What little blood he had left trickled thinly down his wrist. He ordered Omba to look away, and, sobbing, Omba obeyed him. The Laughing Man’s last act, before turning his face to the bloodstained ground, was to pull off his mask.
This excerpt is from The Laughing Man, a short story included in Nine Stories (written by J. D. Salinger)
-1-
We have made the sortie five times over the span of two weeks. It probably is more frequent than average. Still, we have not encountered an enemy aircraft. This probability is very typical.
I have once chased away an enemy’s spy plane flying far higher than I was. I could not think that the fuel was plenty enough to get me within the shooting range. As soon as the spy plane noticed me, it rapidly turned around and got away. I still do not understand why it did so. Maybe, it might have misunderstood my aircraft as the latest model with innovative weapons of some sort.
Yesterday, I had to turn back in the middle because of the oil leakage. Additionally, I let the wheel of the landing gear drop into a ditch beside the runway. I was close to snapping the landing gear. I did not see the ditch at all because the weeds were overgrowing there and no one had told me about it. Of course, I did not really make any excuse. Besides, no one even made any sarcastic remark about it to me.
According to the original plan, I was going to make a sortie with two other aircrafts today. However, since the repair work for the oil leakage is not finished, I have a senior pilot named Shinoda take my place as the substitute. In other words, only I alone have to wait on the ground, without flying in the sky.
Just waiting on the ground. Just looking up into the sky at the others flying. I suppose I cannot easily explain how it feels. Loneliness, vexation, or emptiness? Is it resentment, disconsolation, or anxiety. None of them feels right, probably. Drowsiness might barely be close to the feeling. My thoughts become vague and the feeling of my being alive is getting farther away from me. It is difficult for me to believe that I am a human. For example, the weed whose head has been cut by a stick swung by a kid might have a similar feeling to mine. In short, I can surely say that it is the worst-case scenario of the condition. That is what I think.
I walk on the edge of the runway, and then I sit down in the shade of a tree near a runway lighting system. I stretch my legs forward on the ground and am leaning against a tree trunk. If the place were under the sunny sky, I might have looked like a mudguard for an entrance threshold that was being dried after being washed. I mean, I am dangling and being stretched moderately to a certain extent.
A bee is flying near me, and I am observing it. At first, I start doing so because I have come to think that it may be a good way of training. Recently, I occasionally find myself following small, moving objects. As long as it does not go too far away, I never lose them. After it gets out of sight, I gaze for a while into the air in which nothing is flying. Even though my mind is murky, both of my eyes want to focus on something. My eyes seem to know the role, and what to do.
There is almost no wind. Even small weeds do not move.
Many unusual things can be seen at the ground level.
Although there is nothing in the sky, why do so many things gather here? Have they fallen off from the sky?
Short grass is sensitive to the transition of seasons. The color has already become light brown. I do not know how the winter goes here. I wonder if it will snow. I want to see the moment when the snowflakes fall from the sky and collide with the ground. I wonder if they bounce off the ground.
I hear the rapping sound. It comes from the direction of the hangar. The motor sound of a compressor can also be heard intermittently. It is as if musicians are forming a rock band.
When I went to the hangar to check out what was going on a moment ago, the engine was still on the fuselage of the aircraft. Sasakura shook his head, saying, he was not sure of the reason why the oil was leaking. It was not that he was in a bad mood or getting into a trouble. He was looking rather joyful like a tagger of a hide-and-seek game, so I felt he would soon find and seek the hidden problem. After that, I walked out of the hangar and to this place directly.
I am smoking a cigarette.
Only by observing the flow of the smoke, I can understand the direction of the wind. That is how nearly windless and how fine the weather is. Bombers can drop bombs even from the outer space.
The figure of a person moves inside the shutter of the hangar. The one wearing a green uniform, who is talking with Sasakura in his white jumpsuit, is Suito Kusanagi. I can tell that she is looking at me. I do not have any confidence in my arm strength, but I have never met anyone who has better eyesight than I do. I am almost lying on the ground. In addition, I am in the shade of a tree. Probably, she cannot see my figure.
Kusanagi starts walking from the hangar toward me. Since the distance between us is still several hundreds meters, she would need three or four minutes to get here at the normal pace. I tend to do such a quick calculation in my head, and I can say that it is one of my occupational disorders. I take a glance at my wristwatch. I am on lunch break.
I am thinking about what to do. Shall I secretly hide myself in a forest behind me before it is too late? Or, shall I get up and go to the hangar to welcome her?
Whichever action I take might be okay. While I am thinking so, Kusanagi is getting close enough to me to find me. I am still not sure what to do about it. I lower the peak of my cap to wear it deeper to hide my face. I have decided to pretend that I am sleeping. I myself am admitting that it is a good idea because of its being potentially harmless to anyone. Now is the lunch break. I may be able to get away with this situation by letting her pass by me.
I am lying still, while seeing from below the peak of my cap. I see Kusanagi approaching. I do not see her entire body. What I can only see are her legs. She is wearing smaller shoes than expected.
“Kannami.” She calls my name, while standing in front of me.
I raise the peak of my cap with one hand, and squint to make a face as if I am being blinded by the light. The distance between my toes and her is about one meter. She is looking down at me from the position.
I get my upper body up and shift my lower back to the rear to sit straight.
“Yes, ma’am?”
“Stand up, if you have a will to talk with me.”
I am on lunch break. I come close to saying so. I actually used to do so without any hesitation, when I belonged to the previous airbase. However, I stand up without words, dust my pants several times, and salute to her. I think it is a masterpiece of salute that incorporates the sluggishness that can barely get away from receiving the negative remarks.
“It appears that the oil leakage is caused by doing too much on the first day ...” With her fingers on the frame of her glasses, Kusanagi approaches me. She gets inside the shade of a tree as well.
“Is that what Mr. Sasakura told you?” I ask.
“I heard your aircraft was modified to breathe automatically.” She occupies the spot I have been at, and leans against the tree trunk.
“Yes ...” I nod. “Can it be that only mine is modified?”
“I suppose so. Sasakura said he wants to have all other aircrafts modified as well. However, until the reason for the oil leakage is found, I cannot grant a permission to do so.”
“I am being used as a guinea pig, I suppose.” I snigger.
“Do you think you need the modification?”
“Someone needs that.”
“Do you think it is worth applying the modification?”
“What do you mean by ‘worth’?”
“I will give judgment on that. What is your personal opinion?”
“Honestly, it was the first time for me to experience such a direct control response.”
“Even so, it will not be good if there are problems with its durability.” Kusanagi does not change her facial expression. “Or, did you overdo something in a particular way?”
“No, nothing in particular.”
“Did a bullet hit any part of the aircraft?”
“Never.”
“But I heard that two bullets hit the cowling, though.”
“Considering their angles of incident, neither of them could reach the interior of the engine, I think.” I reply. I am almost certain about that.