“Okay ...” Kusanagi looks downward. Then, she notices the cigarette butt I have dumped. She points the toe of her shoe toward the litter. “Pick it up before you leave here. Smoking is not allowed on and near runways, as you probably know.”
“I apologize.”
Kusanagi has her back off the tree trunk and is about to go back to the hangar.
“Ma’am ...” I find myself stopping her.
“Yes?” She stops and slowly looks back.
“About a person who had piloted my current aircraft before I am assigned to the current post ...”
“Is there any problem?”
“May I ask?”
“About what?”
“Well.” I shrug. “About his name, or his character.”
“Jinro Kurita.” Kusanagi answers immediately. “He came here seven months ago. He made sorties 63 times in total. I admit that he had the skill.”
“Where did he go?” I ask.
“It’s a privacy matter.” Kusanagi raises her chin slightly.
“Why did he leave here?”
“Like I just said, it is the matter of privacy.”
“My transfer from the previous post to the current base was really urgent. I guess it was probably because this base needed a personnel. Did he quit suddenly?”
“That’s right.” Kusanagi nods.
“What was the reason?”
“What reason? The reason of what?”
“Well, I mean, the reason why he quit so suddenly.”
“Why are you interested in it?” Kusanagi counters by asking me back.
“Did he die?” I ask.
“If you think that way, then it makes no difference in the situation.” She answers without changing her expression. “To be, or nor to be. They are the only two conditions which any humans can be in.”
“Actually ... When a pilot succeeds the role from the predecessor, and continues to use the same aircraft, he usually communicates with the predecessor. The successor has to listen to the predecessor. Of course, it is only when the predecessor is still alive, that is.”
“That aircraft is still new. I have decided that there is no need for talking to him. Do you have any problem with that?”
“No, not at all.” I shake my head. “Fortunately.”
“There is no luck or fortune involved. It is the result of careful considerations.”
“That aircraft is one of the best models I have ever piloted to this day.”
“Anything else?” Kusanagi squints.
“Ma’am, are you a Kildren?” I ask.
Kusanagi’s eyes are widened.
Silence continues for a few seconds.
She opens her mouth a little and slowly exhales. I wait to hear what words are given off from it. Unfortunately, the atmosphere is not viscous enough to form words. I notice that she is trying to control her mental state. I can tell so, because she is smiling to hide the change of her mien. She is attempting to squint, to recover her original expression.
“Anything else?” It is the same vocal tone as the earlier one. I am impressed with the strength of her mind.
“No.” I salute quickly. This time, it really is to show my respect. Then, I look downward to see her feet. I wonder what the size of her shoes are.
I see.
She is also ...
At the moment, I see the back of a little girl.
Kusanagi is showing her back toward me, and is walking away. The back of her uniform has two creases and I am gazing into them for a while. It is a green uniform. On its shoulders, it has small metallic stars. They occasionally reflect light briefly.
On the runway and beyond, the dry air drifts with the gentleness of a dead person’s face. Even a bird is not flying. The leaves of the trees are still barely clinging to the branches. The resistance is the proof of living, even if such acts end up going down the drain repeatedly for nothing.
The only way to believe you are living is to show the resistance to something.
I pick up the cigarette butt and hold it in my hand. Kusanagi is now far away. I did not smell any uncomfortable artificial odor. I start walking toward the direction opposite to the hangar.
At a glance, Suito Kusanagi looks like a woman in her late 20s. She does not seem to be wearing makeup. Her hair is short. Moreover, her glasses are old-fashioned. Obviously, she is making efforts to make herself look older. She is pushing herself hard to be something else. For whom does she make such efforts? In this airbase, there are only around a dozen personnel, including us (the pilots), mechanic crews, other staffs, and office workers.
We, pilots, are even younger than other types of personnel. Compared to us, Kusanagi might be more composed and settled down to a certain extent. But, once we get out of the base, we can see so few young people. Very rare. Only by being young, they are standing out. That is the case for Kusanagi as well. She is special enough.
If we go to a downtown, we might be able to hide ourselves in the cloak of anonymity. But it would be impossible for us to hide ourselves, at least in such a rural area. We can do nothing if we are regarded as Kildren only by the fact that we are young. Then, people would easily be able to imagine what jobs we are engaged in. A military corporation, or an almost illegal religious corporation. The place where Tokino took me to last night was a religious corporation. I am sure of that. That is the way of this definite world.
I wonder since when things have been going on like this.
Probably, after the second great war ... Since that experiment was initiated ... Since then ...
I guess, at first, no one could expect that.
However ...
I am not sure whether it was really the case.
Correct information probably does not remain anymore.
The more the information is valid, the sooner it vanishes.
As my shoelace is loosened, I throw away the cigarette butt, crouches down, and tie the lace. A long time ago, when I was really young, I tied my shoelace by myself for the first time. Before that, I always had it tied by my mother, or by my elder sister. I thought it was naturally the way it was. However, after I entered the school, I had to live my life alone. It is difficult for me to tie my shoelace because my very feet are inserted into the shoes. The same is true for the buttons of my shirts. If the person wearing the shirt were not me, then it would have been very easy. But, if I myself am wearing it, then it becomes difficult all of a sudden.
We can easily punch somebody else’s faces, but each person cannot do so to his own face.
Once anything become our properties, we cannot interfere with them.
We cannot destroy anything of our own.
I cannot destroy myself.
Even though I can destroy others.
I cannot destroy myself.
Therefore, each time I tie my shoelace, I am reminded of that.
My mother and my elder sister are already gone. They had passed away.
I do not have a family member anymore.
So.
I have to tie my shoelace by myself.
The size of my shoes will not change forever.
-2-
After walking for about one hour, I have gotten back to my room and am taking a shower. The hot water does not flow too well. Then, when I go to the hangar to check the status, I find Sasakura sleeping on his back on a cart. I am tempted to pull the cart all over the place to give him a ride, but we are not that closely acquainted to each other enough to do such a thing. Even though the cowling of my aircraft has been taken off, other parts are where they should be. I feel relieved a little.
“Is it fixed?” I get closer to the cart, and ask.
Sasakura opens one of his eyes, looks at me, and nods without words.
“What’s the cause?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
“Thank you.”
I lower my head to walk under the shutter, and get outside.
Because, I hear engine sound. I look up and find three aircrafts coming back. They are flying to the leeward to prepare for the landing.
I notice that all of them are safe. So, I have decided to go to the downtown. It is still within our duty hours, but it is obvious that we do not have the work for the rest of the day. Even though I think there is no problem with my leaving earlier, But just in case, I go back to the inside of the hangar to call Kusanagi’s office with the intercom on the wall near the shutter.
“This is Kannami. I will go out to eat. May I?”
“You should be back early, because you are flying in the morning tomorrow.”
“Roger.”
Only such a short exchange of information is enough. I look back again and find Sasakura still sleeping on the cart.
“I will borrow your scooter.” I say to him loudly.
Even though there is no reply, he should have heard it. This is the third time I borrow his scooter. He hardly rides on it, so he wants to sell it to me at a reasonable price. I have heard that he restored what was given up by someone and dumped as a scrap. I guess it no longer fascinates him because it already works properly.