What are the differences between them, and how can they be different?
We cannot compare them with each other in any way. That is the answer. No one can compare them with each other. It is impossible for a single person to experience both.
I think that either way would be fine. As I contemplate such issues, time flies rapidly. However, I might have to brood on it at times. The situation in which time is passing continuously is a proof of my being alive.
I look at my wristwatch. I should go back now.
“Hey, do you like flying in the sky?” Fuko asks.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Good for you.” She smiles happily. It is a smile like that of a squirrel. I think that she is trying to flatter me.
So, I am smiling for her.
Like a child.
In a way such as this one, I sometimes want to give them back to someone.
They are the things that people were given when they were in their childhood.
Everybody, without exception ...
-8-
That whale-like sedan is driving us back to the drive-in diner. This time around, Tokino and I sit in the back seats, Kusumi in the driver’s seat, and Fuko in the passenger’s seat. The wind blowing in from a half-opened window is chilly. My heart is feeling heavy just from thinking that I will have to get on Tokino’s motorbike after this ride. Kusumi says she wants to take a ride on Tokino’s motorcycle. She is coming forward to replace me as the one to be exposed to the cold air. She is strange.
When we arrive at the drive-in diner, the old man is not at the entrance anymore. As Sasakura probably has just seen us arriving at the place, he is walking out of the diner from the entrance door alone at the very timing.
“Oh well ..., you two.” He is calling out cheerfully while seeing Tokino and me. His mood shift has gone through a lot of extreme phases in the last few hours. He looks quite drunk. “Where to from now on?”
“We are leaving now.” Tokino replies. He starts the engine of the motorbike. “Hey, Kannami.”
“What?” I am walking toward him.
“Can you lend your flight suit to her?” Tokino asks. “She can’t stand getting blown by the chilly wind until she reaches the base.”
Has he actually been thinking about making her stand the chill? That is quite a shocker to me. I take off my flight suit and toss it to Kusumi.
“Thank you.” She smiles. She is holding with her lips a cigarette oriented diagonally.
I get back to the car and ask Sasakura, who is standing.
“How did you get here?”
“By bus.” Sasakura answers while looking at his wristwatch. “How about you?”
“Do you drive?” I reply, while seeing Fuko.
“I am not good at it.” Fuko sticks out her tongue.
The engine of the motorcycle roars. Once Kusumi sits astride the motorbike, and clings to Tokino’s back, they rush into the road. It is like a scrambling acceleration of a fighter plane taking off from an aircraft carrier.
“Now, I think I am the one who has to drive.” I sigh. “Mr. Sasakura, you can go ahead and come with me.”
“You’re sober, aren’t you?” Fuko speaks.
I sit in the driver’s seat of the whale-like sedan, and hold a large, thin steering wheel. It is looking so unreliable. I do not want to drive such a boxy vehicle. Fuko takes the passenger’s seat and Sasakura sits in the back seat. I start the engine.
“Hey, one of the engines is dead, isn’t it?” Sasakura murmurs. “Of course, it is reliable enough, for it still works even if one of them is dead.”
“Isn’t there only one engine in this car?” Fuko looks back, and asks him.
“I mean cylinders.” Sasakura is looking annoyed. “You should have the spark plugs checked.”
“What are spark plugs?”
The car slowly gets on the road, and the headlights are directed toward the far end of the straight, dark road.
“Was a person named Jinroh assigned to the base before I am?” I look back halfway and ask Sasakura.
“Yeah ...” With his legs crossed, Sasakura is shutting his eyes. He loosely exhales the breath. “The aircraft you hopped onto today used to belong to your predecessor.”
“What did he refer to that as?”
“What do you mean by ‘that’?”
“I mean that aircraft.”
“Well. No, he did not give any name to it in particular.” Sasakura answers. “No one names aircrafts here. After all, there are only four aircrafts.”
“When did he die?” Fuko in the passenger’s seat puts her elbows on the back of the seat and turns around backward. “Hey, can you tell me where Jinroh’s grave is?”
“I appreciate that you are allowing me to take a ride on this car. Thanks for that.” Sasakura says. “However, I cannot tell you anything about that.”
“But, he died, didn’t he?”
“He is no longer with us here. That’s all.”
“He died.”
As Tokino’s motorcycle is way ahead of us already, we cannot see the light or anything. No other car runs on the road here. The fog has set in, which is giving me the impression as if we were flying in the sky. That is how much the suspension is so wobbly.
We cross an iron bridge, get off a bank, and run along a forest. As we get only about 100 meters from the base, I locate Tokino’s motorbike and step on the brake to park it at the location.
“Um, where are they?” Fuko looks around restlessly.
There is no trace of human figure nearby.
We get out of the car. After a while, Tokino and Kusumi appear from the dark forest. I first think that their voices sound as if they are quarrelling with each other. But, as we approach them, Kusumi becomes quiet.
I hand the car key to Kusumi. She crosses the road to reach the sedan. She looks to be in a bad mood, as if she were carrying a frying pan on her back.
“Good night, Kannami.” Fuko waves her hand. “Oh, I almost forgot. Tell me your first name.”
“Mine?”
“This kid is funny, ain’t he?” Fuko laughs.
“Bye-bye.” I open my hand.
“Hey, what’s your first name?”
“Yuichi.”
“Sorry about laughing.” Fuko smiles. “See you again, Yuichi.”
“Yeah, see you then ...”
“Promise me.”
I wave my hand just once for her.
“Later.” Tokino sits astride the motorbike. He then throws goggles and a hat to me. He is leaving by running away with his arm through his helmet.
The car which Kusumi and Fuko got in makes a U-turn, and goes back the same road that it has just used. After the tail lamps disappear, Sasakura and I start walking toward the base.
“I found two holes punched on the cowling.” Sasakura tells me.
“During today’s mission?”
“Yeah ...”
“Which side?”
“Upper right side. Not a scratch on the engine.”
It means that I was attacked at that particular time, which I happen to remember. Yeah, that more skilled pilot of the two. Probably, he was observing the trajectory in too much detail.
“How was the propeller?” I ask.
“Fortunately, no problem.”
We enter the premises through the gate, stray into the side, and walk on a lane leading to the courtyard. We make gritty sound with our shoes on the pebbled surface. It is very dark around the warehouse and the incinerator. The second floor of the office building is lit. I wonder if Suito Kusanagi is still there.
“When did Jinroh die?” I suddenly come up with the question.
“About a week ago.” Sasakura answers.
I was assigned to work in this base about three days ago.
My hand is searching inside my pocket for a cigarette. I am having a strangely uneasy feeling.
“Why did he die?” I ask.
The footsteps of the two of us.
We reach the courtyard, where it is brighter.
Sasakura does not answer.
I look up at the starlit sky just once.
“Then, good night.” Sasakura says.
“Good night.” I reply as well.
It is too dim for me to see his facial expression. Sasakura is walking toward the hangar. I wonder if he has a place to sleep there. He was also there last night.
When I get back to my room, the light is turned off. I turn on a small lamp on the desk. At the time, I am just reminded of the fact that I have forgotten to take back my flight suit from Kusumi. I make a slight sigh.
Tokino is already in the bed. He twitches just once. I take off the shirt and get into the bottom of the bunk bed. I have yet to get accustomed to the smell of the bed.
Then, I think about the two holes on the cowling.
The one who punched the holes would have been dead by now. He plunged into the water, while spitting fire. The other pilot who went down with a splash like a waterwheel of an excursion ship might have survived the crash. It seems that I, who shot down both of them, have just achieved the feat on the first day of the new assignment in this airbase, was bought a drink by the senior pilot, and was introduced to a new woman.
Dying and continuing to survive.
Which makes me happier? I wonder.
Hey, which one ...
The owl on Fuko’s chest comes up in my mind.
Why did Jinroh die?
Thinking about it creates nothing.
Probably ...
However.
Yes, the aircraft has been kept intact, without a scratch.
At least, it has been under the condition, even under which it has managed to be repaired within a week. It means that the aircraft did not crash. He was not shot down.
Then, for what reason did he die ...?
I wonder if he gave Fuko his flight suit.
He should have left such a thing for her.
A bed is boxy as well as a car is.
A coffin is boxy, too.
I do not like a boxy vehicle.