It was easy to laugh off Ayase’s words. I could say it was just a fortune or that it didn’t count because she’d left it behind at the shrine. But would that ease her troubled mind?
What your fortune says isn’t that big a deal. What matters is how you feel about it—what’s going on in your own mind. The fortune is always vague. It’s you that interprets it into the true answer. You’re creating the illusion of truth yourself.
I thought about what to do.
“Wanna go for a little walk?” I asked. “There’s a place I want to show you.”
“A place you want to show me…? I’m curious.”
We put on heavy jackets and left the house.
We didn’t venture particularly far.
There was snow on the ground, but it was hard from people walking on it, and the path was flat.
Still, I didn’t want to push Ayase too hard. I told her to let me know if she was tired and kept glancing her way to make sure she wasn’t forcing herself.
We climbed the gentle slope, woods on either side of the path. It was meant for cars, so it was wide and easy to traverse. There was a cliff on the left, and the path took a sharp turn to the right. Then the forest opened up, revealing a wide view.
“Wow… That’s a lake.” Ayase gasped.
We could see a body of water past the trees.
“Come over here,” I said. “We can get a little closer.”
We went down some stone stairs, where the snow had been cleared. They led to a small shack. I didn’t know what it was for, but it had been there since I was a little kid.
Eventually, we arrived at the edge of the forest. After taking about ten steps, we noticed a field of brilliant white, untouched snow. Beyond that was the beautiful blue water of the lake.
“It’s dangerous to go any farther,” I warned. “We might slip.”
“Got it… But wow, this is amazing. The scene across the lake is reflected in the water like a mirror.”
Except for some white clouds that seemed to cling to the distant patch of forest, the New Year’s sky was such a solid blue that it almost hurt my eyes. There was no wind, and the lake’s surface was utterly smooth. The blue sky, the edges of the clouds, and the black forest stretching out below them were reflected upside down in the lake as though it were a polished mirror.
“Nice, huh?” I said.
“Yeah…”
“I usually come here in winter. I’ve visited twice in the summer and just once in the autumn when all the leaves turn red, but I never get tired of this view. The lake’s reflection changes a little every season.”
“Do you get to see the maple leaves in the fall?”
“Yeah. There are thunderclouds in the summer and cirrocumulus clouds in autumn. And at night, the moon and the stars, too. The rippling waves look like they’re going to burst on windy days, making the reflection look like frosted glass.”
“I see… That sounds lovely. This is a great spot. Is it famous?”
“Oh, no. It isn’t a tourist attraction or anything…”
“So you’re the one who found it.”
“By chance. There was really nothing in the area when I was growing up. You know how kids get bored easily. It was fine when Kousuke played with me, but he wasn’t always free, so…”
I had discovered this place by chance.
The adults had all gathered together, and I didn’t want to watch my mother with the others, so I’d wandered off and ended up here. I knew she was faking a smile as she chatted with my other relatives. She was like a different person from how she was at home.
“But I guess it wasn’t all bad since I was able to find a good spot to kill time. As they say, every cloud has a silver lining.”
“Asamura…”
“Getting a fortune with terrible luck is like…” I didn’t know if the words I was about to say could comfort her, but I had to say them. “Ayase, are you enjoying yourself now?”
“Now…? Or, uh, do you mean right now and not today or yesterday?”
“I mean now as in these days.”
Ayase thought carefully. “Yeah. I’m having fun…I think.”
“So am I.”
She gasped.
“So if your fortune was awful, that means you’re at rock bottom, despite how much fun you’re having.”
“Wait, what?! …You think so?”
“I think so. In theory, anyway. So if this is as bad as it gets, you should have nothing to worry about. You’ll only get happier from here on out.”
“U-umm.”
It took her a minute to understand what I was saying. (Of course it did. It sounded like sophistry even to me.) But after a moment, she looked up at me and…
…started to laugh.
“Pfft… Hee-hee. That’s going a little far, isn’t it?”
“Oh no. I think it’s a very rational interpretation.”
“Ha-ha-ha. Are you sure rational is the right word?”
“But when you think about it this way, doesn’t it seem silly to be anxious? What I’m trying to say is, you can interpret any fortune both positively and negatively. It’s up to you.”
“Ha-ha. You think so?”
Ayase wiped at her eye with her index finger. Had it really been that funny?
“Okay, thanks. I guess you were worried about me.”
“Well, yeah… I mean, I love you.”
I love you.
“Asamura…”
“Ayase, don’t push yourself too hard. I don’t want to see you stressed out.”
I don’t want you to end up like my birth mother.
“Okay. I’m glad I came. It gave me a chance to see you with your little cousins—Takumi and Mika.”
“What do you mean?”
“You were like a big brother to them. I was totally hopeless. I can’t remember how my parents treated me or what they did to make me happy.”
This time, it was my turn to be startled. I recalled hearing that her family didn’t get together very often.
I thought back to the time Ayase and I went to her friend Narasaka’s house. She’d talked about how nice it was that everyone got along so well.
The weight of the word everyone was greater than I’d realized back then.
Ayase only had Akiko.
“I don’t know how to deal with kids. I’ve never had that kind of experience before, so I’m a little scared.”
“In that case, you don’t have to rush it. Take your time and get used to it slowly.”
“Take my time…?”
“There’s no hurry. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect. I don’t know that we’re all that mature right now, but that’s why we have to grow up together.”
“Together…”
“Yeah, together.”
Ayase brought her hands together and nodded, then gently stroked the shiny bracelet on her wrist. I hadn’t noticed it before.
“That’s a pretty bracelet.”
“Yeah… Isn’t it?” she said, touching it lovingly. She spoke so softly I could barely hear.
I probably shouldn’t say I don’t remember it…
For a while after that, we gazed out at the lake in silence.