Chapter 61

3 Having somehow driven off the Sand King, the general mood is now funeral-level gloomy. “Gaaaah! We lost again! Hey, I need more beer over here!” I gulp down a cold one in the hideout’s cafeteria. When I hold out my empty stein to the agent in front of the beer tap, he dismissively waves me off. “It’s free! Pour it yourself! Dammit, getting attacked like this over and over again is getting really old!” We could go out to the town, but in the Kisaragi-operated cafeteria, employees can eat and drink for free, and in the evening, we get all-you-can-drink beer. It’s generally an awful place to work, but this is one of the nice perks of the job. Since an agent’s body is their most important asset, they always make sure to feed us properly, if nothing else. “Boff, I luff Kifaragi. I get to eef fo muff effry day!” Though her cheeks are filled to the brim, Rose is all smiles. After telling her about the employee cafeteria, she can usually be found here when she’s not in Viper’s office. “You know, sometimes I envy how happy you get just from eating. When I invite Grimm here from time to time, she always says, ‘I’d prefer somewhere more romantic! I don’t wanna go to some cheap cafeteria or bar! And a food truck is out of the question!’ Then she throws a tantrum.” “Well, Grimm’s originally from a rich merchant family. Since she comes from money, it makes sense she’d want to go somewhere nice for a date.” Despite being from money, she sometimes shows her true colors. Speaking of said Grimm, she’s currently “resting” on the altar. According to Rose, this last death was pretty serious, and it’ll take a while for her to revive. Since she was actually pretty useful against the Sand King, her absence is going to suck, but there’s nothing we can do about it. “You know, Grimm did well today, so I wouldn’t mind taking her somewhere nice. But Alice told me to stay at the hideout since we have something to do in the morning. I guess I’ll drink with these losers tonight.” “Who the hell are you calling losers, asshole? You were the one getting in everyone’s way, remember?” “Hrmph! You still can’t request anything because you don’t have any Evil Points, but your attitude hasn’t changed one bit. If you crawl around and bark like a dog, I might just be willing to let you order something that costs ten points or less!” I punch my mouthy colleague in the face, then get on the ground and bark. “Whoo, I can buy a new game now! I was getting sick of that shitty one anyway. Starting tomorrow, I’ll finally be able to play something else.” As I happily gulp down my beer, Viper, who has been quietly eating next to me, looks up. “…Um, you aren’t going to play the usual game?” “Hmm? Well, it kinda sucks. It’s my boss’s anyway. That should’ve been enough of a sign that I wouldn’t enjoy it too much, but meh… What’s wrong, Vi? Do you like that game?” Viper seems sad when I ask her this, but in response, she only shakes her head. “No, it’s not that I liked the game, but—” Just as she tries to say something… “Well, well, well. What do we have here? A super-cute girl, by the looks. You know where you are, missy? Well, do ya?” “Heh-heh, stop spending all your time with Six and come pour our drinks for us.” I forget what numbers they are, but the Combat Agents who saved me from the Sand King sit down next to Viper. “Pour your drinks? But you two seem to be drinking things that don’t need to be poured… Um, should I bring you something I can pour?” As Viper stands to fetch them more alcohol instead of rejecting them or chewing them out, my colleagues start to panic. “Oh, um, no, please don’t do that, Ms. Viper! That was just our way of saying hi!” “I’m really sorry about that. I’m fine with beer. No need to trouble yourself, Ms. Viper.” The two of them are immediately flustered by Viper’s earnest response. “Vi’s a little too serious for jokes like that to work. What the hell are you guys doing here anyway? Don’t turn this into a sausage fest.” As I try to shoo them away, they turn to me, faces red with anger. “What’s your problem?! Did you forget what you promised us when we saved you from the Sand King?!” “Remember? Bianca? You said you’d introduce us to a girl you met at the bar!” Oh, right, I did make that promise. “Oh, sure, but I want to drink here tonight, so let’s do that tomorrow.” “Really? Cool. We figured you’d complain, but you’re weirdly chill today!” “She better not come with a ton of baggage. Please don’t…let her be like Grimm.” They seem suspicious at how easily I agreed. “Nah, she’s a really good girl. She’s the most popular hostess at the kingdom of Grace’s cross-dressing club.” I dodge their fists and drop into a fighting stance with a fork. “What the hell are you two doing?! Have you lost your minds?!” “Don’t play dumb! Why are you acting like you don’t get why we’re pissed off?!” “You’re the one who’s messed up in the head! ‘Bianca’ my ass!” With the two of them screaming at me for no discernable reason, I try to figure out how to diffuse the situation. “U-um, Mr. Six… That does seem a bit underhanded…” Viper then turns to the other two. “I can’t replace Ms. Bianca, but if you don’t mind, I can pour your drinks for you…” “Wh-what should we do? What do we do?” “I do want her to do that, but that’d make us worse than Six! …Fine. We’ll let you go this time, Six, but only because Ms. Viper’s such a sweetheart.” Suddenly, they’re forgiving me for some reason, but since I don’t know why they were angry in the first place, I’m not happy with the outcome. As I’m thinking of ways to get them back later, the other agents, having watched the previous scene, gather around us. “As nice as you are, you’re gonna end up being conned by some evil men. Men like us! Watch out for Six in particular. He’s the kinda guy who’s always adding new women to his harem.” “Oh, and in Kisaragi, sexual assault is strictly prohibited. If Six tries to do something weird to you, tell him, I’ll say you tried to rape me! Heh-heh, if there wasn’t that sort of rule, I definitely wouldn’t leave you alone, heh-heh-heh-heh!” As I’m thinking about how best to punish the minions filling Viper’s head with weird ideas, she drops a bombshell. “…? Oh, but as I’ve already confirmed with Mr. Six, I’ve made my peace with being treated that way if it means my people will be accepted as refugees…” The room goes so silent that the only sound anyone can hear is Rose stuffing her face. Eventually, an agent starts working their comm unit… “I need to report this to Lady Astaroth…” “Noooo, don’t do that! It’s not like that, I swear! I’m innocent! Vi’s the one who came out and said that, totally unprompted!” As I desperately try to stop my colleague from ratting me out, the others eye me suspiciously. “Y-you’re a shitty excuse for a man and a waste of oxygen, but I thought even you had lines you wouldn’t cross…” “We haven’t done anything yet, I swear! I haven’t even sexually harassed her because I feel like she’d just go along with anything I tried! She’s a good girl! Even I pick my targets!” “Lying bastard! You have a beautiful girl saying she’d accept anything done to her, and we’re supposed to believe you just left it at that?! You always have pervy thoughts on the brain! At least a third of your time on any given day is spent thinking about that stuff!” I might actually spend a bit more than that thinking of perverted things, but that little detail definitely doesn’t help clear my name. Turning to Viper, I try to plead my case. “Vouch for me, Vi! I haven’t done anything, right?! I haven’t even verbally harassed you yet, right? Right?” “Y-yes, Mr. Six hasn’t done anything. It’s true. All Mr. Six does is lie on the sofa in my office and play video games while I’m working. In fact, he often asks me to help him solve in-game puzzles. I even receive invitations to set aside my work so I can play with him…” Despite her attempts to bail me out, Vi’s not helping much. At that moment, my colleague accomplishes his objective and looks quite pleased with himself. “’Kay, I’ve sent my report to headquarters. Mission complete.” “Oh dear god, what have you done?! I’ve been trying to tell you! I’m innocent! I mean, I’m sorry I haven’t been working that hard, but if I try to do anything, Alice accuses me of getting in the way and tells me to go play!” My colleagues surround Viper as if to protect her… “Ms. Viper, has he done anything awful to you? Your outfit’s missing a sleeve. Is he bullying you?” “If it’s something you can’t tell us, make sure you report it to Alice. She might occasionally be useless, but she’s super strict with that sort of thing.” “No, he really hasn’t done anything to me…! Also, this outfit never had a sleeve there. There’s a reason for that, actually…” While Viper attempts to salvage my honor, I can’t help but raise the question. “I’ve always wondered about the missing sleeve. Is it just your unique sense of fashion, Vi?” “O-oh, n-no. You see, whenever I unleash a full-strength Demon Lord Punch, the sleeve gets blasted away, so I stopped wearing one on my dominant arm.” … The fearsome words of a Demon Lord plunge the room back into silence. “See? I tried to tell you guys. I really haven’t done anything. Demon Lords are super strong, and I don’t have the balls to trying anything weird with someone like that…” At my soft admission, my colleagues look away. 4 The next morning. Viper and I wait for the demon refugees at the entrance to the city by the hideout. After yesterday’s commotion, the other agents were weirdly nice to me and got me all sorts of things from Earth, so I’m in a good mood today. “You seem happy today, Mr. Six. Did something good happen?” “I suppose you could say that, though there was some stuff that bugged me, too. It’s all thanks to you, Vi.” Learning that last night’s events are the cause, Viper keeps apologizing. “I’m really sorry about what happened! It’s all because I said something unnecessary…” “Well, it’s true that I don’t do any work, so don’t worry about it, Vi. Also, thanks to you, I was able to get lots of new games.” As I show off my newly acquired portable console, Viper seems to be at a loss. “Congratulations. Um, even if you’re playing a new game, feel free to let me know if you encounter any difficult puzzles.” With that, Viper gives a much brighter smile than when she first arrived. “This one doesn’t have any puzzles, so I’ll probably be fine. Besides, playing games in the office is going to be hard since those idiots are watching me now… Oh wow, look at all the demons heading this way… Um, what’s wrong, Vi?” Even as I repeat my question to Viper, who seems a little different than usual, she just keeps shaking her head. “It’s nothing. I’m just happy that my people arrived safely…” As Viper smiles, I convince myself it was just my imagination. “Gotcha. Y’know, Vi, you really are a good person. How did your parents raise you? I’d like to know so I can raise my own daughter to be just like you.” “U-umm… My father always told me to be strong and ruthless and that others are there to be used, exploited—” “Ah, I’m sorry, Vi, you don’t have to answer that.” It seemed like she was about to unload a heavy tale on me, so I quickly put an end to it. I guess Snow’s report on the former Demon Lord’s personality was right on the money. Just then, the approaching group seems to have noticed Viper and me waiting by the entrance. A young woman leading the huge crowd of nonhumans smiles widely and waves toward us. “Lady Viper! You look well, but is this truly the case? The humans haven’t done anything terrible to you, have they?” I know this familiar-looking demon. Her name was Camille, I think. “Yes, I’m okay. It’s been a while, Camille… I assume Toris didn’t accept our refugees?” Yes, the reason Viper and I are here to greet them is because Alice mentioned a group of demons were headed our way. Viper’s words cloud Camille’s smile. “Well, um… Please look at this…” After unfurling the scroll Camille hands to her, Viper’s expression tenses. I peer in from the side… “Vi, what’s it say?” “‘Vi’?!” I ask since I can’t read this planet’s letters, but Camille lets out a huge reaction for some reason. “To summarize, because the Demon Lord’s Army surrendered, the demon territory no longer exists. Therefore, Toris is treating the alliance itself as null and void…,” says Vi, looking up from the scroll. “Meaning they don’t plan to accept the refugees. But, well, Alice promised you, right? ‘At the very least, I’ll secure the lives of your people.’ She’s really good with this sort of thing, so cheer up, Vi.” “You said ‘Vi’ again!” As Camille has another panic attack, Viper bows her head to me. “…Thank you, Mr. Six, for everything… How can I ever repay you?” “We’ll need the manpower, so consider us even. Besides, Vi, you’re just cleaning up your dad’s mess. If you really want to make it up to me or whatever, just play video games with me. I play against my colleagues during our free time at night, but for some reason, it always ends in a fight.” “Bwaaaaaaaaaah!” As I smile at Viper, Camille starts bawling right by my ear. “Ugh, what the hell? Oh, it’s the succubus girl. Look, we’re kind of in the middle of something, so could you not interrupt us?!” “I’m not a succubus! I’m a Lilim! And what’s with YOU?! How can you call her ‘Vi’ so casually?!” I guess this succubus doesn’t like that I address Viper as “Vi.” “Mr. Six, I would be happy to keep you company tonight, if you’d like.” Viper herself says this with a smile, evidently not minding it. “Company?! Lady Viper, what do you mean, ‘keep him company’?! Exactly what happened with this man in the time I was away?!” Camille appears to have completely misinterpreted our conversation, turning bright red as she peppers Viper with questions, but Viper herself, with her priority being her people, wanders off to find Alice. “Were you not listening to my conversation with Vi? We’re gonna have some fun together tonight.” “Fun?! Together?! Tonight?!” Yeah, I’m pretty sure this girl’s a succubus. That night. After Alice breezed through the process of assigning tents, we’ve decided to treat the demons to an outdoor meal given their long journey on foot. Currently, the one delicately doling out stew to the demons is… “Weren’t you from an evil organization? I’m pretty sure what you’re doing is the opposite of evil.” “This is all part of our invasion plan. By the way, you’re a former pillar of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four, but you really seem to be enjoying serving food.” Russell, now completely at home in his maid outfit, continues ladling stew without offering a counterargument. “Here, eat this and get some rest. Be careful, it’s hot. I know it’s got a weird, black color, but it tastes like normal stew.” “Thank you, Lord Russell. To think I’d run into you in this distant, foreign land…” As the demons offer their thanks, Russell feigns disinterest, but he scratches at his cheek, showing he’s happier than he lets on. While this soup line may seem like charity, doing this in a conquered territory substantially reduces the risk of rebellion. People have an easy time trusting those who lend them a hand when they’re struggling. Even if they’re the enemy who caused those struggles in the first place… “Heh-heh, let Kisaragi’s special, black stew soothe your tired body and mind. Before you know it, you’ll be working as our shock troops…” “Just to make sure, you haven’t added anything weird to it, right?” As Russell and I are handing out grub, I hear a soft chuckle. Turning to its source, I see Viper standing there with a smile. “Now, now, I won’t allow anyone to mock his preferences. Not even you, Vi. I mean, he really looks good in that outfit! So what if it’s women’s clothing…?” “Oh! I’m sorry, I wasn’t giggling at that! My apologies! …Huh, wait, hmm? Women’s clothing? Wait, Russell?! Russell, is that you?!” “…Y-you’ve got the wrong Chimera, Viper…” As Viper gawks at Russell, he looks away, sweat beading on his brow. Viper softly murmurs as she reaches for him with a trembling hand. “Th-there can’t be that many Chimeras, right? And you just called me ‘Viper’…” “…Well, that’s because Six just called you ‘Viper’…” It seems he doesn’t want her to see him in his current state, so Russell continues playing dumb. “Hey, Russell, I already told Vi that you’ve taken up cross-dressing, and you seem to be having the time of your life. There’s no need to be shy now.” “You bastard! I haven’t ‘taken up’ anything! I’m dressed this way because it makes Tiger Man and the other agents really happy! …Oh. W-wait… I didn’t mean that the way it sounded…” Upon hearing Russell’s statement, the corners of Viper’s mouth curl up into a smile. “Oh, Russell, you don’t have to lie to yourself anymore. The war is over. Please live your life however you wish…” “Wait, Viper! You really are misunderstanding something! I don’t actually like wearing these clothes, honest! Those are my true feelings!” Viper gently pats Russell’s head as he desperately pleads his case. “It’s okay. It looks really nice on you. In fact, I think you look really cute. I’ve always thought of you as a little brother, Russell, but I’ll be sure to treat you like my little sister from now on.” “You don’t get it at all! And what’s up with you being called ‘Vi’? I never thought I’d see the day when the Demon Lord’s daughter was addressed so cutely… Oh, s-sorry, Viper, I guess it bothers you a little. I won’t bring it up again!” Russell apologizes as Viper turns beet-red and lowers her gaze. “Vi is Vi. Sometimes, people call her Ms. Viper, but well… Anyway, Vi, why are you here?” “…I—I—I thought I’d help…a little…” “O-oh! Then come over here. I’ll prepare helpings of stew, and you can hand them out!” Russell thoughtfully tries to change the subject and begins ladling out bowls of stew and setting them on the table. Viper seems a little embarrassed to be called by her nickname in front of the other demons waiting in line. Still, she does her best to hand out the meals, despite looking like she might burst into tears at a moment’s notice. She also puts a little distance between herself and us, likely so we won’t see her embarrassment. “Six, you really are an idiot. I’ve never seen Viper act that way.” “Now hold on, the reason Vi’s acting awkward is because you were taunting her. Speaking of, what was Vi like at the Demon Lord’s Castle?” I ask, sipping at a bowl of stew. “Put simply, Viper’s always been the model student. She’s dedicated, smart, and kind… She’s a bit shy, so she’s never been good at socializing, but she’s too kindhearted to ever say no to anyone. She’s got a strong sense of responsibility and a tendency to always put the needs of others before her own… That’s just how she is. I’ve never seen her laugh or cry, and she’s certainly never cycled through expressions like she did just now.” “Okay, so serious question. Why was a girl like that the Demon Lord?” Could it be she was putting on a persona as the Demon Lord’s daughter? Regardless, whatever Viper was like before she came here, she hasn’t changed anywhere near as much as Russell has. The Lord of Water shrugs at my question. “I have no idea. The last Demon Lord was really ruthless and greedy, but he had a strong sense of duty. He was pretty much what you’d expect from anyone with the title of Demon Lord. It’s just baffling that a girl raised by a man like that ended up like Viper.” I guess he became the example of what she wanted to avoid. …Oh, speaking of Demon Lords. “Hey, do Chimeras like Demon Lords? For some reason, Rose really likes Vi. Whenever they’re together, she’s practically Viper’s pet puppy.” “I think the puppy part has more to do with her personality, but I do believe there’s some connection between Demon Lords and Chimeras. It’s not like I was serving the Demon Lord without a reason. Though I’m not sure why we find them extremely soothing to be around…” … “Russell, you served the previous Demon Lord, right? And the previous Demon Lord was a middle-aged dude, right? Tiger Man’s pretty up there in years, and a lot of Combat Agents are middle-aged dudes. And now you’re saying it’s soothing for you to be around a middle-aged dude…” “H-hold up! N-no, I’m just reacting to the blood of a powerful demon! I mean, I find being near Viper soothing, too! It’s not that I like middle-aged guys! …Wait, why are you eating the stew, too?” 5 The next day. With the arrival of the demon-territory residents, Hideout City’s getting lively. The buildings aren’t finished yet, and most of the residents are living out of tents. Food’s still being distributed, and they’re short on most of the little things that make life easier, but still… “Whooooa! What’s that?! It’s a giant spider monster! Kill it!” “You damn brats, don’t you dare touch my beloved vehicle. I’ll smack you! Also, he’s not a spider monster. That’s Mr. Destroyer.” Next to the recently completed generator station, Alice chases off the demon kids swarming the Destroyer. Yep, Mr. Destroyer is popular with kids no matter the location. “And what sort of demon are you? Your horn and tail are cute!” “Hey, can you use a breath weapon? I can breathe acid!” “Eek, stop! Don’t pull my tail! I’m not a demon; I’m a Chimera…” And over there, Rose, who looks more like a demon than your average demon, is being mobbed by a group of girls. Smiles adorn the expressions of the adults as they watch those scenes unfold. “You know, this is technically the base for an evil organization, but everyone’s so cheerful…” “M-my apologies… The demon territory was a very harsh environment, so I think everyone’s just glad to be somewhere safe…” Apparently, the lands of the demon territory are a postapocalyptic hellscape where monsters wander around right outside your door. Although we’re close to the Cursed Forest, we do have a wall protecting the city, and there’s plenty of food and water. “Man, Mr. Destroyer and Rose sure are popular. It’s too bad Tiger Man isn’t here. I bet the kids would love him…” Then again, maybe it’s a good thing he’s not here. He definitely wouldn’t cross that line, but still, I wonder where he went. “Mr. Tiger Man… He’s the one who seems very strong and has really fluffy fur, yes…?” Viper, for all her seriousness, is still a girl and seems to have an interest in animal mutants. “Tiger Man is a real asset in the winter. He’s super warm when you hug him. If we have a chance to ask for reinforcements, I’ll see if we can get Panda Man from China or Koala Man from Australia to come over here. Those two are also super fluffy and are a real hit with the kids.” “I’m looking forward to it. I would really like to meet them!” Our peaceful little conversation is interrupted by a decidedly nonpeaceful android as she finishes chasing off the children. “Tch, both human and demon brats have no manners. Yo, Six, I’m going to the castle. You’re coming with me.” I won’t comment on the fact that she looks like a kid herself. I prepare to leave Hideout City next to Alice when Viper calls out to us. “…Um, Mr. Six.” When I look over, Viper straightens up and has a serious expression on her face. “Thank you so very much. I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done.” She then bows deeply to me. “…If you’re that interested in Panda Man, I can have them send over some merchandise.” “No, that’s not what I’m talking about! I mean, about the fact that you’re so accepting of everyone. I really didn’t know how this would turn out, but you’ve put my fears to rest!” With that, Viper jogs off to deter the children trying once again to climb atop the Destroyer. …Oh, so that’s what she meant. I mean, we gain laborers, and the food that we give them is sent to us from Kisaragi HQ, so it’s not a bad deal for us. Also, there are a lot of beautiful women among the demons. I only got a glimpse while handing out food, but there were definitely some succubi in there, too. …Anyway. “Well, since she’s thanked us ahead of time, I’m putting the negotiations in your hands.” “Leave it to me. I’ll get the best terms possible.” With the ever-dependable Alice by my side, we make our way to Tillis. “There you are, Six. I knew you were easily swayed by a pretty face, but I didn’t think you would fold this readily.” We’re greeted rather rudely by Snow as we’re shown to Tillis’s chambers. “Yeah, you’re right. When the Demon Lord’s Army attacked the castle, I remember being swayed by your charms when you came crying to me, telling me you’d do anything if I’d save Rose and Grimm.” “Grrr…! I do appreciate what you did back then, and I’m still very grateful from time to time! …Anyway!” Snow blushes before leaning in and whispering. “What the hell were you thinking? One or two of them is fine, but are you really planning to accept all the former members of the Demon Lord’s Army? The people of this kingdom certainly appreciate what you did for them, but even we can’t do anything about the anger over your actions this time. I mean, until just recently, our nation’s mantra was The only good demon is a dead one. I’m sure some of our people will try to attack the city before long.” …Ah, I see. She’s trying to warn us in her own way. However… “Remember who you’re talking to. Monsters, troublemakers, assassins, and whoever else can all come at us if they want to. We’ll crush ’em. We’re the Kisaragi Corporation: an evil organization filled with capable Combat Agents, and fighting’s what we do best.” “Well said, Six. Death to our enemies!” “Why are you always so aggressive?! If settlers are what you need, we can do something about that on our end. So forget about letting in the demons. You’re going to ruin relations with neighboring kingdoms, too.” From an average person’s perspective, she’s right. And I can understand it’s a bad idea for us to make enemies when we don’t know a lot about this world yet. However… “Sorry. With the exception of those who’ve committed crimes on our retribution list, Kisaragi’s policy is to accept anyone who comes to us, no matter their history, and no matter how evil.” “Yeah, that’s right, Six. If the neighboring kingdoms complain, we’ll use that as an excuse to invade!” As Snow backs away from Alice, the most bloodthirsty member of Kisaragi despite being an android, a voice calls to us from inside the room. “Snow, that’s enough. Please come inside. Let us discuss the matter in detail.” Opening the door at those words, we find the Final Boss…er, Tillis sitting confidently in the middle of the sofa. Today, she bears no trace of her usual smile. Her anger is clear as day. Snow, who entered the room with us, slides over to stand by her side. “Hey, Alice, Tillis has a totally different aura today. It’s hard to think of her as the same person who checked to make sure no one was around, struck a weird pose, and yelled, ‘Dick Festival.’” “Now, hold on there, Six. Don’t haphazardly reopen that wound.” “Your Highness, please stay strong! This is their attempt to put us on the back foot!” Snow supports Tillis as she turns red and looks at the floor, her shoulders trembling. As my Evil Point count increases for some reason, Snow glares at us in lieu of the temporarily incapacitated Tillis. “Six, you scumbag! Everyone has moments when they want to do something foolish! Even if Her Highness handles the affairs of state, she’s still a young woman; she certainly can’t help it if she has an interest in a man’s private parts!” “Snow, you’ve done more than enough. Please see yourself out. And not another word, thank you.” Tillis’s voice nearly cracks as she says this, and her shoulders tremble like crazy. A few moments after Snow is driven out of the room, Tillis looks up with a serious expression like nothing happened. “Six, we’re going to have a serious talk, so stop teasing Tillis,” says Alice. “Fine. I mean, I don’t get why she’s pretending to be so professional after all that, but I’ll behave.” “Sir Six, if you could please leave the room as well!” Having been chased out of the room for whatever reason, Snow decides to pick a fight with me. “Hmm, so they tossed you out as well? What did you do this time? Something stupid, I’m sure.” Snow’s voice sounds almost hopeful, but… “I didn’t say anything weird. I did mention it was too late to pretend to be all serious, but I promised I’d behave.” “I also don’t understand why I got kicked out. I was only trying to defend Her Highness’s honor… But as I said earlier, Princess Tillis is a young woman of a certain age, so perhaps she’s entered a rebellious phase.” If that’s the case, I guess there’s no helping it. That is a difficult age to deal with. With the wall to my back, I take a seat on the floor and wait for Alice to finish negotiations. “Still, you people really love to make your lives more difficult, don’t you? Why take in the demons instead of just leaving them? What’s in it for you?” “We can’t really help it. That’s just how we are. I mean, the reason Kisaragi exists is because we take in everyone regardless of their past. We can’t just change that because we’re on a different planet.” Leaning against the wall next to me, Snow lets out a deep sigh. She’s usually argumentative, which annoys me, but for some reason, she’s rather contained today. “Do you really understand the situation? I’m a knight of this kingdom. If the negotiations between Her Highness and Alice don’t go well, we could very well end up fighting each other.” Snow looks sad all of a sudden. “…? Yeah, I guess. But it’s not like your kingdom’s even that strong. I mean, Grimm’s probably your most dangerous citizen, and she’ll be on our side next month. Plus, Rose is already a Kisaragi Recruit, so…I don’t really see how we’d lose that one.” …… “Diiiiiie!” “Whoa! What the hell?!” I dodge the sudden attack from Snow, rolling away, and stand up. “What’s the big idea, Lady Sneak Attack?! Are you trying to kill me ahead of time just in case we end up going to war?! How deplorable! Just how many negative traits do you need to pile on before you’re satisfied, you cheater?!” At my justified criticism, Snow raises her brow in anger. “You imbecile! You’re the last person who can call anyone a cheater! If we go to war, I’ll kill you first!” “Oh yeaaaaah? There’s no way you’d be able to kill me. I’m too strong! I’d just take you out the moment you tried! If we meet on the battlefield, you better push those needlessly huge tits together and say you’re ‘sooo sowwy.’ I’ll be sure to accept your surrender then!” Hearing that, Snow brandishes her blade and dashes to close the gap between us. She’s serious. She’s got murder in her eyes. “Thinking back on it, we’ve had an odd relationship. I picked you up at first thinking you’d be useful, but you ended up being a spy. I drove you out, but somehow, you came back, and when it seemed like you’d help me, I ended up losing my rank and my fortune…” “I’m not the reason you lost your status, you gold digger! But y’know, I don’t mind apologizing a little right now! I might even give you a little bit of spending money!” Despite my offer of spending money, Snow doesn’t so much as twitch her brow. She doesn’t drop her battle stance in the slightest. I don’t know why she’s so pissed off, but she’s not the sort of opponent I can hold back against. “Dammit, guess I have no choice… You know, I really liked some parts of you… Like your boobs, and your body, and your boobs, and your face. You know what I’m capable of. If you wanna call this off, now’s your last chance!” “The worst part is that you’re actually trying to convince me with that. I understand your skill. I know I’ll probably lose. But even so, I fought my way up to the rank of knight captain! I may die, but at the very least, I’m taking one of your arms with me!” You know, she was the first person I met on this planet. I suppose there was never really a way for us—an agent of an evil organization and a knight who has nothing to offer but her body—to truly get along in the end. Perhaps we were fated to do this from day one… As I reflect and make my peace with what’s about to happen, the door to Tillis’s room opens. “What are you two doing? Can’t you stay quiet when we’re having a serious discussion?” At Alice’s exasperated remark, Snow declares without hesitation: “Sorry, Alice, but this is a fight that my knight’s honor deman—” “You want me to foreclose on your loans?!” “Alice, stay out of this. I knew I’d have to settle things with her even—” “You want me to cut off your allowance?!” Snow and I kneel in the presence of the absolute power standing before us. 6 On our way back to the hideout. Having neared the point of an all-out brawl, Snow and I start tattling on each other. “You’ve got it all wrong, Ms. Alice. This man taunted me. I was trying to warn him for everyone’s sake, and he started saying awful things to me.” “That’s not it, Alice. She attacked me first. I was just trying to defend myself. Also, I didn’t say anything awful. I was just talking about boobs.” Far past fed up with our squabbling, Alice finally opens her mouth. “I don’t care why you were fighting. Just make sure you patch things up by tomorrow. I’ve already settled things with Tillis and received permission for the demons to live in our city.” Snow looks absolutely shocked by the news, and I strike a celebratory pose. “Ha-ha-ha! Well, how do you like that, Snow? Looks like we win this time! So much for us going to war with each other. Our Alice is super good at her job! Of course she’d avoid that outcome!” “Grrrr…!” As I taunt Snow, Alice shakes her head. “There are conditions for letting the demons settle in our city. To fulfill those, I need you two to get to work.” Hearing that, Snow’s expression turns gleeful. “Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! What were you just saying about a win, Six? Save it, loser. I just knew Princess Tillis wouldn’t back down without a fight! So what are the terms? What sort of ridiculous conditions did she push on you?” Ugh, Snow seems way too happy about this! “Stop acting like you won, gray-hair! Depending on the demands, it could still be our win!” “You lost the moment you accepted the terms proposed by our side! Diplomatic negotiations are all about forcing the opponent make concessions!” The moment our fight is rekindled, Alice interjects: “Wait until I’m done talking, you idiots. I did say there were conditions for letting the demons settle, and I also said I need you two to work hard.” ““……”” We fall into silence. “The condition for letting the demons settle is to expunge the reason they invaded in the first place. You have to eliminate the Sand King. If we withdraw, the kingdom of Grace is next on the chopping block anyway. So as long as we defeat the Sand King, the demons will be free to live here, even if that means enlisting their aid in the effort.” …The land we founded our city on was granted to us by the kingdom of Grace, after all. I understand that, from the kingdom’s point of view, this land was intended for us, not the demons. Still, demanding we take out the mole that’s been terrorizing us for the past few days is a pretty big ask… “…Hmph. Well, then you better not die in the process. The Sand King is an entity that even the Demon Lord’s Army gave up trying to kill. This sort of task likely would have been no problem if Lady Lilith were still around, but…” While I’m trying to figure out if Snow’s words are jabs or genuine concern, Alice chimes in again. “Were you not listening? You’re a part of this, too.” “…What?” [Status Report] This mole is something else. The lizard known as the Forest King that Lady Lilith killed the other day is nothing in comparison. Guns and harpoons are totally ineffective. Since our projectiles don’t penetrate its hide, it just flees down a hole when it feels threatened. Even when we try to flush it back out with a sonic depth charge, we find ourselves at a point deficit because we spent most of them building up the city. This being the case, I’d like to request that Lady Lilith, the cause of the mole attacks, use her points to send us more supplies. To be specific, we’d like anti-giant-robot mines, hero-proof wire nets, and various other high-powered weaponry. Also, a replacement for the figurine that broke when I messed around with it, and the game console for the rec room that just randomly decided to die on us. For some reason, everyone’s blaming me for breaking it. Please help. Reporting Agent: Lady Lilith’s Loyal, Obedient Servant Combat Agent Six