The apartment in which she lived was a building that faced the main street. A drugstore was on the first floor. A parking lot was located behind the structure. The stairway leading to the second floor was located right beside the store. People inside the store would be able to see anyone using the stairway. She told me not to walk through it.
So, I climbed up an emergency staircase at a corner of the parking lot, and waited for a while on the landing above the second floor. According to the plan, she was supposed to enter first and unlock the door from inside for me.
This city area was relatively lively. A restaurant with a spacious parking lot was located right next to the estate. A five-story building was standing right behind the apartment, and many small windows were lined up on it. Chimney stacks ran upward from each floor and converged near the rooftop. It was the same as the inlet manifold of an engine.
The door did not open soon enough. I probably waited for about 10 minutes. Finally, her face appeared through the door, and beckoned me in. I climbed up the stairs and got on the third floor through the door. The door seemed to be designed to be locked automatically, as soon as it was closed. She slowly closed the door, so as not to make a sound. Still, I heard the faint clicking noise of the locking mechanism.
Her room was just beside the emergency stairs. She unlocked, pushed the door with her body, and then allowed me to get inside first. After the door was closed, she whispered to me.
“The man downstairs spoke to me. Sorry. Have I kept you waiting too long?”
“Not that long.”
The room smelled a bit musty. But it might be the case because I had been in the hospital. It was probably the smell of a typical room, and I might have just forgotten it. At least I did not sense the biting odor of perfume, such as that in her workplace.
She first turned on the gas stove and asked me if I wanted something to drink. I replied that anything would be okay. She activated the cooking range and walked to the inner room. I guessed it was her bedroom. I stood by a window and looked outside. Only a potted plant with dead leaves was on a veranda. The edges of the windowpane were foggy in brown.
There was a huge signboard outside, and it obstructed the view to the direction of the main street. Other than that, I saw a market-like building across the street. An iron bridge was beyond the structure. Is there a railroad? I remember that, on the sidewalks on both sides of the main street, many people were walking. I cannot see them from here now, though. I was not familiar with such a bustling place. So, I viewed the buildings for a while. There were probably various kinds of people among them. Some of them were likely to be elderly. Men and women. One was walking fast, and another was moving just slowly. I was impressed by how many people there were in the world.
She came back. She had changed clothes and was now in a brown skirt. I did not understand why she had to switch the wear so frequently. She might be in love with the very act of changing into the different dress itself. Or, she might have had an obsession with not wanting to wear the same garment for long hours.
“What do you think?” She asked.
“About what?” I asked her in return.
“Here.” She looked back and opened her palm upward. “About this room.”
“About what in this room?”
“Umm, how do you feel?”
“Nothing in particular ...”
“Isn’t it strange?”
“No, not strange at all.”
“Really. But, it isn’t all so nice, is it?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Not sure?”
“I’m not a room expert.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Sorry.” I smiled.
“It’s been three months, or four, I think, since I came here. Anyway, this is the first time for me to live alone.”
“Where did you live before that?”
“In the same place with others.”
“Others? Who?”
“You know, those working in the mansion. There is an ancient, prison-like building behind the mansion. Don’t you know it? It was aged and might have been a real prison in the past. I mean, it might have been the place where aristocrats tortured people. Don’t you know it?”
“I know the concept of torture.”
“You must have seen the building. Haven’t you seen it?”
“I don’t know.”
“They all live in the building.”
“Really ...”
“You know, it’s an economical way of living.”
“If so, why did you get out of the place and move into this room?”
“Umm, let’s see ... how can I say? I’m not young anymore. I thought it was about time for me to become independent.”
“Oh, you did.”
“Of course, I cannot live in a place like this unless I earn money to a certain extent. And I have to be trusted by them.”
“They trust you, right?”
“Yeah, they do ... I am the type that does not often resist. You know, going against the flow tires me.”
“I agree.”
“The more obedient I am, the cuter I become, right?”
“Right.” I nodded obediently for her.
After the water boiled, she poured the hot water from the pot to the cups, with soluble coffee in it. She brought them in both hands to a table nearby. She put aside a big cushion on a low-slung sofa, and sat on it.
“You may sit on it.” She showed the cushion with her hand.
Since it was the only cushion, I refrained from sitting on it and had a seat on the sofa.
“Why do you not sit on this? You are now farther away from me.”
I said nothing. I did not like so much to sit on a fluffy, unstable platform.
“Do you prefer alcohol?”
“No ...” I reached for the cup on the table.
“I know. You don’t drink alcohol.”
“I haven’t even drunk coffee, for I was in the hospital.”
“Oh, really. If so, what have you drunk? Just water?”
“Gooey soup, or something.”
“Ah, I know what you are talking about. That looks gross.” She frowned. “I hate that thing. I cannot drink it. I can accept nothing but clear soup.”
I nodded without words. Why are we talking about soup? I thought so, but did not feel bad about it. When I drank instant coffee, I felt the nostalgic taste. Yeah, it tasted like this. Her empty talk was also as I remembered. Yeah, she was like this. We did not talk much the previous night. When she worked in the mansion, I thought she was not being the real her probably due to alcohol. She was more natural here in her room. She sometimes talked about herself, although I did not ask about it. Out of the blue, she suddenly would bring up unrelated topics, which I could not respond to. I understood it was her normal, usual tendency. Perhaps, it might be the case because she was always looking at distant places from this room. If she looked outside through the misty window glass, she would discern something that was different from the scenery.
“Aren’t you hungry?”
I shook my head.
“I want to eat something.”
In such a situation like this. I’m not sure how to reply.
“If I cook something, will you eat it?” She asked again.
“Are you gonna cook?”
“Yeah, I will. It’s frozen food, though.”
“Oh, really ...”
“If I cook, will you eat it?”
“If it is edible.”
“What is that?” She pouted. “You mean, will I cook something inedible?”
“No, that’s not what I mean.”
She put on a smile again.
“I might have kept lasagna.” She stood up.
I stayed put there and looked up at the window while holding the cup. From the angle, I could see nothing but the sky. It was the sky, which was as if it had turned into whitish frosted glass. The weather was bad, and it seemed to be about to rain before long. It was the dimness of the ground below clouds.
If I ascended to the space above those clouds, it would be far brighter. Despite the brightness, it was not white for some reason, but transparently blue. All the white things would sink. They were sediments like sludge. In short, this place was in the sludge.
Still, many people led muddy lives in this sludge. She was even making lasagna slushily in the sludge. One man killed a person to seize money slimily, and one kid was walking across the crosswalk while raising his hand sludgily. Strangely, no one would even try to look up at the sky. They do not know anything about the sky.
If they lived in such high places, they were not higher than the top of a tall building or a decent mountain plateau. They kept their lives like pets on leashes that were anchored to such places. It was too misty for them to wish to be released, and nothing could be seen through it. Since they could not look through the mistiness, they would forget the things that existed in a distance.
The lasagna was like sludge but was not so bad. Still, I was sure that it was not so delicious as to make me crave for another. Of course, there could not possibly be anything that I wanted to eat several pieces of.
Since I had not slept for long hours, I was becoming sleepy. She seemed to sleep at this hour usually. So, we got into the bed. I knew it was a cold bed, as expected. Her body was warm but not as warm as that last night. It might be the case because I just ate lasagna.
“Won’t you return to the hospital?” She asked.
“No.”
“So, what’s next?”
“I have no idea.”
“Will you go back to the base?”
“Probably, I cannot.”
“You cannot?”
“No.”
“If that’s the case, what will happen to you?”
“What happens to me will be decided by someone, I believe.”
“Who?”
“I don’t know ...”
Who is it? Someone that is not me.
However, I was not feeling pessimistic. I recognized I had climbed up one step from the worst situation. Probably, they would understand that I had fully recovered to the extent that I had succeeded in escaping from the hospital. They would then give me the directions about what I should do and to what base I should head for. I could do nothing but wait for it. There is no way that I ask them to give me instructions. In the first place, the most important issue was whom I should ask about such things.
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