Chapter 63

FINAL CHAPTER A Celebration of Villainy 1 Sitting in the wastelands near the hideout, Mr. Destroyer is extremely conspicuous. This is where we plan to fight the Sand King. We’ve set traps all over the place in hopes of slowing it down, and in the middle of our traps is the bait Alice whipped up herself. “Boss, can I have a little of that?” “That’s the bait for the Sand King. If you eat everything you come across, you’ll get sick.” Rose gazes longingly at the bait set out on the ground. Since it’s all-hands-on-deck, everyone who can fight—minus Grimm, for obvious reasons—is out here. …Feeling pity for the ravenous Rose, Viper pulls out a snack. “Mr. Six gave me something called Calorie-Z. Would you like—?” “Don’t mind if I do!” Before Viper finishes speaking, Rose grabs the supplement bar. She seems to have grown attached to Viper and usually falls asleep in her presence. Maybe Demon Lords give off a scent that Chimeras love or something. For some reason, Heine shoots a nasty look at the traps we’ve set. “…Hey, Six. Back when we attacked the castle, my sorcerer stone exploded right in front of me. Did you set that trap?” “…? I don’t remember doing anything like that.” “Huh? O-oh, I see. It doesn’t seem like you’re lying, s-so sorry for suspecting you…” Heine apologizes, but she still seems a little skeptical of me. Alice glances over at me as though examining some unusual animal. “Hey, Alice, could you stop looking at me like that?” “…Oh, sorry. I was just wondering what your memory capacity is like.” I ignore Alice’s strange remark and confirm the placement of the traps along the plain. The wire traps are designed to immediately bind anyone stepping on their triggers. Alice nods in approval as she surveys them. “The bait’s designed for carnivores this time. This should draw the Sand King to—” Before Alice finishes her sentence, we hear a loud crash. Looking in the direction of the noise, we notice the bait successfully lured in its first carnivore. Tiger Man has been snared. “Well done, Alice! This trap should definitely work on the Sand King. It certainly drew Tiger Man’s attention.” “Do you want to get your ass kicked that badly, Tiger Man? Someone get this waste of oxygen out of here!” As Tiger Man, bound from head to toe, mewls in distress, Alice crosses her arms and yells: “I’ve explained the plan several times, but since I’m worried that some of you still don’t have any idea what’s going on, I’m going over it one more time!” I nod repeatedly in agreement. Your average Combat Agent is as dumb as a box of rocks, so multiple explanations are a must. “When the Sand King emerges from its hole, the Combat Agents will fill in the hole with quick-drying cement while it’s distracted by the bait. Tiger Man, Rose, Viper, Heine—the four of you will defend the agents as they work. Then, once the Sand King’s escape route’s cut off, you can leave the rest to me.” I’d forgotten most of the plan up to this point, but I notice something when it’s explained again. “Hey, Alice, I didn’t hear you mention my name.” “You’re a Combat Agent, aren’t you? You’ll be helping with the cement.” …… “Wait, that’s work for the expendables! I wanna do something more important! Something that’ll win me a bunch of accolades!” Hearing my words, Snow also pleads with Alice. “Alice, I didn’t hear my name, either! Please, I can’t go back to Tillis without any major achievements…!” “Your specs are on par with an above-average human’s at best. I don’t care what you do. Just try not to die. If you kick the bucket, Tillis will probably use that as leverage to negotiate new terms.” “I’ve known you for a long time, you know… Can’t you at least pretend to care about me…? Oh, forget it! Defending is the Royal Guard’s specialty, so I’ll play defense! I’ll watch over the whole battlefield from here, then reinforce whichever place is in trouble!” says Snow, pouting. Once everyone is in position, I stand with my arms crossed and try to look important. Again, Alice glances at me as if observing a strange animal. “…You know, I’m still technically the branch manager and your partner. Why are you looking at me like that?” “…Well, I’ve known you for a long time, but I still can’t predict how you’ll behave. It’s fine, though. Do what you want. When I let you run wild, you sometimes produce unexpected results.” Having received Alice’s blessing, I turn and call out to those in position. “The fates of Vi and the demons rest on this battle! Make sure to give it your all!” “You’re one to talk! Hurry on over and get ready!” As I cockily cheer them on, one of my colleagues seems to have realized something and speaks up. “…Ohhh. His Evil Points are still in the red, so he can’t afford to order any quick-drying cement.” ““““……”””” I can’t offer a response because they’ve seen right through me. “Laaame! So he can’t even fight because of a reason like that?! Ha!” “Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Just go ahead and watch from over there, Mr. Branch Manager!” “If you ask nicely, I might be willing to get you some cement!” As the expendables start taunting me, I decide on one thing. “All right, I’m going to kill them during the battle and make it look like an accident.” “Why are you agents always at each other’s throats? Is it because you see things in one another that you don’t like about yourselves?” While arguing with the other agents, I feel a tremor beneath my feet, so I scoop up Alice and hop to the side. Just then, the ground swells. “Squeesqueesqueee!” A wild Sand King appears! 2 Alice shouts out as I put her back on the ground: “Execute—!” I didn’t expect it to appear right under our feet, so the first thing to do is to get clear. Alice and I maintain our readiness and slowly open some distance between ourselves and the Sand King. “Hey, Alice, don’t shout too loudly. This thing’s got good hearing, right? You’re fragile. It’d take you out in a single blow. Be careful.” “If that happened, it wouldn’t escape with its life. My reactor will blow, and I’ll take it out with me.” Your reactor blowing is exactly what I’m worried about! “Squeesqueesqueeek…” The Sand King twitches its nose and turns to the bait. I’m sure it can hear our voices, but it seems fixated on the bait for now. “Hey, Alice, Tiger Man’s still stuck in one of the traps.” “We can just leave him as live bait for the Sand King. It’s his own damned fault.” The ruthless android then heads off toward Mr. Destroyer. As Tiger Man pleads for help, Viper rushes to his aid. Seeing that, everyone else remembers their roles and leaps into action. After making it to Tiger Man’s side, Viper quickly removes the wires holding him down. “Lady Viper! Behind you!” As though answering Heine’s voice, Viper lets loose with a punch as she turns around. “Demon Lord Punch!” “Squee?!” Buffeted by an enormous shockwave, the Sand King lets out a short squeal and falls over. So that’s the Demon Lord Punch that’s not a kick. First time I’ve seen it. “Well done, Vipurr! Leave the rrrrest to me!” With most of the wires undone, Tiger Man is able to free himself, and after standing up, he cracks the joints in his neck. It’s faintly irritating that I’m still counting on him when he got himself into trouble in the first place. Speaking of, it seems like the Sand King has identified our traps and is purposefully avoiding them. Which means Tiger Man tripped a trap that even a mole can avoid. …While all this is going on, the agents who’ve arrived at the Sand King’s hole start pouring quick-drying cement into it. “The Sand King’s coming this way!” One of my colleagues pouring concrete shouts out a warning. Seems the Sand King, realizing it’s a trap, is trying to run. …However. “Nope! I’m not letting you pass! If you wanna get by, you’ll have to leave something valuable! Don’t think you’rrre getting away fur frrreeeee!” “I’ll reduce you to ashes with my flames! Your death will be anything but quick!” “Listening to you two makes me feel like we’re doing something bad…” The three fighters assume a battle formation around the Sand King. After Heine halts its movements with her flames, Tiger Man quickly closes the distance. “Grrrrraaaah!” “Squeesqueesquee!” The Sand King and Tiger Man, each well aware of the other’s strength, exchange cautious glances. Then Rose, who ducked behind Tiger Man, uses him as a springboard to leap into the air. “Bow before my lightning!” Rose yells something as she latches onto the Sand King. “Sleep for all eternity! Blue Lightning!” Her horn glows bluish-white, and she discharges electricity from her body. Evidently, the Sand King’s never encountered an electrical attack before and, twitching, hurriedly swats Rose away. I lend the swatted Rose a hand. “Rose, when did you learn a new move?” “Ms. Alice said, ‘I’ll feed you some gourmet food,’ and gave me something called an unagi don. Ever since then, I’ve been able to do this zappy thing.” Where I’m from, unagi don, a dish of eel over rice, is pretty gourmet if you ask me. I have a feeling that Alice used a special kind of eel to make this one, though… As I help Rose up, Tiger Man and Heine unload on the visibly weakened Sand King. “Looks like it’s numb frrrrom the shock and can’t move rrright!” “This is great! Time to turn it into barbecue!” The Sand King tries to retreat in the face of the two warriors’ onslaught. Its escape hole is being blocked by Tiger Man and Heine, though, and behind them, the agents are filling it up. Understanding it can’t retreat, the Sand King gets up on its hind legs. Just seeing the giant claws, which can tear through tough power armor like paper, is enough to dispel any illusions that this’ll be an easy fight. “…Daaaamn. It rrrreally is big…” “O-our job is to defend the hole and the agents, right? We can leave fighting this thing to the ones in the back, right…?” As the two look up in shock at the building-size monster, we receive an answer to Heine’s question. “Yep, well done, everyone. Looks like the hole’s plugged, so leave the rest to me.”