and the scent of dirt and rice grew stronger. “Oh yeah, Senpai,” said Kureha, walking beside me. “Were you thinking about something last night?” I tilted my head, unable to think of anything in particular, but she carried on. “You know, after everyone was finished carrying the futons. You looked a bit depressed—or sad, maybe.” Then it finally dawned on me. That was probably when I was thinking about Yuuko’s room, when I started to think about complicated things like love. I was surprised to realize that Kureha had noticed. I felt a bit ashamed. It’s embarrassing to have a younger girl see through you so easily. I shrugged and answered honestly. “Well, for better or worse, things have been stagnant lately.” “Stagnant…?” I messed up my hair as I replied. “This summer… It settled a lot of things. That’s good, because everything’s as it should be now, but at the same time, it’s sort of a deadlock.” What am I doing, discussing this with a girl the year below me? But Kureha made me realize something. It’s true that this September is calm and content, and that’s why it feels a little depressing. I want to stay like this. Yeah. But is that really the right thing to do? I think I’ve been thinking about that for a long time now. Kureha tilted her head and peered at me with a somewhat serious look in her eyes. “Senpai, do you want to break out of this stagnation? Or depression, whatever it is?” I clenched my fists, gazing out at the distant sky and answering quietly. “I don’t really want to break out, but I guess at some point I’ll have to.” It was clear from the beginning. September can’t be anything other than itself. If I settle down in that gap between summer and autumn, I feel like I’ll never be able to come out again. “Hey, Senpai?” Suddenly, Kureha’s pinkie finger gently intertwined with mine, like she was making a promise. “Your wish is my wish, too.” Saying that, she smoothly untwined our fingers, took one step, two steps, three steps, and then spun around. “So don’t worry about all your troubles…” With the eastern sky behind her, she held her index finger high. “…because I’ll blow them all away!” And she burst out laughing. In that moment… …the red sun broke over the horizon behind her. The greenery, the rice paddy, the waterway, the buildings, the pylons, the clouds. Everything was dyed a bright crimson, like painting over the night. The hands of the clock awoke and began to tick. The seasons change, we change. Will the next season be truly autumn, or will it be a return to summer, or perhaps…? It’s a kind of magic, I thought, captivated by the sight. Standing in the center of this vista was a vibrantly beautiful junior girl. When one person’s wishes come true, someone else’s wishes get left behind. Kureha has brought me the dawn. For whatever reason, that’s the thought that came to my mind. We returned to Yuuko’s house, burrowed under our futons and blankets, and fell into a deep sleep once more. Kureha eventually did drift off, it seems. When I woke up, lured awake by the scent of miso soup, I saw her curled up in a ball, sleeping deeply, as Yuuko and the others watched over her. While we waited for Kureha to wake up, we ate the rice balls and miso soup Yua had made for breakfast. Some of the rice balls were a bit misshapen, but they were nice and chunky and appetizing. It turned out that Haru had lent a hand making them. At the park in the morning, we reviewed what we learned yesterday. We came back to Yuuko’s for a lunch of soba noodles with grated daikon radish, then practiced as hard as we could in the afternoon. And by the time the sun went down, everyone, including Yua, Asuka, and Kenta, had mastered the choreography almost perfectly. When we finished dancing through the final act, Nanase and I looked at each other. “It’s perfect, isn’t it?” Nanase nodded confidently. “Yeah, let’s aim to win!” Kenta fell to his knees. “I… I thought I was gonna die during that last bit!” Yua smiled wryly as she swung her arms. “I might not be able to make dinner today.” Asuka shook her hands, as if her muscles were sore, too. “I doubt I could even lift a paperback right now.” Even Kazuki had sweat running down his forehead. “But, well, we made it.” Kaito laughed and rubbed his nose. “All of us together, we can’t fail to bring our A game, huh?” Haru finished her gulp of Pocari Sweat and piped up. “Well, we still have the feasting scene to do.” Yuuko raised both fists in front of her chest. “We can do it! We can do anything!” Naturally, we all turned to look at our junior student. Kureha rose to the occasion, lifting her clenched fists. “Okay, everyone together!!!” Her yell was like a cannon salute signaling the start of a sea voyage. “Ahoy!!!” “““““Ahoy!!!””””” Despite our exhaustion, we filled the park with the sound of our cheerful voices. The warm western sun shone down on us like a spotlight. We overlaid our swords one by one in the middle of our circle, and I let my thoughts run. Right—the current status quo in our group was warm and comfortable, as warm as the evening air. We were all standing companionably together, only our toes in the ocean. Still, I thought, relaxing my shoulders… When I thought back to August, how we were suddenly all yanked out of our comfort zone… …it felt like spending September being exactly who we were was the best way to be.
Chapter 118
33 min read