I’d prayed for a fresh start that year…
And yet I woke up on January first feeling neither calm nor refreshed.
After taking a bath to warm my body, chilled from our Ninen-Mairi, I slipped under the covers and fell asleep so quickly I couldn’t even remember when I’d closed my eyes. But I woke up to sore muscles, especially my calves.
That was only natural after trekking two kilometers up and down a mountain trail in the middle of the night. Anyone would feel the same. It was no wonder my legs hurt.
“Yuu! It’s time for breakfast!” someone called, sliding open the paper door. It was Takumi. Leave it to a grade-schooler to be full of energy in the morning. He charged at me and ripped off my covers. “Breakfast!”
“Whoa! It’s freezing!” I yelped.
“Come to breakfast, or there won’t be anything left!”
“All right, all right. Tell everyone that I’m on my way.”
“Okay!”
He ran back out without even closing the sliding door.
What a carefree kid, I thought. It was fine for him to yank off my covers, but it would have been disastrous if he’d done that to Ayase.
I turned around with a start. Where was she?
I then realized that I was the only person left in the room. The others’ futons were all neatly folded and pushed into a corner.
Ayase had been so tired when we got back, too. I was impressed. She never let anyone catch her off guard. I’d only caught her fresh out of bed one time in the past six months.
I got changed and headed to the dining room.
“Good morning,” I said, looking around. This was where we’d had our feast the previous night. The three tables were grouped in the center again, and they were now set for breakfast.
My grandfather sat at the head of the table, with Takumi and Mika near the door. Dad was between them. The available spots were…the seat next to Dad and the one across from him. But Akiko was sure to sit next to him, so I went around to the other side, and… Oh.
Just as I moved to sit down, I froze. I’d realized why Akiko and the other women weren’t in the room. Just then, the sliding door opened, and my grandmother entered. The other women were behind her, carrying out the main breakfast dish—zoni—a traditional New Year’s soup with mochi rice cakes, chicken, and vegetables. They must have made it last since the mochi falls apart if it you stew it too long.
“You can sit down,” Grandmother said. “A big guy like you will just get in our way.”
Ayase placed a bowl of zoni in front of me. “Yeah, you should sit, Big Brother. Here’s your zoni.”
“Oh, okay.”
Her look silenced me, and I sat down meekly on my cushion. I’d really overslept. I felt terrible.
“We’ll make more mochi rice cakes if that isn’t enough, and if you want them separate instead of in the zoni, you can have that, too.”
The men took note of Grandmother’s suggestion, and then it was time to eat.
I’ve heard that rice cakes come in different shapes depending on the region. Dad’s family always used the simple, thin, rectangular ones.
I tilted my bowl of zoni, pushing back the mochi and shiitake mushrooms with my chopsticks to prevent them from entering my mouth. The fragrant aroma of mitsuba leaves tickled my nose, and the soup warmed my body from the inside, easing the fatigue from the previous night’s trek.
But as we ate, something kept bothering me.
Ayase, seated next to me, wasn’t eating much. At first, she seemed normal, but upon closer inspection, I could tell she was looking down and sighing every now and then.
After finishing breakfast and cleaning up, I found her sitting on the veranda and called out to her.
“Mind if I sit next to you?”
“Go ahead.”
I took a seat and let my legs dangle out toward the garden. She did the same.
Slowly, I began to talk. I wanted to know what was on her mind.
I mentioned that she’d seemed down at breakfast. Maybe I was mistaken, but I was concerned about her. I had to be. Akiko wasn’t the only one in foreign territory. Ayase was, too.
As expected, Ayase denied it. I kept staring at her, and eventually, she sighed and looked down.
“I just feel like I got off on a bad start this year.”
“Are you talking about the fortune?”
She nodded. I was surprised. I hadn’t expected her to be the spiritual type.
“It isn’t that I believe in stuff like that. I don’t accept the idea that a piece of paper has the power to affect my life.”
“It must really be getting to you if you feel the need to deny it so strongly.”
“Oh,” Ayase said. “Yeah… I guess you’re right.”
“Well, things like that can really influence a person. That’s why fortune-telling stays so popular.”
“I don’t think it’s just that. Asamura…have you…?”
“Have I what?”
“Have you ever wondered what would happen if you got a fortune that could never come true?”
“Like what?”
“Like ‘you’re going to wake up tomorrow as a girl.’”
“It’d be funny, but I don’t think I’d be worried it would actually happen…”
“Right. So if we think about it another way, if you’re worried about your fortune, it means you think it could happen. I think that’s what I don’t like.”
When it came to our relationship, it was easy to imagine a future filled with bad luck.