5,000th Time “Why not just kill them?” When I ask Haruaki for advice, he jokingly answers with an outlandishly stupid idea. 6,000th Time “Why not just kill them?” When I ask Haruaki for advice, he jokingly answers with the same breakthrough he’s given me I don’t know how many times. 7,000th Time “Why not just kill them?” Haruaki jokingly answers with a perfectly reasonable theory. 8,000th Time “Why not just kill them?” Haruaki jokingly answers as if to reiterate his logic. 9,000th Time “Why not just kill them?” Haruaki jokingly answers me with truth in my most desperate hour. 9,999th Time He’s already told me himself the method I’ll use to get rid of him. “You’re looking for a way to make sure that you and a certain person never run into each other again?” Haruaki has presented many ideas. I listen to them until my ears are numb. In the end, we reach the conclusion we always do: The best way is to make one of the people involved feel shame toward the other person. And then, also as always, Haruaki suggests a way to create a sense of guilt. “Why not just kill them?” My back is against the wall, and Haruaki jokingly answers with a final recourse. “As a last resort. But, I mean, if you kill them, it won’t be a question of bumping into them or not anymore!” Why do I have to reject Haruaki? Because I feel getting rid of him will have the greatest effect on Kazu and me. Living in that world is like playing an endless game of Tetris. At first, I worked hard to get as many points as I could. And it was fun, too. But after a while, I stopped caring. It’s just a game in the end, so whether I get a lot of points or not, everything is going to be reset at some point, and I’ll have to start from the beginning. Nothing ever changes, even if I get a game over. I still try to find ways to have fun, but even that approach has its limits. It gets boring. It gets tedious. It gets obnoxious. It gets painful. I don’t even feel like rotating the blocks anymore. It doesn’t matter. It truly doesn’t, but no matter how many times I reach my limit, I can’t stop. If I do, I’ll die. I can’t let that happen. I have to accomplish what I set out to do. I have to meet today with no regrets. That’s why I have to change the systems and try something else. Haruaki is one such important part of the structure. “……Hey, can you tell me how to create guilt again?” “…C’mon, Kasumi, what’s wrong with you? I don’t mind, but still…” Haruaki says it like he always does. “Why not just kill them?” This is the thousandth time he’s given this answer. He’s right. This is the only choice. Mm-hmm, there’s nothing that can be done. You’ll understand, right? But then again, it’s a little late for that now. —You want me to kill you, right? 10,000th Time “Stop! Please don’t kill me!” I don’t plug my ears. I’m going to kill Haruaki Usui. He’s the one who suggested it, after all. I kxxx Haruaki Usui. That’s when I disappear. The me who was once Kasumi Mogi is gone. I have no hope of finding the version of myself that was ground to dust by the agony of this place and scattered to the wind. My body keeps reviving, regardless. It always comes back, even though there’s nothing left of me inside. I feel something entering the empty space within me. Something vile born from this Box. Something grotesque beyond belief with a putrid smell like that of countless dead bugs covered in feces. I try to keep it out. I try again and again. But I know that even if I do, this thing will still worm its way in through the holes in my defenses. It’ll tear at my weaknesses like a hyena, devouring those portions and dyeing me pitch-black. Once they’re finished with me, I’ll no longer know who I am. I’ll become a doppelgänger. But not even that is enough to make me put an end to the Rejecting Classroom. I still need to greet today with no regrets. A today where I have no regrets? “Ah-ha-ha…” What a fool I am. There’s no such thing. This is my afterlife. No matter what I do here, it’ll never be enough to sever the ties binding me to the real world. Even Kazu professing his love to me will be meaningless. What can I do to satisfy myself in a world that’s completely disconnected, a world with no links to anywhere else? I can’t think of any ideas. The outcome I desired… I struggled on for so, so long in search of this outcome within the overriding stagnation of this world. But the truth is I didn’t even know what I was looking for. I fumbled along in ignorance for some time before eventually reaching the conclusion that the outcome I sought didn’t exist. “I want to live.” Oh, is that it? I finally understand. So that was my wish. That also explains why my wish will remain just that—an unfulfilled desire—for all eternity. My inability to understand all of this warped the Box. This distorted wish transformed into an obsession that couldn’t be dispelled. It will always be here as long as I’m in the Box. So the fixation remains, spurring the false me into unceasing action. That’s how I know that, even if I were to vanish, the Box will never, ever end. 27,755th Time “I’ll never leave you in this place by yourself!” Kazu’s words were enough to momentarily bring back the Kasumi Mogi that had been lost. “I’m so stupid.” I once made a decision. When all of this started, I told myself that if I lost sight of my purpose, I had to destroy the Box with my own hands before my shameful actions came to light. But the sheer, overwhelming number of loops in this ceaseless world wore my determination down, diluting it to the point of nonexistence. All hope of me ever returning should have faded back when I murdered someone whose name I can no longer even recall. But then… “With just a few words, a few simple words, I…” …I was brought back. My love saved me at the very, very end. But I know that while I’ve returned for this moment, I’ll lose control again soon. The Box will consume me, both in mind and body. That’s why I have to kill myself…while I’m still Kasumi Mogi. “Good-bye, Kazu.” And that’s how my Box, which couldn’t bring me happiness—even though it could have been so easy—comes to an end. I die lying atop the one I love. This could be a blessing in itself. I’m okay with this. Yes, this is perfectly fine. I close my eyes, sure that they’ll stay closed forever… “No one said you could die, you know.” Surprised, I open them again. Before me stands the mysterious being that gave me the Box. Kazu’s eyes must be locked on me, because he doesn’t seem aware of the presence. A calm smile greets me as I meet the figure’s gaze. “I’m not through observing that boy there. I can’t have you putting an end to this wonderful opportunity for unlimited study I’ve worked so hard to arrange.” What? …What are they talking about? “Hmm, it might not be enough if we keep to the same routine we have been, though… This goes against my principles, but I’m going to need to borrow that Box of yours for a second. A few adjustments are necessary. You were trying to break it anyway, so you don’t mind, do you?” Without waiting for a response, the being places a hand upon my chest. “Agh! Aaaaah!!! Aaaaaaaaah!!!” I’m instantly filled with agony beyond anything I could imagine. The pain is unbearable, even though I’ve gotten used to being hit by trucks and didn’t even cry out when I stabbed myself in the chest with a knife. This sensation is an entirely different variety. It’s like having my very soul cut to shreds. It’s the sort of pain nothing can alleviate, as if it’s being applied directly to my nerves. The being smiles as they pull the palm-sized Box from my chest. “You most likely already know this, but this Box won’t work without you anymore. I’m going to have to put you inside it.” With those words out of the way, the being begins to fold me up. I’m doubled over, doubled again, and then put inside the Box. Kazu. Please, Kazu. I know what I’m asking is selfish. I know it’s laughable to think I have the right to ask anything of you after all I’ve done. But…I can’t… I can’t take it anymore… Help me, Kazu… 27,756th Time I have to put an end to the Rejecting Classroom and return all our lives to normal. What’s the hardest part of achieving this goal? Encountering a crazy obstacle, perhaps? Like having to tightrope between two buildings using a piece of kite string? Or repeating the same day a hundred thousand times? Maybe not. All of those are hurdles I can figure out how to clear. No matter how impossible they may seem, with an infinite amount of time on my hands, I could feasibly acquire the skills needed to overcome them. No, the hardest part is being unable to tell what I’m up against. If I don’t even know where to start, then I’m just stuck. What’s more, time doesn’t pass within the confines of the Rejecting Classroom. No matter what kind of a jam I’m in, I’ll never be able to rely on time to solve the problem. I’m facing the most difficult of situations right now. “What’s the matter, Hosshi? You seem a bit off today.” It’s our first period break. Haruaki has an easy smile as he speaks to me. Class has only just ended, so everyone is still in the room. Mogi is in her seat. All thirty-eight of my classmates are here. I rack my mind for reasons why everyone who was rejected is here again, only to find I have almost no recollection of the previous transfer. I get the feeling I made an important discovery, but for the life of me, I can’t remember anything. That’s fine. I can handle that. If I did find out something of immense importance last time, I can always do it again. I’m a bit mystified by the return of my classmates, but that doesn’t change what I have to do. That isn’t the problem at all. “Ugh, I’m so bored today… Nothing ever changes.” Nothing ever changes. Kokone’s words spark a dull pain in my chest. I don’t want to believe it. I can’t accept the situation before me. “Hey, Daiya.” As if issuing a plea for help, I call out to my friend. He remains sitting, turning only his head to look at me. “Have you heard anything about a transfer student arriving today?” Despite my faint hope that he would nod, my question is unfortunately met with the exact frown and retort I expect. “Huh? What the hell are you talking about?” I knew it. Aya Otonashi will no longer “transfer.” I’m totally on my own now. Sure, I can find the owner of the Box, but what am I supposed to do after that? Take the Box from them? Destroy it? How am I supposed to go about doing either of those things? Before, I thought I was working alongside Maria to solve this mystery, but that was nothing more than my pride talking. The truth is that I was totally reliant on Maria, and without her here, I have no clue what to do. “What I’m saying is that it doesn’t matter whether this is normal life or the inside of the Rejecting Classroom. You get me?” That’s Haruaki’s counsel. I was completely stumped earlier, so during break I asked him to hear me out. After telling him everything over lunch, I’m listening to his response as we stand behind the school. I know Haruaki. He isn’t saying this because he doesn’t believe my ludicrous story. “What do you mean, it doesn’t matter…?” “Uh, hey, I’m not saying I don’t believe you, okay? But let’s just say we are inside this ‘Rejecting Classroom’ right now. How is this any different from the normal life you want?” “What do you mean? Everything about it is different.” “C’mon, it’s the same. You said all of us disappeared, and now we’re back. That Aya Otonashi girl you mentioned was never a member of our class to begin with. Things just went back to normal. You see that, right?” Things just went back to normal? …Maybe he’s onto something. I would never have met Maria if it weren’t for the Rejecting Classroom. No one here knows anything about her. And that’s as it should be. Aya Otonashi has always been a foreign presence in classroom 1-6. Maybe everything I’m talking about is just something I dreamed up. Maybe Aya Otonashi is a figment of my imagination. …I can’t tell. But I do know today is still March 2. “If we’re inside the Rejecting Classroom, then it will always be March second. Can you really argue that isn’t unusual?” I thought Haruaki would agree with me, but I was wrong. He tilts his head a bit to the side as he replies. “I think you know the answer to that question yourself.” The way he acts like it’s so obvious brings me up short. He scratches his head in puzzlement as he watches me. “I know what you’re trying to say, Hosshi. But you only feel that something is wrong because you’re aware things are looping. So you’ve got your everyday average life that you took for granted up until now. If the same day of that life were to repeat over and over, you wouldn’t know it, right? I don’t feel anything is off right now, for instance. Here, at this very moment, I believe I’m in the middle of the same old boring day-to-day I’ve always known, even if it does happen to be inside the Rejecting Classroom.” He’s definitely right. The only reason my gut tells me all this is wrong, that it’s horrible, is because I know about the classroom. If I didn’t, I probably wouldn’t notice anything strange at all. My awareness of the Rejecting Classroom is the source of my mental turmoil. Without that, I could fully enjoy the normal life laid out for me here, even if it’s stuck on repeat permanently. The days would roll by as I avoid the sad fate of someone I can’t identify. It would all be so happy and convenient. The idea of destroying all this is nothing more than self-satisfaction. “It looks like you understand now, Hosshi. So what’re you going to do?” “Right. I know what to do now.” “See? Well then, maybe…” Haruaki trails off. Wondering why, I turn around and find Mogi standing behind me. “What’s the matter?” I ask. “Can I borrow Kazuki for a second?” I look at Haruaki for a moment upon hearing her words. “Anyway, Hosshi, I guess that’s probably enough about that for now, huh? Feel free to hit me up if you ever want to talk about it some more.” “Sure. Thanks, Haruaki.” With a quick “You’re welcome,” Haruaki leaves. What does Mogi want? Was she looking for me specifically? I give her face a closer look. I can’t help but think how pretty it is, and I quickly look away. “…” Her brows are furrowed, even though she’s the one who wanted to see me. “…I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to answer, no matter how crazy it may sound.” “Uh, sure…” I give my assent, but Mogi’s face still tightens as if she finds this a difficult topic to broach. She takes a moment to gather her nerves and then looks me straight in the eyes as she asks her question. “Am I Kasumi Mogi?” What? The question is so out of the blue I can’t even act surprised, and instead I stand there without much expression at all. She averts her gaze in apparent embarrassment. “……Um, do you have amnesia or something, Mogi?” “…I know what you want to say, but please just answer the question.” “You’re Kasumi Mogi. That’s obvious…” Now that’s a line you’d never hear from me normally. “I see…,” she murmurs, seeming slightly sad for some reason. “You might not believe what you’re about to hear, but please hear me out. The truth is…” The next words from Mogi, the Kasumi Mogi who I was in love with, are unbelievably absurd. “I’m Aya Otonashi.” “…Huh? Aya Otonashi…? You’re Maria? But how?” Mogi continues as I stand there in shock. “Yes, I’m Aya Otonashi. You and all the others have fallen for this charade where I’m somehow Kasumi Mogi even though I look and talk completely different from her. I have no way to confirm it, but I know for a fact I am Aya Otonashi.” Despite all that she’s saying, the only person I see before me is Kasumi Mogi. Still, I can’t deny that she does look and speak exactly like the Aya Otonashi in my memory… “Uh, well, how about this? Lots of manga have stories about people with multiple personalities, right? Maybe you’re experiencing something like that right now?” It sounds ridiculous, but it’s still within the realm of rational thought. “I already considered that. If that were the case, it would be strange that you didn’t harbor any doubts about the sudden changes in my personality, and the name Aya Otonashi would never have come up. Don’t you agree?” There’s no denying that I never said the name Aya Otonashi to Mogi. “So why would you have turned into Mogi in the first place?” “…The way you’re describing the situation is misleading. I have only been placed in the role of Kasumi Mogi. I haven’t actually transformed into her in the physical sense. I’m happy about that, at least… But anyway, I’ll explain how I see this situation. If I’m Aya Otonashi, that means Kasumi Mogi does not exist in the 27,756th transfer. Do you understand?” I nod. “Kasumi Mogi is gone. Her position is vacant. I told you before that it was not by my own intent that I was treated as a transfer student in this world, right? This time, I think I’ve been assigned this empty space instead of being brought in as a transfer student.” It sounds like a bit of a stretch. “But there’s no way I, or anyone else in the class for that matter, would mistake you for Mogi.” “That was definitely one of the biggest problems. But when I ran up against this issue, it actually cleared up something else. The owner of the Rejecting Classroom experienced 27,755 of its loops. Their personality should have changed a least once somewhere in all that time, but no one ever noticed anything like that occurring.” I have to admit she might be right. “It’s natural to deduce that some rule of the Rejecting Classroom prevents others from noticing changes to the owner and also prevents those changes from interfering with their personal relationships. Kasumi Mogi was the owner, but for some unknown reason, she has vanished, and now I have taken her place. The aforementioned rule came into effect, so now no one notices anything different, even though my appearance and personality are that of Aya Otonashi.” Her explanation does seem feasible, at least. If Mogi really is Maria, then I definitely have cause to rejoice. Of course I do. I mean, I would have no idea of what action to take in all of this without her. Maria would be my guiding light. Still… “I don’t believe you.” I’m just finding it all too hard to swallow. Perhaps startled by my unexpectedly strong response, Mogi eyes me with a guarded expression. “I know it’s hard to believe, but there’s no reason for you to react like that.” I chew on my lip. “Oh, I see now. You don’t want to accept what I’m telling you as true because doing so would be the same as admitting that Mogi was the owner of the Box. You want to avoid that if possible. I can understand why. After all, you loved—” “That’s enough!!” I yell without meaning to. She’s right. There’s no way in hell I want to accept any of what she is saying. But it isn’t Mogi being the owner that bothers me. No, the thing I absolutely will not accept is… “……I’m in love with Mogi.” I force myself to say it. “I know.” Mogi herself scowls as if asking why I’m saying something like that now. “That’s why there is no way you could be Maria!” My hands clench into fists. Seeing the way they tremble, I’m sure she finally understands what I’m trying to say. Her eyes open wide, and her mouth closes. I love Mogi. That feeling will never change, not even if she looks exactly like Aya Otonashi. Let’s say everything Mogi is telling me here now is true. That would make me the biggest idiot in the world. It would mean I didn’t notice anything different about the girl I loved, despite how much she had changed. I didn’t notice even though Maria replaced her entirely. It has less to do with her and more that I can’t handle my emotions. People often say that love is blind, but this would be on a whole other level. It would all be fake. It would mean that this love that I’ve embraced for such an unbelievably long time is false, nothing more than a sham. That’s why I can’t accept any of Mogi’s arguments. I can’t accept the idea that she’s Aya Otonashi. The moment I do, this love will die. “I love you, Mogi!” That’s why I shout those words like a declaration of war. She falls silent and closes her eyes. If there’s a worse way of telling someone how you feel, I’d like to see it. I’m just crying out my denial of this situation without giving any thought toward her feelings. I clench my fists even tighter. I’ve come this far. I have no choice but to say the rest. “If you really are Maria, then prove it!” Her eyes remain shut for a short while. Having steeled her will, she opens them and speaks. “Have it your way.” I flinch at the strength in her voice. “You may have succumbed to the Rejecting Classroom, Kazuki, but that doesn’t change what I have to do. That’s why I thought maybe I would just leave you be. I’ve decided not to, though. I don’t want something like this to bring you to your knees.” As she grabs my right hand, my eyes reflexively go to hers. She never looks away once. “I want you to know this: I am, and could never be anybody but, Aya Otonashi.” She draws my hand toward her chest. “Wh-what are you doing?” “I am a Box.” There’s disgust in her voice. “That means I’m not a human like Kasumi Mogi.” “Doesn’t that just mean you’re granting a wish, then? Mogi is like that, too. Even if you could somehow show me the Box, that wouldn’t be proof that you’re Aya Otonashi.” She shakes her head. “You’ve heard stories about fairies who grant a single wish, no matter what it is, right? Did you ever think that for your wish, you would just ask to have more wishes?” I nod. Now that she mentions it, I have considered getting infinite wishes that way. “I’m embarrassed to say that my wish was something similar to that.” Her tone is full of self-mockery. “I asked to be able to grant other people’s wishes. Making others’ desires come true is my entire existence now.” “That means…” She is exactly like a Box. Still, I thought her wish was a noble one. Why, then, is her smile so self-deprecating? “Unfortunately, I didn’t have complete faith in my ability to do such a thing. The Box didn’t grant my wish in its entirety. Everyone who used my powers vanished because the Box drew upon my feelings that wishes don’t come true so easily in the real world.” I’m at a loss for words. It’s as if these magical objects never grow tired of toying with people. “Kazuki, I will let you touch my Box. After that, I never want to hear any more nonsense from you about me being someone other than who I really am.” She opens my hand and presses my palm against her chest. I can feel the beating of her heart. And then… “Ah!” …I’m at the bottom of the ocean. Even on the seabed, it’s still bright, like the sun has sunk down here along with me. It’s beautiful. I find myself mesmerized by the water. But it’s also cold, and I can’t breathe. Everyone looks so happy. So joyful. So jubilant. Everyone is smiling down here under the sea, where they can frolic with the deep-sea fish, where they can drown and bloat and freeze and collapse under the pressure. There’s no meaning down here. Nothing overlaps. Each of them has their own puppet show or game of pretend or picture presentation or comedy down here. Everyone is a blissful tragedy. And in the midst of all this, someone is crying. Amid all the happy people laughing ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, there’s one single person who is crying. I shake my head. This must be some sort of vision. Just a vision. I’m not actually seeing any of this. But it’s enough to make me understand. Someone’s emotion, a feeling of hopeless solitude, has been irrevocably embedded in my body. I surface from the depths of the ocean and return to where I was. She lets go of my hand. I slowly pull it back from her chest and sink weakly to my knees. As soon as my legs touch the ground, I can feel the tears streaming down my cheeks. It’s no use. There’s no way I can deny her claims after seeing what I just saw. “That is the misbegotten happiness of my Box.” She is Aya Otonashi. But doesn’t Mogi have a Box, too? That doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t be enough to refute Maria’s claims. I don’t need logic to understand this. A single touch was enough to make me understand that the girl standing before me is Maria. I’m sure what I saw was something she normally avoided showing to others. She did it for me, though. All so I wouldn’t lose myself to the Rejecting Classroom. “Maria, I’m sorry…” Maria smiles and shakes her head. “…” I hate my emotions right now. Even though I understand, deep down in my bones, that she’s Aya Otonashi, I can’t change my feelings toward her. Her smile is irresistibly cute. The last vestiges of my affection are toying with me, refusing to fade. My tears keep flowing as I kneel there, disappointed at my inability to completely free myself of this love. “Kazuki.” Maria says my name. “Huh?” Then she does the last thing in the world I would have expected her to do. She takes me into her arms. I comprehend the physical action itself but not the meaning behind it. The hesitant way Maria moves her arms is totally unlike her. “You’re the only one who remembered my name.” I can’t quite figure out why she’s saying this. “If it weren’t for you, I would’ve been alone. It pains me to say it, but you just being there supported me in its own way, even when I mistook you for the owner. That’s why…” I finally get what Maria is doing. “…I’m here to support you now.” Maria is embracing me. Contrary to her words, what she’s doing isn’t supporting me so much as enfolding me, weakly and timidly. “I can be kind to you while you’re in love with me.” I’m confused. I can’t determine whether the feelings inside me at the moment are for Kasumi Mogi, Aya Otonashi, or both of them. I do know one thing for sure. Being here like this, right now, makes me the happiest man on earth. “Ah.” What if… What if Maria had another reason for allowing me to touch her Box besides just convincing me? She didn’t want me to say she was Kasumi Mogi. She wanted me to acknowledge her existence. The notion runs through my head, but eventually, a laugh rises to my lips as I realize how ridiculous it all sounds. “So what did you and Kasumi talk about, Hosshi?” A huge grin on his face, Haruaki gives me a little poke in the chest as he approaches me after school. “Did she have a confession for you, perhaps?” “Yeah… Uh, I mean, no…” She did confess she was actually Aya Otonashi, so he’s right, in a way. “You’re being evasive! I don’t buy it! Wait, don’t tell me you’re serious?! You lucky bastard! Kasumi’s even cuter than usual these days, too!” Oh, right. Seeing Haruaki having such a good time with this, I realize what I have to do. Finding Maria again is reassuring, but now that Kasumi Mogi, the actual owner of the Box, has disappeared to who-knows-where, I have no idea how to proceed from here. “As long as Kazuki Hoshino is your enemy, then you’ve made an enemy of me as well. And I can never die.” I remember what Haruaki once said to Maria. It seems like so long ago that I’m not sure I’m remembering word for word, though. Yeah, I have to make sure I get Haruaki’s help in this. “Hey, is it okay if we pick up from where we left off earlier?” The shift is a little sudden, so Haruaki gives me a blank look at first, but then he nods with a smile. “So I was saying I figured out what to do next, right? I’ll pick up from there.” I look Haruaki in the eyes and make my defiant declaration. “I’m going to take down the Rejecting Classroom.” His eyes widen at the force in my voice. “Uh… I’m pretty sure I told you that, in the Rejecting Classroom, we would live on with no harm done as long as we were oblivious.” “You did. But I can’t do it. I can’t ignore the idea that we could be trapped inside an endlessly looping world where it’s impossible to progress even a single step forward.” “Why?” “Because the truth is…I already know we are.” It’s possible I could have lived out my days here trouble-free as long as I forgot about the Rejecting Classroom. But I already know. I know that our lives here are all one huge lie. There’s no way I can ignore that. Maybe it’s selfish, but I feel it’s not only the right thing to do, but also the only thing I can do. “…I don’t really get why, but you must have a good reason if you’re sticking to your guns like this, right?” The puzzlement in Haruaki’s query is sincere. A reason…? Why exactly am I clinging so fiercely to the normalcy of my daily life? I give it some thought. There’s no denying that my attachment to the mundaneness of my existence probably borders on the abnormal. Haruaki mutters, “It’s like it’s a matter of life and death to you.” Yeah, that’s it. He hit it right on the nose. The reason couldn’t be any simpler. “It has to do with the reason why we live.” Haruaki’s eyes widen, as if he didn’t expect that sort of answer. “The reason we live? And what is that? What do you mean?” “I can’t really explain it… Okay, say you had a test you didn’t study for at all but still managed to ace. You wouldn’t be that happy, would you? It wouldn’t be the same as studying your brains out for a good score and then succeeding, right?” “Sure. I know the things you have to work for are more important than the ones you get with little or no effort, even though the actual value might be the same.” “I believe that’s what life is—that process of pursuing something. I don’t think it’s crazy at all. Everyone dies someday. The end result is always death. That’s why going after the results alone is so scary to me.” “All people do die someday, that’s true.” “If the place where we are now is that Rejecting Classroom where everything becomes null and void, I can’t allow things to stay as they are. No way. I have to stay in the normal world if I’m going to protect the reason I live. That’s why I despise the existence of these Boxes that run against normal life.” Haruaki listens to my full-on rant as if it’s the most interesting thing in the world. Maybe I didn’t need to say all of that. After all, Haruaki would most likely offer his help unconditionally either way. “So how about it? Will you help me?” My friend’s thumb shoots up without a moment’s hesitation. At Haruaki’s suggestion, I ask Daiya and Kokone to hear me out and join us in our cause. The five of us are gathered around the bed in a room at the same ritzy hotel Maria and I went to before. We lay out the situation to Kokone and Daiya. I thought Maria might consider it a waste of time to explain everything to the others, but other than adding a few things here and there, she generally refrains from interrupting. Maybe she’s hoping to hear a fresh perspective on our dilemma. “Let’s see… So Kasumi isn’t actually Kasumi. She’s someone named Aya Otonashi, and the real Kasumi is the ‘owner’ who made this ‘Rejecting Classroom,’ only now no one knows where she went, so Kazu here is asking us all to come up with a battle plan… It doesn’t make any sense! How am I supposed to understand any of that?” Kokone flops down sideways on the bed. “Ahh, this is super comfy!” she says. “Nobody asked what you thought of the mattress.” “I know that!” She lashes out at my little jest. Even though she’s playing around, I’m pretty sure her mind is actually hard at work thinking about what she’s just heard. “I have a few questions…” Daiya cuts in to the conversation. “If we are inside the Rejecting Classroom, then the accident you claim is unavoidable should happen like it always does, right?” “Most likely.” Maria is the first to respond. Uh, is Daiya actually taking this seriously? “What’s with that stupid look on your face, Kazu? You some fish in a pond flapping its mouth trying to get some food?” “Uh, no, it’s just that I’m surprised you believed what we told you about the Rejecting Classroom so easily.” “You think I believe that crap?” Daiya angrily spits out the words. “Uh… Wha…?” “I thought maybe you were the only one who lost your mind, but now even Mogi is talking crazy. There may be some extenuating circumstances driving you to do all this, but it’s too much of a pain to think of what those could be. So I’m taking your story of the Rejecting Classroom at face value and putting my doubts on hold for now.” I take that to be Daiya’s long-winded way of saying he’s gonna help. Haruaki has something to add. “So, Daiyan. You said the accident might take place as always. What then?” “Yeah, so if the accident occurs just as before, who will be the victim if Mogi isn’t here anymore?” “I…think it might be me, since I’ve been forced into her position in all this. The natural conclusion is that I will end up taking on her role in the accident, too.” Haruaki asks a question. “Was it always Kasumi who was struck?” “No. Sometimes the people who tried to save Mogi would get hit, too. There was me, Kazuki, and even you when you tried to save me after I saved Mogi. That last one happened not just once but several hundred times.” “Whoa! Really? That number doesn’t even seem possible. Oh, wait, never mind. I’m sure the same person in the same situation would take the same action in most cases.” “What’s more, in nearly every instance at the start of the day, you told me how much you loved me,” said Maria with an exasperated look on her face. “I put my body on the line for the woman I loved? Awesome! I didn’t know I was so cool!” “To be perfectly honest, you were a bit of a nuisance.” “H-how could you…?” “Try putting yourself in my shoes. How awful would you feel if you had to witness someone who had fallen in love with you die in your place? Your actions brought the arrogance of my quest to obtain the Box into sharp relief. Nothing else came so close to breaking my heart.” “Hmm…” Haruaki scowls. He looks like he still doesn’t think his actions were entirely wrong, so I doubt he’s sorry. “By the way, how many times did I tell you I loved you?” “Exactly three thousand.” “I didn’t know I was so passionate…” “That also means you got turned down three thousand times! That must be a new world record! But don’t worry, Haru; there’s something kinda cute about being such a loser!” “Shut up, Kiri!!” Those two crack me up. “Mogi—no…I’ll call you Otonashi for now. So, Otonashi, why do you think Mogi went to the site of the accident each time even though she knew what was going to happen there?” Daiya asks. Maria’s brows knit as she responds. “The rules of the Rejecting Classroom most likely forced her to do so. I’m sure you’ve already figured this out, Oomine, but I tried to prevent the accident countless times.” “There’s no reason to think she was okay with being run down by a truck when this all started. It’s easier to assume things just worked out that way for her in the end. I still wouldn’t choose to let myself get hit, though.” “Hey, why are you guys talking about the accident? I thought we couldn’t solve any of this unless we find Kasumi.” Kokone tilts her head as she returns to the conversation. Daiya looks annoyed as he glances in her direction. “Will someone please shut off the human noise generator?” “Ha-ha-ha. Too bad you weren’t the one who got splattered by that truck twenty thousand times, Daiya. ” “Let me ask you, then, Kiri. How exactly do you propose we go about finding Mogi?” “Well…I don’t know. What, do you have some great idea, Daiya?” “No.” “Huh. And to think you go around riding your high horse and calling me a noise generator. Hey, I know—why don’t you change your last name to Highhorse? Daiya Highhorse. Wow, it’s a perfect fit!” “I’m not the only one without any ideas. None of the others know what to do either. Am I wrong?” Haruaki and I look at each other. Yeah, he pretty much has it right. With that out of the way, Daiya plunges straight into his argument. “What this illustrates is why we need to explore other avenues to solving this situation. I focused on the truck accident because it’s clearly something of note within the cycle of repetition. This is clearly a logical deduction. I’m pretty sure even the human BS generator over there can understand that.” “Grr…” Kokone grits her teeth in frustration at Daiya’s jab. “At any rate, stopping the accident could create a new development. It’s worth giving it a shot, if there might be something there. That’s what you want to say, right, Daiyan?” Haruaki sums up the argument. Daiya nods. “Correct. But there’s no point if the accident can’t be stopped.” “No,” Maria disagrees. “It might still be worth trying. There was a limit to what I could do working alone, but with this many people, we just might be able to put a stop to it.” “Will it matter if we have more people? If you multiply anything by zero, you’re still gonna get zero. That’s what it means to be impossible, right?” retorted Daiya. “I understand what you’re getting at, but I still see a few possibilities there. For one thing, the conditions now are different than they were before. I am Aya Otonashi, not Mogi, so the probability could now be something other than zero. If that’s the case, then bringing more people onboard and bumping up our chances isn’t a mistake, at the very least.” Daiya crosses his arms in thought for a moment before giving a slight nod and saying, “You may be right.” “All right! Now we know where to start! Let’s stop that truck! Any objections?” No one voices any dissent with Haruaki’s roundup. I think we might be onto something here. It’s early in the morning, an hour before the accident usually takes place. We all stand under our umbrellas at the intersection where it goes down. Haruaki and I have been assigned to the task of helping Maria in the end. Both of us asked for this part, though it’ll undoubtedly be dangerous if the wreck actually takes place. Maria will find the truck that caused the accident and hijack it. Having her behind the wheel gives her the lowest chance of getting hit by it, Maria claimed. I’m nervous. There’s no margin for failure. I couldn’t sleep a wink last night. I was so anxious I spent several hours on the phone with Maria reviewing the plan. I look at Haruaki next to me. Unlike me, he doesn’t seem tense at all. The look on his face is the same as ever. It’s the expression Haruaki has always had during the entirety of our stay in the Rejecting Classroom. This time, we may be able to destroy the classroom, regardless of whether or not the accident takes place. “Hey, Haruaki. There’s something I want to talk to you about while we wait. Is that cool?” “What’re you even asking for? Of course it’s okay!” The sound of the raindrops hitting my umbrella causes me to look up at the stormy sky. “It’s about Mogi.” “About Kasumi? You mean the original and not the Otonashi version here with us now?” I nod. “I don’t think I told you about how Mogi killed me.” Haruaki frowns. “Damn. Must’ve been harsh.” The reason I didn’t tell him wasn’t that I was trying to hide it. I simply wasn’t able to remember the events until after we figured out Mogi was the owner. Remembering who the owner was seemed to have unlocked all my other memories of the previous time. “Mogi killed me, Maria, Kokone, and most likely you, too.” “…She killed me? Kasumi did? Why? What would she do that for?” “She was kicking you all out. The Rejecting Classroom is a world where everything gets reset to its original state like it never even happened. If someone gets killed, that will be reset, too. But it seems Mogi has the ability to ‘reject’ people from the classroom if she kills them herself. My theory is that she does it when she truly doesn’t want to see someone anymore.” Haruaki nods, his expression grave. I’ve explained the nature of rejection to him before, how it removes any means of remembering that person. “I can’t believe Kasumi did all that… But, well, I guess that’s what happens to a person after experiencing almost thirty thousand loops in this place. It’s not impossible that’d be the result.” “Do you really think so?” I ask. “Yeah. It might be hard to imagine, but anyone would lose their mind if they were stuck in the same place for so long.” “Yeah, I can see that. But just because you lose your mind doesn’t mean you start killing people. It isn’t the kind of idea that normally pops into people’s heads.” “Really? Maybe that’s just your own values influencing how you see things.” He may be right, but I still don’t buy it. Those murders only became an effective means of rejection because of her guilt. I can’t believe Mogi would be able to come up with the idea of performing such atrocious acts on her own. “…You opened your heart to Maria three thousand times and got hit by the truck several hundred of those, right?” “So I hear. I have no way of knowing for sure, though.” “Right. But all of those actions ended up hurting Maria in the end, correct?” Haruaki smiles bitterly as he speaks. “Yeah, but that wasn’t my intention.” “So why do you think Maria suffered so much? Because so much repetition lends power to words and ideas, even if they’re completely ridiculous and untrue. Let’s say you think you’re a handsome guy. Your confidence is going to take a big hit if you’re told you’re ugly ten thousand times, even if the people were joking.” “Sure.” “It’s the same with Maria. After you professed your love to her three thousand times, she couldn’t help but acknowledge your existence. This is Maria we’re talking about here. Even she must have felt something when you said she was your enemy.” “As long as Kazuki Hoshino is your enemy, then you’ve made an enemy of me as well. And I can never die.” I can’t help remembering those words again. “…Huh? Are you saying I finally flipped her switch?” I laugh off Haruaki’s joke. “So what if someone suggested murdering people to Mogi a thousand times? She was on the brink of insanity and didn’t have anyone else to rely on, so she might have actually been so desperate that it began to sound like a good idea.” Haruaki agrees. “That would definitely be a rough spot to be in. It could be possible. The person suggesting murder would be a part of the stagnant world, so their actions and beliefs would never change. They’d probably even repeat themselves verbatim. If they said it even once, they could’ve said it a thousand times.” “That’s true, but that wouldn’t make it a problem so much as something like the accident. What I mean is…” I finally shift my gaze away from the rainy weather. “What if someone was intentionally doing and saying things to put her on that course?” I fix Haruaki with a hard look. My sudden scrutiny doesn’t seem to bother him in the slightest. “Huh? But that shouldn’t be possible, right?” The look on his face is still the same as ever. “That’s not true. Maria and I could have done it if we tried. You see what I’m saying? It would be possible if someone persuaded Mogi while pretending to have lost their memories.” Haruaki quietly listens to my idea without offering any argument. “I always thought that being able to remember gave us an unconditional advantage. You’d think that the more information you have, the better, right? That’s not necessarily true, however. Retaining our memories can actually leave us open to repeated attacks from people who don’t remember anything, or people who are acting like they don’t. Meanwhile, the people who don’t keep a grip on their memories are safe. From there, they can launch assaults on those of us at the front lines.” I experienced something like this when the person I loved told me to “wait until tomorrow,” even though she wasn’t in the memory-free safe zone. “Suppose there was someone who was committing this type of mental warfare on Mogi from a safe position. They’d be well aware she was suffering, observing her to make sure she didn’t secure some means of escape and preparing an answer for her in the form of murder. If that were the case…” “If that were the case, then you could argue that person manipulated Mogi and was an accomplice to the murders in an abstract sense.” Haruaki speaks in an off-hand manner. I don’t dispute his line of thinking. “Mogi might not be the only target of these attacks.” “Which means?” “Mogi wasn’t the only one at the forefront of all this. Maria and I were there, too. It all depends on what their end purpose was, but it’s possible they also tried to manipulate Maria and me. Maybe they’ve already influenced us a bit.” “You want to try killing me?” I remember these words someone said to me before. I didn’t hear them only once; I’m sure of it. I heard them multiple times, until they clung to my mind like a curse. That isn’t all. I was also shown dead bodies. Maria received confessions of love, became a casualty herself in place of others, and was viewed with hostility. My memories aren’t complete, but I can at least recall that much. There are probably even more detailed traps I never noticed. We’re under constant attack by someone in a safe, risk-free position. If things don’t go as that person wishes, they can keep trying over and over until they get the results they want. “If we’ve been moving according to that person’s designs even slightly, then that could mean…” I swallow hard. “…what we’re doing now could all be part of their plans.” Haruaki has gone quiet. His umbrella hides his face from me. The silence grows, but the rain seems oddly loud. I hear a small voice. At first, I wonder what he’s saying, but when I listen closely, I realize it’s stifled laughter. Haruaki moves aside his umbrella to show me his face. His eyes are full of loathing for me, the corners of his mouth twisted upward in a smile. “C’mon, Hosshi. What’s up with that joke—sorry, ‘epic theory’—of yours? None of that’s even possible. People don’t behave as expected. You know that, right? You definitely had some interesting ideas there, but you were so serious about it all I honestly didn’t know whether to laugh. But that thought was kinda funny by itself, so I laughed anyway.” “Yeah, I guess it was a bit long-winded and hard to understand.” “…Long-winded? No, it’s more about how you don’t have the slightest clue what this mystery attacker is even trying to accomplish. No matter what their goal is, there has to be an easier way of doing things.” Haruaki still sounds so cheerful. “Yeah, I don’t know what motivates them. That’s why I was going to ask you.” “…Me?” There’s no turning back if I continue. “Haruaki…” But I have no intention of doing that. “Why have you forced us down this path?” No response. Haruaki’s face is hidden behind his umbrella again. He doesn’t say anything. He probably doesn’t feel like it. “I forget exactly how, but you and I became friends not long after I came to this school, and then you also introduced me to Kokone and Daiya. If it weren’t for you, my school life would’ve been a little less interesting. I owe so much to you.” I have no choice but to keep talking. “We haven’t even been friends for a year yet.” “So you’re saying that’s why none of this is strange?” I shake my head. Not that Haruaki can see it. “There are a lot of things I don’t know, but there are also plenty of things I do. And there’s one thing I can say for certain.” It’s time to lay it all out. “Haruaki Usui would never be able to drive us all to the brink like this.” I can see his face again. He’s looking at me, his eyes open wide. “So…” Finally, I say it. “So…who are you?” “You’re being evasive! I don’t buy it! Wait, don’t tell me you’re serious?! You lucky bastard! Kasumi’s even cuter than usual these days, too!” Haruaki said it so casually not long ago. That’s when I first noticed something was wrong. The Rejecting Classroom has certain rules. No one around Mogi will notice any changes she undergoes. They won’t even notice if Aya Otonashi takes her place. That’s what forced me to ask why. Why was Haruaki able to say that Mogi looked even cuter than usual? That’s not the only thing. Haruaki was rejected. Even I forgot about him. But somehow, I was able to remember later. I chalked it up to the fact that he was my best friend. Still, why could I remember only him and none of the other people who had been rejected? It was just a theory, but what if I didn’t forget Haruaki completely because someone else was inhabiting his body? The theory’s full of holes and nowhere near strong enough to be decisive proof, but none of that matters anymore. I’ve remembered. I’ve dredged up a memory that was never meant to return. “Do you have a wish?” “This Box can grant any wish, no matter what it may be.” Those were the words of that figure that looked like anyone and no one. “Tell me what you want.” I prepare to say the name, the name that I forgot for so long. The name of the being that gives away the Boxes. And that name is… “O.” The moment the word leaves my lips, Haruaki vanishes from his own face. “Heh-heh.” His features don’t transform; it’s just that there’s no trace of him left in that grinning visage. It’s like an imposter draped in Haruaki’s skin. At last, the phantom we’ve all been pursuing for so long has been revealed. O. “Dammit. No one but the actual owner of the Box is supposed to know that name. That’s odd.” “You got a bit careless with those slips of the tongue back there.” “Careless?” O snickers as if what I said is truly hilarious. “Not a single thing I’ve done has been careless. You’re the strange one, for being able to find me with so little to go on.” “Am I?” “Then are you saying that whenever someone isn’t behaving as they should be, you assume they’re possessed or someone else entirely?” That definitely isn’t true. No matter how strangely someone is acting, the idea that they’re someone else is far too outlandish and implausible. “Either way, you’ve found me. That means you know about my existence as the motivating force behind everything going on here. No one is supposed to be able to remember me.” “If so, then why do I remember?” “Why indeed? It’s truly a mystery to me. Perhaps the presence of Aya Otonashi has something to do with it. Either way, my existence is such that you can’t simply learn about it from others,” O blithely informs me, not realizing that I couldn’t care less. “…Oh, that’s right—you asked what I wanted. I’ll tell you. It’s not like I’m trying to hide it. All I wanted was to observe you up close.” Those words trigger a certain sensation within me. Yeah, there it is again. The same strange discomfort I felt the first time I met O returns. What is it? What is this emotion? “…I’m afraid I don’t understand. What would make you drive Mogi to do such things?” “What motivated me to manipulate the owner? I told you that all this happened because I wanted to observe you, but maybe I need to break things down into simpler terms.” O begins speaking with great relish. “I wanted to see how you would react to another person’s Box. When I granted Kasumi Mogi’s wish to redo the past, I was unexpectedly pleased for a moment. After all, it was an opportunity for me to see you exposed to the effects of a Box for an extended period of time. However, I soon realized my joy was misplaced, the reason being that I naturally wanted to observe as wide a variety of situations as possible. Unfortunately, this Box you all call the Rejecting Classroom is incapable of producing other patterns. Everyone followed the same path of behavior, and you were no exception. It didn’t matter that Kasumi Mogi and Aya Otonashi were able to retain their memories. As long as you, the crucial element, couldn’t hold on to yours, none of this would be of any interest to me at all.” My discomfort has grown to the point that I wrap my arms around myself to keep it at bay. “So I decided to take a more hands-on approach. I subbed myself in for Haruaki Usui, who was in a perfect position to influence the three of you. Using Haruaki Usui, Aya Otonashi, and Kasumi Mogi, I could make you keep ahold of your memories and set the stage to my liking. The payoff for my efforts was the chance to watch you in fine form.” “Which means you’re the one who set things up so Mogi would kill me?” “Yes, because I wanted to see how you would react on the verge of being murdered by the one you love.” Mogi suffered for so, so long, just for that? “I should also point out that you only harbored that love for Kasumi Mogi because I induced it in you.” “Wha—?” My love was contrived…? “Ohhh? And here I was certain you’d be well aware of that by now. But now I see it must have escaped your notice. Heh-heh… It’s moments like these that make being up close and personal worth it. Truthfully, I could watch you just as easily from outside of the Box, but if I weren’t in here with you, I’d most likely miss out on these amazing little reactions. Observing something from outside the Box makes it seem so distant. It’s troublesome, like peering down from space at something on Earth using a high-powered telephoto lens. I can definitely see everything, but it’s not easy to focus on minute details. Perhaps it was a fortuitous side effect, but I’ve found observing you firsthand as Haruaki Usui to be truly enjoyable.” I’ve finally identified the horrible feeling I’ve borne for so long. Fear. I’ve experienced it before, of course, but this is a terror of an entirely different form, to the point that I can’t even grasp it. “So, Kazuki Hoshino, what are you going to do now?” I can’t form words. Now that I’m aware of own fear, my mouth is sealed shut. “Did you really think uncovering my presence within Haruaki Usui would solve everything? If I were human and a murderer, all you would need to do is hand me over to the police. That in itself would be one kind of resolution. But that isn’t going to work here, is it? Your goal is to restore things to normal. Just speaking with me like this isn’t going to solve anything.” I’m in danger. Encountering O has become the greatest threat of them all. “Therein lies the reason I didn’t hide my identity as Haruaki Usui any more than I needed to. Yes, I took possession of the Box from its owner, Kasumi Mogi. I can even present it to you here. But that won’t be necessary. I don’t have to give you the Box simply because you recalled that I exist. And you certainly don’t have the ability to force me to do so, either.” O is interested in me. But it’s the sort of attention reserved for the subject of an experiment, nothing more, nothing less. I have no idea how to deal with someone who treats me this way. So… “Yup, you’re right about that.” Of course, I’m not the one who could pull off such an irreverent retort. “He doesn’t have the ability on his own.” O looks at me as if searching for the source of the voice. He’s right to do so, since it’s inside my bag. A truck’s horn blares. Soon after comes the roar of an engine, and before long, we can see the large vehicle approaching. O watches it with the slightest bit of consternation. It’s the same semitruck we’re sick of seeing, and now it’s barreling toward us. Maria sits in the driver’s seat. “I was hoping I’d get to meet you, O.” She’s speaking from the cell phone that’s been turned on inside my schoolbag this whole time. The truck approaches, yet neither of us moves. I hear the screech of the emergency brake. The rain is making it difficult to slow down, as expected. The semi is still bearing down on us. Still, O never takes even a single step back. Watching him, I can’t move, either, nor can I stop myself from closing my eyes. The sound of the brake fades. I open my eyes again to see the truck right before them in the most literal sense. O lets slip a faint smile and turns toward the driver’s seat. “And just what was the point of that silly display?” “Just my way of welcoming you to the party. How fortunate you didn’t get run over like Mogi.” I can hear Maria’s voice coming from both my bag and in front of me. She steps down from the truck, removing her headset and ending the phone call. Maria stands before us, with no concern for the rain, and fixes her gaze upon O. “So you were listening in on our conversation the whole time. I guess that means you were never interested in my strategy to begin with. Too bad. I had hoped to see Kazuki Hoshino’s disappointment in its outcome.” “I was listening carefully when you detailed your plan, but Kazuki was the one who figured out who you really were and kept you busy.” It wasn’t my intent to do that. I just didn’t know when to tell her what I had figured out. I did choose the timing for when I would get Haruaki’s cooperation and have this conversation, however. “It worked out perfectly, thanks to him. If I had been here, you might have continued to play innocent.” “So you went to the trouble of stealing the truck to make sure I knew you wouldn’t be nearby. I applaud your hard work. Still, I can’t help but wonder why you think I would try to maintain my cover if you were here. You may be a Box, but don’t think that means you can actually do something about this situation.” “Oh, you didn’t know? All my efforts must have gone to waste. Let me ask you this: Are you familiar with my Misbegotten Happiness?” “Yes, of course I am. I also know that it could never have even the slightest effect on me.” “Heh-heh, your inhuman nature keeps you from truly understanding us, I see. Maybe this will help. I am prepared to do whatever it takes to get rid of you.” O’s expression becomes a thin smile. “All you can do is trap other people in your Box. What makes you think you could ever do anything to me?” “You still haven’t figured out why I chose Kazuki, have you?” Hearing my name brings me back into focus. O regards me with a gaze that is probably meant to be gentle but is actually bloodcurdling. It’s like how you size up a piece of pork when you’re considering how to cook it. “…I see.” O smiles. Maria levels an angry glare at O as she continues. “Looks like you get it now. Kazuki has the ability to use Boxes. He may even be able to make use of my Box, Misbegotten Happiness. If he did, I’m sure he would wish for normal life to carry on. He would wish for it to happen free from things that disrupt it, like the Boxes and you.” This is the part where O should be fighting back. Instead, the being’s eyes merely lower sadly, without a trace of being overwhelmed, surprised, or even frustrated. “I guess you never change, do you?” Those are O’s only words for Maria, despite the fact that she has prevailed after 27,755 loops in the Rejecting Classroom. “Don’t you know that if you get rid of me, you, as an inferior Box, will also disappear?” Maria remains unfazed by O’s words. “I’ve known that all along.” “I’m sure you have.” O still looks sad and seems perfectly unconcerned about the looming prospect of disappearing forever. “You still can’t live for yourself, can you? You’re only capable of acting on behalf of others. It must be such a miserable existence. I pity you. I truly do.” “Your pity isn’t worth fish food.” “At first I found those rare aspects of your existence intriguing, but now I couldn’t care less. A human without desires is nothing more than a machine, about as fit a subject for observation as a vacuum cleaner. Nothing could possibly bore me more.” Maria clenches her jaw in anger at O’s remarks. I can understand why. She’s declared this thing her enemy, yet all O has for her is dismissal and even sympathy. “Fine,” O says. “I don’t particularly relish the idea of vanishing, either. Let’s make a deal. I’ll hand over the Box, and in return, you let me go. Does that sound fair?” “…Hmph. Even in the face of annihilation, your bargaining point is still so selfish.” “You should be thankful I’m playing along with your little threat, though you have such a poor chance of actually seeing it through. There’s no guarantee Kazuki Hoshino will use your Box as you intend, and even if he does, it’s unlikely I’ll disappear as you claim. I’m merely making this unnecessary concession as a token of respect for Kazuki deducing my presence.” “You’re one to talk about concessions. All you’re giving Kazuki is the dilapidated cage you’ve had him trapped in this entire time. You can make new enclosures whenever you want. I’m sure you were probably almost through with him anyway, about to toss him aside and replace him with your next toy.” “I’ll leave that up to your imagination.” “Hmph… Kazuki, are you fine with this?” Maria asks me for confirmation. I nod. I’m fine with anything as long as it does away with the Rejecting Classroom. “Kazuki Hoshino, may I offer you a piece of advice?” O is speaking to me. “You are a human who doesn’t wish for change. However, most owners find they do desire change once they obtain a Box. They want something. They want to become something. They want to get rid of something. They try to make these longings into reality. That means you’ll inevitably come into conflict with your own nature as an owner.” I’m unsure of the intent behind the revelation, and my face tightens. O observes me with great interest. “Kazuki Hoshino, do you think of yourself as different?” Why ask me that? “…I think I’m normal.” “I see. Well, I’m afraid I have to tell you that you are not. But don’t trouble your head if you find that unpleasant. The window of time when people can afford to be unique isn’t that long. Such people are inevitably either cast by the wayside or hammered in the mold of society until they are no longer special. So relax. I’m sure you fall into the latter category.” O’s smile remains in place the whole time. “That’s why you really are so unfortunate.” The words seem to bring this entity such pleasure. “You’ve learned about the existence of these little ways of breaking the rules, after all. Now, whenever you encounter a situation that fills you with regret, you’ll think, ‘If only I had a Box…’ No matter how much you shake your head and try to forget they exist, sadly for you, they always will. Boxes capable of granting any wish will always be there, and you’ll never forget about the loopholes they offer. Furthermore, as you live with this knowledge in your mind, there will inevitably come a time when you realize you need one.” O’s expression never changes. Yeah, I remember now… I refused to take a Box. Not even that was enough, though. I was already bound by O’s curse. “You might not be different anymore when the time arrives that you need a Box. If so, you won’t be able to use it, and the prospect of that dampens my spirits a bit. That’s why from here on out, I’m going to interfere with you and those around you, just the slightest bit, so that you take a greater interest in using a Box.” What could I have done differently to avoid this burden? In all likelihood, nothing. I— No, all of us—were doomed from the moment we met O. “Never fear, though. Even if you do cease to be unique, I will still provide you with a Box, should you need one. That’s enough for me. All you would need to do then is let me hear your sound.” “…My sound?” “Yes. I love the noises humans make above all others, but there is one particular tone that I find especially delightful. That’s the sound I hope you would share with me. Hmm? And what is it, you ask? My tastes are pretty simple, so I’m sure you can probably guess, but I’ll tell you anyway…” O grins. “It’s the screeching of the human heart.” And with that said, the O resembling Haruaki Usui vanishes. A small box lies on the ground instead. Things begin changing of their own accord as soon as I reach for it. The scenery around us immediately begins folding up with a loud slam, slam. I can see the walls of the world. The white wallpaper covering them splits and sprinkles to the floor as dust. The sickly sweetness clinging to my skin vanishes in favor of an oppressive dampness that I can only describe as unpleasant. My inner ears are thrown into disarray, and my head swims. It sounds like something breaking. Something cracking. Something shattering. Someone shattering. This is despair. Undeniable despair. The false scenery now gone, we find ourselves in a dark chamber. It’s so cramped and claustrophobic that even half a day here would be enough to drive someone mad. This is probably the inside of the Box. In this cell-like room sits a girl grasping her knees tight, her face buried in them. It’s the girl I loved. “…Mogi.” She slowly raises her head at my words. “Oh…” Those eyes that were once so lifeless now harbor a faint light. “I can’t believe this is happening. This is all too good to be true.” Tears run down her cheeks. Something about this seems odd to me, and I soon realize why. “…You really did come to save me.” So that’s it. She’s finally learned to cry again. “Mogi, I’m sorry, but I need to destroy the Rejecting Classroom.” “…I know.” She nods tearfully. “And I’m going to let that truck kill you.” “……I know.” She wipes at her eyes. “I don’t care if you destroy the Box. I don’t care if you end my life. Just give me a moment. There’s something I have to tell you.” Mogi searches inside her bag. She pulls something out but quickly moves her hand behind her back so I can’t see. Maria’s eyes narrow. “Mogi, don’t tell me you still…” Without a word of response to Maria, Mogi walks toward me, her hand still behind her back. “Mogi, stop! It’s too late for…” “It’s okay, Maria,” I admonish her. I still can’t see what Mogi is hiding, but I have a pretty good idea of what it might be. Shooting me a questioning look, Maria steps around behind Mogi. Seeing what’s in Mogi’s hand, Maria gives an exhausted smile. “Kazu, do you believe that some feelings never change?” That’s Mogi’s question for me. I know the answer right away, but it’s not a kind one for her. I can’t bring myself to say it. Maybe my reply would have been different had I not experienced the things I did within the Rejecting Classroom. But I have. I’ve experienced a world that lasted for almost an eternity. That’s why I believe what I do about unchanging feelings… “No, I don’t.” Mogi listens carefully to my answer. And then she smiles. “You’re right. I don’t, either.” I suddenly look into her eyes. She seems to have expected this reaction, because she keeps smiling as she continues speaking. “I thought my feelings for you would never change, but that wasn’t true at all. My love ran out. I began to dislike you, to hate you and think you were a nuisance. I even tried to kill you. I realize now, though, that I depended on you. I clung to you for so, so long in the hope that you would release me from this place. I couldn’t ignore you. I’m aware of how despicably selfish my feelings were. I had no other choice but to think of myself, though. I know what to call that emotion. I didn’t believe feelings could never change, but I did believe in one single thing, for the entire time I was trapped inside the Rejecting Classroom.” Mogi gives me a weak, faltering embrace. She presses the object she was hiding into my hand. I can feel her lips trembling next to my ear. “I loved you, Kazu.” Mogi’s lips draw near mine but, just before they touch, stop. Her lips remain there for moment before slowly drawing away, having never reached mine. I almost ask her why she didn’t do anything, but I decide against it. I look down at what she gave me. “Ah…” There’s the reason. Having realized this, I bite my lip. I was expecting something entirely different. In my hand is an Umaibo. Everything up to that point went as I thought it would. But this isn’t my beloved corn potage flavor. This is teriyaki burger, the flavor I’m not particularly fond of. It’s the one Mogi was originally supposed to give me. Why was her embrace so timid? Why didn’t she actually kiss me? I know why. This isn’t a profession of love from the Kasumi Mogi of the Rejecting Classroom, the girl who opened her heart to me and even kissed me so many times before. This Mogi could never refer to me by anything other than my last name. This is the first time she told me how she felt, before she entered the Rejecting Classroom. I want to do March 2 over again. Mogi has just reenacted my greatest regret from that day, the one thing I wanted to redo. Am I supposed to give the same reply I did on the real March 2…? I look at Mogi. She’s smiling gently, waiting for the response she knows so well. “I…” I can’t. I don’t want to say those words. I actually loved Mogi, after all. O may have manipulated me to have them, but the feelings themselves were not false. Why am I only allowed to say things that bring pain to Mogi? The answer is plain to see. I’ve rejected this Box. I’ve rejected Mogi’s wish. I’m going to make her into a body lying on the road. I have no right to say anything kind to her. My mouth opens. It’s still difficult to summon the answer. As I stand there with my mouth opening and closing, wavering in indecision, I’m startled at the taste of a salty liquid running into my mouth. These are the only words left to me: “Wait until tomorrow.” Mogi lowers her eyes sadly. I have no reason to expect her not to be hurt. But her expression soon changes. “Thank you.” She says that with a smile. Truly, one from the bottom of her heart. Yeah, I remember that smile at last. I saw it once during a conversation with her. The one where I realized I was in love with her—where this love I’m about to lose first blossomed. It’s a precious memory. “Hoshino, will you call me Kasumi?” “Uh, wh-why do you ask that all of a sudden?” “It may seem out of the blue to you, but I’ve wanted to ask you that for a long time.” “Oh…I see.” “So…will you do it?” “S-sure…” “A-and, oh, by the way…c-can I call you Kazu?” “Um…sure. I don’t mind.” “Okay, try saying it.” “…Kasumi.” “…One more time.” “Kasumi.” “…Thank you.” “Ah…! Wh-why’re you crying…?!” “Oh, am I?” “Y-yeah, you are…” “Well…it must be because I’m so happy, Kazu.” And then Kasumi smiled, her eyes still full of tears. I had never seen a smile like that before, a smile so genuinely full of happiness. It was the first time I ever made someone elated. The experience was so new, and it made me unbelievably happy as well. Bringing joy to others is joy itself. I was delighted to learn this about myself, and the girl who taught me this became very special to me. I might be the simplest person out there, but there’s no denying that one smile changed my entire existence. But now I’m getting ready to erase that memory. I’m going to obliterate this new emotion. It’s too horrible. Why does something like this have to await me at the very end? Asking me to destroy it with my own hands is too cruel. Regardless, I’ve already chosen this path. I set myself on it long, long ago. The Rejecting Classroom can do away with all of this insanity in an instant, right? “Maria, can I ask you for a favor?” I’m hovering on the brink, and I need only a little push. “Go for it.” “You must know what I’m about to do.” “Naturally. I’ve watched you more than anyone else in the world has.” “So what am I going to do? I want you to tell me.” Maria nods, her expression grave. I’m certain she understands why I’m asking this of her. “You’re going to destroy it.” Even at a time like this, Maria can’t phrase things gently. “You’re going to destroy someone else’s ill-chosen wish for your own sake. You will never, ever back down from this.” She’s right. I believe this is the correct choice. “That’s why you’re going to destroy the Box.” I nod at Maria’s assertion. I wipe away my tears using my entire left arm. “That’s exactly right.” I stand before one of the walls. The ashen sides enclosing us are thin, as if made of paper. There’s no more power left in this Box. It’s just preserving my memories, keeping them from escaping for a bit longer. I want to turn around and get one last look at Kasumi, but I have the feeling that’s something I absolutely must not do. I raise my left hand. Then, to demolish this Box, Kasumi’s wish, and my memories, I raise my right. “Thank you. I knew you would be the one to free me from this place in the end, Kazu.” Stop it. She shouldn’t be grateful. I’m only tearing down this place, stomping her mistaken wish into oblivion. I’m sorry. Please forgive me for not being able to save you. I ignore her words, but I’m thankful for them all the same. That final smile gives me the faith in myself I need to do this. “Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!” Roaring as loud as I can, I hit the wall with all my might. A terrific noise resounds through the wall, and it shatters like glass. I can see Kasumi amid the shards raining down. We smile at each other happily. The pieces fall, break, and turn to dust. A white light shines in from outside the walls. Each time another section falls, the light devours the gloom. It washes over everything until I can see nothing apart from us. Eventually, it’s too bright to see at all. Or so I thought. For some cruel reason, I can see Kasumi clearly, as she once was before all of this. She’s lying in the middle of the road, covered in blood. Her pain and suffering are so apparent that it’s all I can do to keep from looking away. But she’s smiling. She’s trying with all her might to smile for me. I open my mouth to speak. “Good-bye.” The pure white light then claims us, and we vanish. The radiance courses through me, violently searches out every last bit of my body, finding its way inside and consuming me. My organs, my blood, my heart, and my brain turn white. The light even finds its way into my memories, bleaching them as well. My memories that are false yet so precious at the same time, my new feelings, the words we just exchanged—it all fades. All fades to white. All fades to white. All fades to white… 1st Time “I’m Aya Otonashi. Pleased to meet you.” The transfer student smiles faintly. Her beauty sends ripples through the other girls, and while you’d think the boys would be excited, too, they merely sit in shell-shocked silence. I’m no different. I’ve never seen someone as attractive as her. I don’t think I could look away even if I wanted to. Our eyes meet, and her gaze draws me in with no resistance. She seems used to the reaction, and she flashes me a quick smile as we look at each other. I feel like my head is spinning. I’m going to fall for her, even though I know it’ll most likely never work out. She’s way out of my league. It feels like she came out of another world. I probably sound a bit weak for putting it that way, but I’m pretty sure anyone would feel the same looking at her. “Let me start by saying the answer is no.” The smile never leaves her face as she says all of this. “I, Aya Otonashi, do not want you to be nice to me.” A hush falls over the classroom. With just a few words, she has silenced the uproar among her classmates, almost as if she cast some sort of magic spell. “Please don’t think poorly of me. I would like to be friends with all of you, if I could. But I’m afraid that is impossible. Allow me to explain why…” Her face grows melancholy, but she continues on in a faint voice. “My existence as Aya Otonashi will never be anything more than an illusion.” I don’t understand what she’s trying to say, but something about her tone makes me swallow nervously. “We were never meant to fit together. From our respective viewpoints, we are all simply dreams. The reason why is that I am a transfer student. We aren’t acquainted, you don’t know me, and we will always return to this state in the end. I must continue to avoid forming connections with others and never entertain any thoughts of bonds. I truly am nothing more than an illusion among you. However, I take pride in my identity as an illusion. It’s also occasionally a source of pain for me. But I must accept it, for if I ever fail to do so, if the weight of being nothing more than a vision overwhelms me, then I will lose myself within this false world of repetitions.” I can’t make heads or tails of what she’s saying, but I can tell she’s completely serious and not likely to stand for anyone making fun of her. “I have abandoned my true name within this Box in order to become this illusion. I felt that using my real name would be a hindrance, repeatedly drawing me back to who I really am. If I fall victim to the false repetitions here, then I’m sure all of you will vanish, too.” Her tone intensifies. “That is why I must persist as an illusion, as Aya Otonashi.” Ah, I get it. I don’t completely understand it all, but it feels like she isn’t actually Aya Otonashi yet. She’s going to become Aya Otonashi from this point onward. I’m sure it’s against her will, and I’m sure it isn’t something she wants. But regardless, she still has to assume this identity. “I’m not strong,” she says bitterly. “There will be times when I want to complain and be weak. But if I ever do so in the course of what lies ahead, I will cease to be Aya Otonashi. So in order to ensure that doesn’t happen, I am going to voice all my weakest thoughts right here and now. I…” A coincidence. Yeah, it has to be a coincidence, but still, right when she starts speaking, she looks at me. “I want someone to stand beside me.” Then she smiles at me. “I will now introduce myself again.” When she speaks, it sounds like she’s making the introduction to herself as much as to us. “I am Aya Otonashi. I am pleased to meet you all, for the many times to come.” Aya Otonashi bows deeply to the class. Unsure of what to do, no one in the class says a word. That’s why I start clapping. The sound of my hands coming together resounds throughout the classroom. Eventually, someone else joins me, and then someone follows our lead. Others join in, and the sound of the applause increases. Once we’re all clapping, she finally raises her face to look at us. She’s no longer smiling. She’s standing bravely, facing straight ahead with her fists clenched tight.
Chapter 7
72 min read